Reply to DD only kid in her friend group not invited

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My dd was ditched by her group tonight. One of the girls who she knows but isn’t close to invited all the other girls to her house after tot. There wasn’t enough room in their cars so the one friend looked at my dd and said “you’re headed home now, right?” Teen girls suck. My dd is so upset she doesn’t want to face these girls at school tomorrow.[/quote]

What would have been the preferable alternative?[/quote]

Not pp but - 
Go to a place within walking distance.
Ask another parent to drive and split up into two cars. 
Trick or treat until 8:30 or 9 then everyone goes to their own home since it's a school night for most kids.
Hosting girl could have just a couple friends over so it's just not one single girl left out. Other girls could make their own plans or just go home without feeling like they are the only ones not invited [/quote]

The problem here is you’re thinking like an adult - not a teen/tween. There is not one kid on this planet that would say “you know what, let’s just all go home so no one feels left out.”[/quote]

DP - maybe not go home, but there are absolutely kids who pay attention to these issues and don't want people to be left out.  These kids help the others find a way to include people.

PP, I am so sorry that happened to your daughter.  [/quote]

Some people are too sensitive. I see middle aged women who still get upset about this. I am friends with this group of women where sometimes smaller groups get together. One woman gets jealous and called out people on not including her. We are in our mid forties. Same group there is another woman who has to feel like she is on top of the friend group or she also gets jealous and mad. It is really ridiculous.

My kids have many friends. Some are closer than others. Sometimes they are included. Other times they are not. We do our fair share of hosting and planning. Sometimes it is a large group. Sometimes it is one person. This is for both kids AND my adult friends.[/quote]

Agree. I’m not down with 100% inclusivity 100% of the time. [/quote]

[b]If you're inviting all but one or 2 people from a group, whether your 4 or 40 yo, you're an ahold.[/b] Sorry, you are. UNLESS there is a VERY good reason why someone would not want to or shouldn't be invited (like, the subject-matter of the outing would be contrary to a core belief or something). [/quote]

DP - the bolded.  And I'm not sorry.  I've learned that anyone who throws out the "some people are too sensitive" line is trying to justify their own poor behavior.  Middle-aged women still get upset about being excluded because they're human beings.  We are hard-wired to be hurt by social exclusion.  People can deny that all they want; it doesn't mean they're right.[/quote]

I’m the one who said people are too sensitive. I have a lot of friends. DH has a lot of friends. Our 3 kids all have a lot of friends. I am sure we are not invited to everything but we all get invited to social events.

I do not feel bad for having lunch with a friend at Tyson’s and then that friend inviting our family only to dinner because her son likes my sons. I can’t invite all 5 moms and families all the time. When our kids were younger, we used to do family gatherings. Our kids all have different interests and we are all busy.[/quote]

Your examples aren't what people are talking about.  We're talking about, e.g., inviting four of five families, or four of five friends.  Or inviting eight kids over for a movie and then having only three sleep over.  Those are patently different than pairings within larger groups that naturally develop over time.[/quote]

So my kids and I are often the ones making these plans to go to the movies, go out to eat, come back to our house. It is usually very quick and not well thought out. My older kids are boys. It is who they see and who joins in and we just go.

I also posted earlier in the thread that space in car dictates how many go and I don’t like too many kids in my house at one time. [/quote]

Of course space in car is an issue.  If you can't fit more than 4 kids, you can't fit more that 4 kids.  What is rude is a group of 5 being together and then leaving one behind.  A second car should have been employed.  "Sorry, kid, you don't get to come with everyone else b/c I don't have room.  So, go home. Bye-ee"[/quote]

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