DUI and Death on Harrison

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids were 18 and 19. In college. I want to point this out. Some comments are assuming these were high schoolers. The thread started this way.

Much harder to control college kids. Heavy drinking in college has always been a thing and parents can’t do anything about it.

I am not condoning anything. Sad that they don’t drink and drive message is still not getting through.

I think the comment above about the being first time back from college and excited to see friends and act like college kids is right on. I won’t be surprised to hear that this kid didn’t have a pattern of drinking and driving.

I bet he didn't have a pattern, mostly because most college Freshmen (and upperclassmen) don't have cars at school or convenient access. That's what made college drinking 'easier', you didn't often have to worry about a drive home. These kids hadn't figured out how to navigate the two (like adults must).

That’s some story you’re coming up with there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking about wearing a seatbelt as if he was in a state of mind to make a reasoned decision about wearing one or about getting in the car with an impaired driver? Do you understand how drunk kids get? Many HS kids rarely drink beer and only drink hard alcohol (I have no idea what these kids drank and how drunk they actually were). These kids may have been so drunk that they have no memory of getting in the car. That doesn’t excuse their actions, but it’s possible they didn’t even know their own names at that point.

I'm sure that factored into many of the bad decisions made that night, including getting behind the wheel, getting into the car with a drunk driver, not wearing a seatbelt, etc.

Freshmen in college. First time home and first time meeting up with old friends at different colleges. As said upstream, this is the most dangerous time for young men. Being just a mile or two from home, i.e., safe, also factors into poor decision making. Most accidents are within 5 miles of home.

It is so tragic and so sad.

Why are the dangerous idiots always boys???!? DO BETTER BOY PARENTS. JFC.

You didn't hear about the girls that killed Reggie Brown?

DO BETTER GIRL PARENTS. JFC

[Anonymous]

No one is disputing the poor decision-making of driving drunk -- and getting in a car with a drunk driver-- the whole situation is a nightmare. I truly feel for the boy who died, the boys in the car, and the driver and their family and friends. Such a sad, sad time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand any of the comments saying "it could happening to any of us."

Those comments tell me that you relate to this situation, either as a parent or your teenage past.

For MANY of us, that is simply not the case. The recklessness is unfathomable, except in the sense of being concerned about being an innocent victim on the road. It could not have happened to my teenage self, or me as a parent.

Many of your posting here need to grow up yourselves, and develop a healthier and safer relationship with alcohol - and demonstrate that regularly to your kids. Who the F cares if it's boring to try and be sober on a night out? Or an inconvenience to leave your car and take an uber?

There is a correlation that certain parents make about being “normal” and partying. It sometimes leads to a tragedy, like this one or the one that occurred when the McLean HS student tragically killed the W-L student. Is being popular and normal worth it to let your kids behave like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone know what happened this morning? His court date was at 9am.

He was arraigned this morning and the preliminary hearing Dec. 16. He's still in custody.

I'm sure his lawyer is filing for a bond hearing unless they also did that this morning and the general district judge still did not grant bond.

Sounds like they want to make an example out of him. It should share a lot of 18 year olds.

The bond hearing is tomorrow morning.

I don't think he'll get bond. I think they'll have to escalate it to a higher court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shame on parents? Do you think children are robots who always follow the rules? I ou think kids are a reflection of their parents at all times? This kid made a terrible, deadly mistake. You have no idea about his parents or what they have taught him.

Just as a point of fact. The 18 year old was likely driving his parents car around at 2am. Unless he owned his own vehicle. So at a minimum we know they allowed that. Which on its face is not a great plan.

Good point. The families will probably sue the pants off the bare family.

Bare is an adult and can be sued but he may not have anything to his name. I doubt the parents can be.

Mid course they can if he was on their insurance which he almost certainly was. This could easily bankrupt them.

I know tow families of drivers in a death case. Both families lost their houses because they spent a lot of money trying to keep their sons out of jail. Both were fairly successful in that they only spent under 5 years in jail.

Why would you do that? The kid is 18 and does something stupid, I am not spending money defending him. I will spend money protecting my assets but the kid goes to jail.

Yes they both served time in jail, but would you try your kid’s life to a public defender? Most people with means would not. Is serving 20 years really going to do any good for anyone? His life is ruined anyway and he will have a felony on his record and will be basically unemployable .

DP. My brother did something similar and our parents spent all of their money on lawyers. They blew through their retirement funds, college funds, and sold their house. We moved to a 2 bedroom apartment just to stay in the school district and parents broke up about a year later because they were wretched over what had happened. My three other siblings and I had no money for college so two of us went into them military and two married the first men who asked them. Our brother "found Jesus" in jail and got out after ten years. He married a wealthy women who "dated" him while he was in jail and now has a much better life than any of us.

