Wwyd re father in law

[Anonymous]

He sounds annoying and like a complete “taker.” Too bad he’s not an engaged grandfather or father. He’s annoying to you but he’s also disappointing to your DH and kids.

Next time he comes, keep an eye on the kitchen when he’s getting ready to leave, and just tell him he can’t take so much of the fruit, hide most of the sodas and chips, and maybe buy cheapo replacements for him to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell gramps to order and pay for Costco instacart for everything he over-ate and took home.

That will be respectful for your time, thought, and scheduling.

Define overeating? Will he be weighed upon arrival and departure?

So gramps coming over, eating three people’s portions of food and taking home another three people’s portions is normal in your culture? Bless your heart.

Did he bring his laundry for you to do too?
If so he may be my lazy moocher uncle and we’re related!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell gramps to order and pay for Costco instacart for everything he over-ate and took home.

That will be respectful for your time, thought, and scheduling.

Define overeating? Will he be weighed upon arrival and departure?

So gramps coming over, eating three people’s portions of food and taking home another three people’s portions is normal in your culture? Bless your heart.

Did he bring his laundry for you to do too?
If so he may be my lazy moocher uncle and we’re related!

Maybe op can put on her big girl panties and speak up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture.

He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals.

He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

Yuck. Why’d he even come if he doesn’t ask how you’re all doing or what you’re up to?

And rich divorced father who doesn’t pay for his son’s meals out and instead grabs everything he can get his hands on?

Then lectures about himself and work?

What a weirdo.

I hope he lives far, far away.

No question why or how he got divorced. Crystal clear why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell gramps to order and pay for Costco instacart for everything he over-ate and took home.

That will be respectful for your time, thought, and scheduling.

Define overeating? Will he be weighed upon arrival and departure?

So gramps coming over, eating three people’s portions of food and taking home another three people’s portions is normal in your culture? Bless your heart.

Did he bring his laundry for you to do too?
If so he may be my lazy moocher uncle and we’re related!

Maybe op can put on her big girl panties and speak up.

Maybe her wussy husband can.

Lemme guess, nasty gramps is donating his estate to Dogs of America yet playing all his adult kids and their spouses off each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

It’s wrong but easy to shrug off. It’s fruit. If you want to end a relationship over some melon just say so.

Sure but I was responding to the previous comment- I would find that behavior annoying, not "harmless and quirky" and would not invite him back.

Ok. I’m sure OP’s husband will be on board with never having his father back over some cut up fruit. OP will do nothing, as these things go.

If you go back and read the OP, it was more than just that, but it does sound like his exit behavior pushed it over the edge. FIL does not sound like a good guest. Hosting overnight guests is tiring even when they act properly- my parents just left after staying with us for two weeks and they are actually considerate and helpful people and I still needed a day to totally decompress after they left.

Actions have consequences- e.g., FIL prioritized relaxation and cleaning out the fridge over getting a return invite. That was his choice.

[Anonymous]

2 weeks!!? Yuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell gramps to order and pay for Costco instacart for everything he over-ate and took home.

That will be respectful for your time, thought, and scheduling.

Define overeating? Will he be weighed upon arrival and departure?

So gramps coming over, eating three people’s portions of food and taking home another three people’s portions is normal in your culture? Bless your heart.

Did he bring his laundry for you to do too?
If so he may be my lazy moocher uncle and we’re related!

Maybe op can put on her big girl panties and speak up.

Maybe her wussy husband can.

Lemme guess, nasty gramps is donating his estate to Dogs of America yet playing all his adult kids and their spouses off each other.

Maybe. But the reality is much more likely that OP's husband isn't crying to strangers about fruit his dad took because he doesn't actually care that much which is why these things happen in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

It’s wrong but easy to shrug off. It’s fruit. If you want to end a relationship over some melon just say so.

Sure but I was responding to the previous comment- I would find that behavior annoying, not "harmless and quirky" and would not invite him back.

Ok. I’m sure OP’s husband will be on board with never having his father back over some cut up fruit. OP will do nothing, as these things go.

If you go back and read the OP, it was more than just that, but it does sound like his exit behavior pushed it over the edge. FIL does not sound like a good guest. Hosting overnight guests is tiring even when they act properly- my parents just left after staying with us for two weeks and they are actually considerate and helpful people and I still needed a day to totally decompress after they left.

Actions have consequences- e.g., FIL prioritized relaxation and cleaning out the fridge over getting a return invite. That was his choice.

You know that FIL will be visiting again soon which is why people like OP complain for years about these things. Men aren't going to cut off their fathers over groceries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

It’s wrong but easy to shrug off. It’s fruit. If you want to end a relationship over some melon just say so.

Sure but I was responding to the previous comment- I would find that behavior annoying, not "harmless and quirky" and would not invite him back.

Ok. I’m sure OP’s husband will be on board with never having his father back over some cut up fruit. OP will do nothing, as these things go.

If you go back and read the OP, it was more than just that, but it does sound like his exit behavior pushed it over the edge. FIL does not sound like a good guest. Hosting overnight guests is tiring even when they act properly- my parents just left after staying with us for two weeks and they are actually considerate and helpful people and I still needed a day to totally decompress after they left.

Actions have consequences- e.g., FIL prioritized relaxation and cleaning out the fridge over getting a return invite. That was his choice.

You know that FIL will be visiting again soon which is why people like OP complain for years about these things. Men aren't going to cut off their fathers over groceries.

