Some thoughts on daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I tend to agree with you. The thing is, no matter how comfortable I am with my own choice, it makes my blood boil with rage to see women tearing eachother down. In this particular thread, most of the attacks seem to be coming from one or two extremely insecure SAHMs. They are being beyond hurtful. And frankly, deserve to have every name in the book thrown at them.

I'm one of the PPs being called names. I'm not attacking anyone. I only answered OP's question and some lady is coming up with names that I don't even know what they mean to try to offend me just because we don't share the same POV. She's entitled to her opinion and I'm entitled to mine. I didn't call anybody names, I'm just expressing how I feel about my decision and what I think about others. Isn't it what this whole forum thing is all about? Sharing our opinion on polemic topics?

I'm not insecure at all. I know for sure that I'm doing the best for my children. I just don't share the same POV some of you seem to have, that keeping a job at most awaken hours of your child is good for their development, and there's nothing wrong with disagreeing with each other.

I would never dare to say that to any of my WAH friends ever. I'm just being really honest here because we're all anonymous and I just hope the angry mommy doesn't really walk around calling all SAH moms Cs or Bs.

Another thing I don't understand is why everybody is assuming I don't have a career and if I had I don't intend to go back. It's a matter of priority. Right now my priority are my children. Once I'm comfortable with them being in other settings I'll be ready to rejoin the work force. I made my choices wisely and I'm proud of my family. We all should be proud of our decisions and if we second guess them, tearing others down is not the best way to boost up our confidence.

Angry mommy, please rethink your choice if you feel so offended when people question your decision. Maybe you're not that comfortable with your setting anyway...

Then why are you spending so much of your time tearing down other WOHMs? You say you are proud of your decisions, but the way you are tearing us all down, you aren't so proud - by your own admission of the way proud mamas should act. I think you are purposely enjoying getting everyone up in arms and mad- for some sick reason you like seeing the anger you raise in others. I was mad, but now I'm just sad for you - I feel sorry for you because of your need to keep this going and going and going. If you truly were just "expressing your differing opinion" you would have stopped at one (insulting) post and not continued to jab and jab. But by continuing, you're just showing everyone how defensive you really are. I'm sorry for you.

Not really. I just came back because some posters asked me a few questions. I said everything I wanted to say in the first posts I submitted before the angry lady started screaming curse words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you feel so strongly about the {poor} quality of childcare in our country...why don't you do something about it?

Why don't you open a daycare center that embodies your philosophy (parent led care). Instead of judging, why don't you DO SOMETHING HELPFUL FOR SOCIETY. Support the people that make your world go round...the grocery checker, the librarian, the policeman/woman, the elementary school teachers, the church receptionist, the sales associate at Nordstrom, the insurance adjuster, the nurse...my son's daycare is at a church. The church believes that all working parents should be cherished, supported, and confident that while they are out putting food on the table (and gasp- finding professional fulfillment), our child is well cared for.

Honestly, I don't know what I am doing as a parent...and I am so glad that I have help in raising my child.

I never said I don't need/have help raising my child and why are you assuming I'm not doing anything?

Lots of assumptions going on here...

Anyway, it was your choice to have children and it was your choice to leave them behind (if you left them) so why does my opinion matter?

Ok, so what helpful contribution are you making to society...well, other than raising your kiddos (which we are all doing)? Do you volunteer? Donate? Encourage? Support?

Your opinion matters, OP. Maybe not to me on a personal level...but it does matter. Why would you assume that it doesn't?

Do you really think I have left my children behind? yes, I work...yes, my child goes to daycare...I love my child in ways I can't even begin to express. But, I also have responsibilities and debts. What do you suggest that I do? I am really sad that you think children in daycare are "left behind". My feelings couldn't be more opposite...I feel grateful, happy even, that I am able to provide my child with a safe environment full of fun experiences while I contribute to our community.

I'm the poster you quoted and as OP stated we're not the same person. I think you're getting confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:all the strong opinions, what will you do when your children choose a different path? Your daugther decides to work? your sons wife works? or doesn't? i see strained relationships in your future.

It's hilarious how an anonymous person dares to make premonitions about the future of a family she has never seen before. Are you the DCUM psychic by any chance?

Anyway, their choice is their choice and they can do whatever they want with their lives, the same way I'm doing whatever I think is the best for us right now. My mom WOH not for needbut like most of you, because she thinks she's not SAH material. She's retired and now lives her life watching me in a different path. We don't agree on that but we have a wonderful relationship. We're supportive to each other, she's a wonderful grandmother and I can't imagine our lives without her. She raised me with freedom to choose what I thought was best and that's what I'm raising my kids with FREEDOM of choice. But we can't forget that with our choices the judgement will come and if we're confident we have nothing to fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
That is HILARIOUS that you think that "when you're ready" you'll just rejoin the workforce. That literally made me laugh out loud. And no, honey, you don't have a career. You have a former job that will have passed you by by the time you're ready to come on back. That's fine, that was your choice, but as you have so bluntly been stating, you can't have it all. And you don't.

