DUI and Death on Harrison

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many adults in this community enable and look the other way and normalize a high school drinking culture. Most kids aren’t a part of it but the ones who are, everyone knows it. That’s just how it is and for those of you getting your first window into it, you should be shocked. Don’t let that feeling wear off.

Terrible tragedy for all those affected.

This. In my neighborhood the parents don't care on whit that their kid is coming home drunk in 8th grade. They also smoke pot almost completely out in the open. They barely hide it from their parents. My neighbor's kid has been driving at 50mph in our residential street with the parents outside watching doing nothing. There are definitely more parents who believe their children never do wrong even when they do terrible things in front of them.

I have a current 8th grader at an APS middle school and I’m not seeing anything like this at all. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I’m curious about the neighborhood. I’m in one of the NA neighborhoods whose elementary school is routinely roasted. And I don’t drink or smoke anything, so it’s not a matter of being too blitzed myself.

If you mean Discovery or Nottingham, that's exactly who we are talking about. These moms all drank at the homecoming pre-parties, then drove the kids to the dance. Then guess who picked them up and brought them home to the after party... then naively stayed upstairs while shenanigans went on in the basements?

[Anonymous]

8th graders are going to Homecoming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really the worst of DCUM, pointing fingers and exposing the name of the barely 18 year old who is at fault. Yes, technically I guess there is no reason not to since it's public information, but I would say that common decency would dictate that people recognize that these are actually people whose lives have been irrevocably changed. Can we take a few days to let the community mourn before we tear each other apart blaming parents? Many, if not most, of our children will be exposed to dangerous circumstances. Maybe not DUI, but there are pills at parties, sexual assaults, muggings, fraternity hazings, etc. It does nobody any good to have a bunch of parents up on their soapboxes preaching about how it couldn't be their children.

All those acts tend to be done by reckless spoiled sh!t boys with mommies just like you. Yes omg the drunk drivers life has changed. He killed someone and is lucky only in that he didn’t kill more people. Grow up. Grow TF UP. You’re all solipsistic f’ing monsters.

I think you are the reckless one. Either one of these boys could have been ANY OF OUR KIDS. Everyone knows what should have been done differently. But, to make assumptions about a mom you don't know, when you know nothing about the child or the families is disgusting. Well, who seems like the monster now.

DP, and that's BS.

Your family probably normalizes drinking, even as adults, as a casual thing that people just do. You live in the toxic alcohol culture, and somehow can't fathom that this definitely, absolutely could not happen to many kids, because their families have a significantly less lax attitude when it comes to drinking.

The young adults failed because their parents had a similar attitude, and were likely befriending their kids instead of parenting them.

It's all completely avoidable. I'm so grateful that no random hard working person coming home from a night shift, was hurt by these selfish brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8th graders are going to Homecoming?

Their older siblings are....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many adults in this community enable and look the other way and normalize a high school drinking culture. Most kids aren’t a part of it but the ones who are, everyone knows it. That’s just how it is and for those of you getting your first window into it, you should be shocked. Don’t let that feeling wear off.

Terrible tragedy for all those affected.

This. In my neighborhood the parents don't care on whit that their kid is coming home drunk in 8th grade. They also smoke pot almost completely out in the open. They barely hide it from their parents. My neighbor's kid has been driving at 50mph in our residential street with the parents outside watching doing nothing. There are definitely more parents who believe their children never do wrong even when they do terrible things in front of them.

I have a current 8th grader at an APS middle school and I’m not seeing anything like this at all. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I’m curious about the neighborhood. I’m in one of the NA neighborhoods whose elementary school is routinely roasted. And I don’t drink or smoke anything, so it’s not a matter of being too blitzed myself.

If you mean Discovery or Nottingham, that's exactly who we are talking about. These moms all drank at the homecoming pre-parties, then drove the kids to the dance. Then guess who picked them up and brought them home to the after party... then naively stayed upstairs while shenanigans went on in the basements?

Yep. So gross and irresponsible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as we’re talking about underage drinking, I’m curious to know what coaches are doing about it. Do athletes actually follow the no substance rules, or is it all with a wink and a nod and just laughing it off as a rite of passage? Also, what behavior is being modeled at home?

I'm not sure how much coaches enforce vs turn a blind eye, but this fear is part of what keeps my teen in check. We told him that he would get kicked off the team if he got caught drinking. Sports are very important to him so I think this helps as a deterrent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really the worst of DCUM, pointing fingers and exposing the name of the barely 18 year old who is at fault. Yes, technically I guess there is no reason not to since it's public information, but I would say that common decency would dictate that people recognize that these are actually people whose lives have been irrevocably changed. Can we take a few days to let the community mourn before we tear each other apart blaming parents? Many, if not most, of our children will be exposed to dangerous circumstances. Maybe not DUI, but there are pills at parties, sexual assaults, muggings, fraternity hazings, etc. It does nobody any good to have a bunch of parents up on their soapboxes preaching about how it couldn't be their children.

