I don't want my kid to be the only white student . . .

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, the problem with this is that I think because of the anonymous nature, people exaggerate or flat out lie in order to support a bias or point of view they already have, especially when it comes to race (and I'm not implying that only one race does this; I think it happens on all sides).

I've read in a number of places on DCUM about how the anonymity allows for "honest conversations," but on what basis can anyone make that statement because there's really no way to verify if people are being honest in all of the anecdotal stories they're providing! And seriously, the threads that are the most controversial are the ones with the *MOST* anecdotal stories to back up a claim. I think there have even been studies that have shown people are much more inclined to lie when they can do so anonymously.

My feeling is that posters here have very little insight in to what other posters do, but they obviously know what they themselves do. So, if a poster feels that anonymity allows posters to be more honest, it is probably because she feels that she can be more honest. If she thinks that anonymous posters are more likely to lie, it is probably because she is more likely to lie under such circumstances. Of course, the same poster could both be honest and lie depending on her mood, so both things could be true.

But, in my opinion, the most interesting posts are not the simply anecdotal, but the Rashomon-like descriptions of the same event from different perspectives like with the PTA in this thread. It's really interesting and educational to see how differently the same event can be viewed from different angles.

Actually, I disagree. I don't lie on anonymous forums, but I'm deeply suspicious of other anonymous posts. I'm not saying everyone lies or exaggerates, but I think it happens, especially with regard to controversial topics.

Of course, I'm actually very blunt in real life, so perhaps my experience of constant frustration with people who aren't honest and straightforward has shaped my opinion about forums, especially anonymous ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Jeff please close down this thread. It has taken a completely different turn than the intended question and the spread of this hatred is just not needed.

But honestly, these are real issues, and some of the hardest to read posts in this thread are exactly why some of these complicated dynamics in schools exist. I applaud OPs honesty re: her feelings about this larger issue, but you can't expect a thread that starts out talking about the challenges of being a racial "only" in a school to somehow dance delicately around people's prejudices - both the ones we each know we have, and the ones we don't see in ourselves but others see/perceive in our statements.

It's all real, and one of the things I like most about DCUM is that even though it can be nastily biting and sometimes totally inappropriate, because it's DC and it's anonymous, there are more honest conversations and statements here than anywhere else I can think of on the web.

Unless it gets abusive or perosnal, I would hope Jeff leaves this up.

Well, the problem with this is that I think because of the anonymous nature, people exaggerate or flat out lie in order to support a bias or point of view they already have, especially when it comes to race (and I'm not implying that only one race does this; I think it happens on all sides).

I've read in a number of places on DCUM about how the anonymity allows for "honest conversations," but on what basis can anyone make that statement because there's really no way to verify if people are being honest in all of the anecdotal stories they're providing! And seriously, the threads that are the most controversial are the ones with the *MOST* anecdotal stories to back up a claim. I think there have even been studies that have shown people are much more inclined to lie when they can do so anonymously.

My point is, these difficult, charged, controversial issues with regard to race (be it in schools, in neighborhoods -- like the PG county threads), these issues aren't going to be resolved on an anonymous thread. And if anything, I think all of these anonymous anecdotal posts only do more damage because it's an easy way to propagate various prejudices and bias. If a parent was on the verge of sending his/her child to a school where the kid might be an only and then read this thread, my guess is they back up and change course, even though there's no way to verify whether any of the anecdotes on here are either (a) true or (b) representative of the majority of situations (versus being tragic anomalies).

And while there are a few positive posts, the majority here are very negative.

There is no question that the anonymity allows for some people to abuse it by exaggerating or outright lying. We see that on YY and other threads all the time. The thing is, no one here knows which are the lies and which are the uncomfortable truths, unless someone else with information challenges the lie.

It sounds like you're saying that because it's often hard to tell the difference, the conversation should be shut down completely. I think that's crazy. Everyone here should take what they read with a grain of salt because it's - what is it? - it's an anonymous message board on the internet. But the fact that that also lends to people being more honest is also true. There are things I had knowledge of that I would have never posted here if I knew it was likely/easy to identify me. This is DC, a lot of people work and play in a lot of environments where they learn a lot.

Honestly, you sound uncomfortable with the fact that this is simply a difficult conversation. The fact that you are troubled by the fact that most of the posts are negative, well most of people's experiences with being an only or being called names or being alienated in school are negative. That is the nature of the topic, except for those really great situations where people have positive "only" experiences. And those are real too, and are exciting ot hear about.

