Wife won’t sleep with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Housework is foreplay.

No, it's not. When men have to do more chores, it's because the woman is not attracted to him. Doing more chores will make him even less attractive and have the real consequence of decreasing intercourse.

That’s not true, but if that’s your view, set some budget and hire someone to do the chores. It’s unfair for them to fall on the wife, if you both bring in the same money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

This is one of the wisest comments on the thread. It's an extreme, but honestly nothing kills my libido faster than feeling like I'm the family maid. It's one thing to clean up after kids who are too young to do it themselves, or even when they are older if they can't yet do it effectively and need help. That just feels like parenting.

Cleaning up after an adult is demeaning. Especially if that adult makes no or limited effort to clean up after themselves. I'm about to get graphic here so if you don't like it skip it, but this is what it was like to clean my home after 10 years of marriage with my husband: He had bowel issues and his poop would stick like black tar to the toilet bowl, so I'd be scrubbing his black tar poop off the bowl. I'd be snaking drains full of his beard clippings and wiping his spittle off of mirrors, he would never do any of these things himself. He walks through the house eating chip and crackers but refuses to sweep or vacuum, so I'd be picking up his trail of crumbs to prevent us from getting ants. He wouldn't wipe his feet before coming in the house and would forget to take off his shoes, so I'd be cleaning up mud and dirt from his shoes. When he cooks, he bangs the spoon on the pot and splashes things and drops things and never picks them up, so I'd be scrubbing the underside of cabinets and scrubbing the floor. He is a packrat and would fill his closet with junk and trash and then never be able to find anything and it would stink, so I'd clean out the entire closet, sort his clothes and shoes, make piles for him to approval the tossing of (I learned to never throw away anything without asking him first). He works at the dining table and dirt or grime from his feet and hands and computer will leave a film on the table and floor that he never cleans up, so I'd be scrubbing this grime so that we could eat at the table without sitting in his filth. And much, much more.

I do not believe it is possible to clean up after a marital partner like this and remain interested in sex with them. It made me feel like hired help, only I didn't get paid. I had a job through all this, by the way, and did the vast majority of the childcare and parenting. It is belittling and demeaning on a fundamental level.

By the time I was in my late 40s, I never fantasized about sex. I fantasized about someone cleaning up after ME for once. I imagined climbing into a bed of clean sheets someone else had stripped and washed and remade. Stepping onto a clean floor someone else had vacuumed and mopped. Showering in a fresh and clean shower someone else had washed. And so on. I was so burned out on caring for other people. The idea of having sex was revolting to me. I merely wanted to feel cared for and valued.

A lot of these things are bound to happen if you live with someone. Shit stains and hair shower with soap scum balls are gross, but I’ve cleaned that and worse after my wife, kid, dog. It’s part of life and living together.

Footprints on the floor, food splashes, chip crumbs are annoying but ultimately minor.

Most families find some ways to deal with it if it’s a problem, you have to speak up if it’s bothering you. With $100-200 you can have someone clean your house for a few hours so it’s good for the following week. Have your own bathroom, and get him to use his own if this is possible. Set some time during the weekend when everyone cleans and assign some chores to him like vacuuming, mopping. Get your kids involved too.

Most couples navigate this easily without ruining their intimacy.

I don't know what's more delusional here, the idea that she never spoke up about this or that she could just have assigned him chores and he'd do them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Housework is foreplay.

No, it's not. When men have to do more chores, it's because the woman is not attracted to him. Doing more chores will make him even less attractive and have the real consequence of decreasing intercourse.

No
Being responsible and reliable is attractive. And vice versa. Being a ManChild and unreliable is not attractive.

Women are wired not to sleep with Duds. Especially temper tantruming duds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

This is one of the wisest comments on the thread. It's an extreme, but honestly nothing kills my libido faster than feeling like I'm the family maid. It's one thing to clean up after kids who are too young to do it themselves, or even when they are older if they can't yet do it effectively and need help. That just feels like parenting.

