Reply to Lost my sex drive, what to do to get it back?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My replies are entirely pertinent to subject thread. You have my views entirely backwards. I am in full agreement with you that any form of sexual assault (even within marriage) is rape which is a crime and deserves to be prosecuted. I have advised REPEATEDLY that OP should NOT have any unwanted sex! For the 2000th time: nobody is entitled to sex, ever, under any circumstances.

Now that we have all that settled, the following are ALSO true. Sex is either important to a marriage, or it is not important. Sex cannot be optional while fidelity is absolute. A sexless marriage is an open marriage.[/quote]

No, a sexless marriage is only "an open marriage" if the spouses have discussed and agreed to open the marriage. If no explicit agreement between the spouses exists, there is no "open marriage." Is it a happy marriage? Doesn't sound like it. Is it a marriage I would personally like to be in? Also no. But it is not actually formally open unless it is agreed by both spouses. What you are describing is justification for cheating. Previously you said that cheating does not exist in a sexless marriage. This is just not true. I agree that sex is important in a marriage. I also agree that it's not of the same importance to everyone, and when people with mismatched sexual priorities marry each other, problems tend to result.

I will say it very clearly, as a married 40yo mother of 2 who has sex with her 48yo husband 5-7 nights/week for almost all the 15 years we have been together: you cannot have an open marriage with one party consent. That is just cheating. We do not agree on this and are not going to, because you are just wrong.

When you get married, you are committing to not have sex with people other than your spouse - no matter what. I don't think you and I disagree about entitlement to sex within a marriage - I agree that no one is entitled to sex. However, in a marriage, the presumption is that extramarital sex is prohibited, regardless of what is going on in a marriage. I understand that you find this to be linked to how much sex is happening in the marriage. I don't, if only because it seems like a very slippery slope. In my very sexy marriage, we had a couple of years when life stress and health problems resulted in less sex happening (the longest we ever went was about 2 months when our youngest was born and then 2 months a couple years later when my husband injured himself), and in each of those situations, it would have been really hurtful for the partner who wasn't interested in sex to be told, "I'm bringing in a 3rd party."

You came to a thread where a woman with a young child is trying to improve her marital sex life. Why on earth would you bring this garbage to this thread? Can you just not help yourself? [/quote]

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