MIL always wants to randomly stop by

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How hard would it be to be kind to the mother of your husband and grandmother to your children?

How hard would it be to listen to and respect the mother of your grandchildren and the wife of your son?

Why would you impose on her, ignore her, and diminish her? Is that how you treat your neighbors, your co-workers, your friends? Do you railroad those people and decide that your wants and needs are the only wants and needs to factor into making plans or visits?

Calm down. She's dropping off muffins.

Do. Shut it telling people to calm down. Op has every right to want space from mil. You deal granny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my GMs was like OP's MIL. She pushed herself into our lives. I know it drove my mom, who was a mother of 2 and a busy doctor, crazy. I am so happy that my GM put herself into our lives by force. She and I were very close until dementia claimed her sense of self. Don't get in the way of your child's relationship with their grandparent. It may inconvenience you now, but your child will remember their relationship with GM fondly in the years to come.

You can still have a healthy relationship with your grandkids without bulldozing their parents

A lot of those grandparents will bulldoze the grandkids too. My ils immediately decided that they liked one of my twin infants more than the other and started some truly sick stuff. One of my aunts would throw fits to be at her son’s house all the time and ignored the kids and criticized her dil non stop. She wanted to be at their house so she could find things to gossip about to everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives about two miles away and is always finding little reasons to stop by, things like, can she drop off muffins she made, can she swing by and deliver some soup she made, is it ok if she stops by and says hello to our children. Mind you, we do plan weekly or at least every other week visits, so she sees us. If we say it’s not a good time, or can we try for tomorrow, she gets upset and takes it as a personal affront, complains the muffins won’t be fresh, etc, or claims she won’t come in and will just drop it on the porch, and then lingers when we don’t come out. It’s so awkward. Is there a better way to handle this without hurting feelings?

Back to the OP’s question. There really aren't any magic words to make your MIL not act affronted when you say no. She’s a manipulative person and will have picked up on your desire to be polite and not hurt feelings. The pretense of making muffins , acting affronted when you say no thank you, and hanging around your door are all manipulative techniques to get at a people pleaser.

Her desire to pop in for a quick visit is more important to her than respecting your no thank you. She isn’t hurt when you say no, she’s mad she didn’t get her way. You have to remind yourself that her inappropriate reactions and expectations are hers to deal with and not your problem.

It’s hard but so many boomers seem to devolve into these demanding and manipulative people as they age. You just need to realize that they are no longer normal functioning adults and ignore the games.

It is fine to treat people in your life as this poster suggests, but you have to keep in mind that it is likely in general that people will respond to and treat you in the same way.

Kindness engenders kindness; disdain and contempt for others will likely engender the same in return. People get back what they give in life.

What a bunch of useless pablum. I’m very kind and had been walked on by my in laws for a decade by the time I stood up to them. Kindness doesn’t engender more kindness. That’s a load of horse manure. I’m kind because I choose. People are not kind to me because I’m kind. Azzhats are like flies on dung when they sense a kind person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives about two miles away and is always finding little reasons to stop by, things like, can she drop off muffins she made, can she swing by and deliver some soup she made, is it ok if she stops by and says hello to our children. Mind you, we do plan weekly or at least every other week visits, so she sees us. If we say it’s not a good time, or can we try for tomorrow, she gets upset and takes it as a personal affront, complains the muffins won’t be fresh, etc, or claims she won’t come in and will just drop it on the porch, and then lingers when we don’t come out. It’s so awkward. Is there a better way to handle this without hurting feelings?

Back to the OP’s question. There really aren't any magic words to make your MIL not act affronted when you say no. She’s a manipulative person and will have picked up on your desire to be polite and not hurt feelings. The pretense of making muffins , acting affronted when you say no thank you, and hanging around your door are all manipulative techniques to get at a people pleaser.

