Wife and I have dramatically different opinions about how much financial help should be given to adult kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

[Anonymous]

The whole point is you raise accomplished, successful people and then give them a leg up when you can to keep their momentum going. And they do the same for their kids and so on.

Debt isn’t some crucial life lesson you need to force your kids to undertake to become “real adults”. That’s some crabs in a bucket mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of delusional people on this thread who don't realize how normal it is to help kids with these three items.

In DC, the Wapo reported this year that 12% of homebuyers got family help to buy their house. That's of all home purchases. First time home buyers is way higher. The number is so high that it clearly bears no correlation to whether the kids work hard, have high earning jobs, are nice people. Some people get parent help and some people don't. That's all it is.

But sure, if you want to tell your kids out of principle that they're SOL even if you have the means to help them, that's your prerogative. They'll just be left behind all their peers, that's all.

Just because a lot of people do something doesn't mean it's advisable or correct. A lot of people are addicted to fentanyl.

And what about giving them a zero-interest loan instead? Also, they don't have to live in the DC area. The vast majority of America is affordable by comparison.

It's still amusing to me that people actually think you're letting a 25 year old adult child (with a graduate degree you paid for) get "left behind" if you don't drop 250k on a down payment for them. LOL. Talk about delusional

Great, don't help your kids. I plan to help mine.

This is the only website on the internet with people dumb enough to think giving your kid a trust fund is "helping" them.

Like I said, no problems! Your kids are going to do amazing when you withhold money from them. You should feel sorry for my kids apparently for getting that trust fund. It’s going to hurt them after all.

PS, it’s pretty clear your pool is very limited if you think that parents all over the world aren’t giving their kids everything they have. It’s rich white people who seem to think this is a moral dilemma.

I just don’t understand why you think your kids will be such losers.

Is that the best you can do? Sad.

What else is needed? You think your kids won’t be able to make it on their own and so you are ready to dole out the welfare.

That’s what you have said repeatedly.

You keep saying that and the only one who thinks that is you. Alternatively when someone says they did well even with help, you say it wasn’t needed. Obviously the chip is on your shoulder. As I said, no matter, you think your kids will thrive this way, but really they are just going to get passed by.

Good luck having a 40 year old child who j**ks off and plays video games all day. Just keep giving them everything they want. Always works out, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole point is you raise accomplished, successful people and then give them a leg up when you can to keep their momentum going. And they do the same for their kids and so on.

Debt isn’t some crucial life lesson you need to force your kids to undertake to become “real adults”. That’s some crabs in a bucket mentality.

This is the definition of privilege. You are advocating a society in which the rich constantly get richer, forever. That's unsustainable, unjust, and grotesque. If you disagree, then I don't think you understand what America was even intended to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole point is you raise accomplished, successful people and then give them a leg up when you can to keep their momentum going. And they do the same for their kids and so on.

Debt isn’t some crucial life lesson you need to force your kids to undertake to become “real adults”. That’s some crabs in a bucket mentality.

This is the definition of privilege. You are advocating a society in which the rich constantly get richer, forever. That's unsustainable, unjust, and grotesque. If you disagree, then I don't think you understand what America was even intended to be.

DEI stands for Didn't Earn It. Sad reality is that a huge portion of America thinks stuff should just be given to them. Parents buying everything for their adult kids only makes it worse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of delusional people on this thread who don't realize how normal it is to help kids with these three items.

In DC, the Wapo reported this year that 12% of homebuyers got family help to buy their house. That's of all home purchases. First time home buyers is way higher. The number is so high that it clearly bears no correlation to whether the kids work hard, have high earning jobs, are nice people. Some people get parent help and some people don't. That's all it is.

But sure, if you want to tell your kids out of principle that they're SOL even if you have the means to help them, that's your prerogative. They'll just be left behind all their peers, that's all.

Just because a lot of people do something doesn't mean it's advisable or correct. A lot of people are addicted to fentanyl.

And what about giving them a zero-interest loan instead? Also, they don't have to live in the DC area. The vast majority of America is affordable by comparison.

It's still amusing to me that people actually think you're letting a 25 year old adult child (with a graduate degree you paid for) get "left behind" if you don't drop 250k on a down payment for them. LOL. Talk about delusional

Great, don't help your kids. I plan to help mine.

This is the only website on the internet with people dumb enough to think giving your kid a trust fund is "helping" them.

Like I said, no problems! Your kids are going to do amazing when you withhold money from them. You should feel sorry for my kids apparently for getting that trust fund. It’s going to hurt them after all.

PS, it’s pretty clear your pool is very limited if you think that parents all over the world aren’t giving their kids everything they have. It’s rich white people who seem to think this is a moral dilemma.

This summer go meet the interns then look up their last names in outlook

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

Only rich kids help their parents instead of hoping for them to die so they can collect whatever measly inheritance is coming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

Define success…I don’t get it…successful people don’t need their parents help to buy their first home…even a $2MM+ home is a $400k down payment which isn’t all that much…for successful people.

