I’m really surprised at the number of people who bring siblings to parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Because we dont have babysitters!

One parent stays home with sibs, the other parent takes kid to party. Anything else is super rude and presumptuous.

It's presumptuous to assume there is another parent available. It's presumptuous to think this place is close to their house and commuting to and from is easy and unproblematic. It's presumptuous to think that every parent feels conformable with an unknown adult "watching" their kid at a busy venue.

sigh. It's not that hard. "Sorry, Larlo can't make it because i'm solo parenting this weekend!". Host can then reach out and say no it's ok bring other kid too, or offer to let Larlo carpool with them or whatever. Or host can say "sorry you can't make it". Not having other plans for your other kid does not mean they're invited!

It's also not hard to sit outside the party and order your own pizza at a public venue. YOU are making this hard and stupid.

Surely you really that you're not talking about he same thing as the PPs. They are talking about the people who show up at the party, eat the food, take the goody bag, and add an extra head to the headcount. Why do you insist everyone is talking about you if you're not doing these things and acting like such a victim?

[Anonymous]

I get what you all are saying because hey we are American and this is our culture. But take a look at yourselves and read back over some of these things. We are a totally individualistic non family oriented, non community oriented society. This is exactly why our society is so lonely. It is a much nicer weekend activity for our family to go to a party with kids of all ages, socialize a bit with other adults, have everyone together, build a community than to have one parent go for two hours with one sibling and then come back. And the comments about the siblings is just taking it too far - like there is no possible way a kid two years older could have fun at a kids party that is not their specific friend. Actually my kids know the siblings of their friends partly because of the parties (and school). Other cultures handle this in a much different way than we do and I can definitely see the positives in that.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I appreciate that this can be a real problem but the suggestion that siblings need to be completely banned from public settings is unhinged.

Can you quote who said siblings should be banned? Pretty much universally this is people taking a "siblings only" invite then RSVPing for 4 people. Weird that people are so incredulous that this has ever happened and arguing that the host must have forgotten to say "no siblings".

It's because the people who are mad have taken 8 pages to answer whether they wrote "no siblings" and torpedoed every suggestion for self-help along the way. It sounds like you can either talk to the parents who are doing this, or stop inviting their kids to the parties. Or you can plan a party that can accommodate people who just show up without extra expense. Or you can keep doing the same thing and venting on DCUM.

Or you can make it known that this is not cool on places like here. I don't know why you ASSumed people don't write no siblings. And even if they didn't, it doesn't make it ok to just bring 7 random people. I know you think you have all the answers and want the thread to end with your advice, but that's not how things work. Besides, OP wasn't asking for advice on this, she was pointing out that she is surprised people do this. A discussion ensued which really bothers you. Why are you so invested in this? Your participation isn't mandatory and feel free to keep scrolling.

Which is weird, because OP does this.

I do not do this. I do not bring siblings to parties. Once when my middle kid was in kindergarten, I took my 7yo and PAID for him. We did not join the kindergarten party. This was 7-8 years ago.

OP somehow you must have missed that apparently even paying for your kid’s sibling is unacceptable to these control-freaks you have unmasked with this thread. There were several pages of discussion about this exact scenario (paying for sibling at public venue and keeping them away from the party) and the consensus still seems be that this is abhorrent, unacceptably rude and entitled behavior! You should have taken the other kid to Target or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get what you all are saying because hey we are American and this is our culture. But take a look at yourselves and read back over some of these things. We are a totally individualistic non family oriented, non community oriented society. This is exactly why our society is so lonely. It is a much nicer weekend activity for our family to go to a party with kids of all ages, socialize a bit with other adults, have everyone together, build a community than to have one parent go for two hours with one sibling and then come back. And the comments about the siblings is just taking it too far - like there is no possible way a kid two years older could have fun at a kids party that is not their specific friend. Actually my kids know the siblings of their friends partly because of the parties (and school). Other cultures handle this in a much different way than we do and I can definitely see the positives in that.