Her desire to pop in for a quick visit is more important to her than respecting your no thank you. She isn’t hurt when you say no, she’s mad she didn’t get her way. You have to remind yourself that her inappropriate reactions and expectations are hers to deal with and not your problem.

It’s hard but so many boomers seem to devolve into these demanding and manipulative people as they age. You just need to realize that they are no longer normal functioning adults and ignore the games.

It is fine to treat people in your life as this poster suggests, but you have to keep in mind that it is likely in general that people will respond to and treat you in the same way.

Kindness engenders kindness; disdain and contempt for others will likely engender the same in return. People get back what they give in life.

Sadly, it rarely actually plays out this way in real life. That is the way it should be. Takers take. Givers give. That is really the way I’ve seen it play out.

True, we can see that from this thread. I’d love to see posts from some of these people 25 or 30 years from now when they’re complaining that their adult kids don’t have time for them. It’s a cliche, but their kids will be treating them the way they treated their parents and in-laws.

Not true. It’s the same stupid refrain from you dinosaurs. My dh and I did better than my in laws and have better relationships with our kids. We also are polite to them and their significant others and don’t intrude on their space. We also would never ever demand to visit when they have reservations about our visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives about two miles away and is always finding little reasons to stop by, things like, can she drop off muffins she made, can she swing by and deliver some soup she made, is it ok if she stops by and says hello to our children. Mind you, we do plan weekly or at least every other week visits, so she sees us. If we say it’s not a good time, or can we try for tomorrow, she gets upset and takes it as a personal affront, complains the muffins won’t be fresh, etc, or claims she won’t come in and will just drop it on the porch, and then lingers when we don’t come out. It’s so awkward. Is there a better way to handle this without hurting feelings?

Back to the OP’s question. There really aren't any magic words to make your MIL not act affronted when you say no. She’s a manipulative person and will have picked up on your desire to be polite and not hurt feelings. The pretense of making muffins , acting affronted when you say no thank you, and hanging around your door are all manipulative techniques to get at a people pleaser.

Her desire to pop in for a quick visit is more important to her than respecting your no thank you. She isn’t hurt when you say no, she’s mad she didn’t get her way. You have to remind yourself that her inappropriate reactions and expectations are hers to deal with and not your problem.

It’s hard but so many boomers seem to devolve into these demanding and manipulative people as they age. You just need to realize that they are no longer normal functioning adults and ignore the games.

It is fine to treat people in your life as this poster suggests, but you have to keep in mind that it is likely in general that people will respond to and treat you in the same way.

Kindness engenders kindness; disdain and contempt for others will likely engender the same in return. People get back what they give in life.

Sadly, it rarely actually plays out this way in real life. That is the way it should be. Takers take. Givers give. That is really the way I’ve seen it play out.

True, we can see that from this thread. I’d love to see posts from some of these people 25 or 30 years from now when they’re complaining that their adult kids don’t have time for them. It’s a cliche, but their kids will be treating them the way they treated their parents and in-laws.

No, not always. My relationship with my grandparents is not the same as my children's relationship with their grandparents. And my parents' relationship with their parents isn't the same as my relationship with my parents. People are a lot more complicated than perhaps you can imagine.

She knows this, it’s just another passive aggressive boomer threat. If you don’t give me everything I want and play into my little manipulative games, then I wish revenge on you. Your kids won’t want to be around you if you’re not my doormat, so lay down now! Boomer is coming over whether you like it or not!

So much this! Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives about two miles away and is always finding little reasons to stop by, things like, can she drop off muffins she made, can she swing by and deliver some soup she made, is it ok if she stops by and says hello to our children. Mind you, we do plan weekly or at least every other week visits, so she sees us. If we say it’s not a good time, or can we try for tomorrow, she gets upset and takes it as a personal affront, complains the muffins won’t be fresh, etc, or claims she won’t come in and will just drop it on the porch, and then lingers when we don’t come out. It’s so awkward. Is there a better way to handle this without hurting feelings?

