Who holds the power in the marriage dating market?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 30-year-old male who went to Pitt to study Information Systems with a minor in music, and played a D1 sport there, and worked at Nvidia for the past five years. It seems like I have so many women to choose from the dating pool, especially from 30+ women. YMMV.

I think a lot of attractive and well paid men got easy access to basically practicing polyamory on dating apps. If they enjoy it, they can keep doing it well into mid 50s. I am a woman in my mid 40s and I see a new aged “apps generation” of late 50s men.
What’s dangerous is that closer to 60 they do want to find a life partner but developmentally they are kids relative me. I’ve lived a life, grew up a child etc.

Those men are called the creepers by most if they are doing the poly and dating young women. Often they don't end up well because they age out. Not to mention many get STDs and infections more so at their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a man, my impression is that there is such an undercurrent of control seeking behavior by many of the posters in this thread.

Just driven women, who can’t organically enjoy casual dating, but are heat-seeking-missile focused on finding the tallest, richest mate, who would then most likely be pushy wives in the marriage.

I agree. Notice the detailed discussion about how a man making $90k is OK, but $80k is not, unless he's in his 20's. And a GS-9 is OK but not a GS-8, etc.

It's like they are shopping for pieces of meat. I've never heard men rate women like that.

I find that women are far more picky than they often let on. On the surface, you hear many of the things that are often said on this board. I just want a man who can communicate, a man who is emotionally intelligent, kindness and all that. But if you start to probe beneath the surface, you start hearing about how this guy's job is not that impressive, how that guy is a little too short for their liking, etc. And this is coming from women across the attractiveness spectrum, all of whom appear to be stable and good-hearted. In other words, there are all kinds of regular women who care a great deal about the superficial things, or at least more than they are willing to admit.

Women are human too. And most want a man they can be proud of, which is sometimes tied to more superficial things like job status, height and looks. I'm not judging them for that.

Listen, how can a woman even show her full sexual potential while dating causally? I don't take in different h..s if the guy didn't show me his STD test, and is non-committal, sorry. Men want to hook up with different women: sure, but you get only wrapped PIV for that, bro!

Easy one for me. If he's not dating for long term or one on one it's bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a man, my impression is that there is such an undercurrent of control seeking behavior by many of the posters in this thread.

Just driven women, who can’t organically enjoy casual dating, but are heat-seeking-missile focused on finding the tallest, richest mate, who would then most likely be pushy wives in the marriage.

I agree. Notice the detailed discussion about how a man making $90k is OK, but $80k is not, unless he's in his 20's. And a GS-9 is OK but not a GS-8, etc.

It's like they are shopping for pieces of meat. I've never heard men rate women like that.

I find that women are far more picky than they often let on. On the surface, you hear many of the things that are often said on this board. I just want a man who can communicate, a man who is emotionally intelligent, kindness and all that. But if you start to probe beneath the surface, you start hearing about how this guy's job is not that impressive, how that guy is a little too short for their liking, etc. And this is coming from women across the attractiveness spectrum, all of whom appear to be stable and good-hearted. In other words, there are all kinds of regular women who care a great deal about the superficial things, or at least more than they are willing to admit.

Women are human too. And most want a man they can be proud of, which is sometimes tied to more superficial things like job status, height and looks. I'm not judging them for that.

Listen, how can a woman even show her full sexual potential while dating causally? I don't take in different h..s if the guy didn't show me his STD test, and is non-committal, sorry. Men want to hook up with different women: sure, but you get only wrapped PIV for that, bro!

Easy one for me. If he's not dating for long term or one on one it's bye.

I’m the same way but I’m just wondering how other women handle this ! I asked several men who practice dating different women at at time. It seems from the description they date “pink collar” or lower income women. Dancers, nurses, furniture designers, women who rent small apartments don’t own homes; younger women with several children .
One guy explicitly told me that he doesn’t date independently wealthy ladies as their expectations are too high.
I presume women on higher end of income level are either single or date only exclusively

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is power over sex and power over marriage. Women generally have power over sex until they hit their late 30s (assuming they age normally). The issue is that women all chase the same few men. Because those men have control over sex and consume it with reckless abandon, women complain that they can't find a man. The problem is that they won't date men with fewer options, so they're competing in a horrible game of musical chairs to win one of the few men who are openly desirable (tall, handsome, and an earner or wealthy).

