MIL buying items on my baby registry for herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

How would you take it if your MIL is buying items off your registry for her home only. She doesn’t mention buying any gifts for you to use. I will be a stay at home mom also so my baby wouldn’t be staying at her home that long and I live close to her. I also never mentioned having her look after my baby and if I happen to decide to go back to work, I would hire a nanny.

Thanks for all your responses.

She's setting things up at her place with similar items baby will have at home. Also with items she knows you approve of. Sounds great to me.

I'm a GP. It's only great if those items are also purchased for the baby's house. GP and special relationship people usually buy the big ticket items for the baby house. Some are usually not on the registry like a crib. So if MIL buys a pack n play for her house then who buys the pack n play for OP house? Crib, mattress, Stroller, car seat, extra carseat base, load leg thing, bassinet?

People often ignore the registry for a shower and post birth gifts. So the GP should really have a close working relationship with the couple on big ticket and key needed stuff. I doubt OP posted over a Sophie the Giraffe. SIL and I amazed at how many pop up as gifts. Baby gets a herd.

Wow, lots of entitled people on here. I get that you said you're a grandparent, but why do people expect that their parents and ILs will be buying things for their (the expecting parents) houses?? My parents had to buy all this stuff on their own, I certainly did not expect them to buy me anything (they gave us some cash which we used to buy a crib, but I had zero expectations). I am shocked by all these people who are insisting the grandparents MUST buy them X, Y, Z. The nerve!!! Millennials and Gen Z are such entitled little brats.

(I'm young Gen X, I have 6 and 8 year olds)

[Anonymous]

I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

[Anonymous]

My opinion is that this is a matter of scale.

If your MIL has purchased a pack’n’play, a high chair, and a ton of wipes? You have a considerate MIL who wants to make sure you don’t get caught unprepared and— maybe— encourage impromptu visits because you don’t have to go home for equipment first. For example I took my daughter to see my ILs after swim lessons while my husband slept in, and there was a high chair and breakfast ready for her and a coffee for me— great!

However. If your MIL is fully outfitting a nursery, a crib, a stroller, a wardrobe, 10K newborn diapers, then she may be developing a fantasy about what this baby will need/use and your husband needs to gently manage her expectations now before you get the weight of her unmet expectations laid on your postpartum shoulders— that kind of thing really is relationship killing.

[Anonymous]

I would probably be happy about this situation, but my MIL is completely disengaged and has never babysat or helped in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

Entitled much?

Right? OP seems so clueless about babies. Wait until she finds out how expensive kids are if she's balking about buying anything herself to get ready and is stalking her registry to see what gets purchased. That is all a drop in the bucket. There are really only two possible scenarios with MILs purchasing spree. 1) She hopes to babysit a lot and/or 2) she's making it easy for OP and baby to visit. Both are all upside to OP. I don't get the complaining.

[Anonymous]

OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is strange and completely self-absorbed to outfit her house first. But, I'd ignore, as it's her money and if the stuff doesn't get used as much, that's on her.

I would take this, however, as a warning flag. She's gonna want to have that baby over there all.the.time. And she'll likely have boundary issues. My sister's MIL was like this. Until her DH walked in on his mom, pouring out the formula from the bottles my sister chose to the one's MIL preferred. Not ok.

So keep this in mind and hold firm to your boundaries and what you expect. I suspect you'll need both of those things to be clear and reinforced often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

I’m getting the feeling that there is 1 granny posting over and over again. Probably the one convinced that DCURBAN moms poisons millennials to stand up to boomers.

The poster who said it’s a matter of scale is dead on. MIL buying a pack n play and high chair, excellent. MIL outfitting a second nursery with crib and all the other stuff is crazy overstepping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

Nor does the MIL and she’s the one doing the shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

Nor does the MIL and she’s the one doing the shopping.

So she's a shopaholic. Who cares? Her house her problem. If OP never ever visits, so what?