What's Behind the Rise of Lonely, Single Men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

We do?

Yes you do. There was one woman ready to divorce her husband because he did all of the dishes but he did not wipe the counter. Women expect men to make at least half of the income, coparent, 50-50, fix things in the house, do all the outside work, and do 50% of the inside work, and if they don’t, and they complain that the lazy.

That seems like a fair ask. I’m a woman and fix things in the house and do outside work and everything else on your list. My DH thinks mowing the lawn and doing gutters 2x/year means he can half heartedly clean the kitchen on his night.

That’s the problem. Men have been conditioned and babied and catered to for so long that they see 50% as “everything”, and are so hurt that a few outdoor chores don’t excuse them from everything else that they throw a tantrum about it online.

That is why we don’t need men.

Boom ... there we go damned if you do damned if you don't

The kitchen is dirty EVERY DANG DAY DUDE. If you aren't cleaning it EVERY DAY multiple times a day, you are not doing your share.

Multiple times a day? For real? Breakfast dishes go in the dishwasher, and then it gets cleaned after dinner. That's 1 time.

Why is your kitchen so dirty

Snacks, water bottles, meal prep, and let me ask you: who unloaded that dishwasher that's empty for your breakfast dishes? On the weekends, and days off school, we are home for 3 meals a day plus snacks. My kitchen is so dirty because I live with children. Who are also my DH's children. Thus: shared responsibility to clean up after.

Your comment alone tells me you think doing your own laundry is a favor to your wife. Not just part of being a functional adult who knows how to take care of their own self without a mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

They take up 100% of the household burdens if they are alone. That doesn’t make any sense.

I've been both married and a single mom. Being a single mom is WAY easier because you don't have to also care for an adult male, clean up his messes, clean his stuff, cook for him, etc. I also moved to a much smaller place, so less cleaning and more money.

There's just fewer chores overall. And you're not managing someone - xH would "handle dinner", but I had to micromanage and make sure he found a recipe, got the groceries, started cooking on time, etc or else he would just shrug his shoulders and say "we don't have anything to cook, oh well!"

No offense but I've seen single mom's houses and it's not pretty.

As compared to single dad's houses who have their kids the same amount of time and same salary right?

[Anonymous]

Like all DCUM posts, what started as thoughtful posts on pages 1-3 turned into man-haters and misogynists yelling at each other for the rest of the thread....

there is a massive rise in lonely, single people in the USA. Men and women. Massive numbers of women who want to be married with kids that aren't. That becomes a demographic problem which is a long-term issue. The problem with lonely single men becomes a violence problem which is a problem now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women are realizing that being single is much better than putting up with a disrespectful, selfish, entitled man. Sure, having a good, empathetic, helpful husband is great for women. But studies have shown that an unhappy marriage has a horrible effect on women's health in particular, because women end up taking on most of the household burdens. A lot of women are realizing that the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze! Especially when you make your own money!

They take up 100% of the household burdens if they are alone. That doesn’t make any sense.

Sure it does. If they are going to be doing most of the household burdens either way at least they won't be getting disrespected WHILE they are doing them.

Plus they aren't handling the additional household burdens created by a lazy slob of a man.

I'll never forget when an ex-bf of mine went on a rant about how his current gf worked so hard to keep their house clean and he was like, "she doesn't understand that I DON'T CARE if the house is clean!" It never once occurred to him that she might prefer living in a clean and tidy space rather than a pigsty. It was so obvious that in his mind, he was the absolute center of the relationship and it was all about his wants and needs. Like she wasn't even an independent person or friend, let alone partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

We do?

Yes you do. There was one woman ready to divorce her husband because he did all of the dishes but he did not wipe the counter. Women expect men to make at least half of the income, coparent, 50-50, fix things in the house, do all the outside work, and do 50% of the inside work, and if they don’t, and they complain that the lazy.

This is literally the bare minimum.... how on earth are you upset men are being asked to do half of the work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like all DCUM posts, what started as thoughtful posts on pages 1-3 turned into man-haters and misogynists yelling at each other for the rest of the thread....

there is a massive rise in lonely, single people in the USA. Men and women. Massive numbers of women who want to be married with kids that aren't. That becomes a demographic problem which is a long-term issue. The problem with lonely single men becomes a violence problem which is a problem now.

The difference is single women are mostly happy with their lives and not reporting loneliness the way men are. The women are thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't it men who were saying women would end up as "lonely cat ladies"? 🤣🤣🤣 Guess they were just stating their own fears! Oh how the chickens have come home to roost!

This. Let’s make “lonely dog dudes” catch on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There isn't as much societal pressure for women to marry young now. Because education and access to better paying jobs are more available to women now, there isn't a need to have a breadwinner to provide for you, and if you are looking for a breadwinner the decline of male dominated professions like manufacturing means that fewer men actually are bread winners.

I think this is great for women, but I also come back to something that I heard on the topic to the effect that a large group of board young men who feel detached from and abandoned by society is historically a very dangerous thing.

I agree, but let's not overstate the historical marital rates. It was pretty common in much of American history for there to be a lot of unmarried me (except in times following large wars). Sometimes because they lived in rough terrain where there weren't a lot of women (early colonizers, westward expansion); sometimes because they were economically disadvantaged and could not afford to support a wife/family (common in many immigrant families where one or more sons would live with the parents until their death, caring for them and pooling economic resources); and sometimes because, with the high rates of maternal mortality, many men with means went through more than one wife (e.g., first wife dies in childbirth, you need a new wife to replace her and raise the kid so you marry again pretty quickly).
Looking at my own family history from the 19th century, it was very common for there to be 8-10 kids per family, and for only a couple of those to marry. (Of course, some died before adulthood, but some simply never married, in large part due to economic insecurity, although maybe some were also gay.)