All those acts tend to be done by reckless spoiled sh!t boys with mommies just like you. Yes omg the drunk drivers life has changed. He killed someone and is lucky only in that he didn’t kill more people. Grow up. Grow TF UP. You’re all solipsistic f’ing monsters.

I think you are the reckless one. Either one of these boys could have been ANY OF OUR KIDS. Everyone knows what should have been done differently. But, to make assumptions about a mom you don't know, when you know nothing about the child or the families is disgusting. Well, who seems like the monster now.

DP, and that's BS.

Your family probably normalizes drinking, even as adults, as a casual thing that people just do. You live in the toxic alcohol culture, and somehow can't fathom that this definitely, absolutely could not happen to many kids, because their families have a significantly less lax attitude when it comes to drinking.

The young adults failed because their parents had a similar attitude, and were likely befriending their kids instead of parenting them.

It's all completely avoidable. I'm so grateful that no random hard working person coming home from a night shift, was hurt by these selfish brats.

Yes and this is another thing that the idiot above is doing- conflating things that aren’t equal.

Experimenting with alcohol and underage drinking are NOT SYNONYMS for getting behind the wheel. I’m not saying any of this is required to be a normal teen or cool - do you, be present, try. But the idea that moron mom presents is that everyone drinks too much at times AND DRIVES and that’s a goddamned lie. End of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it the same poster coming in (with similar pejorative language each time tbh) pointing and blaming the kids involved here?

I have talked to my kid about drinking and drugs, and offered to provide a ride under any circumstances, before this happened, and offered kid to use me as a scapegoat or excuse in any possible situation. And in general my kid scoffs at alcohol use and, for that matter, isn't yet old enough to drive. As parents we don't in any way sponsor underage drinking. THAT SAID, I have also been a child and I understand that children sometimes get into situations that they did not anticipate and do not always correctly problem solve their way out of. And I totally understand the other feeling in this thread of this could happen to my kid on a very bad day, and they'd be dead or would have to live with it the rest of their life. And I have compassion for all involved. Not sure why the more judgmental person/people in this thread are not grokking that. Even the very unfortunate students who were in the car but were not driving made the bad decision to get into the car. Lots of kids have made those very awful decisions, and I'm not sure what benefit you're getting from calling these 18 and 19 year olds names.

Accountability.

[Anonymous]

If you thinking getting behind the wheel after drinking is normal, then you're hanging out with some abhorrent people.

Same for people who think date raping women is normal - they're hanging around really awful people.

Same for people who think stealing from stores is no big deal, everyone does it. No, you're hanging around deranged bad people.

You want to choose to be a selfish, bad person because everyone around you is doing it? Get a better group of "friends" and lead by example. Because these are all not normal things, and no, "it could happening to anyone" is horseshit.

[Anonymous]

Time to lock this Jeff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to lock this Jeff.

😢

[Anonymous]

I think YOU guys are assuming that this was "normal" for that kid. Not the parents on here who have compassion for everyone involved. I think most parents on here know that we are more than our one worst decision. Of course the decision was awful, but do we understand how it can happen? Yup.

And if you're not understanding how this happens, then you're not paying attention to the stats on teen and 20 year old DUIs resulting in deaths that were posted earlier, and how kids even with low alcohol levels are more likely than adults to be involved in fatal accidents. It's not normal, but it's definitely happening in numbers that we should try to understand in order to prevent. Unless you prefer to just point and accuse and call these kids names, in which case, by all means, carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think YOU guys are assuming that this was "normal" for that kid. Not the parents on here who have compassion for everyone involved. I think most parents on here know that we are more than our one worst decision. Of course the decision was awful, but do we understand how it can happen? Yup.

And if you're not understanding how this happens, then you're not paying attention to the stats on teen and 20 year old DUIs resulting in deaths that were posted earlier, and how kids even with low alcohol levels are more likely than adults to be involved in fatal accidents. It's not normal, but it's definitely happening in numbers that we should try to understand in order to prevent. Unless you prefer to just point and accuse and call these kids names, in which case, by all means, carry on.

Yeah, the real problem isn’t the corpse. It’s people finger-pointing and saying “bad boy.”

[Anonymous]

Very sad situation. We just attended parent student meeting for teen drivers (required for all the sophomores taking drivers ed). We attended the session at Yorktown last week that was full of parents and kids who clearly thought it was a waste of their time.

I'll admit to being a bit annoyed at having to attend this after work but did think it was an important reminder to the kids of the consequences of drinking and driving, or riding in a car with someone who’s been drinking, and the importance of always wearing a seatbelt. Presenters also reminded parents that their kids that parents have important influence over their kids’ decisions and that it is illegal for adults to buy alcohol for minors.

[Anonymous]

The issue is those of us with kids in this age cohort with these boys know it’s not just some random it could happen to anyone situation. The situation 2 years ago wasn’t either with the carful of boys who killed the other kid. There are kids who behave this way and the kids know who they are. There are families who enable jt and many people know who they are.

It can sometimes be random and sometimes it’s all not that big of a surprise. Doesn’t change what a tragedy it is or empathy for the families.