Does anyone regret leaving the work force?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a few posters - not many as they are quite prolific - who constantly scan the parenting and relationship boards looking for any reference to working status of mothers. They then insist repeatedly why it’s necessary and important for them to SAH with their school aged children, and any mother who doesn’t clearly cares more for money than her children, or married a deadbeat who can’t “support his family.” If only we were all lucky enough to have married “wonderful, supportive” husbands like theirs who don’t need or want them to work and care not what they do all day. Anyone trying to assert that they are happy working and it does not in any way negatively affect their family is essentially called, by these posters, a lair or a fool. It’s so predictable, it’s boring. I can’t quite understand why a secure, happy person would spend their time doing this.

Actually I’m sometimes resentful that Dh is too successful. I have friends where both the wife and husband have well paying relatively flexible jobs and it seems wonderful. Dh makes a seven figure income and out earns most of our friends. If he also earned a few hundred and could share the kid duties, I would have gone back to work. Juggling 3 kids a lot and there are always new ways they need us. I actually think my middle school child needs me just as much as my youngest.

I am mostly happy. That doesn’t mean I sometimes don’t mourn my career. Dh thinks I miss my childfree young professional life in NYC more than the work and he is right.

I have a middle school child who needs me a lot too. Being a loving, present, supportive mother to her is not incompatible with my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

My days are full and never boring. I wake up everyday and get to do whatever I want and it is an awesome feeling.

Happiness is a choice. My least happy days were when I was stuck at work missing my baby.

I’m now mid forties and in the best shape of my life. My marriage is solid. Many of my friends (or their spouses)seem to be going through some sort of mid life crisis where they don’t like their jobs or reevaluating life.

Yes, we know. You scour every post on this site daily to reassure us how not bored you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the work force when my kids were 4 and 6. I didn’t think I would leave forever. I ended up having another baby and have been home now for 5 years.

I think the most important factors are your dh’s income, your savings and the stability of your marriage.

Dh earns a seven figure income. If he only earned 500k, I would probably go back to work. For now, I am enjoying my family. No regrets.

Totally disagree based on how the OP framed the question. The most important factor is: How will OP feel about never having a "big" job again? Will she find personal satisfaction being home and not working? For a year? For 5 years? What about when she tries to go back and gets one of the "I work part time from home to have something to do but my income is only $12k a year" jobs that the PPs posted? If you're someone who is used to being in a big job, and derives satisfaction out of that, the fact that your husband can pay the mortgage is pretty low down the list of factors.

I spent a lot of time in school earning my degrees. I worked long hours at investment banks while I missed putting my baby to bed most weeknights. I took a lateral job with better hours when I had my second child. Working 9-5 still didn’t leave enough time to spend time with my kids. I have tried consulting, part time, very part time and have had a nanny, cook, FT housekeeper, tutor, outsourced everything and anything I could.

Everyone is different. For me personally, I found the mommy tracked flexible jobs to be uninteresting and soul sucking. I hated doing work that I considered beneath me.[list] Some people thought my previous part time situations were ideal but having a meh job was worse than no job for me. I worked in finance though so perhaps I just didn’t find it fulfilling. I used to miss coworkers but I’ve created a network of friends to socialize with.

I love my time with my kids. I am doing all the things I missed with my older two. I host a lot of play dates, travel 10+ times per year and am enjoying life. I am also doing volunteer week in causes that interest me.

I may go back to work in the future. Right now my parents are in poor health and I also spend time with them. I don’t think I will ever regret the time I spend with my parents before they pass or the time I am spending with my children.

You found mommy-track jobs uninteresting and beneath you, but spending your days doing Target runs is super fascinating?

Not PP but yes, my children are WAY more fascinating than my job or what my job would have become if I had gone part time to mommy track. Being home with babies and toddlers is definitely not for everyone, but I loved watching them develop and learn and reach new milestones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

I don’t know anyone who quit at that point in parenthood except for people who 1) came into a lot of money or 2) MUCH more common - needed to devote more time to elder care for parents and in laws. It’s very unusual, and I know a lot of SAHMs because they are very common in my area. The vast majority of the SAHMs I know went back to work at least part time when the youngest hit around K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

I don’t know anyone who quit at that point in parenthood except for people who 1) came into a lot of money or 2) MUCH more common - needed to devote more time to elder care for parents and in laws. It’s very unusual, and I know a lot of SAHMs because they are very common in my area. The vast majority of the SAHMs I know went back to work at least part time when the youngest hit around K.

I agree. I know a ton of former SAHM’s (I was one too) and hardly anyone is still at home full time now that the kids are older and in school full time. The very few that are either have their own family money/trust/parental support, some sort of depression/anxiety, and in the case of one woman I know - she has both the money and the metal health issues. The husband is fed up but isn’t leaving because of her family money. They spend no time together.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the judgemental people here, on both sides of the aisle. You should leave if it is what works best for you and your family. I would my leave my job in a heartbeat to be with our kids if it didn’t require important financial sacrifices. They are younger than yours, but better late than never. It would be nice to be managing my household, the kids activities and actually have time to make a decent dinner and (gasp) take some time for myself to work out. Just make sure your marriage will be a respectful one if you make this choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

I don’t know anyone who quit at that point in parenthood except for people who 1) came into a lot of money or 2) MUCH more common - needed to devote more time to elder care for parents and in laws. It’s very unusual, and I know a lot of SAHMs because they are very common in my area. The vast majority of the SAHMs I know went back to work at least part time when the youngest hit around K.

