Mom speaking to child in another language during playdate

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the person and situation. My parents were immigrants and have only spoken to me in our native language. 40 years later I don’t think they have ever spoken to be in English ever. Their English is decent now but they would still not speak to me in English. Back when I was a kid, I double their English was that good.

If the parent was very Americanized and spoke perfect English and it seemed they were saying something rude, it is probably rude.

[Anonymous]

Not rude. I appreciate that it is not easy teaching a second language, and parents need to take all the opportunities they have to speak with their kid in that language. Plus, good exposure for your kid to hear another language.

[Anonymous]

This was considered totally rude and inappropriate when I was growing up. I was taught this by my mom, who learned English as a second language.

Seems standard now. I think that's a shame. It is totally offensive.

[Anonymous]

First of all, no one needs to “convince you,” they’re just allowed to have different perspectives on the matter.

My perspective—which I don’t care if you are “convinced by” or not—is that just as sometimes I pull my child aside to quietly correct her behavior in public, it’s fine to correct your child’s behavior in another language so that they get the message but aren’t embarrassed by “getting in trouble” in front of others.

Even if it’s not reprimanding, “Do you want some orange slices” is not fascinating conversation that everyone needs to be involved in. If you’re speaking directly to one person, even in a social setting, you don’t need to make the conversation about or accessible to everyone.

Like at a dinner party, multiple people are talking about multiple things. It wouldn’t be rude for two people who speak Spanish to speak in that language, if they’re having a few moments of focused conversation just to one another, like “Hey, how are you liking your new job?” Not everyone needs to be involved in every moment of every social conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, no one needs to “convince you,” they’re just allowed to have different perspectives on the matter.

My perspective—which I don’t care if you are “convinced by” or not—is that just as sometimes I pull my child aside to quietly correct her behavior in public, it’s fine to correct your child’s behavior in another language so that they get the message but aren’t embarrassed by “getting in trouble” in front of others.

Even if it’s not reprimanding, “Do you want some orange slices” is not fascinating conversation that everyone needs to be involved in. If you’re speaking directly to one person, even in a social setting, you don’t need to make the conversation about or accessible to everyone.

Like at a dinner party, multiple people are talking about multiple things. It wouldn’t be rude for two people who speak Spanish to speak in that language, if they’re having a few moments of focused conversation just to one another, like “Hey, how are you liking your new job?” Not everyone needs to be involved in every moment of every social conversation.

Were you raised in a barn? You think it's socially acceptable to speak in another language at a dinner party? You are incredibly rude. No, that is not socially acceptable. It's also not acceptable to whisper, in case you missed that lesson in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

A similar topic came up about a week ago here, from the perspective of the bilingual child's other parent, who doesn't speak that language.

I said it's rude and people told me I was wrong. No, it's rude.

I wouldn't do playdates with a family that behaved that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: A similar topic came up about a week ago here, from the perspective of the bilingual child's other parent, who doesn't speak that language.

I said it's rude and people told me I was wrong. No, it's rude.

I wouldn't do playdates with a family that behaved that way.

[/quote
And your kid lost his only friend cause of your pettiness. Sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened during a one-on-one play date yesterday and I found it rude. Convince me otherwise.

We are bilingual too so I get it. I speak to my child in our other language exclusively when we are at home, with family or in public (somewhere we are not really interacting with others). But if it is a one-on-one situation I can’t imagine speaking to my child 80% of the time in a language that the other family doesn’t understand.

She was probably admonishing him to behave.

[Anonymous]

How old is the kid? My brother’s kids, although they live in US and English is his first language, they speak the mother’s language at home. Prior to preschool their kids didn’t speak English that well so perhaps if the kid is younger they just understand the other language better than English.

[Anonymous]

Not rude to me. I'm a white American.

[Anonymous]

Not rude to me.

[Anonymous]

Would not bother me a bit. I would not feel the need to be included in her conversation with her child.

[Anonymous]

Definitely rude unless it was a couple of one-off reprimands or the parent wasn’t comfortable speaking English. Surprised at all the posters trying to defend this.

[Anonymous]

It can come across as rude, depending on the situation. A friend and her daughter will speak Armenian when they want to have a “private” conversation. My son feels like it is the equivalent to whispering, so to him it feels rude. I feel like that sometimes, too. If we want a private conversation we walk away to have a moment or just wait till later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can come across as rude, depending on the situation. A friend and her daughter will speak Armenian when they want to have a “private” conversation. My son feels like it is the equivalent to whispering, so to him it feels rude. I feel like that sometimes, too. If we want a private conversation we walk away to have a moment or just wait till later.

Yes, it is the equivalent of whispering. It purposely excludes people around them, and that is rude.