Lost my sex drive, what to do to get it back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

You are passing judgment while neither of them are doing anything wrong here. She doesn’t want sex, he does. Both are justified. Obviously a 3rd party is required to save their marriage.

Cheating on your spouse for any reason is 100% wrong. Does that really have to be said out loud?

They are at 3 per year. There is no such thing as “cheating” in a sexless marriage.

YES, there is. It is still cheating, even if you think it is justified, which you clearly do.

You show up with this garbage in basically every thread that has to do with sexual relationships, regardless of the actual topic. My marriage vows did not specify a frequency for how often we had to have sex in order for each of us to reasonably expect fidelity from the other. Did yours (if you are married)? The marriage is based on vows which are general and not specific. The assumption is that what frequency will be worked out in the marriage between the partners - the ones making the vows. I understand that many of the sexless marriage people HAVE spent a long time talking with their partner and trying various things, but showing up to literally every thread about sexual relationships and saying "OPEN THE MARRIAGE" "IT'S NOT CHEATING IF YOU AREN'T HAVING SEX" and whatever other garbage you and your team bring to these threads is ridiculous.

In re the bolded: there was a time, very recently, when many people believed there was no such thing as sexual assault in a marriage. You are just the next generation of that mentality, and don't think you're so much more enlightened. At least the people in favor of marital rape were not also suggesting that the women in question try to get in the mood by giving more BJs. Oh wait, they probably were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

You are passing judgment while neither of them are doing anything wrong here. She doesn’t want sex, he does. Both are justified. Obviously a 3rd party is required to save their marriage.

Cheating on your spouse for any reason is 100% wrong. Does that really have to be said out loud?

They are at 3 per year. There is no such thing as “cheating” in a sexless marriage.

YES, there is. It is still cheating, even if you think it is justified, which you clearly do.

You show up with this garbage in basically every thread that has to do with sexual relationships, regardless of the actual topic. My marriage vows did not specify a frequency for how often we had to have sex in order for each of us to reasonably expect fidelity from the other. Did yours (if you are married)? The marriage is based on vows which are general and not specific. The assumption is that what frequency will be worked out in the marriage between the partners - the ones making the vows. I understand that many of the sexless marriage people HAVE spent a long time talking with their partner and trying various things, but showing up to literally every thread about sexual relationships and saying "OPEN THE MARRIAGE" "IT'S NOT CHEATING IF YOU AREN'T HAVING SEX" and whatever other garbage you and your team bring to these threads is ridiculous.

In re the bolded: there was a time, very recently, when many people believed there was no such thing as sexual assault in a marriage. You are just the next generation of that mentality, and don't think you're so much more enlightened. At least the people in favor of marital rape were not also suggesting that the women in question try to get in the mood by giving more BJs. Oh wait, they probably were.

My replies are entirely pertinent to subject thread. You have my views entirely backwards. I am in full agreement with you that any form of sexual assault (even within marriage) is rape which is a crime and deserves to be prosecuted. I have advised REPEATEDLY that OP should NOT have any unwanted sex! For the 2000th time: nobody is entitled to sex, ever, under any circumstances.

Now that we have all that settled, the following are ALSO true. Sex is either important to a marriage, or it is not important. Sex cannot be optional while fidelity is absolute. A sexless marriage is an open marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

You are passing judgment while neither of them are doing anything wrong here. She doesn’t want sex, he does. Both are justified. Obviously a 3rd party is required to save their marriage.

Cheating on your spouse for any reason is 100% wrong. Does that really have to be said out loud?

They are at 3 per year. There is no such thing as “cheating” in a sexless marriage.

YES, there is. It is still cheating, even if you think it is justified, which you clearly do.

You show up with this garbage in basically every thread that has to do with sexual relationships, regardless of the actual topic. My marriage vows did not specify a frequency for how often we had to have sex in order for each of us to reasonably expect fidelity from the other. Did yours (if you are married)? The marriage is based on vows which are general and not specific. The assumption is that what frequency will be worked out in the marriage between the partners - the ones making the vows. I understand that many of the sexless marriage people HAVE spent a long time talking with their partner and trying various things, but showing up to literally every thread about sexual relationships and saying "OPEN THE MARRIAGE" "IT'S NOT CHEATING IF YOU AREN'T HAVING SEX" and whatever other garbage you and your team bring to these threads is ridiculous.

In re the bolded: there was a time, very recently, when many people believed there was no such thing as sexual assault in a marriage. You are just the next generation of that mentality, and don't think you're so much more enlightened. At least the people in favor of marital rape were not also suggesting that the women in question try to get in the mood by giving more BJs. Oh wait, they probably were.

My replies are entirely pertinent to subject thread. You have my views entirely backwards. I am in full agreement with you that any form of sexual assault (even within marriage) is rape which is a crime and deserves to be prosecuted. I have advised REPEATEDLY that OP should NOT have any unwanted sex! For the 2000th time: nobody is entitled to sex, ever, under any circumstances.