Women used to control marriage by creating a cartel around sex, but they gave up that market power in the 60s, so now men control whether they marry. However, the mediocre men who aren't having sex can't find a wife, so the mediocre men and leftover women are choosing to be alone rather than coupling with each other.

I met DH when he and all of his friends were still single. DH was the first of the group to propose and we were married about a year after our first date. In the next two years, all of DH's friends, who are exactly the types DCUM would have coveted in their 20s, got married. It was amazing to see how quickly it happened. Of the roughly twelve guys, not one proposed to a girl in her 30s. All were in their early-to-late 20s.

When a woman hits 30 without an engagement ring, she needs to choose whether to settle or be alone.

So, to answer: Quality men have all the control over sex and marriage. No one else wins in the current dating market.

High-value women still have control over sex and marriage. Men of all ages still want a beautiful twenty-something who is kind, interesting, educated and comes from a good family. None of my attractive friends from college who wanted to be engaged in their twenties had a problem finding someone. One or two focused more on their careers and didn't approach dating seriously until their thirties, but they, too, still found their person.

Not so sure about that. I'm reminded of a trip to Alphabet City with a friend many years ago to meet her NYC friends. One of them was a tall, beautiful upper-Ivy grad whose parents paid her rent while she went husband hunting in the Big Apple. Her boyfriend at the time was a handsome enough cretin who treated her like garbage in front of all of us. It was jarring, but she took it because she couldn't find a properly employed guy who'd stick with her. If you know the good-looking banker crowd from those days, you know the men went through women on a weekly basis (and this was before apps!).

The dating market in these cities where the educated women outnumber the men is difficult for women. The girl from the Alphabet City story could have gotten a great guy, but she was shooting for the top of the pyramid in a competitive market. I'd love to know whom your friends married because my experience is that the longer a woman goes into her 30s, the worse it gets. I can think of a number of biglaw partners in DC who settled badly because there were no men who wanted them by the time they reached the professional mountain top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is power over sex and power over marriage. Women generally have power over sex until they hit their late 30s (assuming they age normally). The issue is that women all chase the same few men. Because those men have control over sex and consume it with reckless abandon, women complain that they can't find a man. The problem is that they won't date men with fewer options, so they're competing in a horrible game of musical chairs to win one of the few men who are openly desirable (tall, handsome, and an earner or wealthy).

Women used to control marriage by creating a cartel around sex, but they gave up that market power in the 60s, so now men control whether they marry. However, the mediocre men who aren't having sex can't find a wife, so the mediocre men and leftover women are choosing to be alone rather than coupling with each other.

I met DH when he and all of his friends were still single. DH was the first of the group to propose and we were married about a year after our first date. In the next two years, all of DH's friends, who are exactly the types DCUM would have coveted in their 20s, got married. It was amazing to see how quickly it happened. Of the roughly twelve guys, not one proposed to a girl in her 30s. All were in their early-to-late 20s.

When a woman hits 30 without an engagement ring, she needs to choose whether to settle or be alone.

So, to answer: Quality men have all the control over sex and marriage. No one else wins in the current dating market.

High-value women still have control over sex and marriage. Men of all ages still want a beautiful twenty-something who is kind, interesting, educated and comes from a good family. None of my attractive friends from college who wanted to be engaged in their twenties had a problem finding someone. One or two focused more on their careers and didn't approach dating seriously until their thirties, but they, too, still found their person.

