Wwyd re father in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you speak up at the time? Did you encourage your daughter to have a conversation with her grandfather? ( Is she little? Is she a teenager? If she’s little she might not have much to say to an old man if she’s a teenager is she with her head buried in her phone the whole time?)

How many sodas and how much fruit are we talking about a 12 pack or two cans? A couple oranges or 10 apples?

Yes i definitely did and scheduled activities for the grandparents and grandchildren to do alone. And the grandpa made a half hearted attempt and went back to doomscrolling Facebook. She’s a teenager and doesn’t own a phone. She ended up ice skating by herself.

Re sodas- I’m talking at least 12-15 sodas. No clue what he did with them when he arrived at the airport.

Re fruit- I’m talking an entire unopened container of cut fruit from Costco and an entire blueberry container from Costco. An entire family pack of chips from Costco. An entire family bag of mandarins. I don’t even know how he stashed it in his luggage.

So cheap stuff.

Do you work, OP? This amounts to a rounding error in a paycheck.

Let it go. The stress is more costly.

[Anonymous]

I don't really think any of this warrants a post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

It’s wrong but easy to shrug off. It’s fruit. If you want to end a relationship over some melon just say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

It’s wrong but easy to shrug off. It’s fruit. If you want to end a relationship over some melon just say so.

Sure but I was responding to the previous comment- I would find that behavior annoying, not "harmless and quirky" and would not invite him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would I do? I’d take an evening to de-stress and treat myself. I’d probably change into my worn-out comfy clothes, order a pizza, and pick out something to watch on TV.

In the future, knowing he won’t pay or help with meals, I’d keep things as simple as possible. It sounds like you were trying to impress someone who was too wrapped up in themselves to take notice. Next time, don’t bother. He can join you for spaghetti, tacos, sandwiches, whatever you feel like serving. You can also ask him to help. He’ll either pitch in as requested or it will disincentivize him from future visits - win/win. You might even consider suggesting he’d be more comfortable in a hotel.

My MIL used to spend a significant portion of her visits trying to make me into a better wife. On various visits she:

Decided I needed to start a flower garden. It was in the middle of the summer.

Brought a pecan tart recipe for me to make for her (I don’t like pecans) and demonstrated using a sharp knife to release them from my non-stick muffin pan, scratching the coating

Rearranged my linen closet so she could move some of the games from the games closet to my linen shelves

Reorganized my kitchen utensils by moving my cooking spoons, spatulas, etc., from the drawer I kept them in to standing them in the dirty vase behind the sink.

When we first married and were living in NON-SMOKING apartments she argued with us about not allowing her to smoke on the balcony, even though it violated our lease.

Visiting her was worse.

Every family has its issues and visits can be stressful, but unless there is actual harm done, I think supporting those bonds is important. Actual abuse should never be tolerated, but occasional bad manners can usually be endured and/or managed.

Let the woman smoke on your balcony. That’s just petty.

That is actually the one thing on the list that I'd put my foot down about.
When we moved, my MIL "helped" by coming over and unpacking boxes for us. (I did not ask her to do this). She proceeded to organize my kitchen and hang artwork, etc, in the way she preferred. Including moving items I'd already placed in drawers. After she left I basically had to take all the kitchen stuff out of the drawers, re organize it, and re place them back in the spots I wanted. It was more work. But also, it was a temporary annoyance. Cigarette smell lingers way longer than spoons in the wrong drawer do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

It’s wrong but easy to shrug off. It’s fruit. If you want to end a relationship over some melon just say so.

Sure but I was responding to the previous comment- I would find that behavior annoying, not "harmless and quirky" and would not invite him back.

Ok. I’m sure OP’s husband will be on board with never having his father back over some cut up fruit. OP will do nothing, as these things go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

it’s a little weird, like I said it’s harmless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

So what’s your husband think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

So what’s your husband think?

We know the answer to that which is why we have endless vents here from people powerless to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

Do nothing.

He’s a cheap, selfish @$$ and hopefully you all only have to see him once or twice a year. He seems like a check-the-box type of “father” and former “husband” who conflates his physical presence as being present and authentic. He’s a fake.

The real question is if your husband understands this about his father, and will be a real parent to your mutual children. Hope so.

[Anonymous]

I hate when people steal food. Especially visitors. Do not empty the entire fridge when you leave, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

Is quirky code for autism?

Either way he has piss poor behavior for a guest and there is no excuse.

As your kids get older they will see right through him, unless he throws his money around for attn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people steal food. Especially visitors. Do not empty the entire fridge when you leave, please.

Agree. So tacky.

Can you imagine doing this to your own kid and his spouse?!?