Cleaning up after an adult is demeaning. Especially if that adult makes no or limited effort to clean up after themselves. I'm about to get graphic here so if you don't like it skip it, but this is what it was like to clean my home after 10 years of marriage with my husband: He had bowel issues and his poop would stick like black tar to the toilet bowl, so I'd be scrubbing his black tar poop off the bowl. I'd be snaking drains full of his beard clippings and wiping his spittle off of mirrors, he would never do any of these things himself. He walks through the house eating chip and crackers but refuses to sweep or vacuum, so I'd be picking up his trail of crumbs to prevent us from getting ants. He wouldn't wipe his feet before coming in the house and would forget to take off his shoes, so I'd be cleaning up mud and dirt from his shoes. When he cooks, he bangs the spoon on the pot and splashes things and drops things and never picks them up, so I'd be scrubbing the underside of cabinets and scrubbing the floor. He is a packrat and would fill his closet with junk and trash and then never be able to find anything and it would stink, so I'd clean out the entire closet, sort his clothes and shoes, make piles for him to approval the tossing of (I learned to never throw away anything without asking him first). He works at the dining table and dirt or grime from his feet and hands and computer will leave a film on the table and floor that he never cleans up, so I'd be scrubbing this grime so that we could eat at the table without sitting in his filth. And much, much more.

I do not believe it is possible to clean up after a marital partner like this and remain interested in sex with them. It made me feel like hired help, only I didn't get paid. I had a job through all this, by the way, and did the vast majority of the childcare and parenting. It is belittling and demeaning on a fundamental level.

By the time I was in my late 40s, I never fantasized about sex. I fantasized about someone cleaning up after ME for once. I imagined climbing into a bed of clean sheets someone else had stripped and washed and remade. Stepping onto a clean floor someone else had vacuumed and mopped. Showering in a fresh and clean shower someone else had washed. And so on. I was so burned out on caring for other people. The idea of having sex was revolting to me. I merely wanted to feel cared for and valued.

Based on what you described, it is understandable that you don’t want to have sex with your husband. However yours is an extreme case. Most marriages that are sexless are not due to extreme circumstances. They are sexless because of wives’ mental and emotional issues

Exactly!

Women should just stuff it all down and have regular sex. Who cares if their husband is a slob, calls them names, and rages when asked to do something. Women with mental and emotional issues should shut up and perform.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

This is one of the wisest comments on the thread. It's an extreme, but honestly nothing kills my libido faster than feeling like I'm the family maid. It's one thing to clean up after kids who are too young to do it themselves, or even when they are older if they can't yet do it effectively and need help. That just feels like parenting.

Cleaning up after an adult is demeaning. Especially if that adult makes no or limited effort to clean up after themselves. I'm about to get graphic here so if you don't like it skip it, but this is what it was like to clean my home after 10 years of marriage with my husband: He had bowel issues and his poop would stick like black tar to the toilet bowl, so I'd be scrubbing his black tar poop off the bowl. I'd be snaking drains full of his beard clippings and wiping his spittle off of mirrors, he would never do any of these things himself. He walks through the house eating chip and crackers but refuses to sweep or vacuum, so I'd be picking up his trail of crumbs to prevent us from getting ants. He wouldn't wipe his feet before coming in the house and would forget to take off his shoes, so I'd be cleaning up mud and dirt from his shoes. When he cooks, he bangs the spoon on the pot and splashes things and drops things and never picks them up, so I'd be scrubbing the underside of cabinets and scrubbing the floor. He is a packrat and would fill his closet with junk and trash and then never be able to find anything and it would stink, so I'd clean out the entire closet, sort his clothes and shoes, make piles for him to approval the tossing of (I learned to never throw away anything without asking him first). He works at the dining table and dirt or grime from his feet and hands and computer will leave a film on the table and floor that he never cleans up, so I'd be scrubbing this grime so that we could eat at the table without sitting in his filth. And much, much more.

I do not believe it is possible to clean up after a marital partner like this and remain interested in sex with them. It made me feel like hired help, only I didn't get paid. I had a job through all this, by the way, and did the vast majority of the childcare and parenting. It is belittling and demeaning on a fundamental level.

By the time I was in my late 40s, I never fantasized about sex. I fantasized about someone cleaning up after ME for once. I imagined climbing into a bed of clean sheets someone else had stripped and washed and remade. Stepping onto a clean floor someone else had vacuumed and mopped. Showering in a fresh and clean shower someone else had washed. And so on. I was so burned out on caring for other people. The idea of having sex was revolting to me. I merely wanted to feel cared for and valued.

A lot of these things are bound to happen if you live with someone. Shit stains and hair shower with soap scum balls are gross, but I’ve cleaned that and worse after my wife, kid, dog. It’s part of life and living together.

Footprints on the floor, food splashes, chip crumbs are annoying but ultimately minor.

Most families find some ways to deal with it if it’s a problem, you have to speak up if it’s bothering you. With $100-200 you can have someone clean your house for a few hours so it’s good for the following week. Have your own bathroom, and get him to use his own if this is possible. Set some time during the weekend when everyone cleans and assign some chores to him like vacuuming, mopping. Get your kids involved too.

Most couples navigate this easily without ruining their intimacy.

