I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

[Anonymous]

Yes establish 1:1 relationships away from Queen Bee.

I thought by 40s women grew confidant & were not as strategic as the leader.
Maybe by 50s.

Good luck OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Clearly she feels threatened by you. You must be smarter or prettier or richer than her. Its on her, not you. Don't engage with the group, just with the one woman who is your friend. Life is too damn short!

What? There is literally nothing to suggest this at all. It's just as likely that OP said something offensive and doesn't know it and this "leader" of the group doesn't want her around but isn't going to go about it in a direct way.

[Anonymous]

I can only commiserate, OP. It sucks! And yes, no matter how otherwise good I feel about my life, this behavior always hurts.

BUT I can say that I am now mid-40s and it hurts less. I'm in my 40s now and there is a woman at my kid's school who behaves this way towards me and I have no idea why. At first it really did hurt my feelings and I was feeling kind of glum. But I got over it faster. Recently I saw this woman at a school event and she walked up to me and another person, spoke to the other person for several minutes without acknowledging me, and walked away. I've known this woman for 3 years, our kids are in the same grade, and we have "met" each other at least 2 dozen times at birthday parties and school functions. She always behaves this way.

Anyway, when she did this, I was a bit hurt for a moment, and then I laughed. And I told my husband about it later and. he laughed too. Because it's *crazy*. Imagine working this hard to ignore someone. It's work! She must have some real issues on the inside that the only way she has to deal with this situation is to behave this way. It's childish and effortful.

Try to see the absurdity in it. Be glad you don't feel the need to behave this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Clearly she feels threatened by you. You must be smarter or prettier or richer than her. Its on her, not you. Don't engage with the group, just with the one woman who is your friend. Life is too damn short!

What? There is literally nothing to suggest this at all. It's just as likely that OP said something offensive and doesn't know it and this "leader" of the group doesn't want her around but isn't going to go about it in a direct way.

Sure, that is possible. But usually, when women play exclusion games like that, the root is garden variety mean girl stuff.

OP, how old are your children and what gender are they? Are you kids in competition in some way that you could be unaware of?

[Anonymous]

When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Clearly she feels threatened by you. You must be smarter or prettier or richer than her. Its on her, not you. Don't engage with the group, just with the one woman who is your friend. Life is too damn short!

What? There is literally nothing to suggest this at all. It's just as likely that OP said something offensive and doesn't know it and this "leader" of the group doesn't want her around but isn't going to go about it in a direct way.

Unless OP said something racist or cruel, this is still a massive overreaction to any "offensive" comment. Everyone puts their foot in their mouth sometimes. Using that as an excuse to engage in an ongoing campaign of belittling or excluding someone is deeply childish.

Agree it comes from a place of insecurity. Could be as PP said, that she feels specifically threatened by OP. But could also be as you said, that OP said something insensitive or offensive, and this person is so thin-skinned that it made her *big mad*. These are actually the same.

A secure person does not randomly form strong negative feelings about someone they just met, even if they made a bad first impression. I meet people all the time who rub me the wrong way. I just steer clear of them the next time, or make polite conversation. Sometimes they win me over and I discover my first impression was wrong. Sometimes it's not and we go our separate ways. But I don't do stuff like what OP describes this woman doing. Because it's too much work, and I'm not a bitter cow.

[Anonymous]

I'm mid-40s too and this is why I don't volunteer with the PTA anymore, too much drama. Don't let them suck you into their drama, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Lord, this is exactly why I stopped trying and don't care anymore. It's basically high school behavior re incarnated as an adult.

this. Mean girl behavior. I don't engage anymore and I don't care. That's what is freeing about being an adult

True but loneliness sucks.

[Anonymous]

Can you not hang out with the other women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A women I am friendly with tried to include me in her group. She has invited me to do things with them on several occasions.
Unfortunately the “leader” of the group made it clear that she doesn’t want me around. Each time we meet she will act like she can’t remember anything about me. She repeatedly asks me how old my kid is (my kid and her kid are in the same grade at the same school). She will invite the others to lunch in front of me etc…. Her behavior makes things very awkward for all of us.
The other women think she’s absolutely amazing. One women told me that they are “the best family”.
I’m so hurt and lonely. I feel like I’m back in 7th grade. I’m a 44yo female with two kids but no friends. How do I get past this.

Lord, this is exactly why I stopped trying and don't care anymore. It's basically high school behavior re incarnated as an adult.

this. Mean girl behavior. I don't engage anymore and I don't care. That's what is freeing about being an adult

True but loneliness sucks.

I know, but these people are frenemies. They won't make you feel better.

[Anonymous]

I've been in this situation. It was just one woman who was rude so I just kept attending get togethers and mostly avoided her. Now I have a couple close friends within that group

[Anonymous]

I’m seeing so many posts like this, it makes me wonder where are you all? Can we all just meet up somewhere?? I’m mid 40s and my “friends” are just people with kids my kids are friends with. I miss the sense of community but it’s also liberating not caring. I’m so lucky to have a tween DS who could care less about the drama girls too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be friends with the ones that like you. Life is short.

This exactly. These women can function as a group, that’s fine. The Queen Bee doesn’t have to like you. Socialize with the other women one in one (or just your two families).

But yes, stop expecting invited to their group stuff. While at the same time make your own group with the women you like. People just want to be invited, so start inviting!!

[Anonymous]

2 posters have used “doxed” in a weird way (maybe the same poster?) - do t know what that is all about. Poster, look up what doxing means, this is not it.

Anyway, this group is not good for your mental health. I’d avoid all outing with this crew, & never knowingly go where I’d have to tolerate queen bee’s crap.

If you like any of the women who attended & have their contact info, maybe reach out & see if they want to do something, go for a walk or whatever you might have in common. I’d give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they don’t like queen bee either but are there bc they too want socialization & friendship. You might actually find other people are sick of her crap too & up for kinder options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

I love this!