Is there any expectation on a family member who stays “postpartum”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

I’ll just say, if your response to your daughter or DIL when they are floundering and overwhelmed when their first baby comes is “well you knew the baby was coming, you should have stocked your freezer , didn’t you do that whole nesting thing? Why do you need me to cook for you when you should have done that before the baby came?”, I hope you’re not expecting any visitors in the nursing home. I mean, yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

We don't have villages because the people who might populate out villages are self-centered and unhelpful.

Note OP is not saying "My MIL came to help with the baby but she swaddles wrong and I hate how she does the dishes." Her MIL come and expected to be hosted by OP and provided with obligation-free time with the baby. MIL does not even recognize herself as a member of a village supporting her son and DIL as they start a family together. She sees only her own needs and expects her son and DIL to be *her* village in her role as grandmother.

That dysfunction and failure to prioritize the neediest family members (in this case, the baby followed by the mom who just gave birth followed by the dad who is caring for both and may feel overwhelmed in his role) over their own emotional needs is why people will choose to reject their family "village" in favor of paid help. Because they actually do need help, not just obligation and guilt trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

We don't have villages because the people who might populate out villages are self-centered and unhelpful.

Note OP is not saying "My MIL came to help with the baby but she swaddles wrong and I hate how she does the dishes." Her MIL come and expected to be hosted by OP and provided with obligation-free time with the baby. MIL does not even recognize herself as a member of a village supporting her son and DIL as they start a family together. She sees only her own needs and expects her son and DIL to be *her* village in her role as grandmother.

That dysfunction and failure to prioritize the neediest family members (in this case, the baby followed by the mom who just gave birth followed by the dad who is caring for both and may feel overwhelmed in his role) over their own emotional needs is why people will choose to reject their family "village" in favor of paid help. Because they actually do need help, not just obligation and guilt trips.

Perfectly said. Villages work by having the outer circles care for the inner circles. Inner circles being the most in need of help. The outermost circle- like, a random neighbor of MIL- might offer her support towards MIL, who falls in a slightly more inner circle in terms of needing help. But MIL should be helping the innermost circles here. Baby, mom, and (to a lesser extent) dad, who is also helping the innermost circles (baby and mom). In no universe should the mom or even the dad be helping the outer circles like grandparents or aunts and uncles at this point. It’s like asking the cancer patient to do a better job at making her neighbors life easier by cooking lunch for the neighbor and serving her when she comes over to see you , so the neighbor can just gawk at you with your bald head and your chest port and then go back home and tell everyone “my neighbor has cancer and I visited her!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

I’ll just say, if your response to your daughter or DIL when they are floundering and overwhelmed when their first baby comes is “well you knew the baby was coming, you should have stocked your freezer , didn’t you do that whole nesting thing? Why do you need me to cook for you when you should have done that before the baby came?”, I hope you’re not expecting any visitors in the nursing home. I mean, yikes.

If she expects me to be her indentured servant I'd set her straight. My mom nor my MIL came to dust and scrub and I was more than ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

We don't have villages because the people who might populate out villages are self-centered and unhelpful.

Note OP is not saying "My MIL came to help with the baby but she swaddles wrong and I hate how she does the dishes." Her MIL come and expected to be hosted by OP and provided with obligation-free time with the baby. MIL does not even recognize herself as a member of a village supporting her son and DIL as they start a family together. She sees only her own needs and expects her son and DIL to be *her* village in her role as grandmother.

That dysfunction and failure to prioritize the neediest family members (in this case, the baby followed by the mom who just gave birth followed by the dad who is caring for both and may feel overwhelmed in his role) over their own emotional needs is why people will choose to reject their family "village" in favor of paid help. Because they actually do need help, not just obligation and guilt trips.

Perfectly said. Villages work by having the outer circles care for the inner circles. Inner circles being the most in need of help. The outermost circle- like, a random neighbor of MIL- might offer her support towards MIL, who falls in a slightly more inner circle in terms of needing help. But MIL should be helping the innermost circles here. Baby, mom, and (to a lesser extent) dad, who is also helping the innermost circles (baby and mom). In no universe should the mom or even the dad be helping the outer circles like grandparents or aunts and uncles at this point. It’s like asking the cancer patient to do a better job at making her neighbors life easier by cooking lunch for the neighbor and serving her when she comes over to see you , so the neighbor can just gawk at you with your bald head and your chest port and then go back home and tell everyone “my neighbor has cancer and I visited her!”

