DC’s friend broke something expensive - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I coach a group of 10-11 yo 5th graders and there is a huge range of maturity in that group. Some are more like teens and would absolutely know that they broke something. They'd also have the maturity to know not to touch and, if something was broken, it would be malicious.

There are also some kids in the same group who would have zero realization that there are things they shouldn't touch or that break easily. I don't know if their parents keep breakable items up so the kids haven't had a chance to learn not to touch, or if the kids can't control themselves so the parents are forced to keep breakables up, but these kids have zero clue. They wouldn't know they were doing something wrong in opening the turn table, would touch to see how it worked and, if parts started coming off, they'd keep going to try to understand or to fix it. Zero clue.

I think it can be hard to understand when you have kids in the former group and meet a kid in the later group, or vice versa. It's just like some kids walk at 9 months and others at 18 months--it's nothing the parents did, but part of development.

OP, I'd be really careful attributing motive or malicious intent to a 10 yo. You need to own that you overestimated this 10 yo's ability to control himself. Take a few more days and try to step back from your emotional response to this. I'm not saying the other family shouldn't take some responsibility, but you're very attached to the idea that the kid acted maliciously, when there's no motive or reason to think that the 10 yo was anything but impulsive and clumsy.

She didn’t overestimate the kid’s ability to control himself. She overestimated the kid’s parent’s ability to control her own kid. Big difference.

OP has never said that th parent was in the room, but that the parent was "present" which I took to mean something like having coffee in the kitchen while the kids played elsewhere in the apartment. If the parent was there, why did they have to ask their kid if they opened the case and touch it? The story doesn't make complete sense.

OP here. It’s in my actual OP that the mom was in the room. I have never written in any post that the child acted maliciously. There is no other place for the equipment; DH was not home when this occurred; he used this typically daily, or at minimum 5 days a week. I have not written anything other than these things, other posters have. I appreciate the idea of how to present this.

You have said that the damage was purposeful and intentional, both of which ascribe a motive. Why do you think the kid intentionally damaged the equipment? Why do you think the parent let them?

It doesn't make a lot of sense.

NP. Intentional is not the same as malicious. Words have meanings.

So what was the intent? What exactly does the OP think the kid intended? The adult? Intentional has a meaning. It's different than impulsive and clumsy.

He intentionally took the lid off the turntable. He intentionally messed with whatever component he eventually broke. As opposed to accidentally tripping and falling into it. He did not maliciously intend to damage the turntable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a smallish apartment, how was the kid able to maliciously destroy it without anyone seeing or noticing?

+1 If OP wasn’t in the room, how does she know her kid wasn’t involved? Also, why didn’t her kid tell his friend to stop? I’m sure the other mom was scrolling on her phone. OP should graciously accept any money, but she sounds argumentative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but it’s just stupid to have such expensive things where kids are playing if you can’t put the things away. You say you live in a small apartment, so it sounds like this is not the stage in your life where you have expensive things for the hobby. Same reason I’m waiting to get super nice furniture. Things happen, things get broken.

NP. This is adorable

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So weird to put out so many details but then be annoyingly vague on what the object is. Obviously with this obfuscation the other people would still recognize the story.

I feel bad about the whole thing, because I feel awkward, is all. I can’t edit posts.

You can request to get the post removed. I would if I was you. Awkward.

DP. I would really work on my grammar before advising others, if I were you. Awkard.

[Anonymous]

^^Awkward

[Anonymous]

If it was a turntable, my guess is that very few 10 year olds know what they are or that they are delicate equipment. And they have probably only seen them in the DJ turning the record to scratch it type thing, so they probably thought there was nothing wrong with doing that. It sounds like he touched it, but didn’t take a hammer to it or anything like that. So basically acted like a 10 year old.

I can’t imagine leaving a several thousand dollar item out where kids are playing without warning them to stay away. And I also can’t imagine being asked to pay several thousand as a result of a play date where my kid acted like a 10 year old.

[Anonymous]

This post is ridiculous. You all just need to move on and repair it yourself instead of creating more drama around the situation. Tell you husband to find a new hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is ridiculous. You all just need to move on and repair it yourself instead of creating more drama around the situation. Tell you husband to find a new hobby.

NP. This post is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Awkward

Feel stupid? This is why you don’t criticize others’ grammar or spelling on an anonymous forum. Honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but it’s just stupid to have such expensive things where kids are playing if you can’t put the things away. You say you live in a small apartment, so it sounds like this is not the stage in your life where you have expensive things for the hobby. Same reason I’m waiting to get super nice furniture. Things happen, things get broken.

NP. This is adorable

Yeah, for New Yorkers small apartments are not a stage of life. Hard to understand when you live in a McMansion, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was a turntable, my guess is that very few 10 year olds know what they are or that they are delicate equipment. And they have probably only seen them in the DJ turning the record to scratch it type thing, so they probably thought there was nothing wrong with doing that. It sounds like he touched it, but didn’t take a hammer to it or anything like that. So basically acted like a 10 year old.

I can’t imagine leaving a several thousand dollar item out where kids are playing without warning them to stay away. And I also can’t imagine being asked to pay several thousand as a result of a play date where my kid acted like a 10 year old.

If you had kept up, you would know that this child had been to the apartment many times before over the years, and had been told repeatedly that this was a delicate item not to be touched. When your child’s frequent playmate comes over, do you walk through the house each time, pointing out all the things that mustn’t be touched? I doubt it. Especially not with the THE CHILD’S PARENT present in the same room.

[Anonymous]

Who are all you people who are complaining that the other parent wasn't watching her kid? The boys are 10! Fifth grade. Did you watch your kids like a hawk the year before they wen to middle school? My daughter and all her friends were walking to school by themselves, going to each other's houses by themselves, and wandering the neighborhood in search of other kids at 10. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty basic manners when you go to someone’s house that you don’t just touch stuff you are curious about! This is a 10 year old, not a 2 year old. I can’t believe the parents who are making excuses for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but it’s just stupid to have such expensive things where kids are playing if you can’t put the things away. You say you live in a small apartment, so it sounds like this is not the stage in your life where you have expensive things for the hobby. Same reason I’m waiting to get super nice furniture. Things happen, things get broken.

NP. This is adorable

Yeah, for New Yorkers small apartments are not a stage of life. Hard to understand when you live in a McMansion, I guess.

I meant having kids who might accidentally break valuable things as a stage of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but it’s just stupid to have such expensive things where kids are playing if you can’t put the things away. You say you live in a small apartment, so it sounds like this is not the stage in your life where you have expensive things for the hobby. Same reason I’m waiting to get super nice furniture. Things happen, things get broken.

NP. This is adorable

Yeah, for New Yorkers small apartments are not a stage of life. Hard to understand when you live in a McMansion, I guess.

Having kids is a stage of life.
It’s hard to imagine when you are in the middle of it, but in 5 years, this won’t be an issue. Most people would get something less expensive but workable for now and get the furniture that’s thousands of dollars when the kids are older.