Wife Wants To Be A SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems to me OP wants a SAHW but also wants to use this opportunity to squeeze concessions out of her.

As he should. His wife isn't a partner, she's a leech.

Then why does he want her to stay home?

There is not a husband in history who has argued with his wife when she is three months postpartum and announces she wants to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems trolly. No one gets a weekly massage and facial.

I think someone made the whole thing up just to get a bunch of pages. If the troll is savvy as to what sets off DCUM folks the pages just rack up, as they did here.

[Anonymous]

OP was very involved in the beginning of this thread. Where are you now OP? Can you weigh back in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello Fresh
Freshly
Daily Harvest
Butcher Box

She gets weekly massages + facials, nails done every two weeks, hair every 6 weeks, and a gym membership that she hasn’t gone to since she gave birth.
^^
Let's just look at the budget for her self care:
Massages - $80/week >>$4160/year
Facials - $80/week >> $4160/year (conservative - many facials are a lot more than this)
Nails - $40/every 2 weeks >>$1040/year
Hair (probably color/cut) >> $150/6 weeks >>$1300/year (this might be very conservative guess)
Gym Membersip >$90/month >> $1080/year
TOTAL: $11,740 a year.

I'm sorry but this is INSANE. This doesn't include her clothes, purses, shoes, make-up, etc that are probably high end. I would not let someone who spends like this quit working, and I would absolutely look at a budget going forward.

Agree. I’m a SAHM, HHI is 900k. We don’t even have a house cleaner or outsource yard work. I do all the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping.
I don’t get massages or nails done at all. We do belong to a gym as a family but we all use membership. My only large self care expenses are dying hair every 6 weeks.

Well that’s sad. Why on earth do you live like that?

dp.. maybe she wants to? IDK. Some people don't mind living that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?

What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income

OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.

I think you guys should compromise on part time, personally, if that’s what she wanted on some level anyway.

She’s not just making what she is making minus the nanny. She’s paying into social security and 401k and more importantly keeping a foot in the labor force.

That’s the real bonus. That she will continue to be employable.

I didn’t love the way you out down her gym, massage and food services. Exercise and massages can be really important self care. And meal services are ways to keep a household running smoothly. I’d tread carefully.

Do you cook? Why is the food service her expense?

OP, DCUM is ride or die for SAH. You will not get reasonable advice. MASSAGE? MEAL SERVICE? If money is a concern those are ridiculous.

That's funny - I think DCUM is totally the opposite.

+1. DCUM's philosophy is my HHI is 1 million but I pride myself in cutting my hair with 10 year old Fiskars shears and having crusty feet.

[Anonymous]

Two points:

1) This site is very pro SAH, which is puzzling to me as an ambitious daughter of immigrants.

2) OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?

What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income

OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.

I think you guys should compromise on part time, personally, if that’s what she wanted on some level anyway.

She’s not just making what she is making minus the nanny. She’s paying into social security and 401k and more importantly keeping a foot in the labor force.

That’s the real bonus. That she will continue to be employable.

I didn’t love the way you out down her gym, massage and food services. Exercise and massages can be really important self care. And meal services are ways to keep a household running smoothly. I’d tread carefully.

Do you cook? Why is the food service her expense?

OP, DCUM is ride or die for SAH. You will not get reasonable advice. MASSAGE? MEAL SERVICE? If money is a concern those are ridiculous.

That's funny - I think DCUM is totally the opposite.

+1. DCUM's philosophy is my HHI is 1 million but I pride myself in cutting my hair with 10 year old Fiskars shears and having crusty feet.

Ride or die here. My point is DCUM by default assumes every DH should produce SAH to DW. In general they will side with SAHM Needs unless, as demonstrated by his salary, they realize he is truly poor not just stingy. But usually they say he should be a man and earn more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two points:

1) This site is very pro SAH, which is puzzling to me as an ambitious daughter of immigrants.

2) OP is a troll.

You have got to be kidding me.

[Anonymous]

Do she grow up wealthy and pampered? Her spending seems extravagant and definitely non sustainable on even both of your incomes.

[Anonymous]

Your wife married the wrong man for her spending habits and goals and you married the wrong woman for your needs. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two points:

1) This site is very pro SAH, which is puzzling to me as an ambitious daughter of immigrants.

2) OP is a troll.

You have got to be kidding me.

Most threads even alluding to working will mostly draw women saying: My DH makes 500k and we decided it's for our family for me to stay home.

I am a policy expert and my sister is a scientist. We come from the lowest of social classes in our ethnic community and my mother is so proud that we are married mothers with white-collar jobs. I love this site and am always puzzled by the pro-SAHM bias!

[Anonymous]

OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems trolly. No one gets a weekly massage and facial.

I’ve known people who have done this. And I thought it was insane. I do think the post is trolly too though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems trolly. No one gets a weekly massage and facial.

I think someone made the whole thing up just to get a bunch of pages. If the troll is savvy as to what sets off DCUM folks the pages just rack up, as they did here.

And nobody who has had a job believes they don’t need a budget. Definitely a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems trolly. No one gets a weekly massage and facial.

I’ve known people who have done this. And I thought it was insane. I do think the post is trolly too though.

OP here. She has been getting weekly massages for the past decade. She has genetic nerve issues that give her neck and lower back pain. She also does physical therapy and chiropractor care for it. I mistook facials as other things. She gets like body scrubs, hot stone massages, aromatherapy, etc., with massages.