Nobody ever talks about how they're ready and willing to help others, it's always about what the village can do for them. Very telling. Have you dropped everything to shop, clean, and help for anyone in your village? Your sister? Cousin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

We don't have villages because the people who might populate out villages are self-centered and unhelpful.

Note OP is not saying "My MIL came to help with the baby but she swaddles wrong and I hate how she does the dishes." Her MIL come and expected to be hosted by OP and provided with obligation-free time with the baby. MIL does not even recognize herself as a member of a village supporting her son and DIL as they start a family together. She sees only her own needs and expects her son and DIL to be *her* village in her role as grandmother.

That dysfunction and failure to prioritize the neediest family members (in this case, the baby followed by the mom who just gave birth followed by the dad who is caring for both and may feel overwhelmed in his role) over their own emotional needs is why people will choose to reject their family "village" in favor of paid help. Because they actually do need help, not just obligation and guilt trips.

Perfectly said. Villages work by having the outer circles care for the inner circles. Inner circles being the most in need of help. The outermost circle- like, a random neighbor of MIL- might offer her support towards MIL, who falls in a slightly more inner circle in terms of needing help. But MIL should be helping the innermost circles here. Baby, mom, and (to a lesser extent) dad, who is also helping the innermost circles (baby and mom). In no universe should the mom or even the dad be helping the outer circles like grandparents or aunts and uncles at this point. It’s like asking the cancer patient to do a better job at making her neighbors life easier by cooking lunch for the neighbor and serving her when she comes over to see you , so the neighbor can just gawk at you with your bald head and your chest port and then go back home and tell everyone “my neighbor has cancer and I visited her!”

Nobody ever talks about how they're ready and willing to help others, it's always about what the village can do for them. Very telling. Have you dropped everything to shop, clean, and help for anyone in your village? Your sister? Cousin?

This is the same nonsense woman hating troll. I can tell by the weird non native English and the nasty woman hating attitude. Maybe touch some grass and see if a real human will talk to you today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

I’ll just say, if your response to your daughter or DIL when they are floundering and overwhelmed when their first baby comes is “well you knew the baby was coming, you should have stocked your freezer , didn’t you do that whole nesting thing? Why do you need me to cook for you when you should have done that before the baby came?”, I hope you’re not expecting any visitors in the nursing home. I mean, yikes.

If she expects me to be her indentured servant I'd set her straight. My mom nor my MIL came to dust and scrub and I was more than ok with that.

You’re such a liar. All you do all day is type out nastiness towards woman. There is no one in your life.

[Anonymous]

One of the blessings of having a local mother in law is that she never expected me to host her after either child was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

I’ll just say, if your response to your daughter or DIL when they are floundering and overwhelmed when their first baby comes is “well you knew the baby was coming, you should have stocked your freezer , didn’t you do that whole nesting thing? Why do you need me to cook for you when you should have done that before the baby came?”, I hope you’re not expecting any visitors in the nursing home. I mean, yikes.

If she expects me to be her indentured servant I'd set her straight. My mom nor my MIL came to dust and scrub and I was more than ok with that.

Feel free to set her straight. Tell her she needs to figure that out on her own and you’re only there to see the new baby and hold it and she needs to figure out meals and cleaning and all the rest of it for your stay.

And remember this- like it or not, fair or not- she has full, 100% control on whether you ever see your grandchildren. Like, ever. Until they are 18. Think about whether you want to make yourself welcome in your grandchild’s home or whether you want to put your foot down about helping your DIL with some chores when you come visit her as she’s bleeding out after giving birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

We don't have villages because the people who might populate out villages are self-centered and unhelpful.

Note OP is not saying "My MIL came to help with the baby but she swaddles wrong and I hate how she does the dishes." Her MIL come and expected to be hosted by OP and provided with obligation-free time with the baby. MIL does not even recognize herself as a member of a village supporting her son and DIL as they start a family together. She sees only her own needs and expects her son and DIL to be *her* village in her role as grandmother.

