MIL buying items on my baby registry for herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

Nor does the MIL and she’s the one doing the shopping.

OP isn’t mad about the shopping. She’s mad the shopping isn’t being delivered to her door.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know a single dad with a local mom who doesn’t regularly spend his “dad time” at his mom’s house checked out. I suspect the MIL is more in touch with reality than OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

There is no risk here. That's the point. Are you always this paranoid? MIL knows a heck of a lot more about babies and what they need than OP. OP isn't having these delusions. She just wants the gifts first.

[Anonymous]

MIL may be waiting to by items from registry closer to shower to buy what is needed and hasn't been purchased. wait until you can't even take a shower w/out a screaming colicky baby in the bouncy seat next to the shower and leaving the baby @ MIL's for an hour will seem like heaven. My MIL complained that we bought things (pack in play, mini high chair you could strap to a chair) and stored them in a closet on a floor she didin't even use in her house because it was taking up space but wanted us to visit all the time and bring stuff w/ us instead of leaving at her house

[Anonymous]

Did OP ever say what items MIL had bought? I think that is critical to this discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

There is no risk here. That's the point. Are you always this paranoid? MIL knows a heck of a lot more about babies and what they need than OP. OP isn't having these delusions. She just wants the gifts first.

Then why is she using OPs registry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

There is no risk here. That's the point. Are you always this paranoid? MIL knows a heck of a lot more about babies and what they need than OP. OP isn't having these delusions. She just wants the gifts first.

Then why is she using OPs registry?

Because then she knows what brands she prefers since most people are very prickly about that and pretend they are scientists who deeply research the best baby gadget. MIL is wise enough to know just to go with what OP wants, and also, be prepared for when grandchildren visit. She knows how this goes, OP has no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did OP ever say what items MIL had bought? I think that is critical to this discussion.

I'm not sure it really matters. I had the 1st grandchild in my family. Now my parents have 5 grandchildren. My mom bought baby items for her home and all 5 of the kids used the car seats, high chair, crib, pack n play, toys, etc. She's making an investment to make her home baby friendly. What more can anyone ask for? This may be the first but not last grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

There is no risk here. That's the point. Are you always this paranoid? MIL knows a heck of a lot more about babies and what they need than OP. OP isn't having these delusions. She just wants the gifts first.

MIL does not know a heck of a lot about babies! She hasn’t had one in 30-40 years. She’s also not the parent so whatever she or you thinks she knows is 100% irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

There is no risk here. That's the point. Are you always this paranoid? MIL knows a heck of a lot more about babies and what they need than OP. OP isn't having these delusions. She just wants the gifts first.

Then why is she using OPs registry?

Because then she knows what brands she prefers since most people are very prickly about that and pretend they are scientists who deeply research the best baby gadget. MIL is wise enough to know just to go with what OP wants, and also, be prepared for when grandchildren visit. She knows how this goes, OP has no idea.

Clearly she doesn’t “know how this goes” because she’s already getting on her DILs nerves, which is the first way you don’t get to spend a lot of time with a baby. Rookie error.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

So wouldn’t you then think that OP’s MIL is already planning how her unborn grand baby’s life is going to be. What if OP has a boundary stomping MIL and doesn’t want her baby at her MIL’s home?

[Anonymous]

It is step one on the road to spoiling your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

This X1000. If she is building a nursery that’s a very bad sign. Below are some of the things that the just excited boomer women have pulled in our extended family.

1. Wants to be in the delivery room or at least waiting at the hospital and able to see the baby within hours of it being born.wants to keep visiting at the hospital.
2. Wants to feed the baby formula while OP is trying to breast feed.
3. Ignores DIL when DIL isn’t comfortable breast feeding around her.
4. Wants to take the newborn back to her house so DIL /son can rest but they don’t want the baby to leave the house.
5. Wants to show the newborn off to her friends. Has zero concern for newborn catching something.
6. Doesn’t follow safe sleep medical rules.
7. Tries to extend every visit because everything is at her house.
8, Gets upset when son and DIL hire a nanny or babysitter.
9. Makes passive aggressive comments about how she knows better and her son survived.
10. Wants to go to pediatrician visits, expects to be in the loop on everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

This X1000. If she is building a nursery that’s a very bad sign. Below are some of the things that the just excited boomer women have pulled in our extended family.

1. Wants to be in the delivery room or at least waiting at the hospital and able to see the baby within hours of it being born.wants to keep visiting at the hospital.
2. Wants to feed the baby formula while OP is trying to breast feed.
3. Ignores DIL when DIL isn’t comfortable breast feeding around her.
4. Wants to take the newborn back to her house so DIL /son can rest but they don’t want the baby to leave the house.
5. Wants to show the newborn off to her friends. Has zero concern for newborn catching something.
6. Doesn’t follow safe sleep medical rules.
7. Tries to extend every visit because everything is at her house.
8, Gets upset when son and DIL hire a nanny or babysitter.
9. Makes passive aggressive comments about how she knows better and her son survived.
10. Wants to go to pediatrician visits, expects to be in the loop on everything.

You are straight up nuts. Thanks for the laugh!