Your descendants living to 100 in a safe area where they don’t get killed in gang war crossfire because they bought the house in “ward 9”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother was an immigrant at age 16 and worked as a maid and cook. She worked her ass off so that my mom had better financial and professional opportunities.

My mother took advantage of those opportunities, did very well in school and work, and, with my father became upper middle financial class.

My parents worked very hard to support the next generation. They paid for college for all three and professional school for the two of us who went. They also paid for all three weddings, and have helped substantially with down payments for 2 of the 3 of us.

My siblings and I all work hard at our jobs, earn a good living (plus our spouses' income), and are collectively raising 7 kids. Among the 3 of us siblings, we earn approximately $1.5-1.8 million annually. We've been paying for our kids' college and professional school, and I assume will also provide additional financial support where helpful.

But, the key is that we are a super tight family, have high expectations of each other, and we have also had the good luck that our family members are hard-working, driven people. Meaning that everyone is responsible and generally does their best to find a path where they can both do some good for the world and also support a family.

I don't worry about our kids becoming "spoiled" because I've known them their whole lives and that's just not who they are. Not to say I don't worry about other things, but their becoming lazy, entitled laggards just isn't on the list. So, we'll continue to support our kids however helpful and whenever helpful.

I think my approach to this is that my family has retained what may be considered an immigrant family mindset. Our job is to help the future generations succeed and establish themselves (whatever that may mean to them). It's a quite multi-generational mindset. Also, while kids may wish to take loans rather than gifts from parents, the idea of kids or family taking out loans from banks would be very unusual and based on some terrific financial deal. Otherwise, we wouldn't want family paying interest to a bank when that money could stay in the family. This tight-knit, and mutually-reliant approach is different than some more US-based approached more focused in individualism, and I think different approaches have their benefits and drawbacks. This approach has worked well for my extended family, though, and hasn't resulted in any failure to launch.

Amazing! What do you all do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole point is you raise accomplished, successful people and then give them a leg up when you can to keep their momentum going. And they do the same for their kids and so on.

Debt isn’t some crucial life lesson you need to force your kids to undertake to become “real adults”. That’s some crabs in a bucket mentality.

+1 but for everyone who doesn’t know this, there’s a better opportunity for my kid to fill in the void

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

NP. I don’t care about what help you or your husband got, you just sound like a mean and dreadful person. How pathetic to come to an anonymous message board and brag about your wealth, while slamming people who have less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

You don’t need to explain anything to me. My parents helped me, I help my kids and that’s how it goes on in my family. What you do or what you think is your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

You don’t need to explain anything to me. My parents helped me, I help my kids and that’s how it goes on in my family. What you do or what you think is your problem.

The spoiled princess is mad about being called out. Poor baby, go cry to daddy, maybe he can get me fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives.

I don’t honestly believe this is true. The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially. They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates). I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation.

The problem with you and your friends is that you have that “born on third base but think you hit a triple” mentality. So you not only get completely unearned advantages (for instance, rich kids using their family “help” money to drive the cost of real estate ever higher); you also use your unearned privilege to enact and support policies that f$@k over the actual hard-working adults in your community and your country.

Jealous?

I mean… of course? My husband and I actually have to work and save and sacrifice for what we have. It’d be great to be part of the American Royalty that doesn’t have to do jacksh!t and gets the food cooked in their mouths.

But what irritates me is when you societal leeches have the nerve to pretend that you’ve earned everything you have. Just because mommy paid for you to go to law school out of her trust fund and daddy’s golfing buddy hooked you up with a job in his firm making seven figures while contributing nothing.

Yeah, it must be nice

It is nice.

Glad you at least agree that you’re just a lucky loser!

Glad you agree you’re just a jealous whiner!

LOL. I’m not whining. I’m just trying to explain the concept of unearned privilege to you.

You don’t need to explain anything to me. My parents helped me, I help my kids and that’s how it goes on in my family. What you do or what you think is your problem.

The spoiled princess is mad about being called out. Poor baby, go cry to daddy, maybe he can get me fired.

With that attitude, no wonder you’re stuck being a loser. Meanwhile I am
enjoying my life and so are my kids. Reflect on why you’re so angry and bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole point is you raise accomplished, successful people and then give them a leg up when you can to keep their momentum going. And they do the same for their kids and so on.

Debt isn’t some crucial life lesson you need to force your kids to undertake to become “real adults”. That’s some crabs in a bucket mentality.

This is the definition of privilege. You are advocating a society in which the rich constantly get richer, forever. That's unsustainable, unjust, and grotesque. If you disagree, then I don't think you understand what America was even intended to be.

Wait, what? You think the founding fathers didn’t want privilege for their progeny? You think they wanted their sons from marriage to work for it? They wanted an even playing field for all?

That is the cutest and most naive thing I’ve heard in a while. Did you study US history after elementary school?