If you’re a two career fam

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have demanding jobs but in different ways. He goes into the office during the week but travels only domestically for one night at a time (some times doesn't even stay the night). For me, I work from home but have to travel internationally when needed. I'm typically gone for a week at a time since I go to Africa, Asia or Europe.

For the things you listed, my husband and I like to have at least one parent there at doctor appointments, recitals, etc. We've sacrificed things in our career to make that possible but that was a choice we made. We do plenty of things that make us "bad parents" in other respects -- screen time, meals in front of the TV when we have to work, etc. I've learned that with parenting, outside of abuse, there is really so much gray. We're all trying to do our best and that's ok.

When DH and I got married, we both noticed that the most successful power couples we knew had children who didn’t do well. Their kids were disrespectful and did poorly in school and life in general. I don’t necessarily think the kids will always turn out badly but when both parents put their careers first, the children suffer. These were power couples who earned 7-8 figures, not just regular UMC two working parent families.

I now stay home and DH earns a seven figure income. He has a very inflexible job. He never goes to daytime school events. I handle all things kid related. DH does take kids to sports and goes to all the weekend sports games.

You seem pretty judgmental for someone whose husband puts his career ahead of his kids.

Dh doesn’t make it to school events but our kids always feel loved and supported by their father. The kids don’t notice that DH isn’t at their appointments and events since I’m always there.

All I was saying was that kids seem to suffer if both parents have demanding jobs. Almost all families we know have at least one parent who has a flexible or work from home job or stays home.

And some other kid dies not notice if a grand parent or even an aupair is there.

Why don't you homeschooling them too so that you can be always there. We went to elementary school for 4.5 hours a day when I was growing up. So should I judge your parenting because your kids are away from you for 6 hours?

Stop being so narrow minded. Many children have supportive environments that include teachers, nannies, coaches, grand parents etc. It takes a village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no one way to be a good parent. Some moms are home with their kids but sit and look at the phones while their kids play too many hours a day. Find what works for your family...your kid will adjust.

There is no such thing as “play too much” if you are a young child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To explain a bit more - DHs job is inflexible (or at least he treats it that way and that’s not something I can change short term bc his standard is that all of this could be done by a nanny. His view is our most important thing is securing their financial future which is frustrating but he grew up in an unstable war zone where his family lost everything so there’s a lot going on there ).

So that means I need to cover all the things I put these rules on and I start doing the math and think ok at a minimum 10 doctor / dentist appts a year, and 6 school performances for my one kid in school, and being home by x time every night and never traveling so that the kids always wakes up to a parent (dh travels a lot) etc etc etc and basically box myself out of any interesting job because I’m telling myself I must do alllllll the things on the family front.

So for those that don’t feel that rigid rule, im curious what they prioritize. And for those that say all of this must be a parent, cool I’m that person currently too

I'm saying this kindly but your DH needs therapy both for validation that he is doing a good job doing better for his kids but also to realize that kids need parents to some extent and wives need their husbands help to some extent and everything about raising kids is not black and white. There is SUCH a wide happy world between two inflexible rigid jobs and one parent staying at home to accommodate their other parent's career.

He’s in it! Worked for years with what i think was a very ill-equipped therapist but I finally convinced him to change to someone focused on trauma and DBT. So hopefully there will be change but it’ll take time and likely be slow and bumpy so I’m taking the reality of today as what things will be at least for awhile

He sounds like a loser