Lost my sex drive, what to do to get it back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

Marriage is a legal contract, of course it matters what divorce attorneys think of it. You can go around spewing your own opinions as though they are fact but that doesn’t change what marriage actually is.

And why, seriously, are you bringing this up in the context of somebody trying to want more sex? You would think that you and other men like you would applaud that and it’s highly suspicious that instead of doing so, you’re bringing up what her husband is entitled to. It’s almost like you really don’t care what women want sexually.

The "legal contract" aspects of marriage do not cover details about what happens (or not) in the marital bedroom. Even among a small population like divorce attorneys, very very few (in a very very few # of ass backward puritanical anachronistic states) care about your sex life. I do applaud OP's efforts to get back her sex drive and wish her success. Meanwhile, she should grant an official hall pass so they can both stop pretending. For the hundredth time: her husband is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP (.... just like she is not entitled to fidelity from him). Oh and I absolutely do care what women want sexually, even if women want celibacy that is totally fine with me ... just don't be in a marriage while demanding fidelity.

But how is that relevant to what OP asked? Why do people like you barge into a conversation about how to increase libido and talk about how she can't be demanding fidelity because her husband NEEDS sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

Marriage is a legal contract, of course it matters what divorce attorneys think of it. You can go around spewing your own opinions as though they are fact but that doesn’t change what marriage actually is.

And why, seriously, are you bringing this up in the context of somebody trying to want more sex? You would think that you and other men like you would applaud that and it’s highly suspicious that instead of doing so, you’re bringing up what her husband is entitled to. It’s almost like you really don’t care what women want sexually.

The "legal contract" aspects of marriage do not cover details about what happens (or not) in the marital bedroom. Even among a small population like divorce attorneys, very very few (in a very very few # of ass backward puritanical anachronistic states) care about your sex life. I do applaud OP's efforts to get back her sex drive and wish her success. Meanwhile, she should grant an official hall pass so they can both stop pretending. For the hundredth time: her husband is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP (.... just like she is not entitled to fidelity from him). Oh and I absolutely do care what women want sexually, even if women want celibacy that is totally fine with me ... just don't be in a marriage while demanding fidelity.

I’m a high drive woman married to a low drive man and this is horrible advice.

I don’t take the approach of “you figure out your sex drive and in the meantime I get a hall pass”. That would only cause irreparable damage.

Instead it’s a problem we tackle as a team. I explain my feelings, he explains his. We come up with a plan and try it for a month. Then we re-assess, talk about things openly, and adjust our plan as needed. It’s taken a long time but we’re getting there.

And yea, I’ve faced everything sexless men do, from excuses to jumping through hoops. Once H told me he didn’t want sex because I didn’t chop onions the right way. But when we dig deeper, we found it was that he felt I never took him into consideration, and onions were just one thing in a long list. So we found ways to make him feel appreciated and connected.

Anyone who approaches it with an attitude of entitlement won’t ever fix their sex life with their spouse. They just won’t. Entitlement is often what causes the low drive in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

66% of Americans disagree with you. It’s been well studied. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/a-moral-double-standard-on-marital-infidelity/

Lol, that study doesn’t say what you claim, and check out the results- both women and men judge men who have affairs more harshly! The p pass strikes again!

Yes, both women and men judge men more harshly, and we’re talking about her *husband* cheating so that’s what’s relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

66% of Americans disagree with you. It’s been well studied. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/a-moral-double-standard-on-marital-infidelity/

This survey has absolutely nothing to do with how Americans deal with a sexless marriage. Show me the survey of normal libido married partners in a sexless marriage views on extramarital sex.

What do you think the word “regardless” means in the survey?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

You are passing judgment while neither of them are doing anything wrong here. She doesn’t want sex, he does. Both are justified. Obviously a 3rd party is required to save their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

You are passing judgment while neither of them are doing anything wrong here. She doesn’t want sex, he does. Both are justified. Obviously a 3rd party is required to save their marriage.

The OP started this thread to ask for techniques to have more sex. Her husband sleeping around doesn’t save their marriage, it ends it. This axe you’re grinding belongs elsewhere.

And why stop at a third party? Why not bring in a younger hotter guy than her husband to see if that helps?

[Anonymous]

To bring the conversation back from the off-track arguments over sexual entitlement, if your marriage is essentially good and your low desire isn't masking/manifesting relationship issues, this book is supposed to have effective practical advice:

https://www.amazon.com/Tired-Womans-Guide-Passionate-Sex/dp/1605501077

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

You are passing judgment while neither of them are doing anything wrong here. She doesn’t want sex, he does. Both are justified. Obviously a 3rd party is required to save their marriage.

Cheating on your spouse for any reason is 100% wrong. Does that really have to be said out loud?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is all of that stuff you did while dating “jumping through hoops” or just part of being in a relationship? Did you ignore your wife all day then text her at 11pm for Netflix and chill, or did you plan fun dates, weekend getaways, bring flowers, give complements etc.?

I do way more for my wife now than I ever did when we were dating.

I am curious on what activities you categorize as for "for my wife."

Letting her give him BJs "to boost her sex drive".

You would find it funny but this and a few other kinky plays got our sex drive back. Keep at it and the drive would respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is all of that stuff you did while dating “jumping through hoops” or just part of being in a relationship? Did you ignore your wife all day then text her at 11pm for Netflix and chill, or did you plan fun dates, weekend getaways, bring flowers, give complements etc.?

I do way more for my wife now than I ever did when we were dating.

I am curious on what activities you categorize as for "for my wife."

Letting her give him BJs "to boost her sex drive".

You would find it funny but this and a few other kinky plays got our sex drive back. Keep at it and the drive would respond.

That was really so generous for you to let her give you BJs. I’m sure that was #1 on her list.

What else did you do for her? Let her watch you bang the babysitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is all of that stuff you did while dating “jumping through hoops” or just part of being in a relationship? Did you ignore your wife all day then text her at 11pm for Netflix and chill, or did you plan fun dates, weekend getaways, bring flowers, give complements etc.?

I do way more for my wife now than I ever did when we were dating.

I am curious on what activities you categorize as for "for my wife."

Letting her give him BJs "to boost her sex drive".

You would find it funny but this and a few other kinky plays got our sex drive back. Keep at it and the drive would respond.

And if it didn’t at least her husband wouldn’t be deprived! The fact that his wife was engaging in unwanted sexual acts is, of course, irrelevant.

(Tip: if someone wants to give you a BJ they will without the dubious incentive of “increasing their sec drive”)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

100% BS

Trying to rationalize your cheating, huh?

No, cheaters cheat because they are vile a-holes. They are 100% responsible for their own actions. Don't blame the wife. Don't blame the OW. It's 100% on the person who cheats. Grow TF up and own your actions. You are the only one responsible for them.

For one, I am not a cheater. Also I am not "blaming" anybody, blame has nothing to do with it. I am simply stating facts: normal people in sexless marriages do not just go celibate. Normal people with normal sex drives are either having sex with their spouse, or they are meeting those normal needs elsewhere. Sorry that this reality makes you so angry.

You said the husband is "justified" if he cheated. As if her actions were driving him to cheat. The only person reasonable for cheating is the cheater. 100%.

You are living in an amoral, alternate "reality". The rest of us don't live there.

You are passing judgment while neither of them are doing anything wrong here. She doesn’t want sex, he does. Both are justified. Obviously a 3rd party is required to save their marriage.

Cheating on your spouse for any reason is 100% wrong. Does that really have to be said out loud?

They are at 3 per year. There is no such thing as “cheating” in a sexless marriage.