Mom chose vacation over childcare with no notice - am I wrong to be upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I’m being entitled by having my mom help babysit my kids. My mother had six kids, and doesn’t see child care as some hard & difficult task. She loves it, my kids are very well behaved and they have a lot of fun. She’s financially well-off and has done things for me over the years, and she expects me to do the same for her. She expects me to obey her, listen to her, and not talk back—even as a grown adult. She’ll berate and yell at me, and sometimes even do things like slap my arm or pull my hair or grab a towel and throw it at me, like I’m still a child. So honestly, this feels like the least she could do to help.

I also don’t see why I should pay her, especially when she’s well-off and has told me to just keep any money I offer.

To be clear, I just got off the phone with her. I told her I was sorry for disrespecting her. She’s on the plane. I actually told her she didn’t need to watch the kids anymore. I said I could find someone else. She immediately pushed back and said, “No, no—I want to.” She sees not as withholding. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and she kept insisting that she really does want to continue watching them. So this isn’t something I’m forcing—she genuinely wants to do it.

Right now, the schedule works like this: I wake up and take my two older kids to school, then drop the two younger ones off with her at 10ish. She watches them until about 3:30. My 7-year-old gets home on the bus, and my 5-year-old is in afternoon preschool and gets brought home by a close friend. This usually happens three days a week. Occasionally, she’ll also help on Saturdays (maybe every 3–4 weeks), and when my husband and I travel or need a weekend, she’ll keep the kids for that too.

I don’t trust daycares or nannies, and since we have family around, I’d much rather have them help. I also don’t want to sacrifice my career, and neither does she want me to sacrifice my career. I work from home on the days I don’t have childcare, so realistically I could even limit in-office days to just two days a week if needed—I really only need childcare for work.

So I talked to her about adjusting the schedule to make things more balanced. She still doesn’t agree with this, but since I want into give her breaks, I think it’s fair. Instead of my mom doing multiple weekdays regularly, we could split things up more. For example, my MIL—who also loves spending time with the kids and has them today—could take some of the weekdays, and my mom could take the others. On weekends or overnights, they could divide things up as well (like each taking two kids), or alternate weekends depending on what works best. If needed, my siblings or sibling in laws could also help occasionally when they’re free and I need support.

I’m not forcing anyone into this, but it feels like a fair system. The way I see it, I do things for my mom, she does things for me, she’s my mother and I’m her daughter so we both have duties—it works for us. It might not be how other families operate, but it’s what works for ours. I feel like family is supposed to help each other, and I’m trying to make things easier and more balanced for everyone.

Thoughts?

So, because as an adult you still let your mother slap you and pull your hair, she should be able to watch your children as free childcare.

What in the ever loving sweet jesus shenanigans did I just read? This cannot be real.

I want to clarify that my mom slapping me isn’t why I think she should help with my kids,—I believe that, as their grandmother, being involved in their lives is part of her role. As a daughter, respecting my mother and caring for her is/will be my role.

I am very curious whether OP was born in the U.S. and whether there is a cultural disconnect here. The expectations on both ends seem way off.
My grandmother cared for me when I was little, but my mom only worked part time. I e used my parents as fill in daycare for my three kids for up to a month or two. And I have cousins whose mom is the primary caregiver for their kids.
It sounds to me like you have really bad communication with your mom and this is a bad situation for a caregiver. You need to have a conversation like this —
Mom, I really love that you can watch the kids. It’s such a special relationship they have with you and I appreciate your help so much. I will get in trouble with work if I have to take leave again with such little notice so I want to figure out a way we can make this work. Are you feeling like you need more help? I know four kids is a lot. Or if you just need more vacation that’s fine too — I just neeed a little more warning so I can plan for backup or leave. If you still want to do this, I want to figure out a way to make it work. But if you’re feeling like it’s too much and you want more freedom, that’s totally okay and the kids and I will still love you just as much.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you white and American (culturally)? I am wondering if you are from a culture that is not American and if so, then this all makes so much more sense and you shouldn't be coming to DCUM for advice because this board skews very American, upper middle class (or UMC wanna be) and that is a very, very different set of cultural expectations in terms of familial relationships and the amount of help one should give and expect from family. The fact that your grandmother provided complete care for you and your 4 siblings is what has me wondering if your family is from somewhere else, because that is not a typical American experience.

Now, if you are white, American and UMC, listen to the DCUM folks and get alternative paid childcare.