Back to the OP’s question. There really aren't any magic words to make your MIL not act affronted when you say no. She’s a manipulative person and will have picked up on your desire to be polite and not hurt feelings. The pretense of making muffins , acting affronted when you say no thank you, and hanging around your door are all manipulative techniques to get at a people pleaser.

Her desire to pop in for a quick visit is more important to her than respecting your no thank you. She isn’t hurt when you say no, she’s mad she didn’t get her way. You have to remind yourself that her inappropriate reactions and expectations are hers to deal with and not your problem.

It’s hard but so many boomers seem to devolve into these demanding and manipulative people as they age. You just need to realize that they are no longer normal functioning adults and ignore the games.

It is fine to treat people in your life as this poster suggests, but you have to keep in mind that it is likely in general that people will respond to and treat you in the same way.

Kindness engenders kindness; disdain and contempt for others will likely engender the same in return. People get back what they give in life.

Right, that's what we're saying, MIL. Keep being manipulative, rigid, nosy and self-focused, and you're not going to be welcomed warmly with open arms. Maybe you should try being open to communication, flexible, and capable of thinking about things from others' perspective if you want to be treated like a welcome, mature adult.

Maybe you should be capable of thinking about things from your DH's perspective. He loves his mother, and your MIL knows the only way to be a part of HIS life is to go around you and ignore your wishes. Because if you have your way, she'd never come over.

Believe me, your MIL knows her son -- your DH -- is kicking himself for marrying you but he's up to his chin in it so he's stuck. She's there for him, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my GMs was like OP's MIL. She pushed herself into our lives. I know it drove my mom, who was a mother of 2 and a busy doctor, crazy. I am so happy that my GM put herself into our lives by force. She and I were very close until dementia claimed her sense of self. Don't get in the way of your child's relationship with their grandparent. It may inconvenience you now, but your child will remember their relationship with GM fondly in the years to come.

You can still have a healthy relationship with your grandkids without bulldozing their parents

A lot of those grandparents will bulldoze the grandkids too. My ils immediately decided that they liked one of my twin infants more than the other and started some truly sick stuff. One of my aunts would throw fits to be at her son’s house all the time and ignored the kids and criticized her dil non stop. She wanted to be at their house so she could find things to gossip about to everyone else.

Ya don't say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives about two miles away and is always finding little reasons to stop by, things like, can she drop off muffins she made, can she swing by and deliver some soup she made, is it ok if she stops by and says hello to our children. Mind you, we do plan weekly or at least every other week visits, so she sees us. If we say it’s not a good time, or can we try for tomorrow, she gets upset and takes it as a personal affront, complains the muffins won’t be fresh, etc, or claims she won’t come in and will just drop it on the porch, and then lingers when we don’t come out. It’s so awkward. Is there a better way to handle this without hurting feelings?

Back to the OP’s question. There really aren't any magic words to make your MIL not act affronted when you say no. She’s a manipulative person and will have picked up on your desire to be polite and not hurt feelings. The pretense of making muffins , acting affronted when you say no thank you, and hanging around your door are all manipulative techniques to get at a people pleaser.

Her desire to pop in for a quick visit is more important to her than respecting your no thank you. She isn’t hurt when you say no, she’s mad she didn’t get her way. You have to remind yourself that her inappropriate reactions and expectations are hers to deal with and not your problem.

It’s hard but so many boomers seem to devolve into these demanding and manipulative people as they age. You just need to realize that they are no longer normal functioning adults and ignore the games.

It is fine to treat people in your life as this poster suggests, but you have to keep in mind that it is likely in general that people will respond to and treat you in the same way.

Kindness engenders kindness; disdain and contempt for others will likely engender the same in return. People get back what they give in life.

Right, that's what we're saying, MIL. Keep being manipulative, rigid, nosy and self-focused, and you're not going to be welcomed warmly with open arms. Maybe you should try being open to communication, flexible, and capable of thinking about things from others' perspective if you want to be treated like a welcome, mature adult.

