Some thoughts on daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I tend to agree with you. The thing is, no matter how comfortable I am with my own choice, it makes my blood boil with rage to see women tearing eachother down. In this particular thread, most of the attacks seem to be coming from one or two extremely insecure SAHMs. They are being beyond hurtful. And frankly, deserve to have every name in the book thrown at them.

I'm one of the PPs being called names. I'm not attacking anyone. I only answered OP's question and some lady is coming up with names that I don't even know what they mean to try to offend me just because we don't share the same POV. She's entitled to her opinion and I'm entitled to mine. I didn't call anybody names, I'm just expressing how I feel about my decision and what I think about others. Isn't it what this whole forum thing is all about? Sharing our opinion on polemic topics?

I'm not insecure at all. I know for sure that I'm doing the best for my children. I just don't share the same POV some of you seem to have, that keeping a job at most awaken hours of your child is good for their development, and there's nothing wrong with disagreeing with each other.

I would never dare to say that to any of my WAH friends ever. I'm just being really honest here because we're all anonymous and I just hope the angry mommy doesn't really walk around calling all SAH moms Cs or Bs.

Another thing I don't understand is why everybody is assuming I don't have a career and if I had I don't intend to go back. It's a matter of priority. Right now my priority are my children. Once I'm comfortable with them being in other settings I'll be ready to rejoin the work force. I made my choices wisely and I'm proud of my family. We all should be proud of our decisions and if we second guess them, tearing others down is not the best way to boost up our confidence.

Angry mommy, please rethink your choice if you feel so offended when people question your decision. Maybe you're not that comfortable with your setting anyway...

That is HILARIOUS that you think that "when you're ready" you'll just rejoin the workforce. That literally made me laugh out loud. And no, honey, you don't have a career. You have a former job that will have passed you by by the time you're ready to come on back. That's fine, that was your choice, but as you have so bluntly been stating, you can't have it all. And you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you feel so strongly about the {poor} quality of childcare in our country...why don't you do something about it?

Why don't you open a daycare center that embodies your philosophy (parent led care). Instead of judging, why don't you DO SOMETHING HELPFUL FOR SOCIETY. Support the people that make your world go round...the grocery checker, the librarian, the policeman/woman, the elementary school teachers, the church receptionist, the sales associate at Nordstrom, the insurance adjuster, the nurse...my son's daycare is at a church. The church believes that all working parents should be cherished, supported, and confident that while they are out putting food on the table (and gasp- finding professional fulfillment), our child is well cared for.

Honestly, I don't know what I am doing as a parent...and I am so glad that I have help in raising my child.

I never said I don't need/have help raising my child and why are you assuming I'm not doing anything?

Lots of assumptions going on here...

Anyway, it was your choice to have children and it was your choice to leave them behind (if you left them) so why does my opinion matter?

OP here. I don't know if the first quoted comment above was directed at me (it says "OP," but doesn't seem to relate to anything I've posted). Also, the response to the comment, above, was NOT written by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread makes me thankful, not because I am a SAHM, but because I am confident that the choice I made was the best for our family. One of my sisters works outside of the home full time. The other works part time. I am at home full time. My best friend works full time. None of us are "selfish". We all made decisions based on what works for our families. If you are one of the posters ranting about how horrible working moms are for leaving their kids all day, or how lazy and unmotivated SAHMs are, I can only assume that your passion comes from being completely unsure of the choice you made. Otherwise, why would it be so important to you? Why on earth would you feel the need to justify your decisions about the way you are raising your children to a bunch of strangers on the internet?

I am fine with the SAH vs WOH debate. I think as mothers it's important that we constantly reexamine our decisions. But you don't have to bash people who choose differently than you do in order to debate the point. For those of you who SAH....unless you are very lazy, you do not spend all day with your kids. You are (or should be) busy keeping the house clean, cooking, grocery shopping, planning, paying bills, managing budgets, volunteering...all the day-to-day stuff that comes with managing a home. When both parents work outside the home, those jobs are shared. When one parent is at home full time, most (if not all) of the home management should fall to the person at home.

