I don't want my kid to be the only white student . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old guard in DCPS will be difficult to go against. It's like trying to fight the southern bigots who were against school desegregation. Anyone attempting to do this should know that you have your work cut out for you. I'm going to be honest and let you know the real deal. Some blacks in DC don't like white people. They resent gentrification, they resent white families moving in their neighborhoods, and they resent white children attending DCPS. Some are even resistant towards middle and upper class blacks because they feel as though we are "sellouts." I know many white liberals have this utopia mindset and they value multiculturalism. However, know that many blacks in DC don't have this utopia mindset and are very much against change. Some blacks like the segregated DCPS. They're fearful of whites coming into "their" schools. They like the status quo and the dysfunctionalism that comes along with it. The victim and "I hate whitey" mentality is a vicious cycle to break in the black community. I hear more opposition against diversity or change from blacks in DC than I do whites. I often hear all the time, "The man is trying to keep us down" or "white people are trying to take over." So, it's difficult to fight this type of mentality because it's a generational thing that is pass down from grandparents to parents to their children. I'm AA and even I have to admit sometimes that we are our own worst enemies. For a school to not have a thriving PTA is ridiculous. For a school to ignore racist bullying is even more disturbing. If DCPS don't get their act together, then many families both black and white will seek better options for their children rather it's private or parochial schools. Some will leave the city all together for Fairfax or Montgomery County Schools. It will take lots of patient families to overcome the storms and obstacles of DCPS in regards to race relations. It's just disheartening that in 2013 we're still talking about school desegregation in Washington DC.

I think this is an interesting point/perspective. I wish I knew the resolution.

Out of a lot of sad posts, this one was the worst. I do think it is true in many situations--I have heard versions of this from many AA friends. I am one of the parents that had a good experience with my "only" in PS3, but we are at a charter, not DCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was the only white student in her class last year. We blithely assumed she would be fine, because kids are color blind, right? She ate alone every day. She told me (and the teacher confirmed) that she tried to join the other children at recess but was rebuffed. More than once, she came home crying because another elementary school child told her to take her "white ass" and get lost. (Well, the first time, she asked me what "ass" meant, because she had never heard it before.) We stuck it out through the rest of the year, but changed schools this past fall. Her new classroom has a good mix of kids, and a great inclusive vibe; she has many friends in her class, not just white kids. Any kind of homogeny is bad for the "only".

But you might not be aware of that tendency, because there are lots of stupid bitches around, so you've always been in good company.

I disagree that any kind of homogeny is bad for the only. Frankly, I think being the only black kid at an otherwise all-white schools is probably easier, since no white child would dare tell a black child to "take your black ass and get lost." White children, frankly, do not speak that way.

No they don't. I was an only black child in a Montogmery County public school and I was continuously called Blackie and the N-word daily from numerous children especially while waiting in the cafeteria to get my lunch. I was also denied the ability to sit at any lunch table; eventually the overweight children let me sit at one end of their table. My mother had to pull me out when about 20 kids jumped me during recess. The principal called my mother and asked her to remove me because she could not vouch for my safety at the school.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, the problem with this is that I think because of the anonymous nature, people exaggerate or flat out lie in order to support a bias or point of view they already have, especially when it comes to race (and I'm not implying that only one race does this; I think it happens on all sides).

I've read in a number of places on DCUM about how the anonymity allows for "honest conversations," but on what basis can anyone make that statement because there's really no way to verify if people are being honest in all of the anecdotal stories they're providing! And seriously, the threads that are the most controversial are the ones with the *MOST* anecdotal stories to back up a claim. I think there have even been studies that have shown people are much more inclined to lie when they can do so anonymously.

My feeling is that posters here have very little insight in to what other posters do, but they obviously know what they themselves do. So, if a poster feels that anonymity allows posters to be more honest, it is probably because she feels that she can be more honest. If she thinks that anonymous posters are more likely to lie, it is probably because she is more likely to lie under such circumstances. Of course, the same poster could both be honest and lie depending on her mood, so both things could be true.

But, in my opinion, the most interesting posts are not the simply anecdotal, but the Rashomon-like descriptions of the same event from different perspectives like with the PTA in this thread. It's really interesting and educational to see how differently the same event can be viewed from different angles.