PP, I'm not the PP you were responding to, but your answer to her really shows how condescending some WOHMs can be and I think it shows your part in the nastiness of these "mommy wars" fights.

Why one earth did you have to be so condescending? "honey, you don't have a career?" HILARIOUS?

I was a SAHM for 9 years, and yes, I actually did have a career that I put on hold while I cared for my young children, and I have in fact reentered the workforce just fine; finding emplyment within a month of beginning to search. Now this was not due to sheer luck. I had a good exit strategy; maintained my skills, and was able to reneter the workforce at a similar salary as when I left. And I know plenty of women who have managed to do the same.

One almost gets the sense that you WISH those of us who took time off to care for our young children would suffer greatly when we get dumped or try to reenter the workforce. It's as if only that would make you happy that you chose the right decision, for yourself.

It is comments like yours that do not even try to veil your anger at SAHMs, that make me realize why this debate gets so heated, so fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That is HILARIOUS that you think that "when you're ready" you'll just rejoin the workforce. That literally made me laugh out loud. And no, honey, you don't have a career. You have a former job that will have passed you by by the time you're ready to come on back. That's fine, that was your choice, but as you have so bluntly been stating, you can't have it all. And you don't.

PP, I'm not the PP you were responding to, but your answer to her really shows how condescending some WOHMs can be and I think it shows your part in the nastiness of these "mommy wars" fights.

Why one earth did you have to be so condescending? "honey, you don't have a career?" HILARIOUS?

I was a SAHM for 9 years, and yes, I actually did have a career that I put on hold while I cared for my young children, and I have in fact reentered the workforce just fine; finding emplyment within a month of beginning to search. Now this was not due to sheer luck. I had a good exit strategy; maintained my skills, and was able to reneter the workforce at a similar salary as when I left. And I know plenty of women who have managed to do the same.

One almost gets the sense that you WISH those of us who took time off to care for our young children would suffer greatly when we get dumped or try to reenter the workforce. It's as if only that would make you happy that you chose the right decision, for yourself.

It is comments like yours that do not even try to veil your anger at SAHMs, that make me realize why this debate gets so heated, so fast.

That woman is a bitch. If you're her, you're a bitch. All anger is directed at her, not SAHMs in general. But yes, it is in fact hilarious to me when you hear people think that they can just return to the workforce without any problem. It's naive, in the same way that these women think they can tear down someone deciding to stay in the workforce. I'm glad you were able to. I believe you're the exception, not the rule. And if you leave the workforce, no, you don't have a career. It's really that simple. If you want a career, you need to be working. Not a difficult concept. But these are your choices, and I applaud anyone making any choice that they feel is good for their family. But when you're a bitch about it, you're going to get called out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That is HILARIOUS that you think that "when you're ready" you'll just rejoin the workforce. That literally made me laugh out loud. And no, honey, you don't have a career. You have a former job that will have passed you by by the time you're ready to come on back. That's fine, that was your choice, but as you have so bluntly been stating, you can't have it all. And you don't.

PP, I'm not the PP you were responding to, but your answer to her really shows how condescending some WOHMs can be and I think it shows your part in the nastiness of these "mommy wars" fights.

Why one earth did you have to be so condescending? "honey, you don't have a career?" HILARIOUS?

I was a SAHM for 9 years, and yes, I actually did have a career that I put on hold while I cared for my young children, and I have in fact reentered the workforce just fine; finding emplyment within a month of beginning to search. Now this was not due to sheer luck. I had a good exit strategy; maintained my skills, and was able to reneter the workforce at a similar salary as when I left. And I know plenty of women who have managed to do the same.

One almost gets the sense that you WISH those of us who took time off to care for our young children would suffer greatly when we get dumped or try to reenter the workforce. It's as if only that would make you happy that you chose the right decision, for yourself.

It is comments like yours that do not even try to veil your anger at SAHMs, that make me realize why this debate gets so heated, so fast.

To be fair, I believe this poster's anger was really aimed at ONE SAHM, not them all. Have you read this whole thread? There's a lot for WOHMs to be angry about, unfortunately it seems to have been generated by one sick sad poster. She's accused WOHMs of not raising their own children, not loving them, loving money more than their kids, etc. etc. etc.

I too have been plenty angry on this thread, but I haven't stooped a single time to criticize a SAHMs choice to stay home. I believe both choices are equally valid and that kids in both situations can do wonderfully. Anyway, there are lot of people on this thread that have been saying the same thing, but many have been pushed a bit too far. It feels good to lash out sometimes, so at least I understand where this PP is coming from. That said, acknowledging the troll on this thread isn't going to make a difference, whether through flame-throwing or polite conversation. It would be best for people not to engage with her anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6:43, with their reasoning, only men and childless women shouldbe working in the medical field. greater good be d@mned .

This is such a good point. Think about how different our lives would be if most women who had kids dropped out of the workforce. How many of our pediatricians, oggyns or midwives, children's teachers or school administrators, husband's bosses or colleagues (who help make his company successful so the wife can stay home), etc. are working moms. No graduate school and no company would want to take a woman in case she decided to have kids. In our own mother's lifetime women could legally be fired for getting married! Things have changed for the better in many ways and we should all be thankful that women are staying in the workforce. It's still a man's world in many ways, but I'm not interested in it being any MORE of a man's world.

