Women expecting other women to be in charge of all holidays/logistics/family dynamics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

I agree. I’m a poster that never picked up the rope with my husband’s family. But he literally cannot cook a thing so I’m bringing a couple of things on Thursday. My husband’s family is SUPER old fashioned. They live in a small southern town like it is the 1950s. They belong to a religion with no drinking, dancing or gambling. It is actually bananas to me that they have never expected me to pick up the rope. The only reason that makes sense to me is that my hsuband didn’t marry until he was 40. So they had a lot of years of just dealing with him. The majority of the 65 and older crown definitely thinks women run the calendar, the food, the gifts, etc. I just lucked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

There have been plenty of posters on here who say this dynamic bothers them, but that they “just give in and do it anyway.” And then there’s this gem:
“I’m in my mid 30s and I do this because I’m just too tired to play dumb. Y’all husbands don’t text back or do their fair share of this stuff. I don’t blame you but I’m not gonna waste my time.”

Like, this woman is knowingly bothering other women even though their husbands are the ones who should at least be the point people for making basic plans with their own damn families. You really should go back and read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has taken a weird turn. So women should not handle everything related to holiday planning, demand their husbands step up, drop the rope, only deal with their own side of the family. But also, women who don't handle everything related to holiday planning for their own families, have successfully demanded their husbands step up, have dropped (or never picked up the rope), and deal with their family of origin but not in laws should also STFU and stop commenting on this thread because they're inherently antifeminist for having achieved a stated feminist goal.

Neat?

A “weird turn”? Did you not read the thread title, and did you not see that the original post literally says “the call is coming from inside the house,” meaning women being an active part of problematic paternalistic dynamics…IS the problem at hand?

The problem at hand is women making other women do everything. And yet women who don't do everything and don't ask other women to do anything are being shouted at now. Called smug or seen to be bragging about their amazing husbands simply because they are choosing *not* to participate in the problematic paternalistic dynamics. It makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know what also pisses me off? When Dh punts it back to me. His parents will ask what the plans are for the holiday and he’ll say “let me see what wife is planning.” Or “can you ask wife?” Or when he doesn’t want to do something he’ll say “sounds good! Let me see if it’s okay with wife” and then he makes it sound like it’s my fault that we aren’t doing the activity. I had a come to Jesus conversation with Dh around this, but he just can’t stop.

+100 DH throws me under the is all.the.time. I assumed it was intentional. I’ve finally decided he’s just has low EQ. Still seems like a cop out to me.

And then people wonder why I opt out of the game of telephone and go straight to the woman in the relationship… probably because I’m a misogynist.

I have an in-law like you. I got texts about making our plans to visit or organize holiday get-togethers. I just kept answering back with "DH is handling this - I'd suggest checking with him." Over and over. Eventually she got the message and communicates with DH for this kind of planning, but it did take a while.

[Anonymous]

My grandma's never worked outside the home and so the fact that they did most of the cooking and cleaning for their in-laws I guess seemed more normal or natural. The House was their job and so they did it.
I'm working 50 hours outside the house with two young kids so there is no way in hell. I'm adding an entire another job on catering too my husband's family. But the part that gets me is when he agrees to things that are a huge burden on us that he does not even want to do. And then complains to me for the next two months about it. Why did you agree to it in the first place? Oh because you can't tell your mom no ...... well that's a you problem from now on. Told him if he keeps agreeing to stupid plans he does them himself because I am not bending over backwards anymore. An example is saying they can stay with us for the week between Christmas and New Year's knowing We both had to work all week. They are not the type to watch the kids for us or help out either. They are the type who want to sit around and talk for 12 hours a day.

He's also promised we will go up on Thanksgiving, Christmas break and New Year's Eve some years. Even though we've agreed not to travel around Christmas. He can't tell his mom no and that's a major issue so I told him he can can go up alone then and not be with us because we decided to rotate thanksgiving with my family. That's where I will be. I think my mother-in-law purposely goes to him because she knows he will never say no.