[Anonymous]

Here is a feel good story amid the gloom. My daughter was an only white student in her class. We had a great year. At first she was a novelty and the other girls wanted to braid her hair and fuss over her a bit. After a while she was just another student in the class. She was invited ( and went ) to birthday parties and Playdayes we had classmates over to our house regularly. I became friendly with a number of my fellow moms and we are still friends. I am not denying that this is tricky terrain to cross and that there were uncomfortable moments on both sides. Certain things were different for my daughter and for me. She often felt like she didn't have a lot in common to talk about with the other girls, class celebrations were different than I am used to. It takes an effort to be an only. A sense of openess and humility and s sense of humor helped. And good will and openess from the other parents helped me. This isn't meant to be a lecture or a statement that everyone should be able to be an only successfully. It's just meant to share one anecdote where everything turned out just fine.

[Anonymous]

I attended Ruth K. Webb Elementary School between 1966 through 1972. There was about 1000 kids in the elementary "baby boom" at the all time high. There was a white family they had 5 children 3 of them were in elementary. They endured everything that you could possibly imagine. The school had at the helm a white principal and she did her best to protect these children. I think the worst incident was during 1968 when the MLK was assassinated, these kids were chased all the way home. But the family stuck it out and there children graduated from the elementary school and proceeded on to Hamilton Junior High and Dunbar High Schools respectively. I know that one of the young boys graduated with honors from Dunbar attended Princeton and now is the Mayor of small city in California.

[Anonymous]

What old guard aren't they all about dead and gone. More so they are not relevant. I hope you're not talking about granddaddy Barry? Let'em talk and appease the old-coot, he's harmless.

[Anonymous]

Many white parents have no problem with their child being an "only" as long as the child is happy. I did it for two years. When my child started being unhappy due to the racial dynamics, there were many alternative schools that have more diversity (but aren't majority white) which I could choose from and did. She is now in a school with about 30% whites.

However, I am well aware that I should be thankful for my options to get out of a segregated school and into a more diverse one--I know many black children don't have this option in their neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

You will not be welcomed if you are wt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Jeff please close down this thread. It has taken a completely different turn than the intended question and the spread of this hatred is just not needed.

I agree that this thread is going nowhere, and should probably be closed. but if you are the OP, you got what you deserved, since your original post was frankly vailed racist.

Agree that this thread is vile.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just re-read your original post. I agree that this thread is a little bit rough, but it has not taken on a different tone from your post at all. What did you expect people to say? That there is no racism in this city, or that lower income kids perform just as well in school as higher income kids? Sadly its just not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Jeff please close down this thread. It has taken a completely different turn than the intended question and the spread of this hatred is just not needed.

But honestly, these are real issues, and some of the hardest to read posts in this thread are exactly why some of these complicated dynamics in schools exist. I applaud OPs honesty re: her feelings about this larger issue, but you can't expect a thread that starts out talking about the challenges of being a racial "only" in a school to somehow dance delicately around people's prejudices - both the ones we each know we have, and the ones we don't see in ourselves but others see/perceive in our statements.

It's all real, and one of the things I like most about DCUM is that even though it can be nastily biting and sometimes totally inappropriate, because it's DC and it's anonymous, there are more honest conversations and statements here than anywhere else I can think of on the web.

Unless it gets abusive or perosnal, I would hope Jeff leaves this up.

Well, the problem with this is that I think because of the anonymous nature, people exaggerate or flat out lie in order to support a bias or point of view they already have, especially when it comes to race (and I'm not implying that only one race does this; I think it happens on all sides).

I've read in a number of places on DCUM about how the anonymity allows for "honest conversations," but on what basis can anyone make that statement because there's really no way to verify if people are being honest in all of the anecdotal stories they're providing! And seriously, the threads that are the most controversial are the ones with the *MOST* anecdotal stories to back up a claim. I think there have even been studies that have shown people are much more inclined to lie when they can do so anonymously.

My point is, these difficult, charged, controversial issues with regard to race (be it in schools, in neighborhoods -- like the PG county threads), these issues aren't going to be resolved on an anonymous thread. And if anything, I think all of these anonymous anecdotal posts only do more damage because it's an easy way to propagate various prejudices and bias. If a parent was on the verge of sending his/her child to a school where the kid might be an only and then read this thread, my guess is they back up and change course, even though there's no way to verify whether any of the anecdotes on here are either (a) true or (b) representative of the majority of situations (versus being tragic anomalies).

And while there are a few positive posts, the majority here are very negative.

There is no question that the anonymity allows for some people to abuse it by exaggerating or outright lying. We see that on YY and other threads all the time. The thing is, no one here knows which are the lies and which are the uncomfortable truths, unless someone else with information challenges the lie.