I don't know what's more delusional here, the idea that she never spoke up about this or that she could just have assigned him chores and he'd do them.

Oh a guy like that will do them half assed no problem.

Enjoy your garbage ladened home and shit stained toilets. He should live in a hospice he’s so needy and unhygienic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So will her having sex with him make his anger outbursts cease and him hang out with the family more?

Or will him ceasing his anger outbursts and finally being present in the household, lead to more sex?

Hmm hmm hmm

If you really care about your marriage it’s incredibly stupid to deny sex to the husband because he didn’t do the dishes. It’s a slippery slope, next there will be no sex because you got into any kind of silly argument and it turns into an escalating power struggle about who can hurt the other one more. If that’s what you’re doing now you’re on a toxic spiral that will undoubtedly lead to divorce. You’re also giving him a good reason to cheat on you, it’s likely to happen and will also speed up the timeline to divorce since it’s a bigger deal and he might find someone he wants to start a new life with.

At this point you might sit down to figure out a friendly divorce while you still can.

If you really care about your marriage it's incredibly stupid to not listen to your wife's pleas to spend more time with the family and contribute more to the housechores. It's a slippery slope to just being disengaged completely and then expecting sex when you want it, then the wife not being interested. It's likely to speed up the timeline for divorce.

See how that goes?

Marriage is about compromise. Doesn't seem like OP is doing any if the wife is complaining that he gets angry when she brings up this topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

This is one of the wisest comments on the thread. It's an extreme, but honestly nothing kills my libido faster than feeling like I'm the family maid. It's one thing to clean up after kids who are too young to do it themselves, or even when they are older if they can't yet do it effectively and need help. That just feels like parenting.

Cleaning up after an adult is demeaning. Especially if that adult makes no or limited effort to clean up after themselves. I'm about to get graphic here so if you don't like it skip it, but this is what it was like to clean my home after 10 years of marriage with my husband: He had bowel issues and his poop would stick like black tar to the toilet bowl, so I'd be scrubbing his black tar poop off the bowl. I'd be snaking drains full of his beard clippings and wiping his spittle off of mirrors, he would never do any of these things himself. He walks through the house eating chip and crackers but refuses to sweep or vacuum, so I'd be picking up his trail of crumbs to prevent us from getting ants. He wouldn't wipe his feet before coming in the house and would forget to take off his shoes, so I'd be cleaning up mud and dirt from his shoes. When he cooks, he bangs the spoon on the pot and splashes things and drops things and never picks them up, so I'd be scrubbing the underside of cabinets and scrubbing the floor. He is a packrat and would fill his closet with junk and trash and then never be able to find anything and it would stink, so I'd clean out the entire closet, sort his clothes and shoes, make piles for him to approval the tossing of (I learned to never throw away anything without asking him first). He works at the dining table and dirt or grime from his feet and hands and computer will leave a film on the table and floor that he never cleans up, so I'd be scrubbing this grime so that we could eat at the table without sitting in his filth. And much, much more.

I do not believe it is possible to clean up after a marital partner like this and remain interested in sex with them. It made me feel like hired help, only I didn't get paid. I had a job through all this, by the way, and did the vast majority of the childcare and parenting. It is belittling and demeaning on a fundamental level.

By the time I was in my late 40s, I never fantasized about sex. I fantasized about someone cleaning up after ME for once. I imagined climbing into a bed of clean sheets someone else had stripped and washed and remade. Stepping onto a clean floor someone else had vacuumed and mopped. Showering in a fresh and clean shower someone else had washed. And so on. I was so burned out on caring for other people. The idea of having sex was revolting to me. I merely wanted to feel cared for and valued.

Based on what you described, it is understandable that you don’t want to have sex with your husband. However yours is an extreme case. Most marriages that are sexless are not due to extreme circumstances. They are sexless because of wives’ mental and emotional issues

Exactly!

Women should just stuff it all down and have regular sex. Who cares if their husband is a slob, calls them names, and rages when asked to do something. Women with mental and emotional issues should shut up and perform.

It's no wonder that so many women take anti-anxiety pills.

In my parent's culture and generation, this is exactly what was expected of them - stuff down any emotional/mental needs and just serve your husbands.

My mother has dementia now, and I'm 100% sure it's because of the mental/emotional stress she endured. She has major PTSD and depression.

[Anonymous]

What would you tell your daughter.

She works, is married, has 12 yos, her spouse is a work addict and avoids family life, her spouse yells when asked questions or to do things. Then tries for sex.