Maybe you should be capable of thinking about things from your DH's perspective. He loves his mother, and your MIL knows the only way to be a part of HIS life is to go around you and ignore your wishes. Because if you have your way, she'd never come over.

Believe me, your MIL knows her son -- your DH -- is kicking himself for marrying you but he's up to his chin in it so he's stuck. She's there for him, not you.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives about two miles away and is always finding little reasons to stop by, things like, can she drop off muffins she made, can she swing by and deliver some soup she made, is it ok if she stops by and says hello to our children. Mind you, we do plan weekly or at least every other week visits, so she sees us. If we say it’s not a good time, or can we try for tomorrow, she gets upset and takes it as a personal affront, complains the muffins won’t be fresh, etc, or claims she won’t come in and will just drop it on the porch, and then lingers when we don’t come out. It’s so awkward. Is there a better way to handle this without hurting feelings?

Back to the OP’s question. There really aren't any magic words to make your MIL not act affronted when you say no. She’s a manipulative person and will have picked up on your desire to be polite and not hurt feelings. The pretense of making muffins , acting affronted when you say no thank you, and hanging around your door are all manipulative techniques to get at a people pleaser.

Her desire to pop in for a quick visit is more important to her than respecting your no thank you. She isn’t hurt when you say no, she’s mad she didn’t get her way. You have to remind yourself that her inappropriate reactions and expectations are hers to deal with and not your problem.

It’s hard but so many boomers seem to devolve into these demanding and manipulative people as they age. You just need to realize that they are no longer normal functioning adults and ignore the games.

It is fine to treat people in your life as this poster suggests, but you have to keep in mind that it is likely in general that people will respond to and treat you in the same way.

Kindness engenders kindness; disdain and contempt for others will likely engender the same in return. People get back what they give in life.

Right, that's what we're saying, MIL. Keep being manipulative, rigid, nosy and self-focused, and you're not going to be welcomed warmly with open arms. Maybe you should try being open to communication, flexible, and capable of thinking about things from others' perspective if you want to be treated like a welcome, mature adult.

Maybe you should be capable of thinking about things from your DH's perspective. He loves his mother, and your MIL knows the only way to be a part of HIS life is to go around you and ignore your wishes. Because if you have your way, she'd never come over.

Believe me, your MIL knows her son -- your DH -- is kicking himself for marrying you but he's up to his chin in it so he's stuck. She's there for him, not you.

then why isn't he returning your texts or calls?

why doesn't he come visit you himself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives about two miles away and is always finding little reasons to stop by, things like, can she drop off muffins she made, can she swing by and deliver some soup she made, is it ok if she stops by and says hello to our children. Mind you, we do plan weekly or at least every other week visits, so she sees us. If we say it’s not a good time, or can we try for tomorrow, she gets upset and takes it as a personal affront, complains the muffins won’t be fresh, etc, or claims she won’t come in and will just drop it on the porch, and then lingers when we don’t come out. It’s so awkward. Is there a better way to handle this without hurting feelings?

Back to the OP’s question. There really aren't any magic words to make your MIL not act affronted when you say no. She’s a manipulative person and will have picked up on your desire to be polite and not hurt feelings. The pretense of making muffins , acting affronted when you say no thank you, and hanging around your door are all manipulative techniques to get at a people pleaser.

Her desire to pop in for a quick visit is more important to her than respecting your no thank you. She isn’t hurt when you say no, she’s mad she didn’t get her way. You have to remind yourself that her inappropriate reactions and expectations are hers to deal with and not your problem.

It’s hard but so many boomers seem to devolve into these demanding and manipulative people as they age. You just need to realize that they are no longer normal functioning adults and ignore the games.

It is fine to treat people in your life as this poster suggests, but you have to keep in mind that it is likely in general that people will respond to and treat you in the same way.