[Anonymous]

In my dual career Fed family, we could only afford daycare costs and sick days for two kids, so we stopped at two. Four kids is a lot to ask of your mom. If your jobs are not flexible enough to allow your mom to take vacations, you need to hire a nanny with a contract.

[Anonymous]

I think the is the same troll as the aft pregnant with her 8th kid who wanted her 19yo to babysit so she could go to the Maldives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I’m being entitled by having my mom help babysit my kids. My mother had six kids, and doesn’t see child care as some hard & difficult task. She loves it, my kids are very well behaved and they have a lot of fun. She’s financially well-off and has done things for me over the years, and she expects me to do the same for her. She expects me to obey her, listen to her, and not talk back—even as a grown adult. She’ll berate and yell at me, and sometimes even do things like slap my arm or pull my hair or grab a towel and throw it at me, like I’m still a child. So honestly, this feels like the least she could do to help.

I also don’t see why I should pay her, especially when she’s well-off and has told me to just keep any money I offer.

To be clear, I just got off the phone with her. I told her I was sorry for disrespecting her. She’s on the plane. I actually told her she didn’t need to watch the kids anymore. I said I could find someone else. She immediately pushed back and said, “No, no—I want to.” She sees not as withholding. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and she kept insisting that she really does want to continue watching them. So this isn’t something I’m forcing—she genuinely wants to do it.

Right now, the schedule works like this: I wake up and take my two older kids to school, then drop the two younger ones off with her at 10ish. She watches them until about 3:30. My 7-year-old gets home on the bus, and my 5-year-old is in afternoon preschool and gets brought home by a close friend. This usually happens three days a week. Occasionally, she’ll also help on Saturdays (maybe every 3–4 weeks), and when my husband and I travel or need a weekend, she’ll keep the kids for that too.

I don’t trust daycares or nannies, and since we have family around, I’d much rather have them help. I also don’t want to sacrifice my career, and neither does she want me to sacrifice my career. I work from home on the days I don’t have childcare, so realistically I could even limit in-office days to just two days a week if needed—I really only need childcare for work.

So I talked to her about adjusting the schedule to make things more balanced. She still doesn’t agree with this, but since I want into give her breaks, I think it’s fair. Instead of my mom doing multiple weekdays regularly, we could split things up more. For example, my MIL—who also loves spending time with the kids and has them today—could take some of the weekdays, and my mom could take the others. On weekends or overnights, they could divide things up as well (like each taking two kids), or alternate weekends depending on what works best. If needed, my siblings or sibling in laws could also help occasionally when they’re free and I need support.

I’m not forcing anyone into this, but it feels like a fair system. The way I see it, I do things for my mom, she does things for me, she’s my mother and I’m her daughter so we both have duties—it works for us. It might not be how other families operate, but it’s what works for ours. I feel like family is supposed to help each other, and I’m trying to make things easier and more balanced for everyone.

Thoughts?

My thought is - this is the informal system you set up so stop complaining that you are not getting formal notice.
You have a ridiculous number of children that you are foisting on other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I’m being entitled by having my mom help babysit my kids. My mother had six kids, and doesn’t see child care as some hard & difficult task. She loves it, my kids are very well behaved and they have a lot of fun. She’s financially well-off and has done things for me over the years, and she expects me to do the same for her. She expects me to obey her, listen to her, and not talk back—even as a grown adult. She’ll berate and yell at me, and sometimes even do things like slap my arm or pull my hair or grab a towel and throw it at me, like I’m still a child. So honestly, this feels like the least she could do to help.

I also don’t see why I should pay her, especially when she’s well-off and has told me to just keep any money I offer.

To be clear, I just got off the phone with her. I told her I was sorry for disrespecting her. She’s on the plane. I actually told her she didn’t need to watch the kids anymore. I said I could find someone else. She immediately pushed back and said, “No, no—I want to.” She sees not as withholding. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and she kept insisting that she really does want to continue watching them. So this isn’t something I’m forcing—she genuinely wants to do it.

Right now, the schedule works like this: I wake up and take my two older kids to school, then drop the two younger ones off with her at 10ish. She watches them until about 3:30. My 7-year-old gets home on the bus, and my 5-year-old is in afternoon preschool and gets brought home by a close friend. This usually happens three days a week. Occasionally, she’ll also help on Saturdays (maybe every 3–4 weeks), and when my husband and I travel or need a weekend, she’ll keep the kids for that too.

