Some thoughts on daycare

[Anonymous]

I love all the black and white posters. There are so many shades of gray in making the choice to stay at home or work, and for some people working isn't really a choice at all, it's a necessity. And I GUARANTEE that for every single person making this decision, at no time was it made based on how much or whether you love your child. So OP, congratulations on stirring the pot. You must love your child THE MOST because you stayed at home.

[Anonymous]

As for the infant/toddler thing, I actually think that it is more important to be with a two year old for more of his or her day than an infant. This is the time they are learning to talk and learning how to understand the world. Completely leaving most of their waking hours to someone else when they are so impressionable bothered me more than leaving a young baby, who just needed love and care, and that's when i quit working. I do think they benefit from some preschool, but i am talking sbout full-time daycare. This is a time when they also start to understand what different parents do, and by three they certainly get whether a parent is with them most of the time or not and can compare their situation with friends who either go to daycare or stay with mom or dad most of the time. Whether they see them as positive, negative or neutral, they notice these distinctions. In any event, I think a lot of the posters have been working moms of infants, so I just thought I would raise this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

agree

Me too. Babies and toddlers should be with their moms or other relatives. Ideally. (But of course many of do not live in an ideal world.)

And when kids reach school age, moms need to do something separate from their children. something that gives them their own identity and makes them strong and interesting. I'm sorry, but I know so many moms of school-age children who do nothing but gossip and fight to get their names on charity event committees - oh, and then they fight over table assignments at these events. It's pathetic, and they are terrible role models for their children. Also, signing your children up for twenty after-school activities a year so you can play an extra round of tennis each afternoon isn't really good parenting either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

agree

Me too. Babies and toddlers should be with their moms or other relatives. Ideally. (But of course many of do not live in an ideal world.)

And when kids reach school age, moms need to do something separate from their children. something that gives them their own identity and makes them strong and interesting. I'm sorry, but I know so many moms of school-age children who do nothing but gossip and fight to get their names on charity event committees - oh, and then they fight over table assignments at these events. It's pathetic, and they are terrible role models for their children. Also, signing your children up for twenty after-school activities a year so you can play an extra round of tennis each afternoon isn't really good parenting either.

Wow, way to judge. Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

agree

Me too. Babies and toddlers should be with their moms or other relatives. Ideally. (But of course many of do not live in an ideal world.)

And when kids reach school age, moms need to do something separate from their children. something that gives them their own identity and makes them strong and interesting. I'm sorry, but I know so many moms of school-age children who do nothing but gossip and fight to get their names on charity event committees - oh, and then they fight over table assignments at these events. It's pathetic, and they are terrible role models for their children. Also, signing your children up for twenty after-school activities a year so you can play an extra round of tennis each afternoon isn't really good parenting either.

What should dads "need to do" separate from their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay- I'll feed the troll.

My kids have learned things in daycare that I never could have taught them as a SAHM. My control cases are my neices and nephews; other SAHM.

My kids accept diversity without question. Their caregivers and classmates are from all over the world and my kids have never asked me why so and so's skin is darker than their's. They don't care because they have grown up with people who don't look like them. They have been hugged and loved and cared for by people who are different. They do not fear difference in the world- they approach others with openness and curiosity, not fear.

My kids have learned independence. They have learned to navigate the world without Mommy and Daddy at their side. They have learned that other people can love you and take care of you, other than their parents.

My kids have learned to interact with their peers. They have learned to negociate disagreements. They don't just run to Mom or Dad to protest or negociate for them. My kids have learned how to handle disputes with their words.

Unless you are an arts and crafts whiz and a former teachers, they have been exposed to a richness of diverse opportunities to learn; express themselves through art and music. They were ready for school much before the kids of SAHMs. They understand routine and classroom management. They went to kindergarden writing, reading and doing math because they had learned so much. They accepted structure.

Oh, good for you because I had this same divesity growing up and so did many other children. My father was military and we lived all over the world, changed school every 2 to 3 years, learned other customs, etc. What makes you think this is something new because it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Me too. Babies and toddlers should be with their moms or other relatives. Ideally. (But of course many of do not live in an ideal world.)

And when kids reach school age, moms need to do something separate from their children. something that gives them their own identity and makes them strong and interesting. I'm sorry, but I know so many moms of school-age children who do nothing but gossip and fight to get their names on charity event committees - oh, and then they fight over table assignments at these events. It's pathetic, and they are terrible role models for their children. Also, signing your children up for twenty after-school activities a year so you can play an extra round of tennis each afternoon isn't really good parenting either.

I'm amazed that there are so many people who have this idyllic fantasy about what every family should be and are very condescending and judgmental about anyone that doesn't fit their little white picket fence daydream. What, are you still 14, and thinking about what motherhood "should be"?

Despite your sexist attitude that moms are the only ones who can care for their babies, there are some moms and grandmothers who are not very good at caring for their babies. There are some dads that are good at it. There are some parents who are just not well suited to being SAHP. Every family has to decide what is best for them as a family. Even WOH parents can make time to get that special bonding in with children.