I think part of the problem now is that everyone feels entitled to the American dream -- wife, kids, house. And with the way today's society is set up, it's very lonely if you don't have that. There just isn't as much community built around other things (work, church, joint endeavors like barn raising or quilting or whatever).

+1
Young men weren't all getting married in the past, either. Often there weren't available women, or they couldn't yet support a wife and family. Societies have always has to deal with "excess" young men (which they often did with war/the military, although westward expansion in the US sucked up some of them, too). What's different is that our society doesn't have the same social institutions to keep more young men feeling connected. Social media and online radicalization, and the decline of different kinds of clubs and organizations (including churches), is the bigger issue, I think. And our whole society is structured around the nuclear family, rather than a more expansive idea of family and community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like all DCUM posts, what started as thoughtful posts on pages 1-3 turned into man-haters and misogynists yelling at each other for the rest of the thread....

there is a massive rise in lonely, single people in the USA. Men and women. Massive numbers of women who want to be married with kids that aren't. That becomes a demographic problem which is a long-term issue. The problem with lonely single men becomes a violence problem which is a problem now.

It is a problem. But I have two boys and I actually blame women partly for not holding them to higher standards when raising them. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men that were not raised well by their mom or dad and are just living poor lives and then someone like Trump comes along and says hey it's another gender's fault you aren't well-liked and don't have a job or a good job rather than say China competing with them or their lazy behavior and so they all jump on the bandwagon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

We do?

Yes you do. There was one woman ready to divorce her husband because he did all of the dishes but he did not wipe the counter. Women expect men to make at least half of the income, coparent, 50-50, fix things in the house, do all the outside work, and do 50% of the inside work, and if they don’t, and they complain that the lazy.

Oh, puh-leave. Most men in the DCUM demographic pay someone else to “do all the outside work and fix things in the house,” so yes, when you’re both working, parenting YOUR OWN CHILDREN and doing half of the household chores are indeed your job. Welcome to 2022.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are simple beings. We are done letting them feel superior just because they tend to be physically stronger. We can hire someone to do the literal heavy lifting and intellectually they are useless. It’s too hard to dumb everything down for them and make them feel smart and we no longer need to!

This is stupid. Don't accept men who treat you poorly, but this Us versus Them world-view isn't going to work out well for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a father, I signed my daughter up for GOTR and ran the 5ks with here several times.

My son was not allowed to join GOTR. There was not (and still isn’t) a running club for boys.

I signed him up for cub scouts and later Boy Scouts. But there is no longer a Boy Scouts. It doesn’t exist. It has been replaced with the co-educational group “Scouts-BSA” for girls and boys.

Meanwhile, my daughter’s Girl Scout troop is exclusively girls-only.

Boo-hoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a father, I signed my daughter up for GOTR and ran the 5ks with here several times.

My son was not allowed to join GOTR. There was not (and still isn’t) a running club for boys.

I signed him up for cub scouts and later Boy Scouts. But there is no longer a Boy Scouts. It doesn’t exist. It has been replaced with the co-educational group “Scouts-BSA” for girls and boys.

Meanwhile, my daughter’s Girl Scout troop is exclusively girls-only.

Boo-hoo.

Right?! The victim playing is soooooo hysterical given the historical gender dynamics... please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a father, I signed my daughter up for GOTR and ran the 5ks with here several times.

My son was not allowed to join GOTR. There was not (and still isn’t) a running club for boys.

I signed him up for cub scouts and later Boy Scouts. But there is no longer a Boy Scouts. It doesn’t exist. It has been replaced with the co-educational group “Scouts-BSA” for girls and boys.

Meanwhile, my daughter’s Girl Scout troop is exclusively girls-only.

Boo-hoo.

Right?! The victim playing is soooooo hysterical given the historical gender dynamics... please!

Historical? Look at the football stadium at any local high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to raise our men better- that's the problem. They were raised to only go off and go to work, their wife will raise the family. Except now men don't make enough money, women are going to work and expecting men to pitch in at home. Most men are lazy and can't, so women are better off single. Women have been doing it all for some time now. We're graduating college in larger numbers than men.

DH is wonderful, but he's a rare guy amongst his friends.

I don’t think “we need to raise them better”.

I think society needs to think different.

Men don’t have to be the bread winner. Men can be teachers or nurses or other low paying jobs, and that’s okay.

Men don’t need to be able to fix things in the house any more than women need to.

Women actually expect men to do everything now and that ridiculous just like it was ridiculous for women.

We do?

Yes you do. There was one woman ready to divorce her husband because he did all of the dishes but he did not wipe the counter. Women expect men to make at least half of the income, coparent, 50-50, fix things in the house, do all the outside work, and do 50% of the inside work, and if they don’t, and they complain that the lazy.

Oh, puh-leave. Most men in the DCUM demographic pay someone else to “do all the outside work and fix things in the house,” so yes, when you’re both working, parenting YOUR OWN CHILDREN and doing half of the household chores are indeed your job. Welcome to 2022.

Giggling at the idea of my lawyer husband fixing anything in the house. I do basic fixing or we call the handyman. And I’m the only one who does any outdoor work—he hires the lawn mowing guys.