Kindness engenders kindness; disdain and contempt for others will likely engender the same in return. People get back what they give in life.

Right, that's what we're saying, MIL. Keep being manipulative, rigid, nosy and self-focused, and you're not going to be welcomed warmly with open arms. Maybe you should try being open to communication, flexible, and capable of thinking about things from others' perspective if you want to be treated like a welcome, mature adult.

Maybe you should be capable of thinking about things from your DH's perspective. He loves his mother, and your MIL knows the only way to be a part of HIS life is to go around you and ignore your wishes. Because if you have your way, she'd never come over.

Believe me, your MIL knows her son -- your DH -- is kicking himself for marrying you but he's up to his chin in it so he's stuck. She's there for him, not you.

then why isn't he returning your texts or calls?

why doesn't he come visit you himself?

He does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you believe that 50 years ago, stopping by to visit was normal. No one was that busy that they couldn’t be social. I personally would prefer that era instead of the craziness on my life today.

I'm almost 60 and both of my parents worked while I was growing up. We did not have people randomly dropping by our house. Social visits were planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just stop making muffins and soup for you all.

And the next time you might ask me to watch my grandchild on a day when day care is closed, I might not see the text for hours and hours, or I might say, oh that’s not a good day, how about tomorrow?

I’ll just learn not to care about your hurt feelings. If you throw tantrums and complain about me to everyone, that will be YOUR problem.
).
Because it’s all about setting boundaries, right?

Do you think this is some type of threat or lesson? No, sweetie, that’s the POINT. The point is we don’t want or need your muffins, which always come with a side of guilt and expectations. Stay away. What makes you think you are needed for aftercare? You’re not. And by the way, if you withhold from us during emergencies, guess what will happen when you fall in the shower? Want to start the tit for tat? You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you. Facts.

We know, you don't need anything or anyone. You don't need your child's grandmother in a pinch for after care because you can pay people who don't love them to take care of that. You can always have muffins delivered. You don't need to meet or know your neighbors because you will never have to borrow a cup of sugar from them or god forbid ask for a favor (that would make you a user). You can hire a dog walker to take care of your dog etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Have fun with your dog walker who hates you, your after care at a sterile facility raising your children, your non-interaction with your Instacart delivery driver and your not so much as a nod hello neighbors. No one needs you either, PP. You are truly nuts to think the picture of yourself you paint is somehow attractive. It's not. It's the epitome of a lonely, pathetic, brittle person who has nothing that matters, like love and human connections, and all the superficial trappings that money can buy. Truly, truly pathetic.

Wow grumpy MIL really taking this thread personally.

I'm not a MIL yet. But I have sons and I hope to God they marry a woman with a beating heart and some human warmth, so I can be a part of their lives. And if they end up marrying people like the frigid posters on this thread, then I'll have to learn to look for love and warmth and human connection elsewhere. Or do you think seniors don't have any other options? Personally I'm looking forward to the freedom of my senior years. I'm going to have a blast.

I have young adult sons and I have absolutely ZERO intention of doing the whole random muffin drop off, stay for an hour and talk my DIL's ear off, completely ignoring the fact that she has to get some things taken care of before she can run my grandchild to a scout meeting...

I think that is just so brutally rude.

Once my kids brought home a stomach virus, they were miserable with it vomiting straight for a day and a half. Then they got better and I came down with it. I was so, so sick. I had talked to my mom on the phone and told her what was going on. A couple of hours later, she was at my doorstep with McDonald's kids meals for the kids and a box of saltines and ginger ale for me. She didn't stay, she didn't talk my ear off - she just handed those bags to me and said "I hope this makes things a little better. Love ya!" Now that's the kind of helpful, thoughtful mom/MIL that I hope to be one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just stop making muffins and soup for you all.

And the next time you might ask me to watch my grandchild on a day when day care is closed, I might not see the text for hours and hours, or I might say, oh that’s not a good day, how about tomorrow?