I just had a party at a venue that cost $2000 for 30 kids. With food and goody bags, it was $3000. I invited the entire class plus a few friends. Every single kid in my child’s class has 2-3 siblings. My party was for 30 kids. The party room had a max limit.

Even if I wanted, I couldn’t just add the 2-3 siblings of each kid and both parents. By inviting the entire class, I could not accommodate siblings.

When my kids were younger, the classes were smaller and it absolutely was more a family affair. When an elementary kid has a friend party, you are no longer inviting your adult family friends. This is a different type of party.

I think any person who has actually held a party at a venue that costs per person can understand why siblings would not be invited.

We have money. Would an extra 1k have broken the bank for us? Of course not but we just didn’t have the space.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

That is absolutely NOT common in this area.

“Common” and “not unusual” are not actually synonyms. You should get off this board and start your day drinking early, methinks. The stress of being this outraged is unhealthy.

You're the one that's upset that you can't find a sitter for kids 2-5

I’m not upset, I just think you’re a psycho control freak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate that this can be a real problem but the suggestion that siblings need to be completely banned from public settings is unhinged.

Can you quote who said siblings should be banned? Pretty much universally this is people taking a "siblings only" invite then RSVPing for 4 people. Weird that people are so incredulous that this has ever happened and arguing that the host must have forgotten to say "no siblings".

It's because the people who are mad have taken 8 pages to answer whether they wrote "no siblings" and torpedoed every suggestion for self-help along the way. It sounds like you can either talk to the parents who are doing this, or stop inviting their kids to the parties. Or you can plan a party that can accommodate people who just show up without extra expense. Or you can keep doing the same thing and venting on DCUM.

Or you can make it known that this is not cool on places like here. I don't know why you ASSumed people don't write no siblings. And even if they didn't, it doesn't make it ok to just bring 7 random people. I know you think you have all the answers and want the thread to end with your advice, but that's not how things work. Besides, OP wasn't asking for advice on this, she was pointing out that she is surprised people do this. A discussion ensued which really bothers you. Why are you so invested in this? Your participation isn't mandatory and feel free to keep scrolling.

Which is weird, because OP does this.

I do not do this. I do not bring siblings to parties. Once when my middle kid was in kindergarten, I took my 7yo and PAID for him. We did not join the kindergarten party. This was 7-8 years ago.

OP somehow you must have missed that apparently even paying for your kid’s sibling is unacceptable to these control-freaks you have unmasked with this thread. There were several pages of discussion about this exact scenario (paying for sibling at public venue and keeping them away from the party) and the consensus still seems be that this is abhorrent, unacceptably rude and entitled behavior! You should have taken the other kid to Target or something.

Because your kids invariably find themselves in the party room. Because the hovering mom needs to be there to cut the kids pizza or remove the cupcake wrapper. It's great if you can be in the public venue yet nobody else even knows you're there but that happens rarely and we all know it. But if you actually do what you say you're doing how would anyone know to complain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve brought siblings to Chuck E Cheese style parties a couple of times BUT I would never dream of asking the host family to have siblings join the party, let alone pay for them! I always pay for their entry and food and goodies and entertain them away from the actual party (and yes, it’s in cases where I do not have alternate childcare).

What does this have to do w you deciding to take your other (non invited) kids to a bday party venue? Why not just drop the invited kid off and go home w your other kids? Why do you need childcare at all? Wouldn’t you be taking care of your kids regardless of whether one is attending a party or not?

Because in this area quite often these parties are not in the neighborhood, and with the length of most kids parties plus driving time to/from/to we’d be spending most of the time in the car. No thanks. (Not sure why it would bother anyone in the least to bring a sibling as long as it’s not actually infringing on the actual party. I agree that it’s rude to have a sibling tag along to the party itself unless the host has specifically okay’d it.)

Don't you have a husband?

Some people don't have spouses. Some people have spouses who work weekends.