And for the WOHM....if you feel the need to defend yourself about working full-time, then it's likely you are working too many hours. If you are comfortable with your work/life balance, then you aren't going to feel the need to justify your decision over and over again. Those of us who have been parents for a while (my oldest is 23) know that there is no pefect answer. We are all doing the very best we can for our children. And for many moms, working outside the home IS the best thing for their children. For some, there is no choice. Their children have grown accustomed to eating. And their salary pays the bills. For others, it's not as much about the money as it is the need for fulfillment outside the home. A happy, healthy working mom is much better for her kids than is a miserable SAHM.

For some of us staying at home is less of a choice and more of a necessity. My husband is former military and now works for the federal government. We move every 3-4 years and always have. It would be difficult, if not impossible for me to have a career simply because of all the moving around. Plus, my husband works insanely long, unpredictable hours and travels quite a bit. Logistically, my staying at home makes life easier for all of us. And I love staying at home, so it's a perfect arrangement.

Stop and think about it. The only reason this is such a heated topic is because there is so much insecurity on both sides.

Finally, a sensible person! Would you please be my friend???

Absolutely!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I tend to agree with you. The thing is, no matter how comfortable I am with my own choice, it makes my blood boil with rage to see women tearing eachother down. In this particular thread, most of the attacks seem to be coming from one or two extremely insecure SAHMs. They are being beyond hurtful. And frankly, deserve to have every name in the book thrown at them.

I'm one of the PPs being called names. I'm not attacking anyone. I only answered OP's question and some lady is coming up with names that I don't even know what they mean to try to offend me just because we don't share the same POV. She's entitled to her opinion and I'm entitled to mine. I didn't call anybody names, I'm just expressing how I feel about my decision and what I think about others. Isn't it what this whole forum thing is all about? Sharing our opinion on polemic topics?

I'm not insecure at all. I know for sure that I'm doing the best for my children. I just don't share the same POV some of you seem to have, that keeping a job at most awaken hours of your child is good for their development, and there's nothing wrong with disagreeing with each other.

I would never dare to say that to any of my WAH friends ever. I'm just being really honest here because we're all anonymous and I just hope the angry mommy doesn't really walk around calling all SAH moms Cs or Bs.

Another thing I don't understand is why everybody is assuming I don't have a career and if I had I don't intend to go back. It's a matter of priority. Right now my priority are my children. Once I'm comfortable with them being in other settings I'll be ready to rejoin the work force. I made my choices wisely and I'm proud of my family. We all should be proud of our decisions and if we second guess them, tearing others down is not the best way to boost up our confidence.

Angry mommy, please rethink your choice if you feel so offended when people question your decision. Maybe you're not that comfortable with your setting anyway...

I also believe I'm doing the best for my daughter. And, doing the best for my daughter is not staying at home and letting her see a daddy that is in control of our lives. Letting her see that a WOMEN is financially responsible for her life. Letting her see a WORKING mom.

Grow up lady, you are teaching your daughter that a woman belongs barefoot and pregnant.

As a WOHM, I think your post is as tasteless as the PP's. You both sound ridiculously opinionated and insecure.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Look, I am really sorry that we're all bashing each other like this. It's my fault, because my initial post wasn't well thought-out, and it was offensive and the language was insulting. I really am sorry for that. I don't know why I didn't realize that this thread was going to degrade into a bunch of scathing and hurtful posts. I wish I had the power to just delete it all or turn it off. I am really sorry - please, let's not do this to each other anymore. We're all so intelligent and capable. We all have are good sides and bad sides, and this is bringing out the worst in us. I want to send everyone a hug.

[Anonymous]

all the strong opinions, what will you do when your children choose a different path? Your daugther decides to work? your sons wife works? or doesn't? i see strained relationships in your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hate? Really? Where do you see hate? I have pity! I don't hate anybody... I just feel really sorry for those who believe that paying someone (very very little) to give their children what we, parents, do for free and out of love is the best they can do. Some of you even said that money was more important! How terrible!

You know, it's funny. You have pity for us, but I have a lot of pity for you and your children. While I have a lot of respect for some SAHM's, you are not one of them. You teach your children a very black-and-white, very 1950's regressive attitude that I think limits them. Do you have any daughters? You are teaching them that even if they have a career that they enjoy, that should they choose to have children, they will be expected to give up everything in order to stay at home. You may have a career that is easy to stop and restart in 5-10 years, but your daughter(s) may not. They have have a career that once stopped, will be difficult to restart and if they choose to return to the work force that they'll have to change careers. While you may not intend to pass this attitude on, your completely close-minded judgmental attitude ensures that your daughters will feel guilty making any choice but the one that you chose. And if you have boys, you'll teach them that this the right way. That will affect not just your children, but your daughter-in-laws who will feel trapped into your choices by your sons who cannot imagine it any other way.