That dysfunction and failure to prioritize the neediest family members (in this case, the baby followed by the mom who just gave birth followed by the dad who is caring for both and may feel overwhelmed in his role) over their own emotional needs is why people will choose to reject their family "village" in favor of paid help. Because they actually do need help, not just obligation and guilt trips.

Perfectly said. Villages work by having the outer circles care for the inner circles. Inner circles being the most in need of help. The outermost circle- like, a random neighbor of MIL- might offer her support towards MIL, who falls in a slightly more inner circle in terms of needing help. But MIL should be helping the innermost circles here. Baby, mom, and (to a lesser extent) dad, who is also helping the innermost circles (baby and mom). In no universe should the mom or even the dad be helping the outer circles like grandparents or aunts and uncles at this point. It’s like asking the cancer patient to do a better job at making her neighbors life easier by cooking lunch for the neighbor and serving her when she comes over to see you , so the neighbor can just gawk at you with your bald head and your chest port and then go back home and tell everyone “my neighbor has cancer and I visited her!”

Nobody ever talks about how they're ready and willing to help others, it's always about what the village can do for them. Very telling. Have you dropped everything to shop, clean, and help for anyone in your village? Your sister? Cousin?

Is this a joke? Of course I have. My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer and I came and helped with the kids, the housework, etc for a full week while she got surgery and started chemo. Are you saying you’d have shown up and like, expected the royal treatment? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

We don't have villages because the people who might populate out villages are self-centered and unhelpful.

Note OP is not saying "My MIL came to help with the baby but she swaddles wrong and I hate how she does the dishes." Her MIL come and expected to be hosted by OP and provided with obligation-free time with the baby. MIL does not even recognize herself as a member of a village supporting her son and DIL as they start a family together. She sees only her own needs and expects her son and DIL to be *her* village in her role as grandmother.

That dysfunction and failure to prioritize the neediest family members (in this case, the baby followed by the mom who just gave birth followed by the dad who is caring for both and may feel overwhelmed in his role) over their own emotional needs is why people will choose to reject their family "village" in favor of paid help. Because they actually do need help, not just obligation and guilt trips.

Perfectly said. Villages work by having the outer circles care for the inner circles. Inner circles being the most in need of help. The outermost circle- like, a random neighbor of MIL- might offer her support towards MIL, who falls in a slightly more inner circle in terms of needing help. But MIL should be helping the innermost circles here. Baby, mom, and (to a lesser extent) dad, who is also helping the innermost circles (baby and mom). In no universe should the mom or even the dad be helping the outer circles like grandparents or aunts and uncles at this point. It’s like asking the cancer patient to do a better job at making her neighbors life easier by cooking lunch for the neighbor and serving her when she comes over to see you , so the neighbor can just gawk at you with your bald head and your chest port and then go back home and tell everyone “my neighbor has cancer and I visited her!”

Nobody ever talks about how they're ready and willing to help others, it's always about what the village can do for them. Very telling. Have you dropped everything to shop, clean, and help for anyone in your village? Your sister? Cousin?

Is this a joke? Of course I have. My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer and I came and helped with the kids, the housework, etc for a full week while she got surgery and started chemo. Are you saying you’d have shown up and like, expected the royal treatment? Seriously?

GMAFB. Were you the one going on and on about the innermost circles and the outermost BS? My MOM was dying of cancer and I dropped everything. But no I didn't expect my late 60s parents to come mop my damn floors I had a husband and can afford a cleaner after I had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

I’ll just say, if your response to your daughter or DIL when they are floundering and overwhelmed when their first baby comes is “well you knew the baby was coming, you should have stocked your freezer , didn’t you do that whole nesting thing? Why do you need me to cook for you when you should have done that before the baby came?”, I hope you’re not expecting any visitors in the nursing home. I mean, yikes.

If she expects me to be her indentured servant I'd set her straight. My mom nor my MIL came to dust and scrub and I was more than ok with that.

Feel free to set her straight. Tell her she needs to figure that out on her own and you’re only there to see the new baby and hold it and she needs to figure out meals and cleaning and all the rest of it for your stay.

And remember this- like it or not, fair or not- she has full, 100% control on whether you ever see your grandchildren. Like, ever. Until they are 18. Think about whether you want to make yourself welcome in your grandchild’s home or whether you want to put your foot down about helping your DIL with some chores when you come visit her as she’s bleeding out after giving birth.