We all resent what happened to our lives because of our brother's drunk driving. He turned out to be the winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking about wearing a seatbelt as if he was in a state of mind to make a reasoned decision about wearing one or about getting in the car with an impaired driver? Do you understand how drunk kids get? Many HS kids rarely drink beer and only drink hard alcohol (I have no idea what these kids drank and how drunk they actually were). These kids may have been so drunk that they have no memory of getting in the car. That doesn’t excuse their actions, but it’s possible they didn’t even know their own names at that point.

I'm sure that factored into many of the bad decisions made that night, including getting behind the wheel, getting into the car with a drunk driver, not wearing a seatbelt, etc.

Freshmen in college. First time home and first time meeting up with old friends at different colleges. As said upstream, this is the most dangerous time for young men. Being just a mile or two from home, i.e., safe, also factors into poor decision making. Most accidents are within 5 miles of home.

It is so tragic and so sad.

Why are the dangerous idiots always boys???!? DO BETTER BOY PARENTS. JFC.

You didn't hear about the girls that killed Reggie Brown?

DO BETTER GIRL PARENTS. JFC

Nice try, but all the statistics agree with me. Boys are the problem. Murders, bar fights, drunk driving, reckless driving, rapes, domestic violence, school fights, school shootings - an overwhelming majority of these incidents are committed by males. By a wide margin. Without males, the world would be a MUCH safer place.

"If there were no men, who would protect the women?"

"Protect the women from what?"

[Anonymous]

I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many adults in this community enable and look the other way and normalize a high school drinking culture. Most kids aren’t a part of it but the ones who are, everyone knows it. That’s just how it is and for those of you getting your first window into it, you should be shocked. Don’t let that feeling wear off.

Terrible tragedy for all those affected.

This. In my neighborhood the parents don't care on whit that their kid is coming home drunk in 8th grade. They also smoke pot almost completely out in the open. They barely hide it from their parents. My neighbor's kid has been driving at 50mph in our residential street with the parents outside watching doing nothing. There are definitely more parents who believe their children never do wrong even when they do terrible things in front of them.

I have a current 8th grader at an APS middle school and I’m not seeing anything like this at all. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I’m curious about the neighborhood. I’m in one of the NA neighborhoods whose elementary school is routinely roasted. And I don’t drink or smoke anything, so it’s not a matter of being too blitzed myself.

+1

My kids are still in elementary school but we have a lot of tween/teens in the neighborhood and a few babysit for us and I am not seeing any of this behavior in 22205. Not saying the kids never sneak and do anything wrong, but there is no obvious loitering/group parties, speeding, drunk driving etc. in our neighborhood.

Also, many of the parents around here have jobs with clearances or just avoid drugs anyway and drink socially on occasion. My kids know that DH and I have a drink once in a blue moon, but we’ve had a lot of talks about how it can affect your judgment and they’ve never so much as seen us drink a beer and drive home because we don’t drink and drive. So I’m curious where these “cool parents” allowing boozy parties and kids out all night live.

Do stop by the field behind Cardinal Elementary school - the part backing to 19th Street -- you will see the little darlings in action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shame on parents? Do you think children are robots who always follow the rules? I ou think kids are a reflection of their parents at all times? This kid made a terrible, deadly mistake. You have no idea about his parents or what they have taught him.

Just as a point of fact. The 18 year old was likely driving his parents car around at 2am. Unless he owned his own vehicle. So at a minimum we know they allowed that. Which on its face is not a great plan.

Good point. The families will probably sue the pants off the bare family.

Bare is an adult and can be sued but he may not have anything to his name. I doubt the parents can be.

Mid course they can if he was on their insurance which he almost certainly was. This could easily bankrupt them.

I know tow families of drivers in a death case. Both families lost their houses because they spent a lot of money trying to keep their sons out of jail. Both were fairly successful in that they only spent under 5 years in jail.

Why would you do that? The kid is 18 and does something stupid, I am not spending money defending him. I will spend money protecting my assets but the kid goes to jail.

Yes they both served time in jail, but would you try your kid’s life to a public defender? Most people with means would not. Is serving 20 years really going to do any good for anyone? His life is ruined anyway and he will have a felony on his record and will be basically unemployable .

