Does your DH watch pornography?

[Anonymous]

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Those couples with the mismatched desires are the saddest thing. Terrible to force a spouse into the situation, but I also feel bad for the spouse that feels they have to drag a partner into what they are into. No one is winning there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Those couples with the mismatched desires are the saddest thing. Terrible to force a spouse into the situation, but I also feel bad for the spouse that feels they have to drag a partner into what they are into. No one is winning there.

Then date and marry someone compatible. Don't date and marry someone who ISN'T into these things and then think you can force it on them.

People would be so much happier if they actually found a compatible match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious - if a spouse does have an issue with it, why?

I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are.
Like he wants me to go to these resorts or hotel takeovers where people have group sex, and I’m not interested.
Then I ask him to look at whatever porn he is watching as a sexy thing, and he shows me this “amateur” video of this couple going to one of these hotel takeovers. They show them beforehand, and the wife is acting all nervous, etc. I think that since he watches so much of this stuff, he thinks these are kind of typical women, and I am some kind of prude. Or maybe not typical, but like 1-2 standard deviations above the mean. But these are women who are making money by having sex and putting it on the internet. The way they are acting is fake. And these little conversations are fake. And this is a very small minority of women.

I will add that it’s an extremely small percentage of middle aged married women with kids and a professional career. It’s not like some of the couples at the neighborhood bbq go to Hedonism on a couples trip while we lamely go to a vanilla beach resort.

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Okay. So are there a lot of perimenopausal women who are in decades long marriages to the father of their children there?

I honestly don’t think I have ever met anyone IRL who wasn’t involved with the porn industry who has gone to these things. But maybe DH is right and people are lying about it. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious - if a spouse does have an issue with it, why?

I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are.
Like he wants me to go to these resorts or hotel takeovers where people have group sex, and I’m not interested.
Then I ask him to look at whatever porn he is watching as a sexy thing, and he shows me this “amateur” video of this couple going to one of these hotel takeovers. They show them beforehand, and the wife is acting all nervous, etc. I think that since he watches so much of this stuff, he thinks these are kind of typical women, and I am some kind of prude. Or maybe not typical, but like 1-2 standard deviations above the mean. But these are women who are making money by having sex and putting it on the internet. The way they are acting is fake. And these little conversations are fake. And this is a very small minority of women.

I will add that it’s an extremely small percentage of middle aged married women with kids and a professional career. It’s not like some of the couples at the neighborhood bbq go to Hedonism on a couples trip while we lamely go to a vanilla beach resort.

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Okay. So are there a lot of perimenopausal women who are in decades long marriages to the father of their children there?

I honestly don’t think I have ever met anyone IRL who wasn’t involved with the porn industry who has gone to these things. But maybe DH is right and people are lying about it. 🤷‍♀️

I think majority of the people there are older couples you wouldn't want to interact with, but that's not advertised for many reasons.

[Anonymous]

Stop trying to weasel out of this; if you go to church you are a cristo-facist. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

"I started watching more and more porn and the boundaries between porn world and the real world became increasingly blurred. I started taking small steps to combine the two — going to a strip club, talking in sexually charged chat rooms."

I found your whole post really interesting, pp, but this really stuck out to me. I kind of think this worldview is where the unsolicited "dik pics" come from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious - if a spouse does have an issue with it, why?

I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are.
Like he wants me to go to these resorts or hotel takeovers where people have group sex, and I’m not interested.
Then I ask him to look at whatever porn he is watching as a sexy thing, and he shows me this “amateur” video of this couple going to one of these hotel takeovers. They show them beforehand, and the wife is acting all nervous, etc. I think that since he watches so much of this stuff, he thinks these are kind of typical women, and I am some kind of prude. Or maybe not typical, but like 1-2 standard deviations above the mean. But these are women who are making money by having sex and putting it on the internet. The way they are acting is fake. And these little conversations are fake. And this is a very small minority of women.

I will add that it’s an extremely small percentage of middle aged married women with kids and a professional career. It’s not like some of the couples at the neighborhood bbq go to Hedonism on a couples trip while we lamely go to a vanilla beach resort.

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Okay. So are there a lot of perimenopausal women who are in decades long marriages to the father of their children there?

I honestly don’t think I have ever met anyone IRL who wasn’t involved with the porn industry who has gone to these things. But maybe DH is right and people are lying about it. 🤷‍♀️

I think majority of the people there are older couples you wouldn't want to interact with, but that's not advertised for many reasons.

ha! That's who I think I would be. I have no interest in being part of an older couple that no one wants to interact with. That would definitely NOT feel sexy. I am not that confident!

[Anonymous]

I assume most men do, and that most GenX and younger men think they want anal sex (not receptive) due to porn. For some, they try to manipulate their partner into it, being more loving on the surface to get to use her body in this way, and will pretend to themselves and to her that they expect the act to be as or more pleasurable for her.

