Who holds the power in the marriage dating market?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rich men and young beautiful women. Those are the two segments with the most power in the dating market. The end.

This is true but the dynamics are much more mixed for the other 95% of the population.

From my experience, it really is very hard to generalize. As an attractive 20-year-old, I had trouble finding great guys. Divorced in my 40s, it was not hard to find dates and most of the men that I met on dating sites were looking for long-term relationships.

I think honestly it’s easier to find someone for LTR in my 40s than in my 20s. All girls were pretty and I wasn’t the stunner. But 20 years later 80% of those beauties added extra weight, didn’t use sun screen daily, don’t use hair products or workouts. I now stand out in the 40s crowd because I’m in shape and take a good care of myself. Men who are looking for a serious connection prefer women within 15 years, for fun they date much younger. So now I capture the right crowd and I always struggled in my 20s when boys only wanted fun and no commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 30-year-old male who went to Pitt to study Information Systems with a minor in music, and played a D1 sport there, and worked at Nvidia for the past five years. It seems like I have so many women to choose from the dating pool, especially from 30+ women. YMMV.

Yep
I think a lot of attractive and well paid men got easy access to basically practicing polyamory on dating apps. If they enjoy it, they can keep doing it well into mid 50s. I am a woman in my mid 40s and I see a new aged “apps generation” of late 50s men.
What’s dangerous is that closer to 60 they do want to find a life partner but developmentally they are kids relative me. I’ve lived a life, grew up a child etc.

Those men are called the creepers by most if they are doing the poly and dating young women. Often they don't end up well because they age out. Not to mention many get STDs and infections more so at their age.

Nvidia PP here. Where I live in Silicon Valley, there are so many 30+ single/successful women for me to pick from. I think it has to do with those women realizing that they are running out of time, and guys who are 6 feet tall, good-looking, have money, and being kind, are extremely hard to find. That's happening a lot in SV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a late thirties woman who has observed the dating and marriage market for well...15+ years since I entered it, this is an interesting topic for me.

As women we are told that we have the power in that any man would be willing to sleep with us. I would agree that being a youngish and average looking woman means that it is exceptionally easy to find a man to date and sleep with.

However, getting commitment from men, is a whole other matter. As a marriage minded twentysomething, it was very difficult to come across any twentysomething or thirtysomething men who wanted to marry and have children. Most did not make enough income to make supporting a wife and children a feasible option, especially in DC when many of my peers were in the policy, non profit or government space.

The men were happy to hook up and date casually but almost no one had marriage in mind. My beautiful smart twentysomething girlfriends and I kept dating and getting dumped from one guy to the next.

In our thirties, the dating pool gets even more scary as now there is a shortage of men as those interested in marriage suddenly start proposing to the girl they are dating and walking down the aisle. The shift is swift and confusing. In every instance, the man who proposes has a high paying job or acquired one within the past two years of proposing. They certainly did NOT date the pretty girls in their twenties with the intention to marry...but instead...dated with the intention to marry in a very short window of time in their early twenties when they started to make money! Whoever they happened to be dating at that point...got the ring! It was like a game of musical chairs!

So you see...it appears that in the dating and marriage market...it is the men who are the choosers and the gatekeepers. They decide when to propose and to whom. A woman's future as a wife and a mother depends on whether a man finds her worthy to be his bride!

Wouldn't you try harder to meet the guys working at Capital One or Carlyle or BigLaw associates or Defense companies or Danaher or Marriott HQ or any of the other companies that pay real $$$s?

Because those guys have horrible schedules and tons of travel. It's not appealing.

Personally I would go for a nice GS-11/13 with promotion potential.

You don't sound like OP however.

I'm not at all like OP. Here are my key points.

1) Get your head around the logistsics being a single mother by choice, that way you won't think a man is necessary. Did that in college. The lack of desperation is really important here.

2) Date to marry. If anyone's not a good match, no matter how nice he is, bid him farewell. It's better to be single. And don't conceal this-- the goal is to run off anyone who isn't also dating to marry. I don't know why OP says it's difficult to come across any twentysomething or thirtysomething men who wanted to marry and have children. They might not want it right that moment, but there are plenty who do want it in their mid-thirties.

