Women expecting other women to be in charge of all holidays/logistics/family dynamics

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did none of these older women have jobs? I was born in 1986 and NONE of the women in my family had jobs but I thought we were an anomaly. How exhausting to be trying to work and also be expected to coordinate a gourmet meal (and there better not be any subpar stuffing.)


OP here. I was born in 1979 and plenty of my mom’s peers had jobs, including my mom, but it’s like they still have this ingrained homemaking servitude chip embedded in them. My dad does no holiday prep or planning, no meal prep or planning, doesn’t even buy cards and gifts for his own sister. I can recall holidays where my brother was allowed to stay at the table while my sister and I were expected to clear the table. I don’t get it, I really don’t.


As a homemaker, I truly resent your word choice of “servitude”. It’s exactly this attitude that is the problem. You think making a home for your family, making traditions, being the anchor of your family and a partner to your husband is servitude. Shame on you. I am no more a servant in my family than you are in yours.


+1 It's really telling how women think of other women who make different choices.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
It's part of the new wave of " feminism". Feminism is in quotes because it's not feminism at all.

It's attack and be nasty towards anyone who doesn't do what I want. Mark them as misogynists and upholders of patriarchy.

Shame all things traditionally considered female as toxic and detrimental unless a male wants to do it.

Uplift anything traditionally male unless a male wants to do it then it's toxic.

Traditional methods of familial bonding are labeled oppressive.



This is absolutely true. You see it in this thread. I enjoy cooking and decorating. So what?


As long as:
1) You’re doing it because you want to and enjoy it, not because “hubby” or his family expect it of you
2) You’re not teaching your children that holidays and family dynamics are women’s work, and that men are hapless and exempt. Ask yourself: are you the mom/hostess who asks your daughter to clear the table with you while your son sits with the other men and is literally served and cleaned up after? Be honest.

If you don’t make a point to model balanced family duties and holiday duties, be fully prepared for you son to be totally disengaged in the future, and be willing for your daughter to be totally disinterested in perpetuating holidays that uphold the patriarchy—hopefully she’ll go hiking with her friends and enjoy Chinese food for dinner rather than clearing plates for her brother and uncles
PP, you are so right. Well said!
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