DUI and Death on Harrison

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

The #1 thing is modeling with your own alcohol intake as an adult. If you have poor habits (drinking frequently, at every social outing, having a glass or two of wine to "unwind" etc) then kids are going to pick up that. The kids make poor choices, because the adults in their loves make poor choices. The alcohol culture in this country is absolutely dysfunctional.

Right, you didn't even try to answer the harder questions of what to do in the specific scenarios. Everything to you is "modeling"? Pretty sure we all know what are effectively "preacher's kids" who themselves went the other way and rebelled. Better have answers to what you're going to do in these harder situations because I expect they will come at you fast.

I've talked to my kids about calling me with no recrimination from me if they're ever in an alcohol or drugs situation, instead of getting in the car. I've worked out a code word for them to use if they need me to call them and give them an excuse to leave something. I've talked stats. If I found out about pre-college underage drinking, I expect there would be some grounding, and talking. Wouldn't allow unsupervised visits at that friends house again. Might limit approval of excursions with that friend unless us parents were there too. Would probably restrict phone access for some period, as punishment. Maybe read some stuff together about families affected by the issue. In the past I have threatened to make kids watch Beautiful Boy with me to prevent them from ever getting involved with drugs. So, I've done a bunch and would do a bunch more, and I STILL don't think my parenting somehow would save me from being one of the unfortunate families in this situation, because I've seen terrible things happen to other good families.

But maybe you're just much superior to all of the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

The #1 thing is modeling with your own alcohol intake as an adult. If you have poor habits (drinking frequently, at every social outing, having a glass or two of wine to "unwind" etc) then kids are going to pick up that. The kids make poor choices, because the adults in their loves make poor choices. The alcohol culture in this country is absolutely dysfunctional.

Right, you didn't even try to answer the harder questions of what to do in the specific scenarios. Everything to you is "modeling"? Pretty sure we all know what are effectively "preacher's kids" who themselves went the other way and rebelled. Better have answers to what you're going to do in these harder situations because I expect they will come at you fast.

I've talked to my kids about calling me with no recrimination from me if they're ever in an alcohol or drugs situation, instead of getting in the car. I've worked out a code word for them to use if they need me to call them and give them an excuse to leave something. I've talked stats. If I found out about pre-college underage drinking, I expect there would be some grounding, and talking. Wouldn't allow unsupervised visits at that friends house again. Might limit approval of excursions with that friend unless us parents were there too. Would probably restrict phone access for some period, as punishment. Maybe read some stuff together about families affected by the issue. In the past I have threatened to make kids watch Beautiful Boy with me to prevent them from ever getting involved with drugs. So, I've done a bunch and would do a bunch more, and I STILL don't think my parenting somehow would save me from being one of the unfortunate families in this situation, because I've seen terrible things happen to other good families.

But maybe you're just much superior to all of the rest of us.

Just ignore. They don’t have teens. Probably can’t figure out how to speak at SB meetings either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

The #1 thing is modeling with your own alcohol intake as an adult. If you have poor habits (drinking frequently, at every social outing, having a glass or two of wine to "unwind" etc) then kids are going to pick up that. The kids make poor choices, because the adults in their loves make poor choices. The alcohol culture in this country is absolutely dysfunctional.

Right, you didn't even try to answer the harder questions of what to do in the specific scenarios. Everything to you is "modeling"? Pretty sure we all know what are effectively "preacher's kids" who themselves went the other way and rebelled. Better have answers to what you're going to do in these harder situations because I expect they will come at you fast.

I've talked to my kids about calling me with no recrimination from me if they're ever in an alcohol or drugs situation, instead of getting in the car. I've worked out a code word for them to use if they need me to call them and give them an excuse to leave something. I've talked stats. If I found out about pre-college underage drinking, I expect there would be some grounding, and talking. Wouldn't allow unsupervised visits at that friends house again. Might limit approval of excursions with that friend unless us parents were there too. Would probably restrict phone access for some period, as punishment. Maybe read some stuff together about families affected by the issue. In the past I have threatened to make kids watch Beautiful Boy with me to prevent them from ever getting involved with drugs. So, I've done a bunch and would do a bunch more, and I STILL don't think my parenting somehow would save me from being one of the unfortunate families in this situation, because I've seen terrible things happen to other good families.

But maybe you're just much superior to all of the rest of us.

Agree. And I have 5 nephews and 2 teens, my own college freshmen and HS sons don’t drink. At all. Very into their sport and health and no time between school and sports. No HC this year either because of that.

I learned in life you should “never say never”. Life has a way of making a fool of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

I know you’re not serious. But for those who may be:

I don’t get drunk myself.

Know where your kids are going and who they are with. Trust and also verify. Pay attention. If it seems off it’s probably off.

Agree with others they all know when it’s a drinking party. Talk to other parents and you will quickly know too. My kids can go. Uber home or I’ll pick you up. There is an agreed upon time to get home and if it’s not met there are consequences. No driving yourself or accepting rides from others. My kids also know they will be seeing me at the end of their evening. Every time. Full check in. Have a drink or two but you better know you’re seeing me and having a hug and a conversation. No sleepovers ever.

