Mom speaking to child in another language during playdate

[Anonymous]

I am trying very hard to teach my child my language and what I do in situations like this is say the sentence in my language and then again in English for the other party to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: A similar topic came up about a week ago here, from the perspective of the bilingual child's other parent, who doesn't speak that language.

I said it's rude and people told me I was wrong. No, it's rude.

I wouldn't do playdates with a family that behaved that way.

[/quote
And your kid lost his only friend cause of your pettiness. Sad!

First of all, that is just a hypothetical for me--it hasn't actually happened to me on a playdate.
But if it had; it wouldn't have been his "only friend." When he was young we did playdates with many friends.
It isn't "petty." It's a matter of teaching my children values. I find it "Sad!" that you place such a low value on your own child that you would accept this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who does this. It never occurred to me to be upset. It’s not like she’s talking about us.

How do you know she isn't?

[Anonymous]

It’s not rude. I only speak English

[Anonymous]

Rude

[Anonymous]

I can guarantee you that my DH doesn’t consciously know which language is coming out of his mouth when he’s speaking to our children. It wasn’t meant to exclude or include it was just him speaking to our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Experts in bilingualism all say you need to follow the one parent one language rule. There may be truth to it, but I think that is not enough exposure to fully learn a language that is not dominant in your environment.
We moved away from our ‘home’ language country when I was 10. My mom always made the effort to speak to us in her language. What else could she have spoken since her English was not that strong. I really really hated that she would do that. One day walking home from school I just ran around the block just to avoid being greeted by her in our native language in front of my friends.

The bilingualism advocates are aggressive, to the point of almost brandishing the kid who refuses to speak language 2 as an evil traitor
I came across someone advocating totally refusing to speak to a child unless they speak to you in your language. Apparently that worked with someone whose kid was force fed this for 6 months.
Nobody though of advising you to talk with children, no matter what, and regardless of what language that happens to be in

I appreciate this perspective because we are a semi-bilingual family but English dominates. Due to certain circumstances, our children are mostly friends with other bilingual families. There is a lot of sanctimony about how important it is for everyone to be bilingual, and a lot of strange looks when we say that we all prefer English at home and are not putting that much effort in the second language. But several of these other children are struggling in school because their parents only read/speak/write to them in the second language at home. Sometimes people forget the "bi" in bilingualism. If your child is 8 years old in 2nd grade and still can't read in English, something's wrong.

[Anonymous]

I love to hear other languages and try and figure out if I can recognize any words. I am fluent in 4 languages and can understand 3 more.

I would not mind it at all. I find all languages musical and fascinating. I was never given an opportunity to learn languages formally in another country and so I picked up languages by being in the environment where the language was spoken.

[Anonymous]

You do realize that the advice on raising bilingual children is to only talk to them and respond to them in one specific language. If you switch back and forth, they will get lazy and use the language easiest for them (which is usually english). You're probably too low IQ to know this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize that the advice on raising bilingual children is to only talk to them and respond to them in one specific language. If you switch back and forth, they will get lazy and use the language easiest for them (which is usually english). You're probably too low IQ to know this

But good manners says you should not do this. Why do you put the language advice first? Your child may become bilingual but will be rude and uncivil.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s necessarily rude (I can imagine a situation where it is, but it would have to be extreme). But it is exclusive and does inhibit socializing on the play date. Not just between the kids but also between the parents, as well as between the kids and the other child’s parent. It creates divisions so the environment is less communal and social. I can understand OP feeling a little put off by it.

I think it’s interesting that many responses on the thread point out the value of doing this in order to encourage bilingual speech in kids, without acknowledging that there is a social cost. Personally, I would weigh those against each other equally— I value my child learning another language, but I also value connections with other families and wanting my child to feel she belongs not just to our family but to a broader community.

[Anonymous]

It’s not rude and I’m appalled as someone raising a bilingual
Child yourself you wouldn’t get it. Definitely not wasting time convincing you.

[Anonymous]

I judge people who can only speak English in the US.

Seriously, most native English speakers live in first world countries and have opportunities and resources to become bilingual at the very least. Why would they not become educated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I judge people who can only speak English in the US.

Seriously, most native English speakers live in first world countries and have opportunities and resources to become bilingual at the very least. Why would they not become educated?

If this is your hill to die on then don't agree to play dates with children who don't speak your language so that you aren't excluding them and being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s necessarily rude (I can imagine a situation where it is, but it would have to be extreme). But it is exclusive and does inhibit socializing on the play date. Not just between the kids but also between the parents, as well as between the kids and the other child’s parent. It creates divisions so the environment is less communal and social. I can understand OP feeling a little put off by it.

I think it’s interesting that many responses on the thread point out the value of doing this in order to encourage bilingual speech in kids, without acknowledging that there is a social cost. Personally, I would weigh those against each other equally— I value my child learning another language, but I also value connections with other families and wanting my child to feel she belongs not just to our family but to a broader community.

I know a family who only spoke a non-English language to their kids until they entered preschool, which as totally traumatic. Being a non-English speaker in school is terribly stressful. One of their kids was practically mute in school for years afterward. Literally did not speak, although he could. We lost track of them in high school so not sure what happened after that.