And for each of your helicopter parents who fight to be involved with school events, there is another completely distant parent who can't even remember the last time they went to a function for their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Me too. Babies and toddlers should be with their moms or other relatives. Ideally. (But of course many of do not live in an ideal world.)

And when kids reach school age, moms need to do something separate from their children. something that gives them their own identity and makes them strong and interesting. I'm sorry, but I know so many moms of school-age children who do nothing but gossip and fight to get their names on charity event committees - oh, and then they fight over table assignments at these events. It's pathetic, and they are terrible role models for their children. Also, signing your children up for twenty after-school activities a year so you can play an extra round of tennis each afternoon isn't really good parenting either.

I'm amazed that there are so many people who have this idyllic fantasy about what every family should be and are very condescending and judgmental about anyone that doesn't fit their little white picket fence daydream. What, are you still 14, and thinking about what motherhood "should be"?

Despite your sexist attitude that moms are the only ones who can care for their babies, there are some moms and grandmothers who are not very good at caring for their babies. There are some dads that are good at it. There are some parents who are just not well suited to being SAHP. Every family has to decide what is best for them as a family. Even WOH parents can make time to get that special bonding in with children.

And for each of your helicopter parents who fight to be involved with school events, there is another completely distant parent who can't even remember the last time they went to a function for their child.

You don't read very well. First, I didn't say anything about dads not being good caregivers. This is a thread about daycare, and I was agreeing with OP's thoughts on daycare. I said that babies are best with their moms OR OTHER RELATIVES. Not in room for ten hours a day with 15 other infants.

Also, I didn't say or imply anything about helicopter parents, you nitwit .And I was not talking about school events. I wrote clearly that I was referring to charity functions. Not school functions.

[Anonymous]

...Because all daycares have 15 infants just lying around while everyone ignores them. I've never toured a center, so no idea what they're like, but the several in-home daycares I recently visited had only one infant, and the assistants were always carrying them around. There are also nannies and nanny shares (which we did for the first 1.5 years). I feel like OP had a bad daycare experience and now thinks all daycares are bad. And other anti-daycare PPs have never actually been to one.

[Anonymous]

I worked with a guy once, who had received a court order to put his child into daycare. He worked all day and his wife, a SAHM, was so neglectful and such a poor parent that CPS got involved. The court ordered the baby in daycare upwards of 10 hours a day while dad worked and mom attended parenting classes. SO, not all infants benefit from being with a parent all day. This was in WA state, by the way.

[Anonymous]

I WOHM, and I might get flamed for this, but I *do* feel guilty that I had to put DC in daycare. But I had no choice. We needed both of us to be working in order to afford things. Other WOHMs, don't you feel the same way?

I felt guilty at the time that DS started daycare, but he has turned out great so far at age 2.5. He speaks in full sentences, knows his ABCs, and is a happy, outgoing, well-adjusted kid. He has tons of friends at his daycare that he talks about when he isn't there. So in retrospect, I don't think that there was anything to feel guilty about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will you be home schooling, OP?

The first years of life are when the vast majority of all brain development and all learning takes place. The early years set the foundation for he rest of the child's life. Once they are school age, it adds to it but really it is those first few years of life that matter the most in who your child will be.

And your point is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will you be home schooling, OP?

The first years of life are when the vast majority of all brain development and all learning takes place. The early years set the foundation for he rest of the child's life. Once they are school age, it adds to it but really it is those first few years of life that matter the most in who your child will be.

And your point is?

Clearly, the brain stops developing at daycare. I mean, it's just 15 drooling babies lolling around on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but if you wake up, get the child ready, take them somewhere, stay out all day long, pick them up feed them dinner and put them to sleep you're NOT raising your child.

Okay, then. So when your kids start school, I guess you're done raising them, too. Maybe you should have a big "Hey, I'm done raising you, have a nice life" party for them on their 5th birthday.

In other news, I have my child in an inhome daycare from 8:30 to 4:30. I thought I'd be the parent whose kid was there the least. But most families there use a similar schedule to mine. I have 1.5 hours with him in the morning and 3.5 hours with him before bed. So I get 5 waking, and his providers get 6 during the week. I think SAHers aren't necessarily getting the true picture of how a lot of working moms do things. It probably makes them feel better about quitting work, but it's not necessarily reality. Most of us are doing our best to strike a good balance between providing for and taking care of our kids.

You completely missed the point. We're talking about infants here. Children that can't understand social settings and crave one on one attention. A school aged child craves interaction with other children and adults and it's healthy for them to be in that setting.

If you're happy with your choice there's no need to get all up in arms, defensive and trying to offend others just because we see things differently. I don't doubt you're trying to do your best. I never said that. What I'm saying is that when you're not with your child when they're awake you're definitely not raising them.

I was just reading the thread in General Parenting about toddlers doing lists while putting themselves to sleep and a lady mentioned her toddler repeating what he hears in daycare all day. A lot of parents came later on to say that this is how they know what goes on in daycare. How awful is that? Obviously I didn't say anything there but it must be really really sad not to know what goes on with your child all day and just hope they'll "let it out" while going to sleep in the end of the day. I'm so sorry for the little ones who go through this... It's sad to know that this is the best some parents can provide for their kids... I wish we all could afford staying home with our kids.