Does your DH watch pornography?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

[Anonymous]

If your porn use is due to your wife’s low(er) libido, are you initiating sex, getting turned down, and then using porn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your porn use is due to your wife’s low(er) libido, are you initiating sex, getting turned down, and then using porn?

No - since I am just about always ready to go when she is, she initiates.

[Anonymous]

It made my ex fantasize about younger and younger women until he was no longer attracted to me (we were in our late 40s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

So? Who doesn’t want a dopamine release? You’re not in charge of your spouse’s dopamine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has this ever been a problem in a relationship for you?

just wait. we will have female robots that will look and feel amazing.

I cant wait.

to be able to have amazing sex without a mouth attached.

It’s not sex if it’s alone. It’s the saddest, most elaborate masturbation. I can’t imagine doing it with some thing that doesn’t smell like a human, can’t experience pleasure, no eye contact. Oof, PP, you have serious issues.

you have limited imagination.

there will be a robot closet in every house. the robots will go to the closet to get cleaned. just like vaccums but a couple of orders of magnitude in complexity.

and remember the old scratch and sniff porn.

just like driver less cars, it will happen.

many women will go insane when this happens. They believe they should control the mating process. But soon that will be over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

So? Who doesn’t want a dopamine release? You’re not in charge of your spouse’s dopamine.

This. And not all dopamine releases are created equal. Ideally the dopamine release from sex is greater than that from porn. If that's not the case it can certainly become an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

So? Who doesn’t want a dopamine release? You’re not in charge of your spouse’s dopamine.

That’s fine, but don’t blame your porn watching on your spouse. You are watching it because you want to watch it. It has nothing to do with your spouse or your libido.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has this ever been a problem in a relationship for you?

just wait. we will have female robots that will look and feel amazing.

I cant wait.

to be able to have amazing sex without a mouth attached.

It’s not sex if it’s alone. It’s the saddest, most elaborate masturbation. I can’t imagine doing it with some thing that doesn’t smell like a human, can’t experience pleasure, no eye contact. Oof, PP, you have serious issues.

you have limited imagination.

there will be a robot closet in every house. the robots will go to the closet to get cleaned. just like vaccums but a couple of orders of magnitude in complexity.

and remember the old scratch and sniff porn.

just like driver less cars, it will happen.

many women will go insane when this happens. They believe they should control the mating process. But soon that will be over.

Hon, women will be buying those robots more than men. I already know several women in relationships with AI, even if they deny that’s what it is.

[Anonymous]

My now exH used porn. I think sex is important, so I wasn’t bothered by it initially, although I found it a bit odd since I never turned him down for sex.

But, it became apparent over time that his porn-watching was changing the way he related to me sexually – using me more as a doll in some kind of play he was acting out. I felt very objectified.

Porn also really either was a cause of or a reflection of his own poor boundaries. It came out that he was watching porn at work - something that could’ve easily gotten him fired. As I began to watch him more closely, it became clear to me that he was also substance abusing, and reaching out to live women in other ways.

In itself, porn was a symptom that something was very very wrong with him. It was a symptom of how he viewed women in general– as people to be manipulated to meet his needs regardless of what was healthy or good for them. And it was a reflection of a guy who couldn’t really socialize, be honest, and get his needs met in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Those couples with the mismatched desires are the saddest thing. Terrible to force a spouse into the situation, but I also feel bad for the spouse that feels they have to drag a partner into what they are into. No one is winning there.

Then date and marry someone compatible. Don't date and marry someone who ISN'T into these things and then think you can force it on them.

People would be so much happier if they actually found a compatible match.

A 25 year old cannot predict what their sex drive will be decades into the future. When they are a tired parent, or their spouse has let them down, or doubled in size or suffered serious health problems.

You have no idea what lays ahead PP.

Sex drive =/= kinks.

If you're into BDSM you date and marry someone into BDSM. You don't just start whipping your current partner and hope theyre into it. Or as pp said, "drag a partner into what they are into". That's wildly inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

There was a recent reddit post about this situation, the wife was very very unhappy about it. Sounds like you are very cognizant of her needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has this ever been a problem in a relationship for you?

just wait. we will have female robots that will look and feel amazing.

I cant wait.

to be able to have amazing sex without a mouth attached.

It’s not sex if it’s alone. It’s the saddest, most elaborate masturbation. I can’t imagine doing it with some thing that doesn’t smell like a human, can’t experience pleasure, no eye contact. Oof, PP, you have serious issues.

you have limited imagination.

there will be a robot closet in every house. the robots will go to the closet to get cleaned. just like vaccums but a couple of orders of magnitude in complexity.

and remember the old scratch and sniff porn.

just like driver less cars, it will happen.

many women will go insane when this happens. They believe they should control the mating process. But soon that will be over.

Masturbating with a robot =/= mating
God men are so dumb. Please go "mate" with robots instead of women, everyone will be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure that my DH’s secret habit is what led him to pull away from our marriage and become verbally and emotionally abusive and very, very angry. Before he stopped touching me altogether he started asking for very specific things and getting pouty when I set boundaries, just as others described.

I wish I had found a way to look at his phone or computer before he left to see what was really going on. I’ll never know for sure. My fear now is that he is using it while he has custody of my kids. It disgusts and repulses me in a way that is far worse than when it was under my own roof, but I can’t articulate why.

Redpill forums on the Internet have harmed men and marriages way more than porn ever will. I also, obviously, have no way of knowing; but your husband's change looks a lot to me like he was following "redpill" advice from Internet strangers: push boundaries, act dominant, do a 180, make her chase you; women say they want a partner, but really they want a leader, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

The struggle is real. This has happened to me. We go a month without sex, so it's really bad luck when she says she's in the mood and I've just taken care of myself a couple hours earlier. (If the schedule was more or less weekly, I could avoid this more easily.)