Lost my sex drive, what to do to get it back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

Oh, come on. Don't lay that on "men." The dude or dudes who are saying that are jackasses and are not representative of "men."

Fair enough, I take it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is all of that stuff you did while dating “jumping through hoops” or just part of being in a relationship? Did you ignore your wife all day then text her at 11pm for Netflix and chill, or did you plan fun dates, weekend getaways, bring flowers, give complements etc.?

I do way more for my wife now than I ever did when we were dating.

I am curious on what activities you categorize as for "for my wife."

Letting her give him BJs "to boost her sex drive".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

The OP is here asking for ways to improve her sex life. You’re here telling her that strengthening her marriage is useless because her husband is justified in betrayal. That is 100% a you problem and has nothing to do with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

66% of Americans disagree with you. It’s been well studied. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/a-moral-double-standard-on-marital-infidelity/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

Marriage is a legal contract, of course it matters what divorce attorneys think of it. You can go around spewing your own opinions as though they are fact but that doesn’t change what marriage actually is.

And why, seriously, are you bringing this up in the context of somebody trying to want more sex? You would think that you and other men like you would applaud that and it’s highly suspicious that instead of doing so, you’re bringing up what her husband is entitled to. It’s almost like you really don’t care what women want sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some good advice on here, OP. But discard the medical stuff. It’s not a medical problem. Develop a crush and you’d see that. It’s a married been monogamous for a long time problem. Take care of yourself, get fit and feel sexy, and make it a priority to be sexual with your DH, not even necessarily intercourse.

Says the person who is not a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some good advice on here, OP. But discard the medical stuff. It’s not a medical problem. Develop a crush and you’d see that. It’s a married been monogamous for a long time problem. Take care of yourself, get fit and feel sexy, and make it a priority to be sexual with your DH, not even necessarily intercourse.

Says the person who is not a doctor.

lol are *you* a doctor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(Man improves his sex life by meeting his wife’s needs and putting the work in) This Guy On DCUM: OMG HOOPS AND CHOREPLAY

Lol just another hoop for the high sex drive person to jump through. Low sex drive will always move the goal post. There is nothing that can be done for low sex drive. It’s not about your partner it is about you. Your partner is fine you are the problem who is nit normal.

DNP: Variations in sex drive, from person to person and over time, is biologically normal, as is age-related decline, particularly after you are no longer physically able to procreate. It is also normal that most people need something to kick start the drive before they are interested (commonly known as wooing and foreplay; also true of most of the animal kingdom). The human body doesn't have a simple on off switch; it actually quite complex. Nonetheless, nobody emerges from puberty thinking it will happen to them. Seems impossible. Yes, we can artificially change this with medication for men and women if we are fine with the associated risks. Yes, there are other ways to try to increase hormone output that work for some but not all bodies, and it is certainly worth a try if you have two consenting parties. Yes, there are some bodies that do not experience this very normal change. In any scenario, marriage can be for a lifetime because you love the other person and build a life with them; eternal sex on demand was never a requirement or a guarantee. If it is an absolute requirement for you, make that clear before you propose that if your spouse becomes unable to have to intercourse for whatever reason - age, disease, injury, paralysis, mental health issue, you becoming intolerable - you will dump him or her for a better model sex toy. Also, in that case, do not put "for better or worse" in your marriage vows, because you don't actually mean it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(Man improves his sex life by meeting his wife’s needs and putting the work in) This Guy On DCUM: OMG HOOPS AND CHOREPLAY

Lol just another hoop for the high sex drive person to jump through. Low sex drive will always move the goal post. There is nothing that can be done for low sex drive. It’s not about your partner it is about you. Your partner is fine you are the problem who is nit normal.

DNP: Variations in sex drive, from person to person and over time, is biologically normal, as is age-related decline, particularly after you are no longer physically able to procreate. It is also normal that most people need something to kick start the drive before they are interested (commonly known as wooing and foreplay; also true of most of the animal kingdom). The human body doesn't have a simple on off switch; it actually quite complex. Nonetheless, nobody emerges from puberty thinking it will happen to them. Seems impossible. Yes, we can artificially change this with medication for men and women if we are fine with the associated risks. Yes, there are other ways to try to increase hormone output that work for some but not all bodies, and it is certainly worth a try if you have two consenting parties. Yes, there are some bodies that do not experience this very normal change. In any scenario, marriage can be for a lifetime because you love the other person and build a life with them; eternal sex on demand was never a requirement or a guarantee. If it is an absolute requirement for you, make that clear before you propose that if your spouse becomes unable to have to intercourse for whatever reason - age, disease, injury, paralysis, mental health issue, you becoming intolerable - you will dump him or her for a better model sex toy. Also, in that case, do not put "for better or worse" in your marriage vows, because you don't actually mean it.

I am also a DNP to this thread, and I think this is a great take.

I will also tell you as someone who was actually in a sexless marriage for years, whatever people think you SHOULD do becomes irrelevant. The healthy human sex drive pushes people to have sex whether there is some arbitrary moral standard or not. Gay men in Saudi Arabia risk death. Politicians ruin their careers. Tale as old as time.