3) Don't date people who have non-family-friendly jobs. This means BigLaw partner track, consulting, anything really secretive, anything with terrible hours or too much travel or that doesn't have a suitable earnings trajectory. Figure out who's on track for a job that pays well enough and also allows time for a family, and date those guys.

4) Be marriage material. Don't act or dress tacky, don't get drunk, have a good career of your own and save money, pursue a MA or MBA or JD or whatever. Keep your eye on the long term. Don't have your life on hold-- go ahead and buy a condo if you like. This will be appealing to them!

Women often run off normally-adjusted men by placing arbitrary timelines on commitment. It's best to sniff out signs of seriousness/non-seriousness by observing a man's actions, but a lot of women think they can avoid time wasters by making statements like "I don't have time to waste" or "I'm tired of the games. I need someone serious who's marriage-minded." While that might seem like a winning strategy to the woman since she believes she's scaring off the non-committal men, it's often scaring off the men who are marriage-minded but don't want someone who reeks of desperation. And the bonus here is that saying "I don't have time to waste" won't stop men from lying to you and wasting your time anyway.

Well, I wouldn't say any of those things. I just made it known to my friends in general that I envision myself married with two kids in my mid-thirties. Anyone who was uncomfortable with this was not someone I would date at all. And-- key point-- I was saying this in my mid-twenties, so it wasn't like I was trying to drag anyone down the aisle. I was just saying I wanted to... live a very normal life!

I'm all for watching their behavior as well. But it's important to offload anyone who shows you, in any way, that he's not serious. There's no need for an ultimatum, a timeline, etc. Those are not helpful because I don't want to marry someone who had to be ultimatumed into it. Just break up with him if you're not both working towards marriage. [/

This.

[Anonymous]

Lets not forget that power isn't gender based and its not a constant. For example at 26, a pretty woman with an average job may hold more dating power than an average looking man with an average job but at 33, if he is well settled and she isn't or even if she is, he'll have more power.

[Anonymous]

Same way, a below average looking woman from a lower middle class with an undergrad degree at 22, can become a finance executive at 29 and get groomed and cosmetically enhanced to dramatically increase her value.

[Anonymous]

Women at every age, especially if they keep themselves up. I'm older married and still get hit up. My male friend is older has a good retirement, but the younger ones want a future. The ones his age don't want to be a nurse. It seems he's only left with women who want a retirement who didn't plan as well. Or see him mainly as a ATM.

Women have always held the power IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 30-year-old male who went to Pitt to study Information Systems with a minor in music, and played a D1 sport there, and worked at Nvidia for the past five years. It seems like I have so many women to choose from the dating pool, especially from 30+ women. YMMV.

I think a lot of attractive and well paid men got easy access to basically practicing polyamory on dating apps. If they enjoy it, they can keep doing it well into mid 50s. I am a woman in my mid 40s and I see a new aged “apps generation” of late 50s men.
What’s dangerous is that closer to 60 they do want to find a life partner but developmentally they are kids relative me. I’ve lived a life, grew up a child etc.

Those men are called the creepers by most if they are doing the poly and dating young women. Often they don't end up well because they age out. Not to mention many get STDs and infections more so at their age.

Nvidia PP here. Where I live in Silicon Valley, there are so many 30+ single/successful women for me to pick from. I think it has to do with those women realizing that they are running out of time, and guys who are 6 feet tall, good-looking, have money, and being kind, are extremely hard to find. That's happening a lot in SV.

I know many of those women lol. If you're 50 something they want a short path to make their life much easier. It's not about love, it's about a good lifestyle. If they marry guys their own age often they have to work, and their lives are much harder than marrying an established man. Nothing new here. As good looking as older men claim to be....they are still "older". There's a big reason they are foregoing the males their age. Kevin Costner is a good example. She made sure to have kids with him, got a great settlement, left him for a hot younger guy. Kevin was the easy life guy, probably Josh is the love guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women at every age, especially if they keep themselves up. I'm older married and still get hit up. My male friend is older has a good retirement, but the younger ones want a future. The ones his age don't want to be a nurse. It seems he's only left with women who want a retirement who didn't plan as well. Or see him mainly as a ATM.