Don't forget NURSES!!!!!!!!!! We work long hours and difficult shifts, very hard to have our children covered by the childcare choices out there. And we are the ones taking care of you and your loved ones in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you feel so strongly about the {poor} quality of childcare in our country...why don't you do something about it?

Why don't you open a daycare center that embodies your philosophy (parent led care). Instead of judging, why don't you DO SOMETHING HELPFUL FOR SOCIETY. Support the people that make your world go round...the grocery checker, the librarian, the policeman/woman, the elementary school teachers, the church receptionist, the sales associate at Nordstrom, the insurance adjuster, the nurse...my son's daycare is at a church. The church believes that all working parents should be cherished, supported, and confident that while they are out putting food on the table (and gasp- finding professional fulfillment), our child is well cared for.

Honestly, I don't know what I am doing as a parent...and I am so glad that I have help in raising my child.

PP here who wrote that childcare is better in most Western European countries, so I'm assuming that your post is in regards to my message. Why should I do something about it? I'm quite comfortable in MY job and I do not WANT to open up a childcare center. This should be left to the people who want to work with young children and I feel that they should be properly trained and educated. American children deserve at least THIS much, don't you think so? I'm glad that your child is well cared for - Kudos to you! But this is not the case for a lot of American children. Childcare is very very expensive and there are few or no gov't subsidies to help women pay for quality childcare. This is wrong. Women should be able to work if they want to and know that affordable and quality childcare is available to them.

[Anonymous]

Not going to read 22 pages. But to respond to OP.

Both my kids have been in daycare since infancy.
I do feel somewhat bad about it.

On the other hand, they have learned tons, and I don't think I would have been a very good mom if I were home with them all day every day.

My first born is now going on 9, she turned out great. Very sweet, smart, early reader, just a delight. She and I are madly in love with each other, still. I had no qualms about leaving my now 4 year old with the same caregivers when the time came.

I wish I had more balance in my life - could work a bit less, spend more times with my kids, pay less for daycare. But overall it worked out OK. My kids and our relationshiops don't seem tohave suffered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not going to read 22 pages. But to respond to OP.

Both my kids have been in daycare since infancy.
I do feel somewhat bad about it.

On the other hand, they have learned tons, and I don't think I would have been a very good mom if I were home with them all day every day.

My first born is now going on 9, she turned out great. Very sweet, smart, early reader, just a delight. She and I are madly in love with each other, still. I had no qualms about leaving my now 4 year old with the same caregivers when the time came.

I wish I had more balance in my life - could work a bit less, spend more times with my kids, pay less for daycare. But overall it worked out OK. My kids and our relationshiops don't seem tohave suffered.

*shrug* My kids haven't suffered, either. Both of my kids went to daycare at 6 weeks and then to Montessori preschool at 2 1/2. They're gifted, well adjusted, friendly, happy kids. It was necessary for me to work to support our family, but I didn't feel a slight bit of guilt over putting them in care. I was fortunate to have access to good quality care.

The longitudinal studies show kids who go to daycare get slight gains in academics and cognitive abilities. Kids who stay home get slight gains in behavior and risk taking. It's a trade off.

People who want to pick a WOHM vs. SAHM fight need to get a life and start dealing with their choices. Both sets of kids will be fine. It's just what works for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not going to read 22 pages. But to respond to OP.

Both my kids have been in daycare since infancy.
I do feel somewhat bad about it.

On the other hand, they have learned tons, and I don't think I would have been a very good mom if I were home with them all day every day.

My first born is now going on 9, she turned out great. Very sweet, smart, early reader, just a delight. She and I are madly in love with each other, still. I had no qualms about leaving my now 4 year old with the same caregivers when the time came.

I wish I had more balance in my life - could work a bit less, spend more times with my kids, pay less for daycare. But overall it worked out OK. My kids and our relationshiops don't seem tohave suffered.

*shrug* My kids haven't suffered, either. Both of my kids went to daycare at 6 weeks and then to Montessori preschool at 2 1/2. They're gifted, well adjusted, friendly, happy kids. It was necessary for me to work to support our family, but I didn't feel a slight bit of guilt over putting them in care. I was fortunate to have access to good quality care.

The longitudinal studies show kids who go to daycare get slight gains in academics and cognitive abilities. Kids who stay home get slight gains in behavior and risk taking. It's a trade off.

People who want to pick a WOHM vs. SAHM fight need to get a life and start dealing with their choices. Both sets of kids will be fine. It's just what works for you and your family.

One more thing to add: both of my kids very much reflect my family's values and beliefs. They are well attached to their parents and feel loved. They have also been well attached to their care givers. They haven't been deprives of love or teaching by spending time in care.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are still reading this, I recommend you read "bringing up Bebe" or at least the chapter on French day cares. I think it would be good food for thought. In france, the daycares are so good that even SAH moms use them