Not so sure about that. I'm reminded of a trip to Alphabet City with a friend many years ago to meet her NYC friends. One of them was a tall, beautiful upper-Ivy grad whose parents paid her rent while she went husband hunting in the Big Apple. Her boyfriend at the time was a handsome enough cretin who treated her like garbage in front of all of us. It was jarring, but she took it because she couldn't find a properly employed guy who'd stick with her. If you know the good-looking banker crowd from those days, you know the men went through women on a weekly basis (and this was before apps!).

The dating market in these cities where the educated women outnumber the men is difficult for women. The girl from the Alphabet City story could have gotten a great guy, but she was shooting for the top of the pyramid in a competitive market. I'd love to know whom your friends married because my experience is that the longer a woman goes into her 30s, the worse it gets. I can think of a number of biglaw partners in DC who settled badly because there were no men who wanted them by the time they reached the professional mountain top.

Sounds like SATC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 30-year-old male who went to Pitt to study Information Systems with a minor in music, and played a D1 sport there, and worked at Nvidia for the past five years. It seems like I have so many women to choose from the dating pool, especially from 30+ women. YMMV.

I think a lot of attractive and well paid men got easy access to basically practicing polyamory on dating apps. If they enjoy it, they can keep doing it well into mid 50s. I am a woman in my mid 40s and I see a new aged “apps generation” of late 50s men.
What’s dangerous is that closer to 60 they do want to find a life partner but developmentally they are kids relative me. I’ve lived a life, grew up a child etc.

Those men are called the creepers by most if they are doing the poly and dating young women. Often they don't end up well because they age out. Not to mention many get STDs and infections more so at their age.

Nvidia PP here. Where I live in Silicon Valley, there are so many 30+ single/successful women for me to pick from. I think it has to do with those women realizing that they are running out of time, and guys who are 6 feet tall, good-looking, have money, and being kind, are extremely hard to find. That's happening a lot in SV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is power over sex and power over marriage. Women generally have power over sex until they hit their late 30s (assuming they age normally). The issue is that women all chase the same few men. Because those men have control over sex and consume it with reckless abandon, women complain that they can't find a man. The problem is that they won't date men with fewer options, so they're competing in a horrible game of musical chairs to win one of the few men who are openly desirable (tall, handsome, and an earner or wealthy).

Women used to control marriage by creating a cartel around sex, but they gave up that market power in the 60s, so now men control whether they marry. However, the mediocre men who aren't having sex can't find a wife, so the mediocre men and leftover women are choosing to be alone rather than coupling with each other.

I met DH when he and all of his friends were still single. DH was the first of the group to propose and we were married about a year after our first date. In the next two years, all of DH's friends, who are exactly the types DCUM would have coveted in their 20s, got married. It was amazing to see how quickly it happened. Of the roughly twelve guys, not one proposed to a girl in her 30s. All were in their early-to-late 20s.

When a woman hits 30 without an engagement ring, she needs to choose whether to settle or be alone.

So, to answer: Quality men have all the control over sex and marriage. No one else wins in the current dating market.

High-value women still have control over sex and marriage. Men of all ages still want a beautiful twenty-something who is kind, interesting, educated and comes from a good family. None of my attractive friends from college who wanted to be engaged in their twenties had a problem finding someone. One or two focused more on their careers and didn't approach dating seriously until their thirties, but they, too, still found their person.

Not so sure about that. I'm reminded of a trip to Alphabet City with a friend many years ago to meet her NYC friends. One of them was a tall, beautiful upper-Ivy grad whose parents paid her rent while she went husband hunting in the Big Apple. Her boyfriend at the time was a handsome enough cretin who treated her like garbage in front of all of us. It was jarring, but she took it because she couldn't find a properly employed guy who'd stick with her. If you know the good-looking banker crowd from those days, you know the men went through women on a weekly basis (and this was before apps!).

The dating market in these cities where the educated women outnumber the men is difficult for women. The girl from the Alphabet City story could have gotten a great guy, but she was shooting for the top of the pyramid in a competitive market. I'd love to know whom your friends married because my experience is that the longer a woman goes into her 30s, the worse it gets. I can think of a number of biglaw partners in DC who settled badly because there were no men who wanted them by the time they reached the professional mountain top.