Porn is ubiquitous; parts of it have saturated the culture where there’s no going back. The aesthetics - hairless, cellulite free, thin with giant tits - is porn, and men react to this by expecting women to look like this from age 18 to death. It’s the death of intimacy and imagination when a man becomes convinced he can “live” like a porn in his actual romantic life. It ruins everything for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume most men do, and that most GenX and younger men think they want anal sex (not receptive) due to porn. For some, they try to manipulate their partner into it, being more loving on the surface to get to use her body in this way, and will pretend to themselves and to her that they expect the act to be as or more pleasurable for her.

Porn is ubiquitous; parts of it have saturated the culture where there’s no going back. The aesthetics - hairless, cellulite free, thin with giant tits - is porn, and men react to this by expecting women to look like this from age 18 to death. It’s the death of intimacy and imagination when a man becomes convinced he can “live” like a porn in his actual romantic life. It ruins everything for everyone.

Hm, I’m a 40F and I’ve dated men 20s-40s and I only really notice this among older/40s/Gen X men.

40s men: all want anal, want a woman with a younger/unrealistic body

30s men: pretty vanilla, don’t care what a woman’s body looks like, love BJs

20s men: love love LOVE giving oral. Like, would prefer to give oral than receive or have PIV. Very appreciative of what older women’s bodies look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Those couples with the mismatched desires are the saddest thing. Terrible to force a spouse into the situation, but I also feel bad for the spouse that feels they have to drag a partner into what they are into. No one is winning there.

Then date and marry someone compatible. Don't date and marry someone who ISN'T into these things and then think you can force it on them.

People would be so much happier if they actually found a compatible match.

A 25 year old cannot predict what their sex drive will be decades into the future. When they are a tired parent, or their spouse has let them down, or doubled in size or suffered serious health problems.

You have no idea what lays ahead PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Those couples with the mismatched desires are the saddest thing. Terrible to force a spouse into the situation, but I also feel bad for the spouse that feels they have to drag a partner into what they are into. No one is winning there.

Then date and marry someone compatible. Don't date and marry someone who ISN'T into these things and then think you can force it on them.

People would be so much happier if they actually found a compatible match.

A 25 year old cannot predict what their sex drive will be decades into the future. When they are a tired parent, or their spouse has let them down, or doubled in size or suffered serious health problems.

You have no idea what lays ahead PP.

You can have a pretty high sex drive and still want to be in a monogamous marriage for moral reasons or because these things aren’t really socially acceptable and you/your kids would be embarrassed and you might be hurt professionally if people found out.

[Anonymous]

Half on instagram are advertisements for onlyfans. A fitness (female) influencer I used to follow popped up in my feed and I was like “I forgot about her”.

She still has some fitness videos up but when one popped up with a caption of why to subscribe had the caption “I use all four holes” I was confused- googled and realized she went to porn life.

She was normal for years, but obviously the money is better on onlyfans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious - if a spouse does have an issue with it, why?

I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are.
Like he wants me to go to these resorts or hotel takeovers where people have group sex, and I’m not interested.
Then I ask him to look at whatever porn he is watching as a sexy thing, and he shows me this “amateur” video of this couple going to one of these hotel takeovers. They show them beforehand, and the wife is acting all nervous, etc. I think that since he watches so much of this stuff, he thinks these are kind of typical women, and I am some kind of prude. Or maybe not typical, but like 1-2 standard deviations above the mean. But these are women who are making money by having sex and putting it on the internet. The way they are acting is fake. And these little conversations are fake. And this is a very small minority of women.

I will add that it’s an extremely small percentage of middle aged married women with kids and a professional career. It’s not like some of the couples at the neighborhood bbq go to Hedonism on a couples trip while we lamely go to a vanilla beach resort.

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

Okay. So are there a lot of perimenopausal women who are in decades long marriages to the father of their children there?

I honestly don’t think I have ever met anyone IRL who wasn’t involved with the porn industry who has gone to these things. But maybe DH is right and people are lying about it. 🤷‍♀️

I mean…yes? It’s all just normal people. Porn stars don’t go to these resorts. Bit of a busman’s holiday.

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty sure that my DH’s secret habit is what led him to pull away from our marriage and become verbally and emotionally abusive and very, very angry. Before he stopped touching me altogether he started asking for very specific things and getting pouty when I set boundaries, just as others described.

I wish I had found a way to look at his phone or computer before he left to see what was really going on. I’ll never know for sure. My fear now is that he is using it while he has custody of my kids. It disgusts and repulses me in a way that is far worse than when it was under my own roof, but I can’t articulate why.

[Anonymous]

My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.