I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

[Anonymous]

Lol at the poster defending the mean girl dynamic, as if being close friends for a long time makes it okay to treat others like dirt!

People like this never change - I’m in my mid-50s and two of my good friends are in group like this. One dislikes the behavior but is too passive to leave the group. The other just ignores the behavior because she likes being social. After being on the outskirts of the group for a few years, and experiencing some mean girl behavior from queen bee, I just stopped attending get togethers with the group and have moved on to other friends groups. There was a period where I did feel a little lonely and left out, but after hearing details about bad and crazy things that happened at some of their girl weekends, I’m happy with my new friends.

[Anonymous]

It’s so sad that there are women with such intense internalized misogyny they can’t behave in a civilized, open manner with other women.

What is wrong with them? I will never understand. I’m so sorry OP.

The answer of course is to distance yourself and stay that way.

[Anonymous]

Disengage from this group. Find friends who treat you with respect. In a few years as your child gets older, you probably won’t even see her anymore.

So happy not to have to deal with this crap anymore. Life is too short, don’t waste your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so sad that there are women with such intense internalized misogyny they can’t behave in a civilized, open manner with other women.

What is wrong with them? I will never understand. I’m so sorry OP.

The answer of course is to distance yourself and stay that way.

Women have always been like this. It has nothing to do with misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so sad that there are women with such intense internalized misogyny they can’t behave in a civilized, open manner with other women.

What is wrong with them? I will never understand. I’m so sorry OP.

The answer of course is to distance yourself and stay that way.

Women have always been like this. It has nothing to do with misogyny.

DP. Agree women have always been like this. But yes, it does have to do with internalized misogyny.

Women view each other as competition. For what? For the attention of men. Women compete for status because we believe that the higher our status, the better our chances of getting and keeping a man.

Women are also socially competitive and create social hierarchies in part because they were kept out of professional life where there are opportunities to secure status through work. Even though women work now at much higher numbers, they are still socialized to believe that their social status is a reflection of their worth. But also this kind of "mean girl" behavior among women tends to be worse among groups of SAHMS, or among groups of professional women in a sort of permanent lower status. This is why nurses can sometimes be so absolutely awful to each other -- in many medical professional environments, nurses can never have as high of status as doctors or even administrators, and thus they compete with one another (sometimes viciously) to secure the highest possible social/professional status within their group. This also sometimes happens in other pink collar professions, like teaching or the administrative staff in some professional offices.

Look at how one of the responses even to OP's question was what? To put down this woman by accusing her of being menopausal. Nevermind that menopause is a natural, inevitable process that should not be an insult or source of shame. The idea is that a menopausal woman is old, no longer fertile, less feminine. And therefore worthless, because of a collective belief that women's worth is based on their attractiveness to men and their ability to bear and raise children.

Misogyny is THE reason women treat each other like this, starting in grade school and continuing into our 60s and 70s sometimes. If women truly believed that they and all other women had inherent value that was independent of men and children, there would be no reason to create these hierarchies in order to compete for position at the top. It is all internalize misogyny that leads to deep-seated insecurity about our place in the world.

The patriarchy outsourced misogyny to women a long time ago, along with childcare, housework, and maintenance of social bonds. And a lot of women happily take it on. It's really something.

[Anonymous]

Not a group I would be anxious to join.

Pursue interests. Ask individuals to lunch.

This is hard, but they are no great loss.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to say "F*ck 'em" in your head every time you think of them or see them. Don't give them more power over you than they deserve. When you see them be polite but keep it light and keep moving. Find other people to interact with and limit exposure to this group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Dead pan her back and say something like

I know! Menopause/The Holidays/stress/whatever is making me forget stuff too. Randy is at Xavier with Beau. The other day I couldnt find my phone and I was on it! Had a good laugh about that.

Then give a bedazzaling smile and turn to someone else and ask them about their new bag or what they are doing for Thanksgiving. She is TRYING to make you uncomfortable and freeze you out and make you look like you dont belong to other people.