[Anonymous]

I think the real issue is men don't want to handle anything so either don't or allow their mothers to just tell them what to do, even if that is not in the best interest of the new nuclear family. I know what works best for my children and husband and keep that in mind when making plans. Is it too much to ask that he does the same?.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

There have been plenty of posters on here who say this dynamic bothers them, but that they “just give in and do it anyway.” And then there’s this gem:
“I’m in my mid 30s and I do this because I’m just too tired to play dumb. Y’all husbands don’t text back or do their fair share of this stuff. I don’t blame you but I’m not gonna waste my time.”

Like, this woman is knowingly bothering other women even though their husbands are the ones who should at least be the point people for making basic plans with their own damn families. You really should go back and read the thread.

I said "most." Not all. Most. You cherry-picked several egregious examples for the purpose of putting down other women. Also, consider that the women who do give in and do it anyway are probably exhausted - maybe try a little compassion instead of criticizing them.

And to a different PP - no one is criticizing women who don't do these things, we're pointing out the hypocrisy in pretending to be "confused" about this dynamic, implying how modern and feminist one is, with the sole intent of putting down other women. What in the actual?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

There have been plenty of posters on here who say this dynamic bothers them, but that they “just give in and do it anyway.” And then there’s this gem:
“I’m in my mid 30s and I do this because I’m just too tired to play dumb. Y’all husbands don’t text back or do their fair share of this stuff. I don’t blame you but I’m not gonna waste my time.”

Like, this woman is knowingly bothering other women even though their husbands are the ones who should at least be the point people for making basic plans with their own damn families. You really should go back and read the thread.

I said "most." Not all. Most. You cherry-picked several egregious examples for the purpose of putting down other women. Also, consider that the women who do give in and do it anyway are probably exhausted - maybe try a little compassion instead of criticizing them.

And to a different PP - no one is criticizing women who don't do these things, we're pointing out the hypocrisy in pretending to be "confused" about this dynamic, implying how modern and feminist one is, with the sole intent of putting down other women. What in the actual?

I have no compassion for women who willingly perpetuate patriarchal dynamics. All they have to do is say no. No one on this thread is making mashed potatoes at gunpoint. Stand up for yourselves and be a better role model to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Yep. My MiL was telling me about how her niece in law (her sister’s DIL “never stepped foot in the kitchen” and “made” her husband so all the cooking. She was trying to flatter me bc I do all the cooking at my house (ok, yes, I’m a bad example of modern woman’s hood but my husband does have the more demanding job and if dinner was up to him it would be takeout every night). Anyway, I pointed out to her that Niece in Law was likely the higher earner (I don’t know but their jobs it’s likely) and they have 4 kids and I’m sure was very busy between work and her kids and if her husband does all the cooking that was great. MIL was completely baffled my my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

There have been plenty of posters on here who say this dynamic bothers them, but that they “just give in and do it anyway.” And then there’s this gem:
“I’m in my mid 30s and I do this because I’m just too tired to play dumb. Y’all husbands don’t text back or do their fair share of this stuff. I don’t blame you but I’m not gonna waste my time.”

Like, this woman is knowingly bothering other women even though their husbands are the ones who should at least be the point people for making basic plans with their own damn families. You really should go back and read the thread.

I said "most." Not all. Most. You cherry-picked several egregious examples for the purpose of putting down other women. Also, consider that the women who do give in and do it anyway are probably exhausted - maybe try a little compassion instead of criticizing them.

And to a different PP - no one is criticizing women who don't do these things, we're pointing out the hypocrisy in pretending to be "confused" about this dynamic, implying how modern and feminist one is, with the sole intent of putting down other women. What in the actual?

I have no compassion for women who willingly perpetuate patriarchal dynamics. All they have to do is say no. No one on this thread is making mashed potatoes at gunpoint. Stand up for yourselves and be a better role model to your kids.

Being so judgmental of other women isn't an improvement, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

There have been plenty of posters on here who say this dynamic bothers them, but that they “just give in and do it anyway.” And then there’s this gem:
“I’m in my mid 30s and I do this because I’m just too tired to play dumb. Y’all husbands don’t text back or do their fair share of this stuff. I don’t blame you but I’m not gonna waste my time.”