So the fidelity at all costs v open marriage guy can go back and forth for pages on contract theories but the reality is that someone (man or woman) with a strong sex drive is going to find a way to have sex, usually with their partner but if their partner is unwilling it will eventually be with someone else. This is true regardless of societies moral judgment and especially regardless of what some anonymous poster on this site thinks. It's just hundreds of thousands of years of human nature

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

66% of Americans disagree with you. It’s been well studied. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/a-moral-double-standard-on-marital-infidelity/

Lol, that study doesn’t say what you claim, and check out the results- both women and men judge men who have affairs more harshly! The p pass strikes again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

66% of Americans disagree with you. It’s been well studied. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/a-moral-double-standard-on-marital-infidelity/

This survey has absolutely nothing to do with how Americans deal with a sexless marriage. Show me the survey of normal libido married partners in a sexless marriage views on extramarital sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you love your spouse and want to keep him, schedule it once a week.

Once every 3-4 months is close to no sex. It's not sustainable.

Rest assured her husband is already going elsewhere for his unmet needs. OP: grant him an official hall pass so both of you can just stop pretending. If you ever do find your libido, then monogamy becomes a valid option once again.

If he’s already a cheater and a liar who endangers his family and doesn’t prioritize his child, why would she want monogamy with him? Divorce would be a better option.

Assuming he’s a man of integrity— and nothing in her OP suggests otherwise— they can work together to have a mutually satisfying sex life, if it’s important to both of them. If he’s the kind of gross person you suggest he is, all the sex in the world won’t make a good marriage with him.

But she does not want sex, therefore monogamy is not really an option for her. Why would she divorce over something so unimportant, that she does not even want, like sex? Obviously she is just fine staying married without sex.

If her husband is cheating, my advice is that she divorce her husband over being a liar, who doesn’t prioritize his young child and endangers his spouse. None of those behaviors have anything to do with sex or it’s relative importance, only a reflection on the kind of man who behaves that way.

He deserves a hero medal for prioritizing his marriage and young child by NOT getting divorced, and instead going elsewhere to meet his normal healthy sexual needs. Again WHY divorce over something unimportant like sex? Your argument makes no sense.

Ok, PP. Keep telling yourself that you deserve a "hero medal" for cheating on your wife

NP. Keep telling yourself it makes you more moral to divorce and rip your family apart because you want to have sex. Who is the "better" person: the one who marries and divorces 3 times, or the one who stays married for 40 years and has one or two transgressions but remains in their family? What life do you want? It's not so black and white.

A cheating spouse is not remaining in their family. Cheaters check out mentally and emotionally

NP. That isn't universally true, but even if it were, checking out for a few months at a time is STILL better than divorcing/abandoning someone.

(Man divorces over sexless marriage) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?
(Man STAYS in sexless marriage by meeting his needs elswhere) DCUM harpies: "how could he blow up the whole family just to get his dk wet?

(DCUM commenters give a bunch of suggestions for how OP can get her sex drive back) Men: “your husband is cheating and is totally justified.”

You SERIOUSLY believe that a normal healthy man is living on sex three times PER YEAR? The denial is strong in this forum.

Lots of men go without sex. It is not something you are entitled to.

There are disabled men. Men deployed overseas. Men whose wives are sick with things like cancer. Men who must take certain medications. Men who develop prostate cancer. Men who are religious and won't have sex unless married. Men with conditions like autism or intellectual disabilities who can't find a partner.

Agree that OP's husband certainly is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP. But based upon her disinterest in sex, neither is she eNtItLeD to his fidelity.

Yes. She is. It’s a literal foundation of marriage, designed to avoid the social cost of illegitimate children and questioned paternity. Don’t like it? Don’t get married.

No. She is not. If fidelity is a "foundation of marriage" then sex it the equivalent reciprocal foundation. You cannot have the one without the other. Don't like this? Do not get married (or at least do not be sexless while demanding fidelity).

You say this endlessly and it’s tedious. Go talk to a VA divorce attorney about whether a spouse is considered entitled to fidelity in marriage. Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who consider infidelity immoral. Talk to the spouses who are separated by work, deployment, family responsibilities about how not having sex justifies infidelity. No one is impressed by your endless whining.

Do everyone a favor; go to the gym, take a shower, read a book, and try to be an interesting and attractive person who your wife wants to sleep with.

You claim this endlessly and it's tedious. You are the only person who cares what VA divorce attorneys have to say about fidelity! Talk to the overwhelming majority of people who agree that you cannot be a sexless spouse AND simultaneously expect celibacy of your partner! Quit constructing strawman arguments (space mission to the moon, under anesthesia for cancer surgery) that are completely irrelevant to this sexless thread. OP is having sex 3 times per year and NOT because of "family responsibilities". Yes: her husband is 100% absolutely justified to continue meeting his normal sexual needs elsewhere. That is the one thing saving their marriage. If there is any "infidelity" here then OP is the one being untrue to their marriage.

Marriage is a legal contract, of course it matters what divorce attorneys think of it. You can go around spewing your own opinions as though they are fact but that doesn’t change what marriage actually is.

And why, seriously, are you bringing this up in the context of somebody trying to want more sex? You would think that you and other men like you would applaud that and it’s highly suspicious that instead of doing so, you’re bringing up what her husband is entitled to. It’s almost like you really don’t care what women want sexually.

The "legal contract" aspects of marriage do not cover details about what happens (or not) in the marital bedroom. Even among a small population like divorce attorneys, very very few (in a very very few # of ass backward puritanical anachronistic states) care about your sex life. I do applaud OP's efforts to get back her sex drive and wish her success. Meanwhile, she should grant an official hall pass so they can both stop pretending. For the hundredth time: her husband is not eNtItLeD to sex with OP (.... just like she is not entitled to fidelity from him). Oh and I absolutely do care what women want sexually, even if women want celibacy that is totally fine with me ... just don't be in a marriage while demanding fidelity.