No booze in my home with kids ever. I’m not that house. Ever. Nope not signing for the beach house where you’re all getting drunk. In fact no you’re not going.

Call me anytime, anywhere. No questions asked. I will get you. And I back this up.

And yes, some of this can be inconvenient and annoying and gets in the way of my own social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we're all on here with our opinions about fault and blame and suggestions for how to educate and protect our kids, but what are the kids saying right now? is it grief? anger? are kids coming clean to their parents about the drinking that goes on? about the drinking that was going on that night in particular?

Kids who know them are clearly devastated but also angry that this type of behavior was a pattern and ended the way it did.

Look this whole culture isn’t some big secret from the parents. I don’t know how many people on this thread need to tell you all that. People know where they were that night. This is why the whole….but this could be anyone stop judging!!! is landing a bit flat for some.

Are you kidding me? A group of girls crashed a car and 2 died in Fairfax county last year. They were sounding home from SAT prep class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

I know you’re not serious. But for those who may be:

I don’t get drunk myself.

Know where your kids are going and who they are with. Trust and also verify. Pay attention. If it seems off it’s probably off.

Agree with others they all know when it’s a drinking party. Talk to other parents and you will quickly know too. My kids can go. Uber home or I’ll pick you up. There is an agreed upon time to get home and if it’s not met there are consequences. No driving yourself or accepting rides from others. My kids also know they will be seeing me at the end of their evening. Every time. Full check in. Have a drink or two but you better know you’re seeing me and having a hug and a conversation. No sleepovers ever.

No booze in my home with kids ever. I’m not that house. Ever. Nope not signing for the beach house where you’re all getting drunk. In fact no you’re not going.

Call me anytime, anywhere. No questions asked. I will get you. And I back this up.

And yes, some of this can be inconvenient and annoying and gets in the way of my own social life.

Ok perfect anonymous. How can I get in touch with you? Please advise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

I know you’re not serious. But for those who may be:

I don’t get drunk myself.

Know where your kids are going and who they are with. Trust and also verify. Pay attention. If it seems off it’s probably off.

Agree with others they all know when it’s a drinking party. Talk to other parents and you will quickly know too. My kids can go. Uber home or I’ll pick you up. There is an agreed upon time to get home and if it’s not met there are consequences. No driving yourself or accepting rides from others. My kids also know they will be seeing me at the end of their evening. Every time. Full check in. Have a drink or two but you better know you’re seeing me and having a hug and a conversation. No sleepovers ever.

No booze in my home with kids ever. I’m not that house. Ever. Nope not signing for the beach house where you’re all getting drunk. In fact no you’re not going.

Call me anytime, anywhere. No questions asked. I will get you. And I back this up.

And yes, some of this can be inconvenient and annoying and gets in the way of my own social life.

Lots of great stuff here and from others for the parents claiming not to know what to do.

[Anonymous]

What parents in here claimed not to know what to do? I asked people to put up or shut up.

But I agree that some of these responses are decent and thoughtful, so thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many adults in this community enable and look the other way and normalize a high school drinking culture. Most kids aren’t a part of it but the ones who are, everyone knows it. That’s just how it is and for those of you getting your first window into it, you should be shocked. Don’t let that feeling wear off.

Terrible tragedy for all those affected.

This. In my neighborhood the parents don't care on whit that their kid is coming home drunk in 8th grade. They also smoke pot almost completely out in the open. They barely hide it from their parents. My neighbor's kid has been driving at 50mph in our residential street with the parents outside watching doing nothing. There are definitely more parents who believe their children never do wrong even when they do terrible things in front of them.

I have a current 8th grader at an APS middle school and I’m not seeing anything like this at all. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I’m curious about the neighborhood. I’m in one of the NA neighborhoods whose elementary school is routinely roasted. And I don’t drink or smoke anything, so it’s not a matter of being too blitzed myself.

+1

My kids are still in elementary school but we have a lot of tween/teens in the neighborhood and a few babysit for us and I am not seeing any of this behavior in 22205. Not saying the kids never sneak and do anything wrong, but there is no obvious loitering/group parties, speeding, drunk driving etc. in our neighborhood.

Also, many of the parents around here have jobs with clearances or just avoid drugs anyway and drink socially on occasion. My kids know that DH and I have a drink once in a blue moon, but we’ve had a lot of talks about how it can affect your judgment and they’ve never so much as seen us drink a beer and drive home because we don’t drink and drive. So I’m curious where these “cool parents” allowing boozy parties and kids out all night live.

Do stop by the field behind Cardinal Elementary school - the part backing to 19th Street -- you will see the little darlings in action.

Also, check the houses with finished basements "for the kids". That's where a sexual assault occurred this past spring in 22205 (YHS students). Lots of sleepover parties where the parents took all of the car keys and didn't return them until am. Also a nice drink fridge down there.

Oh boy. This is really going to get ugly around here.