DP. My brother did something similar and our parents spent all of their money on lawyers. They blew through their retirement funds, college funds, and sold their house. We moved to a 2 bedroom apartment just to stay in the school district and parents broke up about a year later because they were wretched over what had happened. My three other siblings and I had no money for college so two of us went into them military and two married the first men who asked them. Our brother "found Jesus" in jail and got out after ten years. He married a wealthy women who "dated" him while he was in jail and now has a much better life than any of us.

We all resent what happened to our lives because of our brother's drunk driving. He turned out to be the winner.

This is a nightmare, too, and I’m sorry you personally were impacted like that. That’s awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

The #1 thing is modeling with your own alcohol intake as an adult. If you have poor habits (drinking frequently, at every social outing, having a glass or two of wine to "unwind" etc) then kids are going to pick up that. The kids make poor choices, because the adults in their loves make poor choices. The alcohol culture in this country is absolutely dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many adults in this community enable and look the other way and normalize a high school drinking culture. Most kids aren’t a part of it but the ones who are, everyone knows it. That’s just how it is and for those of you getting your first window into it, you should be shocked. Don’t let that feeling wear off.

Terrible tragedy for all those affected.

This. In my neighborhood the parents don't care on whit that their kid is coming home drunk in 8th grade. They also smoke pot almost completely out in the open. They barely hide it from their parents. My neighbor's kid has been driving at 50mph in our residential street with the parents outside watching doing nothing. There are definitely more parents who believe their children never do wrong even when they do terrible things in front of them.

I have a current 8th grader at an APS middle school and I’m not seeing anything like this at all. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I’m curious about the neighborhood. I’m in one of the NA neighborhoods whose elementary school is routinely roasted. And I don’t drink or smoke anything, so it’s not a matter of being too blitzed myself.

+1

My kids are still in elementary school but we have a lot of tween/teens in the neighborhood and a few babysit for us and I am not seeing any of this behavior in 22205. Not saying the kids never sneak and do anything wrong, but there is no obvious loitering/group parties, speeding, drunk driving etc. in our neighborhood.

Also, many of the parents around here have jobs with clearances or just avoid drugs anyway and drink socially on occasion. My kids know that DH and I have a drink once in a blue moon, but we’ve had a lot of talks about how it can affect your judgment and they’ve never so much as seen us drink a beer and drive home because we don’t drink and drive. So I’m curious where these “cool parents” allowing boozy parties and kids out all night live.

Do stop by the field behind Cardinal Elementary school - the part backing to 19th Street -- you will see the little darlings in action.

Also, check the houses with finished basements "for the kids". That's where a sexual assault occurred this past spring in 22205 (YHS students). Lots of sleepover parties where the parents took all of the car keys and didn't return them until am. Also a nice drink fridge down there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

My teens don't go to random parties where kids will be drinking. And yes everyone knows in advance if its a drinking party or not. They don't hang out with random teens I don't know. When they do go out I drop them off and they are not allowed to ride home with others except a parent that I fully trust. They have a strict curfew that is enforced and can only sleep over a very limited number of places. And if I ever discovered that a parent or friend that I trust was not in fact trustworthy, my teen would not be allowed at that home and the friend could socialize only at our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

Not saying that I’m a great parent, but one thing I think I have done right is that as my kids have gotten older (middle school) I have become more self conscious about my own drinking. Now I drink on a very limited basis socially and rarely drink at home now. I see too many parents in N Arlington who socialize with an obscene amount of alcohol. It has become the norm and I do think that we need to set a better example for our kids. It won’t work to binge drink with your own friends at the block party but then tell your kids to not drink. This is obviously not a solution but it’s a start to changing the culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear a list from the holier than thou people in this thread of all of the affirmative things they do with their teens to prevent them from being involved in an incident like this.

I don't especially need it myself, but you just seem like the kind of people who talk a big game but don't have much follow through. And I'm just curious what special parenting skills you're attributing to yourselves. Some of your comments in here are so awful and cold, I can't really imagine THAT translating into good parenting. What would you do, for example, if you found out your kid drank alcohol without you knowing, underage, and without your permission (obvs)? What if you found out they attended a party of a good friend where, you found out later, one of the kids had brought alcohol or drugs?

This hasn't happened to me, and it sounds like it hasn't happened to you, but given the attitude above, I wonder what your responses would be.

The #1 thing is modeling with your own alcohol intake as an adult. If you have poor habits (drinking frequently, at every social outing, having a glass or two of wine to "unwind" etc) then kids are going to pick up that. The kids make poor choices, because the adults in their loves make poor choices. The alcohol culture in this country is absolutely dysfunctional.

I agree. But it also doesn’t always matter. My husband and I don’t drink. Our kids moderately drink at parties.