Mom speaking to child in another language during playdate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

I don’t speak my husbands language and he doesn’t speak mine. We only speak our respective languages to our children. No one is bothered, but you insist that they simply must be.

Don't complain when no one invites you to join their book club.

Are you bringing small children to book clubs? What’s next, ladies luncheon?

No, the moms who are being excluded by you rudely talking in another language right in front of them are the ones who are going to tell you, "Sorry, our book club is not taking any new members." Then you can post on DCUM how unfair and "cliqueish" they are, when really they just don't want to invite you because you are rude to them.

There are plenty of moms who feel different for this not to matter.

OK, have fun then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are inventing hypothetical scenarios and getting emotional about it. This is not a conversation. This is a mom talking to her presumably young child during a chaperoned play date, probably reminding them to wash their hands or not to push. It’s not an involved conversation. If all of us are talking, it will be in English. If I’m just telling them to do something, it will be in a heritage language we always use.

We get it. It's a side conversation, in a language not everyone can understand. It's rude.

And you’re a pig 🐷

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are inventing hypothetical scenarios and getting emotional about it. This is not a conversation. This is a mom talking to her presumably young child during a chaperoned play date, probably reminding them to wash their hands or not to push. It’s not an involved conversation. If all of us are talking, it will be in English. If I’m just telling them to do something, it will be in a heritage language we always use.

We get it. It's a side conversation, in a language not everyone can understand. It's rude.

And you’re a pig 🐷

Now THAT is rude and uncalled for.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

Thank you

80% of the time like in the OPs situation? If so then why bother getting together with a friend if you're using the entire time as your language lesson? Do that on your own time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

Thank you

80% of the time like in the OPs situation? If so then why bother getting together with a friend if you're using the entire time as your language lesson? Do that on your own time.

It’s not 80% of the total play date tune, it’s 80% of the total speaking-to-child time, which could have been a total to two minutes as far as we know. I mean how much of the play date time do you spend talking to your child? Not much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

Thank you

80% of the time like in the OPs situation? If so then why bother getting together with a friend if you're using the entire time as your language lesson? Do that on your own time.

It’s not 80% of the total play date tune, it’s 80% of the total speaking-to-child time, which could have been a total to two minutes as far as we know. I mean how much of the play date time do you spend talking to your child? Not much.

That's an assumption. We have no idea how many words or minutes. But some parents like to narrate and talk way too much to their kids. I don't find it hard to believe that this might have been a very overbearing parent who wouldn't back off and let the kids just play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

Thank you

80% of the time like in the OPs situation? If so then why bother getting together with a friend if you're using the entire time as your language lesson? Do that on your own time.

It’s not 80% of the total play date tune, it’s 80% of the total speaking-to-child time, which could have been a total to two minutes as far as we know. I mean how much of the play date time do you spend talking to your child? Not much.

That's an assumption. We have no idea how many words or minutes. But some parents like to narrate and talk way too much to their kids. I don't find it hard to believe that this might have been a very overbearing parent who wouldn't back off and let the kids just play.

This is all projection at this point so we are all free to imagine whatever works best for our argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

Thank you

80% of the time like in the OPs situation? If so then why bother getting together with a friend if you're using the entire time as your language lesson? Do that on your own time.

It’s not 80% of the total play date tune, it’s 80% of the total speaking-to-child time, which could have been a total to two minutes as far as we know. I mean how much of the play date time do you spend talking to your child? Not much.

That's an assumption. We have no idea how many words or minutes. But some parents like to narrate and talk way too much to their kids. I don't find it hard to believe that this might have been a very overbearing parent who wouldn't back off and let the kids just play.

Kids who need narration are really not yet old enough for play dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

And you are saying that it is "part of" the Armenian, Arab, French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian culture to have conversations in front of your guest/host that you know they can not understand? I actually have some experience with many of the ones you listed--and very personal experience with two. My sister in law (married to my brother) is Russian--born, raised, and lived in Russia until her early 30s. She does not do this.
My high school boyfriend was American born to Chinese parents--his parents never spoke to him in their language in my presence.
Either the individuals you associate with are not indicative of the culture, or the ones I associate with do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened during a one-on-one play date yesterday and I found it rude. Convince me otherwise.

We are bilingual too so I get it. I speak to my child in our other language exclusively when we are at home, with family or in public (somewhere we are not really interacting with others). But if it is a one-on-one situation I can’t imagine speaking to my child 80% of the time in a language that the other family doesn’t understand.

OP, how old was the child and how much total time was that 80%?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

And you are saying that it is "part of" the Armenian, Arab, French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian culture to have conversations in front of your guest/host that you know they can not understand? I actually have some experience with many of the ones you listed--and very personal experience with two. My sister in law (married to my brother) is Russian--born, raised, and lived in Russia until her early 30s. She does not do this.
My high school boyfriend was American born to Chinese parents--his parents never spoke to him in their language in my presence.
Either the individuals you associate with are not indicative of the culture, or the ones I associate with do not.

Expectations on what language immigrant parents are supposed to speak to their children have changed since you were in high school. What unites us is not a single ethnicity but the desire to preserve our languages for our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are inventing hypothetical scenarios and getting emotional about it. This is not a conversation. This is a mom talking to her presumably young child during a chaperoned play date, probably reminding them to wash their hands or not to push. It’s not an involved conversation. If all of us are talking, it will be in English. If I’m just telling them to do something, it will be in a heritage language we always use.

We get it. It's a side conversation, in a language not everyone can understand. It's rude.

I’ve never met a mom who feels the way you do in my extensive history of play dates.

+1 PP is the one with the issue. She should deal with her insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

I’m Armenian. My husband is Arab. I’ve also met French, Russian, Turkish, Chinese and Colombian parents doing the same thing. What unites us is the desire to pass our languages to our children. None of us is bothered by a parent speaking their language to our child in front of us.

Thank you

80% of the time like in the OPs situation? If so then why bother getting together with a friend if you're using the entire time as your language lesson? Do that on your own time.

It’s not 80% of the total play date tune, it’s 80% of the total speaking-to-child time, which could have been a total to two minutes as far as we know. I mean how much of the play date time do you spend talking to your child? Not much.

That's an assumption. We have no idea how many words or minutes. But some parents like to narrate and talk way too much to their kids. I don't find it hard to believe that this might have been a very overbearing parent who wouldn't back off and let the kids just play.

Kids who need narration are really not yet old enough for play dates.

Since both parents were present I would guess preschoolers. Anything else would be pretty sad if a mother hovered that much talking with her child so often.