Although I only have sons, I will teach them to be open-minded and to be equal partners with their spouses. I want them to make the best decisions for their families, and not insist on their one "right way" and jeopardize their marriages over some sort of antiquated mentality that mothers should SAH and only mothers should. I have several friends who have a SAHD and they have some wonderful children raised well. I know many friends with well adjusted, good kids that have been in daycare since a young age. Different things work for different families and I have the respect for my friends who made decisions based on their circumstances and I respect that they made the best decision for their family. Period. No qualifiers, no judgments.

Your choices may be best for you and your family, and may be best for many, but they are not best for all. Why you think that you know more about our families and what is best for us when you are just some anonymous entity that has never met us, know nothing about our careers and families, is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Look, I am really sorry that we're all bashing each other like this. It's my fault, because my initial post wasn't well thought-out, and it was offensive and the language was insulting. I really am sorry for that. I don't know why I didn't realize that this thread was going to degrade into a bunch of scathing and hurtful posts. I wish I had the power to just delete it all or turn it off. I am really sorry - please, let's not do this to each other anymore. We're all so intelligent and capable. We all have are good sides and bad sides, and this is bringing out the worst in us. I want to send everyone a hug.

OP, it's okay. The fact that one insane troll took over your thread isn't your fault...though perhaps you should have known better! I appreciate the apology for your initial post. It was a bit insulting, but reallly, I saw it as just a little naive. You love your baby, you want to be with your baby, we all do. But that's not necessarily the best thing for everyone, as you've seen now. Walk away from this thread, give your baby a hug and have a great day!

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is the wrong way to think about it, but what I do for a living is more than a job to me. It is a big part of who I am. I wish I had more time to spend with DS and that I didn't have to work 5 days a week, but that isn't an option right now. I can't just stop working and return in 5 years, that isn't possible in my field. I really do believe that as my son gets older, he is going to be proud to have a mom that does the work that I do. I know he isn't capable of feeling that way right now at age 3, but when he is in school, I want him to look at both of his parents and think, wow, if I work hard, I can do something cool and interesting that I really enjoy, just like mom and dad do. And hey, if he decides that what he wants to do down the line is stay at home with his kids, that's fine too, as long as he does it because he decides that's what would make him happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never dare to say that to any of my WAH friends ever. I'm just being really honest here because we're all anonymous and I just hope the angry mommy doesn't really walk around calling all SAH moms Cs or Bs.

Another thing I don't understand is why everybody is assuming I don't have a career and if I had I don't intend to go back. It's a matter of priority. Right now my priority are my children. Once I'm comfortable with them being in other settings I'll be ready to rejoin the work force. I made my choices wisely and I'm proud of my family. We all should be proud of our decisions and if we second guess them, tearing others down is not the best way to boost up our confidence.

Angry mommy, please rethink your choice if you feel so offended when people question your decision. Maybe you're not that comfortable with your setting anyway...

I also believe I'm doing the best for my daughter. And, doing the best for my daughter is not staying at home and letting her see a daddy that is in control of our lives. Letting her see that a WOMEN is financially responsible for her life. Letting her see a WORKING mom.

Grow up lady, you are teaching your daughter that a woman belongs barefoot and pregnant.

As a WOHM, I think your post is as tasteless as the PP's. You both sound ridiculously opinionated and insecure.

Not the pp but I disagree. I interpreted the pp post as saying that because this woman can't see the benefit of a WOHM, she's teaching her daughter that a woman belongs barefoot and pregnant. Not that all sAHMs are teaching that. At least that's the way I see it - a SAHM that respects and appreciates the choices of both SAHMs and WOHMs is teaching her daughter that she can be anything she wants - whether its a SAHM or WOHM. This lady, OTOH, is only teachign her daughter that women belong at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is the wrong way to think about it, but what I do for a living is more than a job to me. It is a big part of who I am. I wish I had more time to spend with DS and that I didn't have to work 5 days a week, but that isn't an option right now. I can't just stop working and return in 5 years, that isn't possible in my field. I really do believe that as my son gets older, he is going to be proud to have a mom that does the work that I do. I know he isn't capable of feeling that way right now at age 3, but when he is in school, I want him to look at both of his parents and think, wow, if I work hard, I can do something cool and interesting that I really enjoy, just like mom and dad do. And hey, if he decides that what he wants to do down the line is stay at home with his kids, that's fine too, as long as he does it because he decides that's what would make him happy.

