I have a tumor, DH doesn't care. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

This post depresses me.

So much empathy towards the unsupportive spouse who isn’t showing up for OP on the premise that because she might die her needs have an expiration date and therefore aren’t as important.

Like, what is the point of marriage with this mindset?

I’m sorry OP. I wish you the best. Do take the advice and find the support you need to get you through this crises. I hope your spouse finds a way to show up for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you talked to your doctors about how the waiting is affecting you mentally? If it bothered me to that extent, I would push to get it out sooner rather than later.

The fact you can wait for 2.5 years is an excellent sign that it isn’t as serious as you think. Your doctors may not know that you are in a bad headspace and could either move it up or reassure you.

It's as serious as I think. They do know it's stressful and we have weighed the pros/cons of surgery now/later and I understand their recommended timing. It doesn't mean it isn't hard.

I'm not asking for people to second guess my care team or challenge their decisions with very limited information (realizing I've provided very few details). I have thought a LOT about this for the past 2.5 years and didn't really come here for more discussion about that part of what's been on my mind so I guess I'm a little surprised by so much focus on that. It feels as though I need to prove to some posters here that it's serious enough for them to believe it's serious or it's nothing I should worry about and my husband should be off the hook for any support. I'm not interested in proving this to anyone in this discussion. Maybe that's interesting or important to you but it feels to me like you're missing the point.

I have felt disappointed in his level of attention to what feels to me like a significantly terrifying and worrisome situation. I have felt sad and lonely not being able to talk to the person with whom I share a home and a family and a life. It is what it is, I realize.....but it has sucked.

I'm going to stop responding now and let the conversation wind down because several of the comments feel like another stressor that I don't need right now. Thanks to the people who have offered thoughtful replies. I appreciate those different perspectives, which is what I was after.

This is really the type of thing where one session with a marriage counselor could clear so much up and help so much in terms of communication and resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am absolutely flabbergasted at the people on husband's side.
The woman has CANCER this isn't the time to be like "do you ask him if he's ok"

Some of you must be raising terrible sons.

Do you always blame women for the actions of men?

[Anonymous]

Has your husband disagreed with you and encouraged you to get the tumor removed earlier? If he is pushing for that and you are declining, there may be a sense of conflict underlying all these discussions. It’s really hard to know where he stands because you are being a bit vague, OP. Other ideas: 1. he is revisiting his fear from your previous cancer scare and unable to handle his anxiety when you bring this up. 2. He is completely uncaring (I doubt this is the case given that you have been married a long time and know this man). 3. He doesn’t believe this is life threatening and yet you do (you really need a sit down with your care team if that’s the case, so he can hear it directly from them). 4. He is simply an emotionally unavailable person when it comes to health issues.

Agree with the recommendations to get your own personal therapist to discuss this with and get a marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

so I don't feel ready to go to a group thing again

Op -- YOU aren't comfortable communicating ... yet you expect your Husband to communicate perfectly.
It's a hard subject. And people have their limits.
You do. He does.

Ridiculous. You take a short snippet of her post saying that she, THE PERSON WITH THE BRAIN TUMOR, doesn't feel like going to group therapy because of a negative experience last time (and already said she is in individual therapy) and you compare that to her husband, who starts an argument every time she brings up her illness?!?

LOL Is this OP?
One person surmised it might be a brain tumor and now you've latched onto that? What a terrible troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am absolutely flabbergasted at the people on husband's side.
The woman has CANCER this isn't the time to be like "do you ask him if he's ok"

Some of you must be raising terrible sons.

Do you always blame women for the actions of men?

? did the PP state "moms are raising the terrible sons"? IMO, the people on the terrible husband's side are probably men who probably are raising terrible sons.