I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

NP but this is how a frenemy group doxed me. They looked up my NYT wedding article and learned my first marriage ended in divorce. When the couples all hung out, a few women peppered DH about being married to a divorcee. They know how much my house is worth because they looked up property records and sometimes they make snide remarks about my mortgage. They looked up DH's salary (fed) and had a discussion about their husbands who are better earners.

They seem crazy so i don't hang out with them anymore

This is not doxxing. It’s gossiping.

Whatever. They pulled up my records and put it on insta. Doxxy enough for me!

that’s doxxing.

nope.

[Anonymous]

Groups of women who all get along are rare, and in my experience either aren't that close, or they have been very close since they were young.

I don't try to make groups work anymore. I find that the dynamic gets complicated. So I just meet up with 1-2 people at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, it's all driven by insecurity.

My teens attend a super elite high school (not in DC) and the parents are one long list of monied names. We are not famous or wealthy.

The nicest moms are almost always the wealthiest and/or most successful ones. It gives me pause each time because I instinctively get intimidated but then I have to stop myself from being weird and just be myself. A few have become good friends. Then there is a whole layer of striving moms who are mean. I've learned to look at people above this layer for genuine friendship. It's wild because while our income is below all of theirs I would seem to have more in common with this group. But they look right through me.

I’ve also found this to be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, it's all driven by insecurity.

My teens attend a super elite high school (not in DC) and the parents are one long list of monied names. We are not famous or wealthy.

The nicest moms are almost always the wealthiest and/or most successful ones. It gives me pause each time because I instinctively get intimidated but then I have to stop myself from being weird and just be myself. A few have become good friends. Then there is a whole layer of striving moms who are mean. I've learned to look at people above this layer for genuine friendship. It's wild because while our income is below all of theirs I would seem to have more in common with this group. But they look right through me.

I’ve also found this to be true.

+1!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

Well if the queen bee is being a biatch, then I would have no problem saying it. I’m sure some of the other ladies who have been insulted by her would like it and then I would have some new friends.

Unless they are menopausal or sensitive about the subject, which actually some women are.

You do not beat a queen bee by playing into negative stereotypes about women. It's like calling a woman fat or ugly because she's mean. It just makes you mean, it doesn't actually say anything bad about her unless you are the sort of person who thinks a woman is bad because she's fat or not pretty. See how that works?

No. With Queen Bees you have to play nasty - as nasty as they are. That’s the only way. If you “kill them with kindness” or ignore, nothing happens and it either gets worse or stays the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

Well if the queen bee is being a biatch, then I would have no problem saying it. I’m sure some of the other ladies who have been insulted by her would like it and then I would have some new friends.

Unless they are menopausal or sensitive about the subject, which actually some women are.

You do not beat a queen bee by playing into negative stereotypes about women. It's like calling a woman fat or ugly because she's mean. It just makes you mean, it doesn't actually say anything bad about her unless you are the sort of person who thinks a woman is bad because she's fat or not pretty. See how that works?

No. With Queen Bees you have to play nasty - as nasty as they are. That’s the only way. If you “kill them with kindness” or ignore, nothing happens and it either gets worse or stays the same.

Not in my experience. Going "nasty" just makes one look like a bitter loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

Well if the queen bee is being a biatch, then I would have no problem saying it. I’m sure some of the other ladies who have been insulted by her would like it and then I would have some new friends.

Unless they are menopausal or sensitive about the subject, which actually some women are.

You do not beat a queen bee by playing into negative stereotypes about women. It's like calling a woman fat or ugly because she's mean. It just makes you mean, it doesn't actually say anything bad about her unless you are the sort of person who thinks a woman is bad because she's fat or not pretty. See how that works?

No. With Queen Bees you have to play nasty - as nasty as they are. That’s the only way. If you “kill them with kindness” or ignore, nothing happens and it either gets worse or stays the same.

Not in my experience. Going "nasty" just makes one look like a bitter loser.

+1

Ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m seeing so many posts like this, it makes me wonder where are you all? Can we all just meet up somewhere?? I’m mid 40s and my “friends” are just people with kids my kids are friends with. I miss the sense of community but it’s also liberating not caring. I’m so lucky to have a tween DS who could care less about the drama girls too.

+1

+2 Girl moms are the worst.