Like, this woman is knowingly bothering other women even though their husbands are the ones who should at least be the point people for making basic plans with their own damn families. You really should go back and read the thread.

I said "most." Not all. Most. You cherry-picked several egregious examples for the purpose of putting down other women. Also, consider that the women who do give in and do it anyway are probably exhausted - maybe try a little compassion instead of criticizing them.

And to a different PP - no one is criticizing women who don't do these things, we're pointing out the hypocrisy in pretending to be "confused" about this dynamic, implying how modern and feminist one is, with the sole intent of putting down other women. What in the actual?

There is so much back and forth on this thread who even knows who anyone is responding to but the PP who is citing her husband’s trip to the grocery store as proof she has conquered the patriarchy with his three specific recipes is the one implying that’s how it’s done and anyone whose husband is not at the store RIGHT THIS SECOND is a failure. Surely you can understand how unhelpful (and yep, smug) that is? Your husband doing stuff does not actually reflect well on you, not that specific task or any other one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

There have been plenty of posters on here who say this dynamic bothers them, but that they “just give in and do it anyway.” And then there’s this gem:
“I’m in my mid 30s and I do this because I’m just too tired to play dumb. Y’all husbands don’t text back or do their fair share of this stuff. I don’t blame you but I’m not gonna waste my time.”

Like, this woman is knowingly bothering other women even though their husbands are the ones who should at least be the point people for making basic plans with their own damn families. You really should go back and read the thread.

I said "most." Not all. Most. You cherry-picked several egregious examples for the purpose of putting down other women. Also, consider that the women who do give in and do it anyway are probably exhausted - maybe try a little compassion instead of criticizing them.

And to a different PP - no one is criticizing women who don't do these things, we're pointing out the hypocrisy in pretending to be "confused" about this dynamic, implying how modern and feminist one is, with the sole intent of putting down other women. What in the actual?

I have no compassion for women who willingly perpetuate patriarchal dynamics. All they have to do is say no. No one on this thread is making mashed potatoes at gunpoint. Stand up for yourselves and be a better role model to your kids.

Being so judgmental of other women isn't an improvement, PP.

I agree with PP though. Women continue to enable men and support the patriarchy. Just don’t do it. I’m not kidding I haven’t even talked about thanksgiving with my husband. No one can force me to cook a meal and if they do then I can call the police.

[Anonymous]

My MIL stopped texting me about this stuff when I kept making my husband text her back. I suggest y'all do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving.

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving. This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up. But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work? Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us. That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really.

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that. Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do. Again, slow clap for you.

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are.

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist. Take it elsewhere. Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.

Do better.

How? By "calling out women"? What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread. MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all. We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us? At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.

There have been plenty of posters on here who say this dynamic bothers them, but that they “just give in and do it anyway.” And then there’s this gem:
“I’m in my mid 30s and I do this because I’m just too tired to play dumb. Y’all husbands don’t text back or do their fair share of this stuff. I don’t blame you but I’m not gonna waste my time.”

Like, this woman is knowingly bothering other women even though their husbands are the ones who should at least be the point people for making basic plans with their own damn families. You really should go back and read the thread.

I said "most." Not all. Most. You cherry-picked several egregious examples for the purpose of putting down other women. Also, consider that the women who do give in and do it anyway are probably exhausted - maybe try a little compassion instead of criticizing them.

And to a different PP - no one is criticizing women who don't do these things, we're pointing out the hypocrisy in pretending to be "confused" about this dynamic, implying how modern and feminist one is, with the sole intent of putting down other women. What in the actual?

I have no compassion for women who willingly perpetuate patriarchal dynamics. All they have to do is say no. No one on this thread is making mashed potatoes at gunpoint. Stand up for yourselves and be a better role model to your kids.

Being so judgmental of other women isn't an improvement, PP.

It wasn’t tea and crumpets that got us the vote.