Like ever? Like super duper ever? Wow I'm so worried. My mom didn't help me, her family didn't help her. It's all good. We're capable adults who managed no problem like the scores of other people. So many people here don't want family to even visit them after a baby. We're not all helpless morons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

I’ll just say, if your response to your daughter or DIL when they are floundering and overwhelmed when their first baby comes is “well you knew the baby was coming, you should have stocked your freezer , didn’t you do that whole nesting thing? Why do you need me to cook for you when you should have done that before the baby came?”, I hope you’re not expecting any visitors in the nursing home. I mean, yikes.

If she expects me to be her indentured servant I'd set her straight. My mom nor my MIL came to dust and scrub and I was more than ok with that.

You’re such a liar. All you do all day is type out nastiness towards woman. There is no one in your life.

Not you again. You give all women a bad name by being so pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think if a family member asks to stay at a new mom’s house in the week post partum she’s required to help in some way?

I’m asking because MIL stayed for a week a day after I had our baby and didn’t get me a glass of water, didn’t cook a single meal or help in any way and I thought it was really rude.

Oh Jesus can we go for five minutes without bashing a mother in law? Does anyone have any new material?

Agree. wtf. Is it not 2025?

Where are the men performing any labor here?

Why does passive football-watching FIL always get a pass?

In many cases the FIL doesn't come. It's very common for dads and FILs to stay home while their wives travel to the new family, but traditionally this is because she's going to help, not sit around expecting the new mom to wait on her.

Oh, I’m aware of that. Time for the FIL to step up is what I’m suggesting.

They can cook a meal and use a dust rag.

You knew the baby was coming. You should have stocked your freezer and had the house cleaned before the baby came. Did the whole nesting thing pass you by? Why do you need your MIL to do work you should have done before baby?

You people are unreal. If you want to understand why we don’t have villages anymore, the above comment perfectly captures it.

We don’t have villages because we value our independence and autonomy. So we pay for the help we want and need without the judgment and expectations of family. You all want the good without the bad and its not realistic.

We don't have villages because the people who might populate out villages are self-centered and unhelpful.

Note OP is not saying "My MIL came to help with the baby but she swaddles wrong and I hate how she does the dishes." Her MIL come and expected to be hosted by OP and provided with obligation-free time with the baby. MIL does not even recognize herself as a member of a village supporting her son and DIL as they start a family together. She sees only her own needs and expects her son and DIL to be *her* village in her role as grandmother.

That dysfunction and failure to prioritize the neediest family members (in this case, the baby followed by the mom who just gave birth followed by the dad who is caring for both and may feel overwhelmed in his role) over their own emotional needs is why people will choose to reject their family "village" in favor of paid help. Because they actually do need help, not just obligation and guilt trips.

Perfectly said. Villages work by having the outer circles care for the inner circles. Inner circles being the most in need of help. The outermost circle- like, a random neighbor of MIL- might offer her support towards MIL, who falls in a slightly more inner circle in terms of needing help. But MIL should be helping the innermost circles here. Baby, mom, and (to a lesser extent) dad, who is also helping the innermost circles (baby and mom). In no universe should the mom or even the dad be helping the outer circles like grandparents or aunts and uncles at this point. It’s like asking the cancer patient to do a better job at making her neighbors life easier by cooking lunch for the neighbor and serving her when she comes over to see you , so the neighbor can just gawk at you with your bald head and your chest port and then go back home and tell everyone “my neighbor has cancer and I visited her!”

Nobody ever talks about how they're ready and willing to help others, it's always about what the village can do for them. Very telling. Have you dropped everything to shop, clean, and help for anyone in your village? Your sister? Cousin?

This is the same nonsense woman hating troll. I can tell by the weird non native English and the nasty woman hating attitude. Maybe touch some grass and see if a real human will talk to you today.

Non native English? Zenophobic idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The expectation is that they cook, clean, and serve you. That's what we do in our family.

I would definitely stay home. 😁

Me too. I cooked, cleaned, and did laundry with each grandchild, but if I was then told I couldn’t love on the baby a bit, screw that. Luckily for me, I took the night feedings too and also was offered the baby during the day. I wasn’t just a maid, I was a parent/grandparent.