But shutting the conversation down because it's negative is living in a bubble. If only we could shut out/cut out the parts of our lives that are hard, and negative, and make us uncomfortable... but we can't. And to not allow for discussion of this TOTALLY real and legitimate topic - even if it means putting up with a couple of trolls and exaggeraters - is actually PERPETUATING the problem, not helping it.

Last thing, don't make the mistake of thinking that just because *you* don't believe certain things are true or possible, that the people posting them must be lying or exaggerating because it's anonymous and they can. There have been several serious, sincere statements made here that show naivete or ignorance, and it would be awful if the people who are posting their REAL experiences to the contrary were dismissed as lying. Just because you didn't know it, doesn't mean it isn't true.

I the poster you're talking about. No, I don't think the conversation should be shut down. I think it should happen out in the open. That's my point. If so many white people feel that AA people have been racist to them, then they need to say it out in the open and back it up. That's the only way it will change. Otherwise, an anonymous forum is a very convenient place for people to indulge racism they don't admit to in "real life." And where does that lead us? More divided. More suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1----What white people in DC (particularly white transplants to DC who grew up elsewhere) do not usually comprehend is that there is not a monolithic "black" community in DC. DC's African-American culture is extremely complicated---you have a whole history of inter-racial discrimination within the
DC African-American community based on skin tone and educational/SES status (see attitudes towards "Gold Coast Sharon Pratt Kelly" vs. Ward 8 Marion Barry), you have another---more recent---layer of inter-racial discrimination against African or Caribbean immigrants---and then you have a whole complicated history of black/white relations. So yeah, my guess is that a white child's experience as an "only" in a DCPS class of children who are descendants of the African diaspora is going to vary dramatically according to which school and which DC AA subgroup is the dominant culture within the school.

+1 Could not agree more. This helps explain the very different experiences that people are reporting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your experience seems so odd to me. I came to DC from a small town a few years ago. To this very day, I am still impressed at the level of inclusion within the black communities in DC. I am also impressed by the high number of bi-racial ppl in DC. I haven't experienced any resistance to racial integration and diversity in this city by black americans.

Have you visited Wards 5, 7 or 8?

17:21 here. I live in Ward 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your experience seems so odd to me. I came to DC from a small town a few years ago. To this very day, I am still impressed at the level of inclusion within the black communities in DC. I am also impressed by the high number of bi-racial ppl in DC. I haven't experienced any resistance to racial integration and diversity in this city by black americans.

Have you visited Wards 5, 7 or 8?

Hey dips hit, I live in Woodridge. On my block, the Blacks, Whites, bi-racials, and Hispanics get along fine. The only known group missing is the Asians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your experience seems so odd to me. I came to DC from a small town a few years ago. To this very day, I am still impressed at the level of inclusion within the black communities in DC. I am also impressed by the high number of bi-racial ppl in DC. I haven't experienced any resistance to racial integration and diversity in this city by black americans.

Have you visited Wards 5, 7 or 8?

Hey dips hit, I live in Woodridge. On my block, the Blacks, Whites, bi-racials, and Hispanics get along fine. The only known group missing is the Asians.

Hey, neighbor, no need to be rude. I live in Woodridge, too. Woodridge is a lovely quiet community, but certainly not representative of the whole city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1----What white people in DC (particularly white transplants to DC who grew up elsewhere) do not usually comprehend is that there is not a monolithic "black" community in DC. DC's African-American culture is extremely complicated---you have a whole history of inter-racial discrimination within the
DC African-American community based on skin tone and educational/SES status (see attitudes towards "Gold Coast Sharon Pratt Kelly" vs. Ward 8 Marion Barry), you have another---more recent---layer of inter-racial discrimination against African or Caribbean immigrants---and then you have a whole complicated history of black/white relations. So yeah, my guess is that a white child's experience as an "only" in a DCPS class of children who are descendants of the African diaspora is going to vary dramatically according to which school and which DC AA subgroup is the dominant culture within the school.

+1 Could not agree more. This helps explain the very different experiences that people are reporting.

++1. Agree!!!!!

[Anonymous]

to be quite honest I'm more concerned about my kid being the only non-low-SES kid, which unfortunately often correlates to race.