+3 Sad but true. The mothers of both girls and boys were always nice to me when the connection was through my son. I was dumbfounded by how rude mothers of my daughter's female classmates could be. Girl Scouts was pure hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Lord, this is exactly why I stopped trying and don't care anymore. It's basically high school behavior re incarnated as an adult.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a fan of "kill with kindness," but then we moved to DC, and honestly it is different here. People are terrible. They make assumptions and are unforgiving. Here's a short list of my irredeemable transgressions from the last decade:

1.) Told someone's son not to hit mine at the playground.
2.) Had a friend park her car in front of someone else's house. (Actually it was more that I didn't tell her to move it.)
3.) Invited my child's bully and their mother over for a playdate to make peace. (Refused, gossiped about for months.)
4.) Denied accidentally hitting neighbor's car. (Because I didn't hit it. We all later later learned it was another neighbor's landscaping truck. No apology was given.)
5.) Made a comment about a woman not working when in fact she had a Very Important Job. (One she did not tell our 90 year old neighbor about, as that was who told me she was unemployed.)
6.) Greeted that same women a few days later when she was walking her dog and trying to hide behind trees so as not to say hello to us.
7.) Too much cleavage.

I don't try anymore. All my friends in this town are nice 90 year old ladies because they're the only ones with any sense of human kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be a fan of "kill with kindness," but then we moved to DC, and honestly it is different here. People are terrible. They make assumptions and are unforgiving. Here's a short list of my irredeemable transgressions from the last decade:

1.) Told someone's son not to hit mine at the playground.
2.) Had a friend park her car in front of someone else's house. (Actually it was more that I didn't tell her to move it.)
3.) Invited my child's bully and their mother over for a playdate to make peace. (Refused, gossiped about for months.)
4.) Denied accidentally hitting neighbor's car. (Because I didn't hit it. We all later later learned it was another neighbor's landscaping truck. No apology was given.)
5.) Made a comment about a woman not working when in fact she had a Very Important Job. (One she did not tell our 90 year old neighbor about, as that was who told me she was unemployed.)
6.) Greeted that same women a few days later when she was walking her dog and trying to hide behind trees so as not to say hello to us.
7.) Too much cleavage.

I don't try anymore. All my friends in this town are nice 90 year old ladies because they're the only ones with any sense of human kindness.

2 (assuming you mean driveway) and 5 are kinda sketchy tho

[Anonymous]

OP, you aren’t alone. Try to find people you connect with and bring you joy. Don’t ever worry about belonging to a group that doesn’t bring you joy.

[Anonymous]

So, nine pages in and no one gave the counter argument- how long has this group been friends? I have a group of women who have been friends for 20 years. We occasionally have a sister or friend from out of town join, but we are definitely not looking to add someone new. It changes the dynamic. The woman acted horribly, but your friend probably should have known better depending on how tight and long-standing the group is. We take an annual trip and 4 years into it, someone suggested expanding it; we decided not to and our group has been traveling annually for 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, nine pages in and no one gave the counter argument- how long has this group been friends? I have a group of women who have been friends for 20 years. We occasionally have a sister or friend from out of town join, but we are definitely not looking to add someone new. It changes the dynamic. The woman acted horribly, but your friend probably should have known better depending on how tight and long-standing the group is. We take an annual trip and 4 years into it, someone suggested expanding it; we decided not to and our group has been traveling annually for 10 years.

Heaven forbid someone new "changes the dynamic" of your toxic little clique. I hate to break it to you, but the inability to welcome new people or adjust the dynamic for a different group isn't a sign of a strong friendship-- it's childish.

Anyway, OP didn't go on some longstanding annual trip with these women. She hung out with them socially a few times, after being invited. If your friend can't be polite to your incited guest at a happy hour or girls night, she's deeply insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Be an ageist @sshole - that's going to win women friends.

Well if the queen bee is being a biatch, then I would have no problem saying it. I’m sure some of the other ladies who have been insulted by her would like it and then I would have some new friends.

Unless they are menopausal or sensitive about the subject, which actually some women are.

You do not beat a queen bee by playing into negative stereotypes about women. It's like calling a woman fat or ugly because she's mean. It just makes you mean, it doesn't actually say anything bad about her unless you are the sort of person who thinks a woman is bad because she's fat or not pretty. See how that works?

No. With Queen Bees you have to play nasty - as nasty as they are. That’s the only way. If you “kill them with kindness” or ignore, nothing happens and it either gets worse or stays the same.

Not in my experience. Going "nasty" just makes one look like a bitter loser.

Nope. Ignoring/being kind just do not work and make you look like a doormat. Show your kids that you are strong and won’t let people treat you like that.