Now that we have all that settled, the following are ALSO true. Sex is either important to a marriage, or it is not important. Sex cannot be optional while fidelity is absolute. A sexless marriage is an open marriage.

Only in your twisted mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

You are passing judgment while neither of them are doing anything wrong here. She doesn’t want sex, he does. Both are justified. Obviously a 3rd party is required to save their marriage.

Cheating on your spouse for any reason is 100% wrong. Does that really have to be said out loud?

They are at 3 per year. There is no such thing as “cheating” in a sexless marriage.

YES, there is. It is still cheating, even if you think it is justified, which you clearly do.

You show up with this garbage in basically every thread that has to do with sexual relationships, regardless of the actual topic. My marriage vows did not specify a frequency for how often we had to have sex in order for each of us to reasonably expect fidelity from the other. Did yours (if you are married)? The marriage is based on vows which are general and not specific. The assumption is that what frequency will be worked out in the marriage between the partners - the ones making the vows. I understand that many of the sexless marriage people HAVE spent a long time talking with their partner and trying various things, but showing up to literally every thread about sexual relationships and saying "OPEN THE MARRIAGE" "IT'S NOT CHEATING IF YOU AREN'T HAVING SEX" and whatever other garbage you and your team bring to these threads is ridiculous.

In re the bolded: there was a time, very recently, when many people believed there was no such thing as sexual assault in a marriage. You are just the next generation of that mentality, and don't think you're so much more enlightened. At least the people in favor of marital rape were not also suggesting that the women in question try to get in the mood by giving more BJs. Oh wait, they probably were.

My replies are entirely pertinent to subject thread. You have my views entirely backwards. I am in full agreement with you that any form of sexual assault (even within marriage) is rape which is a crime and deserves to be prosecuted. I have advised REPEATEDLY that OP should NOT have any unwanted sex! For the 2000th time: nobody is entitled to sex, ever, under any circumstances.

Now that we have all that settled, the following are ALSO true. Sex is either important to a marriage, or it is not important. Sex cannot be optional while fidelity is absolute. A sexless marriage is an open marriage.

Only in your twisted mind.

I sincerely hope you agree with my (our) position on sexual assault.
The disagreement then is your claim that sex is optional yet fidelity is absolute? Sorry but your's is the twisted mind here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My replies are entirely pertinent to subject thread. You have my views entirely backwards. I am in full agreement with you that any form of sexual assault (even within marriage) is rape which is a crime and deserves to be prosecuted. I have advised REPEATEDLY that OP should NOT have any unwanted sex! For the 2000th time: nobody is entitled to sex, ever, under any circumstances.

Now that we have all that settled, the following are ALSO true. Sex is either important to a marriage, or it is not important. Sex cannot be optional while fidelity is absolute. A sexless marriage is an open marriage.

No, a sexless marriage is only "an open marriage" if the spouses have discussed and agreed to open the marriage. If no explicit agreement between the spouses exists, there is no "open marriage." Is it a happy marriage? Doesn't sound like it. Is it a marriage I would personally like to be in? Also no. But it is not actually formally open unless it is agreed by both spouses. What you are describing is justification for cheating. Previously you said that cheating does not exist in a sexless marriage. This is just not true. I agree that sex is important in a marriage. I also agree that it's not of the same importance to everyone, and when people with mismatched sexual priorities marry each other, problems tend to result.

I will say it very clearly, as a married 40yo mother of 2 who has sex with her 48yo husband 5-7 nights/week for almost all the 15 years we have been together: you cannot have an open marriage with one party consent. That is just cheating. We do not agree on this and are not going to, because you are just wrong.

When you get married, you are committing to not have sex with people other than your spouse - no matter what. I don't think you and I disagree about entitlement to sex within a marriage - I agree that no one is entitled to sex. However, in a marriage, the presumption is that extramarital sex is prohibited, regardless of what is going on in a marriage. I understand that you find this to be linked to how much sex is happening in the marriage. I don't, if only because it seems like a very slippery slope. In my very sexy marriage, we had a couple of years when life stress and health problems resulted in less sex happening (the longest we ever went was about 2 months when our youngest was born and then 2 months a couple years later when my husband injured himself), and in each of those situations, it would have been really hurtful for the partner who wasn't interested in sex to be told, "I'm bringing in a 3rd party."

You came to a thread where a woman with a young child is trying to improve her marital sex life. Why on earth would you bring this garbage to this thread? Can you just not help yourself?

[Anonymous]

You guys, just ignore open marriage guy.

He’s opened up more about his personal life on other threads and it’s clear he’s a mess. If you wouldn’t take advice from him in real life, then don’t engage with him here. He talks big but when it comes down to it, he’s just another sad, insecure man trying to play tough online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys, just ignore open marriage guy.

He’s opened up more about his personal life on other threads and it’s clear he’s a mess. If you wouldn’t take advice from him in real life, then don’t engage with him here. He talks big but when it comes down to it, he’s just another sad, insecure man trying to play tough online.

Sounds like he doesn't get laid much. Sad.