I don’t trust daycares or nannies, and since we have family around, I’d much rather have them help. I also don’t want to sacrifice my career, and neither does she want me to sacrifice my career. I work from home on the days I don’t have childcare, so realistically I could even limit in-office days to just two days a week if needed—I really only need childcare for work.

So I talked to her about adjusting the schedule to make things more balanced. She still doesn’t agree with this, but since I want into give her breaks, I think it’s fair. Instead of my mom doing multiple weekdays regularly, we could split things up more. For example, my MIL—who also loves spending time with the kids and has them today—could take some of the weekdays, and my mom could take the others. On weekends or overnights, they could divide things up as well (like each taking two kids), or alternate weekends depending on what works best. If needed, my siblings or sibling in laws could also help occasionally when they’re free and I need support.

I’m not forcing anyone into this, but it feels like a fair system. The way I see it, I do things for my mom, she does things for me, she’s my mother and I’m her daughter so we both have duties—it works for us. It might not be how other families operate, but it’s what works for ours. I feel like family is supposed to help each other, and I’m trying to make things easier and more balanced for everyone.

Thoughts?

You have an arrangement that is normal in the 3rd world. You should be directing your questions about this arrangement to a crowd that shares your cultural values.
DCUM does not so you are in the wrong place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the is the same troll as the aft pregnant with her 8th kid who wanted her 19yo to babysit so she could go to the Maldives

Ooh good call!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is our primary childcare for my four kids (7, 5 in Pre-K, 2.5, and 17 months). She watches them most days and some weekends, and yes—we rely on that heavily and prefer it over a nanny or daycare.

She told me the day before that she’s going on a trip this week. Not a heads up, not a discussion—just “I’m leaving.” Now I’m left scrambling to figure out childcare with two working parents and multiple young kids.

I get that she has her own life. I’m not saying she can’t travel. But I do have a problem with her choosing to go on vacation over childcare responsibilities she’s consistently taken on—especially with zero notice. That’s not just inconvenient, it’s completely inconsiderate.

When I said this timing doesn’t work and suggested she plan trips for times we’ve already talked about (like summer), she told me she doesn’t care, she can do what she wants, and that I’m wrong for even questioning it. When I pushed back and said she should have at least planned it differently or given notice, she called me controlling and a disrespectful daughter, and started calling me names.
Its not even just about the trip—it’s the lack of communication and the complete disregard for how much we depend on her.

Curious how others would handle this. Should I expect notice, or should I just assume I always need backup childcare no matter what?

Shes shown you shes unreliable and will travel when she wants. You cant have a problem with the bolded- she isnt paid. Thank your lucky stars she has saved you hundreds of thousands in childcare costs. Now go find a nanny or daycare and instead of using vacation this summer youll need to use your leave to find someone.

It sucks but shes telling you no more. With that said, you can also let her know that youll be arranging formal childcare.

This isn’t the first time that she’s left without notice. We talked about it last time, and she said it was an accident, but she did it again.

So fire her for poor performance and not meeting expectations.

Thread over. This. OP, your gig is up.
Welcome to the life the rest of us were leading. I work 3 days a week to pay my nanny and 3 days a week to keep my sanity because I have a nanny and can. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I’m being entitled by having my mom help babysit my kids. My mother had six kids, and doesn’t see child care as some hard & difficult task. She loves it, my kids are very well behaved and they have a lot of fun. She’s financially well-off and has done things for me over the years, and she expects me to do the same for her. She expects me to obey her, listen to her, and not talk back—even as a grown adult. She’ll berate and yell at me, and sometimes even do things like slap my arm or pull my hair or grab a towel and throw it at me, like I’m still a child. So honestly, this feels like the least she could do to help.

I also don’t see why I should pay her, especially when she’s well-off and has told me to just keep any money I offer.

To be clear, I just got off the phone with her. I told her I was sorry for disrespecting her. She’s on the plane. I actually told her she didn’t need to watch the kids anymore. I said I could find someone else. She immediately pushed back and said, “No, no—I want to.” She sees not as withholding. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and she kept insisting that she really does want to continue watching them. So this isn’t something I’m forcing—she genuinely wants to do it.

Right now, the schedule works like this: I wake up and take my two older kids to school, then drop the two younger ones off with her at 10ish. She watches them until about 3:30. My 7-year-old gets home on the bus, and my 5-year-old is in afternoon preschool and gets brought home by a close friend. This usually happens three days a week. Occasionally, she’ll also help on Saturdays (maybe every 3–4 weeks), and when my husband and I travel or need a weekend, she’ll keep the kids for that too.