I’ll just learn not to care about your hurt feelings. If you throw tantrums and complain about me to everyone, that will be YOUR problem.
).
Because it’s all about setting boundaries, right?

Do you think this is some type of threat or lesson? No, sweetie, that’s the POINT. The point is we don’t want or need your muffins, which always come with a side of guilt and expectations. Stay away. What makes you think you are needed for aftercare? You’re not. And by the way, if you withhold from us during emergencies, guess what will happen when you fall in the shower? Want to start the tit for tat? You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you. Facts.

We know, you don't need anything or anyone. You don't need your child's grandmother in a pinch for after care because you can pay people who don't love them to take care of that. You can always have muffins delivered. You don't need to meet or know your neighbors because you will never have to borrow a cup of sugar from them or god forbid ask for a favor (that would make you a user). You can hire a dog walker to take care of your dog etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Have fun with your dog walker who hates you, your after care at a sterile facility raising your children, your non-interaction with your Instacart delivery driver and your not so much as a nod hello neighbors. No one needs you either, PP. You are truly nuts to think the picture of yourself you paint is somehow attractive. It's not. It's the epitome of a lonely, pathetic, brittle person who has nothing that matters, like love and human connections, and all the superficial trappings that money can buy. Truly, truly pathetic.

Wow grumpy MIL really taking this thread personally.

I'm not a MIL yet. But I have sons and I hope to God they marry a woman with a beating heart and some human warmth, so I can be a part of their lives. And if they end up marrying people like the frigid posters on this thread, then I'll have to learn to look for love and warmth and human connection elsewhere. Or do you think seniors don't have any other options? Personally I'm looking forward to the freedom of my senior years. I'm going to have a blast.

I have young adult sons and I have absolutely ZERO intention of doing the whole random muffin drop off, stay for an hour and talk my DIL's ear off, completely ignoring the fact that she has to get some things taken care of before she can run my grandchild to a scout meeting...

I think that is just so brutally rude.

Once my kids brought home a stomach virus, they were miserable with it vomiting straight for a day and a half. Then they got better and I came down with it. I was so, so sick. I had talked to my mom on the phone and told her what was going on. A couple of hours later, she was at my doorstep with McDonald's kids meals for the kids and a box of saltines and ginger ale for me. She didn't stay, she didn't talk my ear off - she just handed those bags to me and said "I hope this makes things a little better. Love ya!" Now that's the kind of helpful, thoughtful mom/MIL that I hope to be one day.

She didn't want to catch your stomach bug. That's the kind of MIL I plan on being too. ; )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL lives about two miles away and is always finding little reasons to stop by, things like, can she drop off muffins she made, can she swing by and deliver some soup she made, is it ok if she stops by and says hello to our children. Mind you, we do plan weekly or at least every other week visits, so she sees us. If we say it’s not a good time, or can we try for tomorrow, she gets upset and takes it as a personal affront, complains the muffins won’t be fresh, etc, or claims she won’t come in and will just drop it on the porch, and then lingers when we don’t come out. It’s so awkward. Is there a better way to handle this without hurting feelings?

Back to the OP’s question. There really aren't any magic words to make your MIL not act affronted when you say no. She’s a manipulative person and will have picked up on your desire to be polite and not hurt feelings. The pretense of making muffins , acting affronted when you say no thank you, and hanging around your door are all manipulative techniques to get at a people pleaser.

Her desire to pop in for a quick visit is more important to her than respecting your no thank you. She isn’t hurt when you say no, she’s mad she didn’t get her way. You have to remind yourself that her inappropriate reactions and expectations are hers to deal with and not your problem.

It’s hard but so many boomers seem to devolve into these demanding and manipulative people as they age. You just need to realize that they are no longer normal functioning adults and ignore the games.

It is fine to treat people in your life as this poster suggests, but you have to keep in mind that it is likely in general that people will respond to and treat you in the same way.