The pattern here is how extremely selfish this guy is. He only does stuff for himself or external image and his own pleasure. Me me me me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she won't have sex with you it's not about you not doing your fair share of housework. That would not stop her if she really wanted you. She doesn't and that's hard to accept but you need to accept it. Or, prove it to yourself by stepping up and doing everything she wants. It's not likely to change.

She also expects you to be a good provider and afford your family nice things and the ability to go on vacations. You are that and it makes no difference to her. She doesn't desire you and has lost respect for you. But she will gladly keep you around for what you do provide for another ten years until the children are older and on their own and she faces the prospect of being empty nesters as you near retirement.

Then she will cash out and divorce you and suddenly, she will also find her libido. With another man. You deserve better. Derail her plan now and pursue a better life with a women who respects you. In the mean time, I'd recommend finding an AP but keep in mind, when you get caught, you will be the bad guy in that divorce while she is blameless.

This story has been written 100 times on this board alone. Women are fairly predictable. You just need to learn their long game.

Back to the 1950s or Saudi Arabia. Take your pick PP. What nonsense.

No, this is the modern day married woman strategy. It's certainly not how women do it in Saudi Arabia and your reference to 1950s makes even less sense.

So, what you are saying is that modern American women, doctors and lawyers and such, want to marry men they aren’t attracted to, bear and raise his children, and spend most of their lives not having sex or having bad sex.

Then, in their mid-fifties, they are done with the vacations and nice things that their husband’s additional income provides. Instead, defying all biological sense, these post-menopausal women suddenly find themselves with an increased libido. They still aren’t attracted to their husbands, so they ask for a divorce and go on the prowl.

Oh, and these women plan this all out in their twenties?

Exactly. What a joke. This is not anyone's "strategy"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

The Body Knows.

There’s a good book about this too.
You can’t mind over matter this without getting really F d up.

You need to fix the underlying issues OP. Little by little. Start with no more anger outbursts. Be a safe person for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So will her having sex with him make his anger outbursts cease and him hang out with the family more?

Or will him ceasing his anger outbursts and finally being present in the household, lead to more sex?

Hmm hmm hmm

If you really care about your marriage it’s incredibly stupid to deny sex to the husband because he didn’t do the dishes. It’s a slippery slope, next there will be no sex because you got into any kind of silly argument and it turns into an escalating power struggle about who can hurt the other one more. If that’s what you’re doing now you’re on a toxic spiral that will undoubtedly lead to divorce. You’re also giving him a good reason to cheat on you, it’s likely to happen and will also speed up the timeline to divorce since it’s a bigger deal and he might find someone he wants to start a new life with.

At this point you might sit down to figure out a friendly divorce while you still can.

If you really care about your marriage it's incredibly stupid to not listen to your wife's pleas to spend more time with the family and contribute more to the housechores. It's a slippery slope to just being disengaged completely and then expecting sex when you want it, then the wife not being interested. It's likely to speed up the timeline for divorce.

See how that goes?

Marriage is about compromise. Doesn't seem like OP is doing any if the wife is complaining that he gets angry when she brings up this topic.

Sounds like you’re talking about your marriage, not op’s. And it doesn’t seem like you’re much open to compromise. Have you asked your husband to set aside money to hire someone? Do you have room in your monthly budget for $500 to resolve it? It just sounds like a very straightforward solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So will her having sex with him make his anger outbursts cease and him hang out with the family more?

Or will him ceasing his anger outbursts and finally being present in the household, lead to more sex?

Hmm hmm hmm

If you really care about your marriage it’s incredibly stupid to deny sex to the husband because he didn’t do the dishes. It’s a slippery slope, next there will be no sex because you got into any kind of silly argument and it turns into an escalating power struggle about who can hurt the other one more. If that’s what you’re doing now you’re on a toxic spiral that will undoubtedly lead to divorce. You’re also giving him a good reason to cheat on you, it’s likely to happen and will also speed up the timeline to divorce since it’s a bigger deal and he might find someone he wants to start a new life with.

At this point you might sit down to figure out a friendly divorce while you still can.

If you really care about your marriage it's incredibly stupid to not listen to your wife's pleas to spend more time with the family and contribute more to the housechores. It's a slippery slope to just being disengaged completely and then expecting sex when you want it, then the wife not being interested. It's likely to speed up the timeline for divorce.

See how that goes?

Marriage is about compromise. Doesn't seem like OP is doing any if the wife is complaining that he gets angry when she brings up this topic.

You can outsource the household chores. Are you ok with your husband outsourcing the sex he’s not getting at home? It’s not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does divorce look like for you, OP? How will you do 50/50 custody while also working? You'll have to pay her lots of money still. Think about it. Maybe your strategy of working until 9 pm, leaving her to deal with everything alone, and then demanding sex and being angry, is not conducive to a happy marriage.

