Some thoughts on daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read all the responses but I genuinely believe it's better for a child to be surrounded by caregivers than with one person all day, whether that person is a nanny or a parent. In other cultures, it's not parent and baby all day - it's family members, people from the community, etc. my son is THRIVING in daycare - he's the smiliest, most sociable, sweetest and most respectful little thing I ever saw. I adore that there are so many loving people involved in his care.

Mine too. She was a little socially awkward when she started daycare at 18 months but she talks about her friends there all the time and all the little kids love her. My husband and I LOVE daycare. Sometimes we wIsh we had started her there sooner.

[Anonymous]

^^Starting daycare at 18 months - that's a little different. Not such a bug deal as, say, putting an infant in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but if you wake up, get the child ready, take them somewhere, stay out all day long, pick them up feed them dinner and put them to sleep you're NOT raising your child.

Okay, then. So when your kids start school, I guess you're done raising them, too. Maybe you should have a big "Hey, I'm done raising you, have a nice life" party for them on their 5th birthday.

In other news, I have my child in an inhome daycare from 8:30 to 4:30. I thought I'd be the parent whose kid was there the least. But most families there use a similar schedule to mine. I have 1.5 hours with him in the morning and 3.5 hours with him before bed. So I get 5 waking, and his providers get 6 during the week. I think SAHers aren't necessarily getting the true picture of how a lot of working moms do things. It probably makes them feel better about quitting work, but it's not necessarily reality. Most of us are doing our best to strike a good balance between providing for and taking care of our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but if you wake up, get the child ready, take them somewhere, stay out all day long, pick them up feed them dinner and put them to sleep you're NOT raising your child.

Okay, then. So when your kids start school, I guess you're done raising them, too. Maybe you should have a big "Hey, I'm done raising you, have a nice life" party for them on their 5th birthday.

In other news, I have my child in an inhome daycare from 8:30 to 4:30. I thought I'd be the parent whose kid was there the least. But most families there use a similar schedule to mine. I have 1.5 hours with him in the morning and 3.5 hours with him before bed. So I get 5 waking, and his providers get 6 during the week. I think SAHers aren't necessarily getting the true picture of how a lot of working moms do things. It probably makes them feel better about quitting work, but it's not necessarily reality. Most of us are doing our best to strike a good balance between providing for and taking care of our kids.

Why even bother engaging with this asshole? You don't owe someone as.clueless as her any explanation. I have my kin in from 7 to 5, and I am not sorry. Not one bit.

[Anonymous]

Also, does your husband raise his children? By your definition, he does not. And when you look back at your own childhood, do you feel the working parent(s) had an impact on your development?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Starting daycare at 18 months - that's a little different. Not such a bug deal as, say, putting an infant in daycare.

728 here - mine started at 3.5 months (I'm the main breadwinner and had to go back to work - so, holier than thou, what would you have suggested I do?) and I stand by every word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, does your husband raise his children? By your definition, he does not. And when you look back at your own childhood, do you feel the working parent(s) had an impact on your development?

Exactly. So none of the working dads raise their kids? I'm sure your husbands would be thrilled to know that you think they're cash cows for you to stay home and raise the kids alone. Sounds healthy for all involved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Okay, then. So when your kids start school, I guess you're done raising them, too. Maybe you should have a big "Hey, I'm done raising you, have a nice life" party for them on their 5th birthday.

I think the point some people are making is that, once a child reaches school age, it's the appropriate time for spending most of the day in a group setting, with peers and teachers (i.e., school)...but before that age, it's not. Infants most certainly don't need to be away from their primary caregiver(s) (i.e., mom and dad) for extended periods - there's no benefit to daycare at that age. Toddlers is more of a gray area.

[Anonymous]

I WOHM, and I might get flamed for this, but I *do* feel guilty that I had to put DC in daycare. But I had no choice. We needed both of us to be working in order to afford things. Other WOHMs, don't you feel the same way? I mean, wouldn't you have preferred to be with your babies if you had been able? I think we WOHMs agree with those of you who are saying that it would be preferable for mom to be the one caring for baby. We're moms too - obviously, we wanted to stay with our babies! But please understand that it isn't/wasn't feasible for us.

[Anonymous]

You win.

Is that what you need to hear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I WOHM, and I might get flamed for this, but I *do* feel guilty that I had to put DC in daycare. But I had no choice. We needed both of us to be working in order to afford things. Other WOHMs, don't you feel the same way? I mean, wouldn't you have preferred to be with your babies if you had been able? I think we WOHMs agree with those of you who are saying that it would be preferable for mom to be the one caring for baby. We're moms too - obviously, we wanted to stay with our babies! But please understand that it isn't/wasn't feasible for us.

I do not feel guilty at all. Really.

[Anonymous]

Why should we feel guilty? Our kids are more than fine, I have zero worries. Would it be nice for me to stop working? Maybe...it would be easier! But it would make no difference for my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Okay, then. So when your kids start school, I guess you're done raising them, too. Maybe you should have a big "Hey, I'm done raising you, have a nice life" party for them on their 5th birthday.

I think the point some people are making is that, once a child reaches school age, it's the appropriate time for spending most of the day in a group setting, with peers and teachers (i.e., school)...but before that age, it's not. Infants most certainly don't need to be away from their primary caregiver(s) (i.e., mom and dad) for extended periods - there's no benefit to daycare at that age. Toddlers is more of a gray area.

totally disagree. For newborns, perhaps. But my 9-month-old and his daycare peers are much more sociable, scheduled, and advanced in many ways than those who stayed home. It's a small sample, of course, but overall the kids of SAHM's that I know are much more clingy, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOHM, and I might get flamed for this, but I *do* feel guilty that I had to put DC in daycare. But I had no choice. We needed both of us to be working in order to afford things. Other WOHMs, don't you feel the same way? I mean, wouldn't you have preferred to be with your babies if you had been able? I think we WOHMs agree with those of you who are saying that it would be preferable for mom to be the one caring for baby. We're moms too - obviously, we wanted to stay with our babies! But please understand that it isn't/wasn't feasible for us.

I do not feel guilty at all. Really.

Me either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I WOHM, and I might get flamed for this, but I *do* feel guilty that I had to put DC in daycare. But I had no choice. We needed both of us to be working in order to afford things. Other WOHMs, don't you feel the same way? I mean, wouldn't you have preferred to be with your babies if you had been able? I think we WOHMs agree with those of you who are saying that it would be preferable for mom to be the one caring for baby. We're moms too - obviously, we wanted to stay with our babies! But please understand that it isn't/wasn't feasible for us.

I don't feel guilty. Do I wish that I could have spent those days with DC when he was a baby, instead of giving him to someone else while i worked? Absolutely. No mom is going to say that she would prefer not to be with her baby. But do i feel guilty? No, because i did what i had to do in order to support my child.