Sounds like SATC.

I don’t know why she only looked at bankers. She could find a normal man making 200k

[Anonymous]

I know quite a few successful women in their 30s who have made finding a husband a full time job. Some of these women are perfect on paper and yet they are still single. Of course you have outliers but for a lot of women this remains a challenge.

[Anonymous]

Rich men and young beautiful women. Those are the two segments with the most power in the dating market. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 30-year-old male who went to Pitt to study Information Systems with a minor in music, and played a D1 sport there, and worked at Nvidia for the past five years. It seems like I have so many women to choose from the dating pool, especially from 30+ women. YMMV.

I think a lot of attractive and well paid men got easy access to basically practicing polyamory on dating apps. If they enjoy it, they can keep doing it well into mid 50s. I am a woman in my mid 40s and I see a new aged “apps generation” of late 50s men.
What’s dangerous is that closer to 60 they do want to find a life partner but developmentally they are kids relative me. I’ve lived a life, grew up a child etc.

Those men are called the creepers by most if they are doing the poly and dating young women. Often they don't end up well because they age out. Not to mention many get STDs and infections more so at their age.

Nvidia PP here. Where I live in Silicon Valley, there are so many 30+ single/successful women for me to pick from. I think it has to do with those women realizing that they are running out of time, and guys who are 6 feet tall, good-looking, have money, and being kind, are extremely hard to find. That's happening a lot in SV.

San Jose has very good ratio for women and men, with way more single men than women. If you look at the white women population, many guys are trying to date them. Not sure what other cities you are taking about but West Coast is way better than dmv

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich men and young beautiful women. Those are the two segments with the most power in the dating market. The end.

Unfortunately, this is completely true. The good news for women is that its easy to be hot. Hire a personal trainer and a nutritionist and spend some time getting super fit. It’ll be good for your health and you’ll revalue yourself on the dating market.

[Anonymous]

As a man making 400k give or take in my early 30’s in a male dominated field who isn’t an extrovert (thus turning to dating apps), I still felt like women had the power because I barely got as much as a match with a relatively normal person except once every few weeks and this is only if I spent 45min a day swiping and messaging dozens of women. It was SLOG. Finally met my wife after 6 months on the apps. I didn’t feel like I had an advantage at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man making 400k give or take in my early 30’s in a male dominated field who isn’t an extrovert (thus turning to dating apps), I still felt like women had the power because I barely got as much as a match with a relatively normal person except once every few weeks and this is only if I spent 45min a day swiping and messaging dozens of women. It was SLOG. Finally met my wife after 6 months on the apps. I didn’t feel like I had an advantage at all.

6 months is an incredibly short amount of time to find a spouse, I would call this a success. Most men apparently don’t get matches from anybody at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a man making 400k give or take in my early 30’s in a male dominated field who isn’t an extrovert (thus turning to dating apps), I still felt like women had the power because I barely got as much as a match with a relatively normal person except once every few weeks and this is only if I spent 45min a day swiping and messaging dozens of women. It was SLOG. Finally met my wife after 6 months on the apps. I didn’t feel like I had an advantage at all.

6 months is an incredibly short amount of time to find a spouse, I would call this a success. Most men apparently don’t get matches from anybody at all.

As a pretty average mid 40s woman (but I'm fit) - I dated plenty of high profile men in my area. Turned down very high earning men (for being fat, sexual preferences I disliked etc). I can't stop on anyone specific because I always find something is wrong with the person I'm dating and move on to the next one within week. And they are all 6', fit executives of all levels. I think that attractive women of all ages control the market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich men and young beautiful women. Those are the two segments with the most power in the dating market. The end.

This is true but the dynamics are much more mixed for the other 95% of the population.

From my experience, it really is very hard to generalize. As an attractive 20-year-old, I had trouble finding great guys. Divorced in my 40s, it was not hard to find dates and most of the men that I met on dating sites were looking for long-term relationships.