It sounds like you're saying that because it's often hard to tell the difference, the conversation should be shut down completely. I think that's crazy. Everyone here should take what they read with a grain of salt because it's - what is it? - it's an anonymous message board on the internet. But the fact that that also lends to people being more honest is also true. There are things I had knowledge of that I would have never posted here if I knew it was likely/easy to identify me. This is DC, a lot of people work and play in a lot of environments where they learn a lot.

Honestly, you sound uncomfortable with the fact that this is simply a difficult conversation. The fact that you are troubled by the fact that most of the posts are negative, well most of people's experiences with being an only or being called names or being alienated in school are negative. That is the nature of the topic, except for those really great situations where people have positive "only" experiences. And those are real too, and are exciting ot hear about.

But shutting the conversation down because it's negative is living in a bubble. If only we could shut out/cut out the parts of our lives that are hard, and negative, and make us uncomfortable... but we can't. And to not allow for discussion of this TOTALLY real and legitimate topic - even if it means putting up with a couple of trolls and exaggeraters - is actually PERPETUATING the problem, not helping it.

Last thing, don't make the mistake of thinking that just because *you* don't believe certain things are true or possible, that the people posting them must be lying or exaggerating because it's anonymous and they can. There have been several serious, sincere statements made here that show naivete or ignorance, and it would be awful if the people who are posting their REAL experiences to the contrary were dismissed as lying. Just because you didn't know it, doesn't mean it isn't true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: There was a white family they had 5 children 3 of them were in elementary. They endured everything that you could possibly imagine. The school had at the helm a white principal and she did her best to protect these children. I think the worst incident was during 1968 when the MLK was assassinated, these kids were chased all the way home.

Sounds like a bad case of bullying....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was the only white student in her class last year. We blithely assumed she would be fine, because kids are color blind, right? She ate alone every day. She told me (and the teacher confirmed) that she tried to join the other children at recess but was rebuffed. More than once, she came home crying because another elementary school child told her to take her "white ass" and get lost. (Well, the first time, she asked me what "ass" meant, because she had never heard it before.) We stuck it out through the rest of the year, but changed schools this past fall. Her new classroom has a good mix of kids, and a great inclusive vibe; she has many friends in her class, not just white kids. Any kind of homogeny is bad for the "only".

But you might not be aware of that tendency, because there are lots of stupid bitches around, so you've always been in good company.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you daughter. That's great that she is in a more welcoming and inclusive school now.

However, I'm not surprised by this at all. I grew up in a multiracial family and I attended DCPS. I've experienced lots of racism from black students. My parents transfered me to a predominately white Catholic school. I never had any racial problems at my Catholic school. It was a great fit for me. The problem is that DC is still a very segregated city. Unfortunately, behind closed doors some blacks in DC do resent whites and teach that hate to their children. Even though the city paints itself as being liberal, I find some of the folks in DC to be extremely close-minded. Now that I'm an adult I notice how open whites in DC are to my biracial children and how hostile some of the black people are. So, your daughter's situation is one of the many incidents against diversity and change in this city. There is a level of resistance in DC towards racial integration and diversity that I can't seem to fathom. Hopefully, things will get better and people will be more open to accepting others.

By the way, I wish your daughter lots of luck at her new school.

Your experience seems so odd to me. I came to DC from a small town a few years ago. To this very day, I am still impressed at the level of inclusion within the black communities in DC. I am also impressed by the high number of bi-racial ppl in DC. I haven't experienced any resistance to racial integration and diversity in this city by black americans.

[Anonymous]

Your experience seems so odd to me. I came to DC from a small town a few years ago. To this very day, I am still impressed at the level of inclusion within the black communities in DC. I am also impressed by the high number of bi-racial ppl in DC. I haven't experienced any resistance to racial integration and diversity in this city by black americans.

Have you visited Wards 5, 7 or 8?

[Anonymous]

+1----What white people in DC (particularly white transplants to DC who grew up elsewhere) do not usually comprehend is that there is not a monolithic "black" community in DC. DC's African-American culture is extremely complicated---you have a whole history of inter-racial discrimination within the
DC African-American community based on skin tone and educational/SES status (see attitudes towards "Gold Coast Sharon Pratt Kelly" vs. Ward 8 Marion Barry), you have another---more recent---layer of inter-racial discrimination against African or Caribbean immigrants---and then you have a whole complicated history of black/white relations. So yeah, my guess is that a white child's experience as an "only" in a DCPS class of children who are descendants of the African diaspora is going to vary dramatically according to which school and which DC AA subgroup is the dominant culture within the school.