Ive been frozen out before and then I made friends with other people and stopped trying with the Queen Bee one. Dont act like I am not important enough to remember our kids dont go to the same school. I would normally just repeat myself but the fact that she invites others to lunch when you are right there tells me she is a bit45.

[Anonymous]

Be glad they showed you these signs now. Run away from this group.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP that this is internalized misogyny. They are still brainwashed by society to hate and constantly compete with other women. I have no interest in being friends with someone who hasn't done the work to fix this, even just a little bit, about herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so sad that there are women with such intense internalized misogyny they can’t behave in a civilized, open manner with other women.

What is wrong with them? I will never understand. I’m so sorry OP.

The answer of course is to distance yourself and stay that way.

Women have always been like this. It has nothing to do with misogyny.

DP. Agree women have always been like this. But yes, it does have to do with internalized misogyny.

Women view each other as competition. For what? For the attention of men. Women compete for status because we believe that the higher our status, the better our chances of getting and keeping a man.

Women are also socially competitive and create social hierarchies in part because they were kept out of professional life where there are opportunities to secure status through work. Even though women work now at much higher numbers, they are still socialized to believe that their social status is a reflection of their worth. But also this kind of "mean girl" behavior among women tends to be worse among groups of SAHMS, or among groups of professional women in a sort of permanent lower status. This is why nurses can sometimes be so absolutely awful to each other -- in many medical professional environments, nurses can never have as high of status as doctors or even administrators, and thus they compete with one another (sometimes viciously) to secure the highest possible social/professional status within their group. This also sometimes happens in other pink collar professions, like teaching or the administrative staff in some professional offices.

Look at how one of the responses even to OP's question was what? To put down this woman by accusing her of being menopausal. Nevermind that menopause is a natural, inevitable process that should not be an insult or source of shame. The idea is that a menopausal woman is old, no longer fertile, less feminine. And therefore worthless, because of a collective belief that women's worth is based on their attractiveness to men and their ability to bear and raise children.

Misogyny is THE reason women treat each other like this, starting in grade school and continuing into our 60s and 70s sometimes. If women truly believed that they and all other women had inherent value that was independent of men and children, there would be no reason to create these hierarchies in order to compete for position at the top. It is all internalize misogyny that leads to deep-seated insecurity about our place in the world.

The patriarchy outsourced misogyny to women a long time ago, along with childcare, housework, and maintenance of social bonds. And a lot of women happily take it on. It's really something.

You get it. I wish I knew you IRL.

[Anonymous]

Some of you look very bland and unmemorable. I have trouble remembering faces but I'd remember parents from their classmates. If it's a random woman merely at the school don't expect so much, people have a lot on their minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you look very bland and unmemorable. I have trouble remembering faces but I'd remember parents from their classmates. If it's a random woman merely at the school don't expect so much, people have a lot on their minds.

Talk about internalized misogyny. Jesus. We will wear sparkles and feathers for you Nancy! Dont want to bland and unmemorable.

[Anonymous]

I think too many on this thread are eager to chalk up behavior to mean girl antics. I'm the same age as op and with plenty of acquaintances but few friends and zero friends I can trust. I honestly think it's my fault, I have insecurities and awkwardness when it comes to getting close but some strong women see past that and it's easier one on one. I've heard some accuse others I know of being mean (its easy when they fit the bill of being beautiful, standoffish or connected) but when you get to know them, they're just juggling life like anyone else.
I won't say they don't exist but through school, sports, play groups and scouts I've really only met a couple classic "mean girl" archetypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you look very bland and unmemorable. I have trouble remembering faces but I'd remember parents from their classmates. If it's a random woman merely at the school don't expect so much, people have a lot on their minds.

Talk about internalized misogyny. Jesus. We will wear sparkles and feathers for you Nancy! Dont want to bland and unmemorable.

I'm the poster you replied to and I think dads are even more difficult to tell apart!