Wife Wants To Be A SAHM

[Anonymous]

My wife and I had our first child September. She has decided to wants to quit her job but I have some reservations. She spends money often and I'm worried about going down to one income in this economy. I fully support her staying home, but think we need a budget. She disagrees and thinks I'm not being supportive. How can I come to an agreement that works for both of us?

[Anonymous]

I suppose people have different ideas of what a "budget" is. Have you looked at your current spending/saving to see what it would look like without her income?
If you're saying a 'budget' as in she gets some type of allowance I could see why she would balk. If you both agree for her to quit but your overall spending needs to be adjusted I would do that first and agree what specifically will be reduced or eliminated (memberships, cleaners, whatever)

[Anonymous]

How much does she earn at her current job?

What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suppose people have different ideas of what a "budget" is. Have you looked at your current spending/saving to see what it would look like without her income?
If you're saying a 'budget' as in she gets some type of allowance I could see why she would balk. If you both agree for her to quit but your overall spending needs to be adjusted I would do that first and agree what specifically will be reduced or eliminated (memberships, cleaners, whatever)

OP here. I make a good amount by low by DC standards. I can cover our costs even now, but I like to be cautious given the current state our economy and possible recession. I’m not going to put her on an allowance like a child, but I think we need to reduce our overall spending. I’m definitely the more frugal one. She has a lot of expenses like gym classes, food meal services, massage memberships, etc., that can be cut or reduced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?

What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income

OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.

[Anonymous]

Please keep in mind that should you divorce, your alimony and child support will be substantially higher because she's become a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Great. So make a plan for 6 months and live off the income you would have if she quit or went part time. And then see what the budget is for the lifestyle you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?

What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income

OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.

OP here. I fully support her quitting as I think it will be the best choice for our baby, but I do worry about her spending habits. I would prefer to reduce our costs and save more.

[Anonymous]

Put your happiness at the center of your decision making and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please keep in mind that should you divorce, your alimony and child support will be substantially higher because she's become a SAHM.

OP here. We will not be getting a divorce, but I truly don’t care about or think about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put your happiness at the center of your decision making and go from there.

OP here. That is what I’m doing. I fully supper her being a SAHM. I know it will be the best choice for her and our baby. I also want to think logically and save because we have no idea what the economy will look like over the next several years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?

What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income

OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.

I think you guys should compromise on part time, personally, if that’s what she wanted on some level anyway.

She’s not just making what she is making minus the nanny. She’s paying into social security and 401k and more importantly keeping a foot in the labor force.

That’s the real bonus. That she will continue to be employable.

I didn’t love the way you out down her gym, massage and food services. Exercise and massages can be really important self care. And meal services are ways to keep a household running smoothly. I’d tread carefully.

Do you cook? Why is the food service her expense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?

What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income

OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.

How about living the dream: pay for a FT nanny, but only work part time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?

What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income

OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.

The math isn’t mathing. Why would a PT nanny cost $50k?

What would the hourly rate be and the total bi-weekly hours worked?

[Anonymous]

How much do you make, op? That would change my answer.