Wife Wants To Be A SAHM

[Anonymous]

I SAH on a sub 200k income and I absolutely loved being at home. But it was nothing (spending wise) like the life you are describing OP. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

Why should the fortunate whine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

Being in a circle of high earning men and women, let me fix this for you:

High status WOHM >> High status SAHM >> Low status WOHM >> low status SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

Being in a circle of high earning men and women, let me fix this for you:

High status WOHM >> High status SAHM >> Low status WOHM >> low status SAHM

When Dh and I got married, we witnessed many power couples. We witnessed many kids with problems when both parents were in high positions. I know that just because two parents have high powered jobs doesn’t equate to having messed up kids but that was a gamble we did not want to take. We lived in NYC where kids would boss around their nannies and drivers. The entitlement was out of control. Some kids got shipped off to boarding school. Many people had multiple nannies, like 3-4 because they needed around the clock care including weekends.

If one parent has a flexible decent job who can still focus on the kids, that is most ideal. I stopped working when I had my third kid and it did throw me off balance. Juggling two kids was hard enough.

[Anonymous]

That would be a hard no for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like it’s a good idea for your wife to stay at home. She sounds like she spends a lot of money on unnecessary expenses. You need to suck it up and find a good daycare center. You cannot afford a nanny on your salaries in this area. I would put off having a second until you can agree on how to raise the one you already have. Good luck.

This. Her spending (on wants, not needs) is already ridiculous, but at least the $100K she’s bringing in helps to offset that. Without working? No way.

100% agree. She is in no way living a 100K life style in DC. Her lifestyle includes your joint paychecks. When you drop her 100K and add an additional human plus all of the ways more money will be spent while home, plus another potential kid soon, dear Husband, dropping a few of those expenses is an understatement. Your income for a family of 3 and maybe 4 in this area does not allow for monthly expensive hair, nails, food service, college saving accounts, vacations. And forget saving for a house.

As another poster said, she sounds high maintenance so fancy kids clothes (babies need a whole new wardrobe every 3 months) fancy strollers, membership to this museum and the zoo etc etc.

I am a sole working Mom of one (with your similar salary), OP and definitely could not add the expenses that you mentioned, plus another adult and maintaining my savings, investing, college funding, vacation funding at my current level.

Good Luck, I support your position!

These are excellent points. OP you are are going to financially drowned if she SAH, plus you have another kid, plus try to buy a house (you're in a condo, right?) and the cost/maintenance that comes with that. She is going to spending MORE than currently does, not less

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like it’s a good idea for your wife to stay at home. She sounds like she spends a lot of money on unnecessary expenses. You need to suck it up and find a good daycare center. You cannot afford a nanny on your salaries in this area. I would put off having a second until you can agree on how to raise the one you already have. Good luck.

This. Her spending (on wants, not needs) is already ridiculous, but at least the $100K she’s bringing in helps to offset that. Without working? No way.

100% agree. She is in no way living a 100K life style in DC. Her lifestyle includes your joint paychecks. When you drop her 100K and add an additional human plus all of the ways more money will be spent while home, plus another potential kid soon, dear Husband, dropping a few of those expenses is an understatement. Your income for a family of 3 and maybe 4 in this area does not allow for monthly expensive hair, nails, food service, college saving accounts, vacations. And forget saving for a house.

As another poster said, she sounds high maintenance so fancy kids clothes (babies need a whole new wardrobe every 3 months) fancy strollers, membership to this museum and the zoo etc etc.

I am a sole working Mom of one (with your similar salary), OP and definitely could not add the expenses that you mentioned, plus another adult and maintaining my savings, investing, college funding, vacation funding at my current level.

Good Luck, I support your position!

These are excellent points. OP you are are going to financially drowned if she SAH, plus you have another kid, plus try to buy a house (you're in a condo, right?) and the cost/maintenance that comes with that. She is going to spending MORE than currently does, not less

There is absolutely no way she is going to spend less. A person who goes to the spa weekly and gets multiple food subscriptions is not the type of person to budget groceries. Your baby will grow and need new clothes, gear and toys. Are you not going to buy them new cute clothes for the holidays or a Halloween costume or a trike or Thomas the train toys or frozen dress up clothes? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

Agree. This poster is a moron. Nobody cares about the "status" of different groups of SAHMS and WOHMs other than a few freaks who post here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

Being in a circle of high earning men and women, let me fix this for you:

High status WOHM >> High status SAHM >> Low status WOHM >> low status SAHM

When Dh and I got married, we witnessed many power couples. We witnessed many kids with problems when both parents were in high positions. I know that just because two parents have high powered jobs doesn’t equate to having messed up kids but that was a gamble we did not want to take. We lived in NYC where kids would boss around their nannies and drivers. The entitlement was out of control. Some kids got shipped off to boarding school. Many people had multiple nannies, like 3-4 because they needed around the clock care including weekends.

If one parent has a flexible decent job who can still focus on the kids, that is most ideal. I stopped working when I had my third kid and it did throw me off balance. Juggling two kids was hard enough.

I actually think the ideal situation is two parents with flexible well-paid jobs that they enjoy, but that is obviously a privileged situation to be in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

Being in a circle of high earning men and women, let me fix this for you:

High status WOHM >> High status SAHM >> Low status WOHM >> low status SAHM

When Dh and I got married, we witnessed many power couples. We witnessed many kids with problems when both parents were in high positions. I know that just because two parents have high powered jobs doesn’t equate to having messed up kids but that was a gamble we did not want to take. We lived in NYC where kids would boss around their nannies and drivers. The entitlement was out of control. Some kids got shipped off to boarding school. Many people had multiple nannies, like 3-4 because they needed around the clock care including weekends.