It's amazing how these same people never have friends or know their classmates and can coordinate carpools or switch off on looking after each other's kids at these parties. The only solution is always bringing little brother so he can have fun too. There's also nothing else ever to do near the party, must crash the party, it's the only way.

Very often either my spouse or I are on work travel on weekends. (Not unusual for this area.) And it is not amazing that we don’t have a network of family or friends to help us, as we are both adult transplants to the area who work a lot. (This is also not unusual for this area, but thanks for rubbing it in!)

And in my initial post I explicitly said that while I sometimes have little sibling tag along I never let sibling impose on the actual party.

You seem like you are looking for a reason to be angry.

That is absolutely NOT common in this area.

“Common” and “not unusual” are not actually synonyms. You should get off this board and start your day drinking early, methinks. The stress of being this outraged is unhealthy.

You're the one that's upset that you can't find a sitter for kids 2-5

I’m not upset, I just think you’re a psycho control freak

You are the rude one bringing an uninvited sibling to an elementary school party.

No one cares about your single mom status or if your husband is traveling. Just RSVP no if you can’t make arrangements for your other child. Or have another parent keep an eye on your child.

PP is not the control freak. You are the rude guest. I have never turned away a rude guest with sibling but I always thought you were rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get what you all are saying because hey we are American and this is our culture. But take a look at yourselves and read back over some of these things. We are a totally individualistic non family oriented, non community oriented society. This is exactly why our society is so lonely. It is a much nicer weekend activity for our family to go to a party with kids of all ages, socialize a bit with other adults, have everyone together, build a community than to have one parent go for two hours with one sibling and then come back. And the comments about the siblings is just taking it too far - like there is no possible way a kid two years older could have fun at a kids party that is not their specific friend. Actually my kids know the siblings of their friends partly because of the parties (and school). Other cultures handle this in a much different way than we do and I can definitely see the positives in that.

You don't get a free pass just because you think your other kids would enjoy it. Do you see how the party might blow up 2-3x and cause an issue for the hosts if everyone acted so selfishly? People need to think past their own needs here and see the big picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get what you all are saying because hey we are American and this is our culture. But take a look at yourselves and read back over some of these things. We are a totally individualistic non family oriented, non community oriented society. This is exactly why our society is so lonely. It is a much nicer weekend activity for our family to go to a party with kids of all ages, socialize a bit with other adults, have everyone together, build a community than to have one parent go for two hours with one sibling and then come back. And the comments about the siblings is just taking it too far - like there is no possible way a kid two years older could have fun at a kids party that is not their specific friend. Actually my kids know the siblings of their friends partly because of the parties (and school). Other cultures handle this in a much different way than we do and I can definitely see the positives in that.

I agree with you 100 percent. The post that really got me was the person who said basically "we don't know your other kids and they aren't invited." People don't even want to know the families of their kid's friends- and they never will with these attitudes. This thread is depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we dont have babysitters!

One parent stays home with sibs, the other parent takes kid to party. Anything else is super rude and presumptuous.

Single mom here on a tight schedule…now what?

Options:

Baby sitter.
Drop off the invitee at the party
Decline the invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get what you all are saying because hey we are American and this is our culture. But take a look at yourselves and read back over some of these things. We are a totally individualistic non family oriented, non community oriented society. This is exactly why our society is so lonely. It is a much nicer weekend activity for our family to go to a party with kids of all ages, socialize a bit with other adults, have everyone together, build a community than to have one parent go for two hours with one sibling and then come back. And the comments about the siblings is just taking it too far - like there is no possible way a kid two years older could have fun at a kids party that is not their specific friend. Actually my kids know the siblings of their friends partly because of the parties (and school). Other cultures handle this in a much different way than we do and I can definitely see the positives in that.

I agree with you 100 percent. The post that really got me was the person who said basically "we don't know your other kids and they aren't invited." People don't even want to know the families of their kid's friends- and they never will with these attitudes. This thread is depressing.

I have 3 kids with 3 sets of different friends.

