Not invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of the other cousins who are invited the siblings of the groom's parents? Do you have siblings who were invited even though you were not? Just trying to figure out why they singled you out? Because I agree it does seem very odd to not invite you and not even mention it.

Groom's uncle (cousin's brother) is invited and so are other cousins. Overall it's 12 people PLUS their kids. My family is the only one not invited.

So 5 cousins of 1 of the groom's parents were supposedly invited. What about groom's other parent? No relatives? Groom's uncle should not be in that count so it's 5+5 spouses =10. Maybe 20 if each of the 5 had 2 kids. If it's a 100 person wedding it is odd that 20% of a guest list would be one parents cousins and their kids. Somethng seems off here and maybe actual invites have not yet been sent.

Skip any current friendship/closeness of the OP DS and the groom. If the DS didn't know about the engagement then they are not close. Really weird that OP heard zip about this wedding if all these people were at her house for Thanksgiving and it was the main event for their families.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.

OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.

You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings

Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

+1
I have a large extended family and I certainly don’t expect to be invited to every occasion, but we are informed of weddings, births and other significant events.

Maybe bride & groom didn't invite OP because she is dramatic and she is proving their point by flipping out when not receiving an invite.

You’re the one making up drama, not the OP.

How are we to know if OP is a reliable narrator, she says her son and the groom are close, then admits that the son didn't know the groom was engaged/getting married.

It is weird that she was the only cousin not invited and she hasn't been back in recent pages to answer follow up questions. I think there are "missing missing reasons" and OP didnt get the response she was looking for, so has stopped engaging.

So you fill in the blanks by making up stories about her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.

OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.

You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings

Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

+1
I have a large extended family and I certainly don’t expect to be invited to every occasion, but we are informed of weddings, births and other significant events.

Maybe bride & groom didn't invite OP because she is dramatic and she is proving their point by flipping out when not receiving an invite.

You’re the one making up drama, not the OP.

How are we to know if OP is a reliable narrator, she says her son and the groom are close, then admits that the son didn't know the groom was engaged/getting married.

It is weird that she was the only cousin not invited and she hasn't been back in recent pages to answer follow up questions. I think there are "missing missing reasons" and OP didnt get the response she was looking for, so has stopped engaging.

So you fill in the blanks by making up stories about her?

Did you miss the part where the post said MAYBE the OP is dramatic? Anyone who fishes around for an invite is a drama llama in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there other “first cousins once removed” that are invited?

Np. Yes all of the other first cousins once removed are invited. Op is the only reason excluded. They explained this very well in the op.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would also be hurt. It sounds like for whatever reason the cousin's son or soon to be wife don't like you or your family. They do the holidays because they feel obligated because of their parent. Then your cousin doesn't feel like they can force their kid to invite you since they aren't paying.

Or, could be a small venue. OP is extended, not immediate, family.

Other extended family are invited. It does not sound like a small venue issue.

OP said there are 14 of them in her generation of cousins. Assuming each are partnered, there are 7 cousins, of which only 2 are directly related to the groom (mom, uncle). The remaining 5 are groom’s mom’s cousins. OP is the only 1 of the 5 (plus their families) not invited.

No, OP said she is an only child. Everyone else is the groom's parents immediate family.

No. The person you're responding to is correct.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.

OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.

You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings

Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

+1
I have a large extended family and I certainly don’t expect to be invited to every occasion, but we are informed of weddings, births and other significant events.

Maybe bride & groom didn't invite OP because she is dramatic and she is proving their point by flipping out when not receiving an invite.

You’re the one making up drama, not the OP.

How are we to know if OP is a reliable narrator, she says her son and the groom are close, then admits that the son didn't know the groom was engaged/getting married.

It is weird that she was the only cousin not invited and she hasn't been back in recent pages to answer follow up questions. I think there are "missing missing reasons" and OP didnt get the response she was looking for, so has stopped engaging.

So you fill in the blanks by making up stories about her?

Did you miss the part where the post said MAYBE the OP is dramatic? Anyone who fishes around for an invite is a drama llama in my book.

Who was fishing?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the bride & groom drew a line that included their aunts and uncles (so their parents' siblings), but not their parents' cousins. It probably wasn't personal (though I understand why you're hurt and I think they could and should have made an exception for an extended family member who hosts them for major holidays). They probably had to make that cutoff to stay in budget and still have money and space to invite their own friends.

You don't have to keep inviting the couple to your home for holidays - besides, as a married couple they'll be splitting time with the bride's family and potentially starting to host in their own home anyway.

You think of yourself as an aunt to the groom - which is understandable - but you're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.

OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.

You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings

Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

Not inviting the groom over any longer may be reasonable, but why are you planning to ice your cousin as well? They're not the hosts; they don't control the guest list. They could encourage (and I would assume they did), but after that, it's out of their hands

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone blaming the bride? OP is on the groom's side of the family. If he wanted her there, he could push for it. Do not blame the young woman, cranky old grannies with mama's boys.

But it’s a valid question. Like it or not, the bride has the majority of “say” in wedding planning. Especially if the couple is paying for everything themselves and if the groom is checked out, overwhelmed, content to let the woman make all the decisions, doesn’t want to do the planning work, etc. etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone blaming the bride? OP is on the groom's side of the family. If he wanted her there, he could push for it. Do not blame the young woman, cranky old grannies with mama's boys.