[Anonymous]

Count me as another person who in 40 years traveling to 5 totally different states has never heard a black person call a white person names like cracker or a white person call a black person names like nigger except in a book or TV. Middle income neighborhoods don't use these words from my observations. Each race has their exclusions, but not by name calling. You just hear things like "Yesterday my mom and I had our asian friends over for a party." FCPS high school I graduated at had senior superlatives with at least 1/4 black, 1/4 asian, and 1/2 white. Everyone seemed to get along well enough and still do. Maybe living in the suburbs wasn't so bad after all.

[Anonymous]

I think it is sad that no one is concerned about the Asians that are missing from Woodridge. Their families are out there right now looking for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Count me as another person who in 40 years traveling to 5 totally different states has never heard a black person call a white person names like cracker or a white person call a black person names like nigger except in a book or TV. Middle income neighborhoods don't use these words from my observations. Each race has their exclusions, but not by name calling. You just hear things like "Yesterday my mom and I had our asian friends over for a party." FCPS high school I graduated at had senior superlatives with at least 1/4 black, 1/4 asian, and 1/2 white. Everyone seemed to get along well enough and still do. Maybe living in the suburbs wasn't so bad after all.

Really? I mean... Really? You don't even have old racist family members? Asian? That's "Oriental" to most people over the age of 70, IME.

I grew up in a (then) middle class neighborhood in DC. And I've heard it all. Maybe it'll be different for our kids. But, this thread makes me think not.

And from what I've seen from my teenage relative growing up in the VA burbs, the races are pretty much keeping to themselves out there, even now...

[Anonymous]

This is my first post in this thread. My child and I live in SF, CA. We are white, poor and Jewish. SF is probably around 50% Asian (Chinese, mostly) if not more. Surprisingly few blacks here. As in, hey! Where are all the black people? (In Oakland) But. I could have sent DD to a school in a black section of SF. She'd have been the only white girl in her class for sure. I also could have sent her to a school about 4 blocks from us, but everyone else but her would have been Asian. I don't want her to be the only "anything." Not the only girl, not the only Jewish person, and not the only white girl.

She qualifies for free lunch & breakfast, and during an especially tough period I brought her to school having not eaten breakfast, and her teacher sent us to grab some before coming to class. She'd never gotten the free bkfast before, and when she opened the door to the cafeteria the ONLY kids in there were black. She is the only super poor white girl in the school.

The school USED to have a lot more diversity. But they were SO good that the school got a good rep, and more people started aiming for it (there's a lottery system here), and now the higher income SAHM types are the majority of kids there (this sentence doesn't fully make sense but hopefully you know what I mean).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Count me as another person who in 40 years traveling to 5 totally different states has never heard a black person call a white person names like cracker or a white person call a black person names like nigger except in a book or TV. Middle income neighborhoods don't use these words from my observations. Each race has their exclusions, but not by name calling. You just hear things like "Yesterday my mom and I had our asian friends over for a party." FCPS high school I graduated at had senior superlatives with at least 1/4 black, 1/4 asian, and 1/2 white. Everyone seemed to get along well enough and still do. Maybe living in the suburbs wasn't so bad after all.

Me too. I grew up in the midwest and in the south, lived in a major west-coast city and in another major east-coast city, before moving to DC in my late 20s. I was aware of the n-word, but I never heard someone direct it at another person til I left the midwest. And it wasn't until I moved to DC that someone called me a "cracker bitch" for the first time. And it's not that there weren't any african americans where I'd lived, or that I never interacted with them. I just never encountered the overt racial hatred and racially-based agression that exists here in the nation's capital.

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Hey dips hit, I live in Woodridge. On my block, the Blacks, Whites, bi-racials, and Hispanics get along fine. The only known group missing is the Asians.

Asians, who tend to be the most education-minded of racial groups in the US, care a lot about test scores, particularly SAT and AP scores. Those interested in public schools tend to be scared away by mediocre DCPS and DCPC test scores, and college admissions track records. Those who work in the District tend to settle in MoCo in the hopes of sending their children to Ivy League Schools and top technical schools like MIT. We expect to be the only Asian parents with Asian children (vs. white parents who adopted Asian children) in our entire DCPC. Metro area Asian parents are onto something, since studies show that Asian applicants tend to need SAT scores around 200 points higher than similarly qualified AA applicants to attend the same undergraduate programs.