I have to agree. I think about the post a few months ago from the doctor who was specially trained in a very delicate type of pediatric surgery. She one a few in the world who could do her type of surgery and she had partients who waited months or maybe years to get their children to see her. She felt guilty because she wanted to quit and stay home with her newborn, but she knew that she was making a commitment to the greater good by staying on as a doctor and surgen. By caring for ALL of our children.

I don't know what she chose to do....but I think there are many working mothers, doctors, social workers, cops, teachers, who go out each day and make this world a better place. If she decides that she wants to stay at home, that is a choice that she will get to make. But I want to show her that this is a choice that I've made - that helping people is something that I take seriously. And, I hope she learns from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is the wrong way to think about it, but what I do for a living is more than a job to me. It is a big part of who I am. I wish I had more time to spend with DS and that I didn't have to work 5 days a week, but that isn't an option right now. I can't just stop working and return in 5 years, that isn't possible in my field. I really do believe that as my son gets older, he is going to be proud to have a mom that does the work that I do. I know he isn't capable of feeling that way right now at age 3, but when he is in school, I want him to look at both of his parents and think, wow, if I work hard, I can do something cool and interesting that I really enjoy, just like mom and dad do. And hey, if he decides that what he wants to do down the line is stay at home with his kids, that's fine too, as long as he does it because he decides that's what would make him happy.

And why can't we continue to work after having children simply because that's what we want? That's what our DHs do. So long as my working doesn't harm my kids, I'll going to continue to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, it's okay. The fact that one insane troll took over your thread isn't your fault...though perhaps you should have known better! I appreciate the apology for your initial post. It was a bit insulting, but reallly, I saw it as just a little naive. You love your baby, you want to be with your baby, we all do. But that's not necessarily the best thing for everyone, as you've seen now. Walk away from this thread, give your baby a hug and have a great day!

OP here. Thank you very much; your comment was very kind. I hope that you have a great day too!

[Anonymous]

OKay, the anthropologists and peace corp people are really too much. Yes, I buy it that it takes a village and always has. But the children went with the mothers to gather. C'mon now. Mothers wore babies in slings to bring them. I'd like to see cited articles and research that suggests otherwise, throughout history, as the primary thing.

So anthropologist, I don't believe your story and I don't really believe you are an anthropologist. (love the creds people claim here). But, if you are legit, by all means, link me something.

BTW, I'm a working mom. I just get bothered by made up statistics.

Anthropologist here. Why on earth would you think I'd make up my profession? It isn't like it is difficult to be an anthropologist - same as any other advanced degree - 4 years of grad school, field work, and a dissertation. I did my field work in Tanzania, working with the maasai.

In any case, asking me to provide evidence that "it took a village" to raise children is like asking for evidence of evolution. Humans lived this way for 99% of the time humans walked the earth. Google is your friend, look it up.

According to your own logic - what would you do if you had a 1 year old and a 3 year old? Would that woman need 2 slings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is the wrong way to think about it, but what I do for a living is more than a job to me. It is a big part of who I am. I wish I had more time to spend with DS and that I didn't have to work 5 days a week, but that isn't an option right now. I can't just stop working and return in 5 years, that isn't possible in my field. I really do believe that as my son gets older, he is going to be proud to have a mom that does the work that I do. I know he isn't capable of feeling that way right now at age 3, but when he is in school, I want him to look at both of his parents and think, wow, if I work hard, I can do something cool and interesting that I really enjoy, just like mom and dad do. And hey, if he decides that what he wants to do down the line is stay at home with his kids, that's fine too, as long as he does it because he decides that's what would make him happy.

And why can't we continue to work after having children simply because that's what we want? That's what our DHs do. So long as my working doesn't harm my kids, I'll going to continue to work.

I would add that most families who having a working mom benefits greatly from financial reasons alone. And I'm not talking about trips to Europe and private school, or a big house. I'm talking things like health insurance and and a safety net in not depending on one sole income who could lose his job. Not many families have much of a safety net these days with only one income. If that income goes away, it can be a very precarious situation.