If one parent has a flexible decent job who can still focus on the kids, that is most ideal. I stopped working when I had my third kid and it did throw me off balance. Juggling two kids was hard enough.

I actually think the ideal situation is two parents with flexible well-paid jobs that they enjoy, but that is obviously a privileged situation to be in.

Everyone’s definition of success is different. We have a seven figure income. Dh and I were both earning high six figures when I stopped working. Now he earns a seven figure income by himself while I stay home.

I am pretty sure Dh would have a hard time having a job that is high reward high pay to go to a flexible work from home type job that pays a fraction of what he is currently earning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

Being in a circle of high earning men and women, let me fix this for you:

High status WOHM >> High status SAHM >> Low status WOHM >> low status SAHM

When Dh and I got married, we witnessed many power couples. We witnessed many kids with problems when both parents were in high positions. I know that just because two parents have high powered jobs doesn’t equate to having messed up kids but that was a gamble we did not want to take. We lived in NYC where kids would boss around their nannies and drivers. The entitlement was out of control. Some kids got shipped off to boarding school. Many people had multiple nannies, like 3-4 because they needed around the clock care including weekends.

If one parent has a flexible decent job who can still focus on the kids, that is most ideal. I stopped working when I had my third kid and it did throw me off balance. Juggling two kids was hard enough.

I actually think the ideal situation is two parents with flexible well-paid jobs that they enjoy, but that is obviously a privileged situation to be in.

Everyone’s definition of success is different. We have a seven figure income. Dh and I were both earning high six figures when I stopped working. Now he earns a seven figure income by himself while I stay home.

I am pretty sure Dh would have a hard time having a job that is high reward high pay to go to a flexible work from home type job that pays a fraction of what he is currently earning.

Very similar to my situation and I agree. DH’s ego couldn’t take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

As a former SAHM, I think this is a bunch of whiny nonsense.

High status SAHM > WOHM > Low status SAHM

Oh please. Stop whining. It’s embarrassing.

- former SAHM.

Being in a circle of high earning men and women, let me fix this for you:

High status WOHM >> High status SAHM >> Low status WOHM >> low status SAHM

When Dh and I got married, we witnessed many power couples. We witnessed many kids with problems when both parents were in high positions. I know that just because two parents have high powered jobs doesn’t equate to having messed up kids but that was a gamble we did not want to take. We lived in NYC where kids would boss around their nannies and drivers. The entitlement was out of control. Some kids got shipped off to boarding school. Many people had multiple nannies, like 3-4 because they needed around the clock care including weekends.

If one parent has a flexible decent job who can still focus on the kids, that is most ideal. I stopped working when I had my third kid and it did throw me off balance. Juggling two kids was hard enough.

"shipped off to boarding school"? My experience with boarding school is that it is a huge, expensive privilege and the only ones we'd consider are not easy admits...

But yes, I feel like I'm living the ideal for this time in my life. I have a flexible job with low hour requirements but still make over $200k base. DH has the bigger job. We have a full time nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM carry a lot of guilt about leaving their children in daycare AND the housework that they cannot ever get ahead of. Even outsourcing a lot of work does not take away that guilt. They are ok with their choice to work as long as they get confirmation that they made a smart choice.

Usually, seeing SAHMs and their children become poor due to divorce, husband's death, addiction, or low earning spouse etc is a confirmation that being financially self sufficient is a good choice of a concerned mother. Also, being a WOHM and having a dual earning household results in a better house, finances to educated the kids in college, ability to help family members etc. So most have a great sense of satisfaction when they compare themselves to a SAHM with poor education, no ability to outsource and being dependent on the mercy of a low educated man.

However, in this area where all the East Coast Liberal Elites congregate, the SAHMs do not fit that narrative. Most are well off, have lots of financial security, outsource stuff all the time, have lots of support, can afford the world, have supportive husbands, have good marriages, can give all advantages to their kids and they have an easier time running their household. They are also not isolated.

That is the reason that you will see a lot of attacks on rich, educated SAHMs on this board. This is stemming from jealousy. An uneducated and poor SAHM is an object of pity and no one should be sparing her even one thought.

Nonsense. I hated taking care of small kids and had a FT nanny even during my maternity leave. I'm from a culture in which only the poor take care of their kids, and this is the case for almost all affluent families all over the world. If you are educated and smart, you have a job. You work for a cool non-profit, you do international development work, consulting, strategy, sit on boards, raise money. Thai Lee, Jane Goldman, Amy Goldman Fowler etc. work.

Can you understand that some people are from cultures where they think it's important to be with their kids full time? And in America, sometimes wealthy educated women do take care of their own kids. But I agree that's not going to work for OP and his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went back to work and I can tell you I regret it. Not because I don’t like working, but I hate leaving my kids behind and have someone to else spend precious time with them, and paying lots of money! What kind of work does she do? Working 2 days would be ideal because you are still home the majority of the week.

I read an article recently that said we spend about 80-90% of our time with out children before they are 12 years old

I am a WOHM. That doesn't make sense. I am awake 17 hours a day, I am with my son for 5 of them during the week where we are both awake, plus all weekend, holidays, vacations, that is definitely way more than 10-20% time with him. I probably go out without him once a month.