I am not that interested in getting to know the screaming toddler at my elementary kid’s party. I am busy tending to the other 20 kids who are my kid’s friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get what you all are saying because hey we are American and this is our culture. But take a look at yourselves and read back over some of these things. We are a totally individualistic non family oriented, non community oriented society. This is exactly why our society is so lonely. It is a much nicer weekend activity for our family to go to a party with kids of all ages, socialize a bit with other adults, have everyone together, build a community than to have one parent go for two hours with one sibling and then come back. And the comments about the siblings is just taking it too far - like there is no possible way a kid two years older could have fun at a kids party that is not their specific friend. Actually my kids know the siblings of their friends partly because of the parties (and school). Other cultures handle this in a much different way than we do and I can definitely see the positives in that.

I agree with you 100 percent. The post that really got me was the person who said basically "we don't know your other kids and they aren't invited." People don't even want to know the families of their kid's friends- and they never will with these attitudes. This thread is depressing.

I have 3 kids with 3 sets of different friends.

I am not that interested in getting to know the screaming toddler at my elementary kid’s party. I am busy tending to the other 20 kids who are my kid’s friends.

For close friends and people who are our actual adult friends, of course we want to know your whole family. Not so much for a classmate party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate that this can be a real problem but the suggestion that siblings need to be completely banned from public settings is unhinged.

Can you quote who said siblings should be banned? Pretty much universally this is people taking a "siblings only" invite then RSVPing for 4 people. Weird that people are so incredulous that this has ever happened and arguing that the host must have forgotten to say "no siblings".

It's because the people who are mad have taken 8 pages to answer whether they wrote "no siblings" and torpedoed every suggestion for self-help along the way. It sounds like you can either talk to the parents who are doing this, or stop inviting their kids to the parties. Or you can plan a party that can accommodate people who just show up without extra expense. Or you can keep doing the same thing and venting on DCUM.

Or you can make it known that this is not cool on places like here. I don't know why you ASSumed people don't write no siblings. And even if they didn't, it doesn't make it ok to just bring 7 random people. I know you think you have all the answers and want the thread to end with your advice, but that's not how things work. Besides, OP wasn't asking for advice on this, she was pointing out that she is surprised people do this. A discussion ensued which really bothers you. Why are you so invested in this? Your participation isn't mandatory and feel free to keep scrolling.

Which is weird, because OP does this.

I do not do this. I do not bring siblings to parties. Once when my middle kid was in kindergarten, I took my 7yo and PAID for him. We did not join the kindergarten party. This was 7-8 years ago.

OP somehow you must have missed that apparently even paying for your kid’s sibling is unacceptable to these control-freaks you have unmasked with this thread. There were several pages of discussion about this exact scenario (paying for sibling at public venue and keeping them away from the party) and the consensus still seems be that this is abhorrent, unacceptably rude and entitled behavior! You should have taken the other kid to Target or something.

Because your kids invariably find themselves in the party room. Because the hovering mom needs to be there to cut the kids pizza or remove the cupcake wrapper. It's great if you can be in the public venue yet nobody else even knows you're there but that happens rarely and we all know it. But if you actually do what you say you're doing how would anyone know to complain?

No, this chip on your shoulder is bizarre. If it’s not a sibling being annoying for existing, it’s going to be a stranger who randomly showed up to play that day. If non-party kids being around are so triggering, you should be paying for a private venue and turning the plus ones away at the door. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind if people bring siblings so long as they just let me know!! I was shocked at my son’s birthday party how many people brought siblings without telling me they intended to do so. It really put us in a bind financially and was also just very confusing as we couldn’t tell if the extra kids were just randomly wandering in from the trampoline park or what.

[Anonymous]

Also, when did birthday parties become family affairs? Went to one recently and every single child had both parents and siblings attend. I was the only one that brought one of our children solo. Then, I was asked where my DH was the entire time. … with my other child at home? This was the first major party for my older child so I am new to this but growing up, I never just tagged along to my older sister’s parties, and no way did my parents attend the parties. They were way too busy!