I agree this comes down to how much OP's DH cares. My BFF has a FIL like this- loud, self-centered, poor manners, high maitenance guest. But her disdain for him is pretty much shared by her DH- his parents were divorced and he mainly grew up with his mom and was always embarassed by his dad- I remember him making a super weird speech at their wedding where he talked mainly about himself, it was so awkward. They ended up moving to a vacation destination early in marriage and FIL was first in line to visit- after a couple visits where he would eat all their food and alchohol (he's also overweight so eats a lot), never buy anything himself, and leaving messes everywhere, they told him he needed to stay in a hotel. But again there was always an undercurrent there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell gramps to order and pay for Costco instacart for everything he over-ate and took home.

That will be respectful for your time, thought, and scheduling.

Define overeating? Will he be weighed upon arrival and departure?

So gramps coming over, eating three people’s portions of food and taking home another three people’s portions is normal in your culture? Bless your heart.

Did he bring his laundry for you to do too?
If so he may be my lazy moocher uncle and we’re related!

Maybe op can put on her big girl panties and speak up.

Maybe her wussy husband can.

Lemme guess, nasty gramps is donating his estate to Dogs of America yet playing all his adult kids and their spouses off each other.

Maybe. But the reality is much more likely that OP's husband isn't crying to strangers about fruit his dad took because he doesn't actually care that much which is why these things happen in the first place.

Agree

In fact it’s quite apparent that neither the husband/son nor the older father actually cares about these visits.
He’s not a friendly guest, he’s loaded but doesn’t treat anyone to dinner or shopping, he doesn’t talk with anyone or demonstrate interest in their lives, he poorly communicates, and he takes food supplies without asking.

Don’t see the point of his visits. Maybe it’s a sport to see how badly he can treat you all before you maybe say or do anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

It’s wrong but easy to shrug off. It’s fruit. If you want to end a relationship over some melon just say so.

Sure but I was responding to the previous comment- I would find that behavior annoying, not "harmless and quirky" and would not invite him back.

Ok. I’m sure OP’s husband will be on board with never having his father back over some cut up fruit. OP will do nothing, as these things go.

If you go back and read the OP, it was more than just that, but it does sound like his exit behavior pushed it over the edge. FIL does not sound like a good guest. Hosting overnight guests is tiring even when they act properly- my parents just left after staying with us for two weeks and they are actually considerate and helpful people and I still needed a day to totally decompress after they left.

Actions have consequences- e.g., FIL prioritized relaxation and cleaning out the fridge over getting a return invite. That was his choice.

You know that FIL will be visiting again soon which is why people like OP complain for years about these things. Men aren't going to cut off their fathers over groceries.

Men also don’t have real relationships. For example, this one is fake as F.
He comes over, says nothing, eats everything, wants to stay overnight, takes the pantry home and leaves.
What a relationship indeed. And he’s modeling this for kids in the house!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

He sounds quirky and harmless to me. It sounds like no one has accepted him for who he is (including his family) and he gets told he is doing things wrong.

I mean, would you take unopened Costco sized packages of food from a house where you've been staying? Some of you have really poor manners if you don't find this behavior "wrong."

It’s wrong but easy to shrug off. It’s fruit. If you want to end a relationship over some melon just say so.

Sure but I was responding to the previous comment- I would find that behavior annoying, not "harmless and quirky" and would not invite him back.

Ok. I’m sure OP’s husband will be on board with never having his father back over some cut up fruit. OP will do nothing, as these things go.

If you go back and read the OP, it was more than just that, but it does sound like his exit behavior pushed it over the edge. FIL does not sound like a good guest. Hosting overnight guests is tiring even when they act properly- my parents just left after staying with us for two weeks and they are actually considerate and helpful people and I still needed a day to totally decompress after they left.

Actions have consequences- e.g., FIL prioritized relaxation and cleaning out the fridge over getting a return invite. That was his choice.

You know that FIL will be visiting again soon which is why people like OP complain for years about these things. Men aren't going to cut off their fathers over groceries.

I agree this comes down to how much OP's DH cares. My BFF has a FIL like this- loud, self-centered, poor manners, high maitenance guest. But her disdain for him is pretty much shared by her DH- his parents were divorced and he mainly grew up with his mom and was always embarassed by his dad- I remember him making a super weird speech at their wedding where he talked mainly about himself, it was so awkward. They ended up moving to a vacation destination early in marriage and FIL was first in line to visit- after a couple visits where he would eat all their food and alchohol (he's also overweight so eats a lot), never buy anything himself, and leaving messes everywhere, they told him he needed to stay in a hotel. But again there was always an undercurrent there.

Good for them. The selfish piggish divorced father or FIL stays in hotels now or found another host to leech onto.

[Anonymous]

And rich divorced father who doesn’t pay for his son’s meals out and instead grabs everything he can get his hands on?

Then lectures about himself and work?

What a weirdo.

I mean, have you met a lot of boomer men? This describes like half of them. And that's being generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds annoying and like a complete “taker.” Too bad he’s not an engaged grandfather or father. He’s annoying to you but he’s also disappointing to your DH and kids.

Next time he comes, keep an eye on the kitchen when he’s getting ready to leave, and just tell him he can’t take so much of the fruit, hide most of the sodas and chips, and maybe buy cheapo replacements for him to take.

What are you? Trailer-trash?