Women have always held the power IMO.

Women today drunk as much as men, consume drugs like men, are fat/obese like men. Yet they keep assuming they are going to be the healthy ones in the future and don't want to take on a nursing role. Perhaps you ladies should start worrying about who will take care of you because your drinking and eating habits is leading you the same alley men have being taking and it's not a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lets not forget that power isn't gender based and its not a constant. For example at 26, a pretty woman with an average job may hold more dating power than an average looking man with an average job but at 33, if he is well settled and she isn't or even if she is, he'll have more power.

Not necessarily. A lot of these single women in their 30s are "alpha or bust" and are content dealing with a very small minority of attractive men, even if that doesn't lead them to marriage. This is especially the case if they are financially self-sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Women have and always had the real power at every age. Some don't know or use it, but over men. Definitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women at every age, especially if they keep themselves up. I'm older married and still get hit up. My male friend is older has a good retirement, but the younger ones want a future. The ones his age don't want to be a nurse. It seems he's only left with women who want a retirement who didn't plan as well. Or see him mainly as a ATM.

Women have always held the power IMO.

Women today drunk as much as men, consume drugs like men, are fat/obese like men. Yet they keep assuming they are going to be the healthy ones in the future and don't want to take on a nursing role. Perhaps you ladies should start worrying about who will take care of you because your drinking and eating habits is leading you the same alley men have being taking and it's not a good one.

That goes for men as well. Health should be a top priority. Then their finances. If you have enough money you can pay for people to do that, one doesn't need a partner. Nor may they desire one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lets not forget that power isn't gender based and its not a constant. For example at 26, a pretty woman with an average job may hold more dating power than an average looking man with an average job but at 33, if he is well settled and she isn't or even if she is, he'll have more power.

Not necessarily. A lot of these single women in their 30s are "alpha or bust" and are content dealing with a very small minority of attractive men, even if that doesn't lead them to marriage. This is especially the case if they are financially self-sufficient.

LOL I never met an "Alpha person", that's a silly term. If people think in those terms usually they are deluding themselves in the dating world.

So much involved in what makes a good life partner. You don't seem to get it going by your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women at every age, especially if they keep themselves up. I'm older married and still get hit up. My male friend is older has a good retirement, but the younger ones want a future. The ones his age don't want to be a nurse. It seems he's only left with women who want a retirement who didn't plan as well. Or see him mainly as a ATM.

Women have always held the power IMO.

Women today drunk as much as men, consume drugs like men, are fat/obese like men. Yet they keep assuming they are going to be the healthy ones in the future and don't want to take on a nursing role. Perhaps you ladies should start worrying about who will take care of you because your drinking and eating habits is leading you the same alley men have being taking and it's not a good one.

I agree. As an older guy my experience has been that younger women have no problems dating and being fwb with attractive (fit, good hair, good style) older guy. But, a relationship beyond that isn’t something they’re interested in. Also, for fwb, they don’t seem to care about money as much as I would have thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lets not forget that power isn't gender based and its not a constant. For example at 26, a pretty woman with an average job may hold more dating power than an average looking man with an average job but at 33, if he is well settled and she isn't or even if she is, he'll have more power.

Not necessarily. A lot of these single women in their 30s are "alpha or bust" and are content dealing with a very small minority of attractive men, even if that doesn't lead them to marriage. This is especially the case if they are financially self-sufficient.

LOL I never met an "Alpha person", that's a silly term. If people think in those terms usually they are deluding themselves in the dating world.

So much involved in what makes a good life partner. You don't seem to get it going by your post.

The point is that a significant number of women are not looking for a life partner. Or maybe they were and have given up because they are not finding the type of mates they want. A lot of women in big cities are just cycling through a small number of attractive men. So these women are never available to the average man.

[Anonymous]

I know some women who are still very attractive in their late 30s. Some say they want families but others have abandoned that dream. They are used to dating high status and/or attractive men (high-ranking govt officials, retired athletes, doctors, lawyers) and they keep dating those men even if the relationships never go anywhere. They'd rather cycle through the men they want than settle for a slightly lower tier man who will commit to them. They still have a lot of power in the dating market relative to men outside of the Top 5-10%.