Easy, a couple vacation weeks a year, weekends here and there, plus summer at his parents house. Whatever adds up to 50%.

You know there are 52 weeks in a year, right? Summer is 9 or 10 max, less if they do sleepaway camp. And you're assuming the grandparents are willing and able to take them for an entire summer. A few vacation weeks gets you to 12 or 13, and weekends "here and there" (so less than every other?) during the school year would add up to maybe 40 days total so 7 weeks. So that's only 20 weeks in the most generous possible interpretation. That's not 50/50.

Furthermore, women sometimes take divorce as an opportunity to force the children's father to spend time with the children. Crazy, I know. They're so mean. So there's no reason to think OP would agree to this inane schedule that allows him to continue avoiding his family.

When it comes to calculating time on housework and childcare, men are notoriously bad at math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So will her having sex with him make his anger outbursts cease and him hang out with the family more?

Or will him ceasing his anger outbursts and finally being present in the household, lead to more sex?

Hmm hmm hmm

If you really care about your marriage it’s incredibly stupid to deny sex to the husband because he didn’t do the dishes. It’s a slippery slope, next there will be no sex because you got into any kind of silly argument and it turns into an escalating power struggle about who can hurt the other one more. If that’s what you’re doing now you’re on a toxic spiral that will undoubtedly lead to divorce. You’re also giving him a good reason to cheat on you, it’s likely to happen and will also speed up the timeline to divorce since it’s a bigger deal and he might find someone he wants to start a new life with.

At this point you might sit down to figure out a friendly divorce while you still can.

If you really care about your marriage it's incredibly stupid to not listen to your wife's pleas to spend more time with the family and contribute more to the housechores. It's a slippery slope to just being disengaged completely and then expecting sex when you want it, then the wife not being interested. It's likely to speed up the timeline for divorce.

See how that goes?

Marriage is about compromise. Doesn't seem like OP is doing any if the wife is complaining that he gets angry when she brings up this topic.

You can outsource the household chores. Are you ok with your husband outsourcing the sex he’s not getting at home? It’s not the same thing.

You can’t outsource a life partner or a present father for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

This is one of the wisest comments on the thread. It's an extreme, but honestly nothing kills my libido faster than feeling like I'm the family maid. It's one thing to clean up after kids who are too young to do it themselves, or even when they are older if they can't yet do it effectively and need help. That just feels like parenting.

Cleaning up after an adult is demeaning. Especially if that adult makes no or limited effort to clean up after themselves. I'm about to get graphic here so if you don't like it skip it, but this is what it was like to clean my home after 10 years of marriage with my husband:

**He had bowel issues and his poop would stick like black tar to the toilet bowl, so I'd be scrubbing his black tar poop off the bowl.

**I'd be snaking drains full of his beard clippings and wiping his spittle off of mirrors, he would never do any of these things himself.

**He walks through the house eating chip and crackers but refuses to sweep or vacuum, so I'd be picking up his trail of crumbs to prevent us from getting ants.

**He wouldn't wipe his feet before coming in the house and would forget to take off his shoes, so I'd be cleaning up mud and dirt from his shoes.

**When he cooks, he bangs the spoon on the pot and splashes things and drops things and never picks them up, so I'd be scrubbing the underside of cabinets and scrubbing the floor.

**He is a packrat and would fill his closet with junk and trash and then never be able to find anything and it would stink, so I'd clean out the entire closet, sort his clothes and shoes, make piles for him to approval the tossing of (I learned to never throw away anything without asking him first).

**He works at the dining table and dirt or grime from his feet and hands and computer will leave a film on the table and floor that he never cleans up, so I'd be scrubbing this grime so that we could eat at the table without sitting in his filth.

**And much, much more.

I do not believe it is possible to clean up after a marital partner like this and remain interested in sex with them. It made me feel like hired help, only I didn't get paid. I had a job through all this, by the way, and did the vast majority of the childcare and parenting. It is belittling and demeaning on a fundamental level.

By the time I was in my late 40s, I never fantasized about sex. I fantasized about someone cleaning up after ME for once. I imagined climbing into a bed of clean sheets someone else had stripped and washed and remade. Stepping onto a clean floor someone else had vacuumed and mopped. Showering in a fresh and clean shower someone else had washed. And so on. I was so burned out on caring for other people. The idea of having sex was revolting to me. I merely wanted to feel cared for and valued.

Holy moly. That is next level sexy.

Even a cleaning lady would quit that job or ask for triple pay.

Was he actually disabled or just a lazy misogynist?