Kindness engenders kindness; disdain and contempt for others will likely engender the same in return. People get back what they give in life.

Right, that's what we're saying, MIL. Keep being manipulative, rigid, nosy and self-focused, and you're not going to be welcomed warmly with open arms. Maybe you should try being open to communication, flexible, and capable of thinking about things from others' perspective if you want to be treated like a welcome, mature adult.

Maybe you should be capable of thinking about things from your DH's perspective. He loves his mother, and your MIL knows the only way to be a part of HIS life is to go around you and ignore your wishes. Because if you have your way, she'd never come over.

Believe me, your MIL knows her son -- your DH -- is kicking himself for marrying you but he's up to his chin in it so he's stuck. She's there for him, not you.

Bwahahaaha you jealous old Jocasta. (I’ll wait for you to Google.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just stop making muffins and soup for you all.

And the next time you might ask me to watch my grandchild on a day when day care is closed, I might not see the text for hours and hours, or I might say, oh that’s not a good day, how about tomorrow?

I’ll just learn not to care about your hurt feelings. If you throw tantrums and complain about me to everyone, that will be YOUR problem.
).
Because it’s all about setting boundaries, right?

Do you think this is some type of threat or lesson? No, sweetie, that’s the POINT. The point is we don’t want or need your muffins, which always come with a side of guilt and expectations. Stay away. What makes you think you are needed for aftercare? You’re not. And by the way, if you withhold from us during emergencies, guess what will happen when you fall in the shower? Want to start the tit for tat? You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you. Facts.

We know, you don't need anything or anyone. You don't need your child's grandmother in a pinch for after care because you can pay people who don't love them to take care of that. You can always have muffins delivered. You don't need to meet or know your neighbors because you will never have to borrow a cup of sugar from them or god forbid ask for a favor (that would make you a user). You can hire a dog walker to take care of your dog etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Have fun with your dog walker who hates you, your after care at a sterile facility raising your children, your non-interaction with your Instacart delivery driver and your not so much as a nod hello neighbors. No one needs you either, PP. You are truly nuts to think the picture of yourself you paint is somehow attractive. It's not. It's the epitome of a lonely, pathetic, brittle person who has nothing that matters, like love and human connections, and all the superficial trappings that money can buy. Truly, truly pathetic.

Wow grumpy MIL really taking this thread personally.

I'm not a MIL yet. But I have sons and I hope to God they marry a woman with a beating heart and some human warmth, so I can be a part of their lives. And if they end up marrying people like the frigid posters on this thread, then I'll have to learn to look for love and warmth and human connection elsewhere. Or do you think seniors don't have any other options? Personally I'm looking forward to the freedom of my senior years. I'm going to have a blast.

I have young adult sons and I have absolutely ZERO intention of doing the whole random muffin drop off, stay for an hour and talk my DIL's ear off, completely ignoring the fact that she has to get some things taken care of before she can run my grandchild to a scout meeting...

I think that is just so brutally rude.

Once my kids brought home a stomach virus, they were miserable with it vomiting straight for a day and a half. Then they got better and I came down with it. I was so, so sick. I had talked to my mom on the phone and told her what was going on. A couple of hours later, she was at my doorstep with McDonald's kids meals for the kids and a box of saltines and ginger ale for me. She didn't stay, she didn't talk my ear off - she just handed those bags to me and said "I hope this makes things a little better. Love ya!" Now that's the kind of helpful, thoughtful mom/MIL that I hope to be one day.

She didn't want to catch your stomach bug. That's the kind of MIL I plan on being too. ; )

Absolutely, I didn't want her to catch my stomach bug, either! My mom and MIL never watched or visited with the children when they were sick. Those viruses are hard on the young parents' bodies, I would have felt terrible if either one of them had come down with one of those bugs. My mom was not one to do random "pop bys" but on that occasion she made an exception and I was extremely grateful for it.