I don’t trust daycares or nannies, and since we have family around, I’d much rather have them help. I also don’t want to sacrifice my career, and neither does she want me to sacrifice my career. I work from home on the days I don’t have childcare, so realistically I could even limit in-office days to just two days a week if needed—I really only need childcare for work.

So I talked to her about adjusting the schedule to make things more balanced. She still doesn’t agree with this, but since I want into give her breaks, I think it’s fair. Instead of my mom doing multiple weekdays regularly, we could split things up more. For example, my MIL—who also loves spending time with the kids and has them today—could take some of the weekdays, and my mom could take the others. On weekends or overnights, they could divide things up as well (like each taking two kids), or alternate weekends depending on what works best. If needed, my siblings or sibling in laws could also help occasionally when they’re free and I need support.

I’m not forcing anyone into this, but it feels like a fair system. The way I see it, I do things for my mom, she does things for me, she’s my mother and I’m her daughter so we both have duties—it works for us. It might not be how other families operate, but it’s what works for ours. I feel like family is supposed to help each other, and I’m trying to make things easier and more balanced for everyone.

Thoughts?

So, because as an adult you still let your mother slap you and pull your hair, she should be able to watch your children as free childcare.

What in the ever loving sweet jesus shenanigans did I just read? This cannot be real.

I want to clarify that my mom slapping me isn’t why I think she should help with my kids,—I believe that, as their grandmother, being involved in their lives is part of her role. As a daughter, respecting my mother and caring for her is/will be my role.

I am very curious whether OP was born in the U.S. and whether there is a cultural disconnect here. The expectations on both ends seem way off.
My grandmother cared for me when I was little, but my mom only worked part time. I e used my parents as fill in daycare for my three kids for up to a month or two. And I have cousins whose mom is the primary caregiver for their kids.
It sounds to me like you have really bad communication with your mom and this is a bad situation for a caregiver. You need to have a conversation like this —
Mom, I really love that you can watch the kids. It’s such a special relationship they have with you and I appreciate your help so much. I will get in trouble with work if I have to take leave again with such little notice so I want to figure out a way we can make this work. Are you feeling like you need more help? I know four kids is a lot. Or if you just need more vacation that’s fine too — I just neeed a little more warning so I can plan for backup or leave. If you still want to do this, I want to figure out a way to make it work. But if you’re feeling like it’s too much and you want more freedom, that’s totally okay and the kids and I will still love you just as much.

Her mother is burned out watching 4, very young children. OP does not pay her but gives her a gift period! OP has no respect for her mother or her mother's mental and emotional well being.no.matter how she tries to justify taking advantage of her mother by guilting her into keeping her four brats. OP hires a nanny or quits her job and stays home and takes care of her is own brats
I call them brats because OP is an entitled adult brat and children learn from their mother

[Anonymous]

You should be on your knees thanking her everyday she shows up and cheering her on anytime she says she needs a break. You are crazy to fight her over this and if she never comes back you will frankly get what you deserve. You treat her like a slave. It’s actually illegal in the US to do this and could be considered elder abuse, especially if she relies on you for housing.

the rest of us take emergency leave when things like this happen: for example kids often get sick and parents have to take leave. Having three kids means my husband and I burn through almost all our sick and vacation leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I’m being entitled by having my mom help babysit my kids. My mother had six kids, and doesn’t see child care as some hard & difficult task. She loves it, my kids are very well behaved and they have a lot of fun. She’s financially well-off and has done things for me over the years, and she expects me to do the same for her. She expects me to obey her, listen to her, and not talk back—even as a grown adult. She’ll berate and yell at me, and sometimes even do things like slap my arm or pull my hair or grab a towel and throw it at me, like I’m still a child. So honestly, this feels like the least she could do to help.

I also don’t see why I should pay her, especially when she’s well-off and has told me to just keep any money I offer.

To be clear, I just got off the phone with her. I told her I was sorry for disrespecting her. She’s on the plane. I actually told her she didn’t need to watch the kids anymore. I said I could find someone else. She immediately pushed back and said, “No, no—I want to.” She sees not as withholding. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and she kept insisting that she really does want to continue watching them. So this isn’t something I’m forcing—she genuinely wants to do it.

Right now, the schedule works like this: I wake up and take my two older kids to school, then drop the two younger ones off with her at 10ish. She watches them until about 3:30. My 7-year-old gets home on the bus, and my 5-year-old is in afternoon preschool and gets brought home by a close friend. This usually happens three days a week. Occasionally, she’ll also help on Saturdays (maybe every 3–4 weeks), and when my husband and I travel or need a weekend, she’ll keep the kids for that too.