But it’s a valid question. Like it or not, the bride has the majority of “say” in wedding planning. Especially if the couple is paying for everything themselves and if the groom is checked out, overwhelmed, content to let the woman make all the decisions, doesn’t want to do the planning work, etc. etc. etc.

Well, I guess groom did a poor job advocating for OP and her family, then. Ultimately it’s his family, his circus, his monkeys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.

OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.

You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings

Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

+1
I have a large extended family and I certainly don’t expect to be invited to every occasion, but we are informed of weddings, births and other significant events.

Maybe bride & groom didn't invite OP because she is dramatic and she is proving their point by flipping out when not receiving an invite.

You’re the one making up drama, not the OP.

How are we to know if OP is a reliable narrator, she says her son and the groom are close, then admits that the son didn't know the groom was engaged/getting married.

It is weird that she was the only cousin not invited and she hasn't been back in recent pages to answer follow up questions. I think there are "missing missing reasons" and OP didnt get the response she was looking for, so has stopped engaging.

So you fill in the blanks by making up stories about her?

Did you miss the part where the post said MAYBE the OP is dramatic? Anyone who fishes around for an invite is a drama llama in my book.

Who was fishing?

OP was fishing when she starting asking why she wasn’t invited. Tackkkkyyyy.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op, this hurts and it hurts more that your cousin, the mother of the groom (or your cousin is the father of the groom) were not forthright with you about it. It would have been much more palatable had he/she called you with the news and explained that due to kids choosing their own guests and they want to avoid the drama, they’re letting them, and you did not make the groom & bride’s list…. It’s the silence and hiding the wedding that makes it worse and hurtful. Whatever, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the bride & groom drew a line that included their aunts and uncles (so their parents' siblings), but not their parents' cousins. It probably wasn't personal (though I understand why you're hurt and I think they could and should have made an exception for an extended family member who hosts them for major holidays). They probably had to make that cutoff to stay in budget and still have money and space to invite their own friends.

You don't have to keep inviting the couple to your home for holidays - besides, as a married couple they'll be splitting time with the bride's family and potentially starting to host in their own home anyway.

You think of yourself as an aunt to the groom - which is understandable - but you're not.

All of this. A line had to be drawn somewhere and you unfortunately fell on the wrong side of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this case I would try to figure out why because that seems like such a selective and personal exclusion. Can your mom poke around? I would probably go to the cousin and just be really open and say 'I just found out about Larla and Tom's wedding and that we seem to be the only people not invited. I'm not angry but I'm a little confused and hurt and mostly want to understand why because I thought we all had a good relationship. Did something happen?'

So they aren't on the defensive about the wedding and you can just get to the meat of the matter.

Oh I did reach out to the parents. The response I got was that "the young couple are paying for the wedding". I could feel my cousin was uncomfortable. So it was OK for the young couple to be at my house many times but apparently we are not good enough for the wedding.

I initially thought it was your cousin getting married, but now I see it's the cousin's kid.

This is a tricky situation and you can choose to blow your family up over it, or you could have hurt feelings yet take the high road (which is what I would do). Weddings are very expensive and if the couple is paying for it then I can see how a friend or closer family member might take priority over a cousin once removed. Sorry.

OP. I would take the high road, not reach out and not ask BUT your cousin and his kid would now be dead to me. I would no longer be the first to reach out, they would no longer be invited to my house, I would not send holiday cards, and definitely do NOT send a wedding gift, card or acknowledgment. I’m so sorry OP.

You’re not taking the “high road” if you wanted to buy them to future holiday gatherings

Taking the high road meaning I’m not going to confront them or complain about it to them or anyone else. But no way would I be inviting them to my home again. So yea, they would be dead to me unless they reached out first.

+1
I have a large extended family and I certainly don’t expect to be invited to every occasion, but we are informed of weddings, births and other significant events.

Maybe bride & groom didn't invite OP because she is dramatic and she is proving their point by flipping out when not receiving an invite.

You’re the one making up drama, not the OP.

How are we to know if OP is a reliable narrator, she says her son and the groom are close, then admits that the son didn't know the groom was engaged/getting married.

It is weird that she was the only cousin not invited and she hasn't been back in recent pages to answer follow up questions. I think there are "missing missing reasons" and OP didnt get the response she was looking for, so has stopped engaging.

So you fill in the blanks by making up stories about her?

No, OP (aka you, sockpuppetting) is asking for potential reasons why and we are theorizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of the other cousins who are invited the siblings of the groom's parents? Do you have siblings who were invited even though you were not? Just trying to figure out why they singled you out? Because I agree it does seem very odd to not invite you and not even mention it.

Groom's uncle (cousin's brother) is invited and so are other cousins. Overall it's 12 people PLUS their kids. My family is the only one not invited.

So 5 cousins of 1 of the groom's parents were supposedly invited. What about groom's other parent? No relatives? Groom's uncle should not be in that count so it's 5+5 spouses =10. Maybe 20 if each of the 5 had 2 kids. If it's a 100 person wedding it is odd that 20% of a guest list would be one parents cousins and their kids. Somethng seems off here and maybe actual invites have not yet been sent.

Skip any current friendship/closeness of the OP DS and the groom. If the DS didn't know about the engagement then they are not close. Really weird that OP heard zip about this wedding if all these people were at her house for Thanksgiving and it was the main event for their families.

Are you stupid? The parent of the groom should absolutely invite their sibling over a daughter of a cousin to the sibling of the parent of the groom.