I mean...the OP of this post and several posters on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

Exactly... I find nothing odd about continuing on the SAHM path once kids are in school, just the ones I know who worked only until the kids were in school all day seem like odd timing.
In the cases I know the women did not have big, inflexible jobs such that they couldn't manage a teacher work day here or there. It just seems like they were both uninterested in working and in being with their kids full time (but then claim they are just as busy as they would have been if they were home while the kids were toddlers). They don't seem to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

Exactly... I find nothing odd about continuing on the SAHM path once kids are in school, just the ones I know who worked only until the kids were in school all day seem like odd timing.
In the cases I know the women did not have big, inflexible jobs such that they couldn't manage a teacher work day here or there. It just seems like they were both uninterested in working and in being with their kids full time (but then claim they are just as busy as they would have been if they were home while the kids were toddlers). They don't seem to get it.

It’s not that different from the ones who claim they would “totally go back to work” but can’t seem to figure out how to do that an get a kid to the dentist at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

I don’t know anyone who quit at that point in parenthood except for people who 1) came into a lot of money or 2) MUCH more common - needed to devote more time to elder care for parents and in laws. It’s very unusual, and I know a lot of SAHMs because they are very common in my area. The vast majority of the SAHMs I know went back to work at least part time when the youngest hit around K.

I mean...the OP of this post and several posters on this thread.

OP still has a four year old. That’s a year of prek/nursery still and a year of potentially half day K depending on her area.

I was talking more about the people who leave when their kids are older.

It happens but it is not common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

Exactly... I find nothing odd about continuing on the SAHM path once kids are in school, just the ones I know who worked only until the kids were in school all day seem like odd timing.
In the cases I know the women did not have big, inflexible jobs such that they couldn't manage a teacher work day here or there. It just seems like they were both uninterested in working and in being with their kids full time (but then claim they are just as busy as they would have been if they were home while the kids were toddlers). They don't seem to get it.

It’s not that different from the ones who claim they would “totally go back to work” but can’t seem to figure out how to do that an get a kid to the dentist at the same time.

Why isn’t the dad getting the kid to the dentist? That’s the real issue, isn’t it? Some people have spouses that can and will do 50 percent of childcare duties and some don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

Exactly... I find nothing odd about continuing on the SAHM path once kids are in school, just the ones I know who worked only until the kids were in school all day seem like odd timing.
In the cases I know the women did not have big, inflexible jobs such that they couldn't manage a teacher work day here or there. It just seems like they were both uninterested in working and in being with their kids full time (but then claim they are just as busy as they would have been if they were home while the kids were toddlers). They don't seem to get it.

It’s not that different from the ones who claim they would “totally go back to work” but can’t seem to figure out how to do that an get a kid to the dentist at the same time.

It's completely different. Typically moms stay home to begin with because they want to be with their kids more- I don't think that suddenly stops once their kid hits kindergarten. Before and after care are basically day care which many SAHM want to avoid. Also the family dynamics completely change if a parent has been home for 5+ years and suddenly has to restart a career. None of that applies if a parent has never been at home with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so cringe worthy. Full of self-congratulatory “retired” SAHM’s. I am a SAHM but you all make us sounds insufferable. Please stop.

Who is us?

You can’t group SAHMs together. Every mom is her unique person and another family’s situation has nothing to do with her.

Some people work for money. Others for personal fulfillment.

Some moms are ok with putting kids in daycare all day. I hated sending my kids to daycare even though my kids went to a great one and had a lot of fun with their friends. I still have mom guilt from those days.

This is what is cringe worthy. You still have “mom guilt” over sending your kids to a daycare they loved? Do you even hear yourself? How that sounds to other people. Good thing you married a high earner to save your from your “guilt.”

Yes, I sent my kids sick to daycare all winter. I wish I stopped working before. I am entitled to my feelings. I couldn’t make it to one of the few events my daycare had and my kid would cry because I couldn’t come.

Yeah, I'm a FT WOHM/WFH mom who loves her job. I have no desire to become a SAHM. I don't think this is that cringe worthy. I was never comfortable with (and did not use) full-time group care for mine when they were infants and toddlers.

Ok you are very happy with your child care situation but how is this remotely applicable to OP with a 4 year old and an 8 year old?

Sorry that sounded sharper than I meant it to. I also struggled at times with child care when my kids were very young but by 4 they love preschool. It’s not the time I’d be leaving the workforce. My kids are similar ages and I am a PP who cut back so my kids didn’t have long days (feel this even more strongly with elementary school, my oldest is TIRED after school) but I feel like I’m at the point where the decision to stay in the workforce is paying off.

It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much...

This is my situation. I’m strongly considering staying home in the new year (3 kids — age range 3-8). I’m not staying home now because I’m not comfortable with my kids in childcare/school — I’m staying home because we’ve finally accumulated enough money that I don’t have to work. Not working will make things much easier at home and I’m burned out from the rat race that is raising 3 kids and having 2 parents with “big” jobs. I may go back at some point or pick up some consulting — not sure. So what’s there to raise an eyebrow about?

Some people seem to place way more importance on having a mom stay home during the early childhood years. They seem to think it’s very important for babies and toddles to be cared for by mom and not a nanny.

Personally I think the older years are more important. Most of the childcare during the early years is grunt work that anyone can do. But a lot of people would disagree with me.

I also there there is some misogyny going on where people get angry if a woman has an easy life and doesn’t go to work when kids are in school. Even though the woman just spent years wiping butts and spent months pregnant she can’t possibly have a break. She need to go to work because her husband must.

It's not that. It's that they are deciding to stay home right as the kids are leaving for six hours a day. Convenient.

I worked like a madwoman through the early years. “Big” job, DH who didn’t contribute much at home, some family/in law crises… I’m tired. If it makes you feel better, just imagine I FIRE’d and my husband happens to not want to join me.