I don’t trust daycares or nannies, and since we have family around, I’d much rather have them help. I also don’t want to sacrifice my career, and neither does she want me to sacrifice my career. I work from home on the days I don’t have childcare, so realistically I could even limit in-office days to just two days a week if needed—I really only need childcare for work.

So I talked to her about adjusting the schedule to make things more balanced. She still doesn’t agree with this, but since I want into give her breaks, I think it’s fair. Instead of my mom doing multiple weekdays regularly, we could split things up more. For example, my MIL—who also loves spending time with the kids and has them today—could take some of the weekdays, and my mom could take the others. On weekends or overnights, they could divide things up as well (like each taking two kids), or alternate weekends depending on what works best. If needed, my siblings or sibling in laws could also help occasionally when they’re free and I need support.

I’m not forcing anyone into this, but it feels like a fair system. The way I see it, I do things for my mom, she does things for me, she’s my mother and I’m her daughter so we both have duties—it works for us. It might not be how other families operate, but it’s what works for ours. I feel like family is supposed to help each other, and I’m trying to make things easier and more balanced for everyone.

Thoughts?

OP. Your mother, according to you, is abusive to you as an adult. If she pulls your hair or grabs your then she is also abusive to the child
Why do you willingly put your children with someone that you know is abusive,?!!

You are as full of it as a stuffed goose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I’m being entitled by having my mom help babysit my kids. My mother had six kids, and doesn’t see child care as some hard & difficult task. She loves it, my kids are very well behaved and they have a lot of fun. She’s financially well-off and has done things for me over the years, and she expects me to do the same for her. She expects me to obey her, listen to her, and not talk back—even as a grown adult. She’ll berate and yell at me, and sometimes even do things like slap my arm or pull my hair or grab a towel and throw it at me, like I’m still a child. So honestly, this feels like the least she could do to help.

I also don’t see why I should pay her, especially when she’s well-off and has told me to just keep any money I offer.

To be clear, I just got off the phone with her. I told her I was sorry for disrespecting her. She’s on the plane. I actually told her she didn’t need to watch the kids anymore. I said I could find someone else. She immediately pushed back and said, “No, no—I want to.” She sees not as withholding. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and she kept insisting that she really does want to continue watching them. So this isn’t something I’m forcing—she genuinely wants to do it.

Right now, the schedule works like this: I wake up and take my two older kids to school, then drop the two younger ones off with her at 10ish. She watches them until about 3:30. My 7-year-old gets home on the bus, and my 5-year-old is in afternoon preschool and gets brought home by a close friend. This usually happens three days a week. Occasionally, she’ll also help on Saturdays (maybe every 3–4 weeks), and when my husband and I travel or need a weekend, she’ll keep the kids for that too.

I don’t trust daycares or nannies, and since we have family around, I’d much rather have them help. I also don’t want to sacrifice my career, and neither does she want me to sacrifice my career. I work from home on the days I don’t have childcare, so realistically I could even limit in-office days to just two days a week if needed—I really only need childcare for work.

So I talked to her about adjusting the schedule to make things more balanced. She still doesn’t agree with this, but since I want into give her breaks, I think it’s fair. Instead of my mom doing multiple weekdays regularly, we could split things up more. For example, my MIL—who also loves spending time with the kids and has them today—could take some of the weekdays, and my mom could take the others. On weekends or overnights, they could divide things up as well (like each taking two kids), or alternate weekends depending on what works best. If needed, my siblings or sibling in laws could also help occasionally when they’re free and I need support.

I’m not forcing anyone into this, but it feels like a fair system. The way I see it, I do things for my mom, she does things for me, she’s my mother and I’m her daughter so we both have duties—it works for us. It might not be how other families operate, but it’s what works for ours. I feel like family is supposed to help each other, and I’m trying to make things easier and more balanced for everyone.

Thoughts?

My thought is - this is the informal system you set up so stop complaining that you are not getting formal notice.
You have a ridiculous number of children that you are foisting on other people.

+1 although I’m pretty convinced at this point that this poster is a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I’m being entitled by having my mom help babysit my kids. My mother had six kids, and doesn’t see child care as some hard & difficult task. She loves it, my kids are very well behaved and they have a lot of fun. She’s financially well-off and has done things for me over the years, and she expects me to do the same for her. She expects me to obey her, listen to her, and not talk back—even as a grown adult. She’ll berate and yell at me, and sometimes even do things like slap my arm or pull my hair or grab a towel and throw it at me, like I’m still a child. So honestly, this feels like the least she could do to help.

I also don’t see why I should pay her, especially when she’s well-off and has told me to just keep any money I offer.

To be clear, I just got off the phone with her. I told her I was sorry for disrespecting her. She’s on the plane. I actually told her she didn’t need to watch the kids anymore. I said I could find someone else. She immediately pushed back and said, “No, no—I want to.” She sees not as withholding. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and she kept insisting that she really does want to continue watching them. So this isn’t something I’m forcing—she genuinely wants to do it.

Right now, the schedule works like this: I wake up and take my two older kids to school, then drop the two younger ones off with her at 10ish. She watches them until about 3:30. My 7-year-old gets home on the bus, and my 5-year-old is in afternoon preschool and gets brought home by a close friend. This usually happens three days a week. Occasionally, she’ll also help on Saturdays (maybe every 3–4 weeks), and when my husband and I travel or need a weekend, she’ll keep the kids for that too.

I don’t trust daycares or nannies, and since we have family around, I’d much rather have them help. I also don’t want to sacrifice my career, and neither does she want me to sacrifice my career. I work from home on the days I don’t have childcare, so realistically I could even limit in-office days to just two days a week if needed—I really only need childcare for work.

So I talked to her about adjusting the schedule to make things more balanced. She still doesn’t agree with this, but since I want into give her breaks, I think it’s fair. Instead of my mom doing multiple weekdays regularly, we could split things up more. For example, my MIL—who also loves spending time with the kids and has them today—could take some of the weekdays, and my mom could take the others. On weekends or overnights, they could divide things up as well (like each taking two kids), or alternate weekends depending on what works best. If needed, my siblings or sibling in laws could also help occasionally when they’re free and I need support.

I’m not forcing anyone into this, but it feels like a fair system. The way I see it, I do things for my mom, she does things for me, she’s my mother and I’m her daughter so we both have duties—it works for us. It might not be how other families operate, but it’s what works for ours. I feel like family is supposed to help each other, and I’m trying to make things easier and more balanced for everyone.

Thoughts?

You have an arrangement that is normal in the 3rd world. You should be directing your questions about this arrangement to a crowd that shares your cultural values.
DCUM does not so you are in the wrong place.

If you want an eye opener check out a forum dedicated to immigrants. Countless arrangements of grandmas getting 90 day tourist visas and then going home the day the other grandma arrives for HER 90 day shift. They throw a fit if this visa is delayed in any way and usually some American troll asks why they don’t use paid childcare. “it’s our culture.” They also tell ridiculous lies at the consulate about the tourism that Grandma has planned (like seeing the Grand Canyon, New York City and Disney in one trip). I can imagine that Grandma deciding she’s sic of this would throw a wrench in the machinery!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is our primary childcare for my four kids (7, 5 in Pre-K, 2.5, and 17 months). She watches them most days and some weekends, and yes—we rely on that heavily and prefer it over a nanny or daycare.

She told me the day before that she’s going on a trip this week. Not a heads up, not a discussion—just “I’m leaving.” Now I’m left scrambling to figure out childcare with two working parents and multiple young kids.

I get that she has her own life. I’m not saying she can’t travel. But I do have a problem with her choosing to go on vacation over childcare responsibilities she’s consistently taken on—especially with zero notice. That’s not just inconvenient, it’s completely inconsiderate.

When I said this timing doesn’t work and suggested she plan trips for times we’ve already talked about (like summer), she told me she doesn’t care, she can do what she wants, and that I’m wrong for even questioning it. When I pushed back and said she should have at least planned it differently or given notice, she called me controlling and a disrespectful daughter, and started calling me names.
Its not even just about the trip—it’s the lack of communication and the complete disregard for how much we depend on her.

Curious how others would handle this. Should I expect notice, or should I just assume I always need backup childcare no matter what?

Be an adult and make your own childcare arrangements. Quit mooching off your mom. She’s telling you she’s fed up.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like grandma has no life other than childcare and never did. She is probably not all that old yet, but has to keep doing work for choldren in hopes they care for her or maybe get grandkids to wipe her butt.

OP HOW COME YOU GET TO HAVE A JOB OUTSIDE THE HOME? How come you get a career? Shame. You should stay home caring for children and hoing they take care of YOU when you need butt wiped especially if DH gets younger new wife.