Mom speaking to child in another language during playdate

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

I don’t speak my husbands language and he doesn’t speak mine. We only speak our respective languages to our children. No one is bothered, but you insist that they simply must be.

Don't complain when no one invites you to join their book club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

I don’t speak my husbands language and he doesn’t speak mine. We only speak our respective languages to our children. No one is bothered, but you insist that they simply must be.

Don't complain when no one invites you to join their book club.

Oh I’m so sad 😞

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

None of them. What the people insisting it's not rude mean is, they don't care if it's rude or not. They don't care what American norms are or what Americans think.

But their children will care. Because they will consider themselves real Americans, not guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

Parents who want to preserve heritage languages for their children in a foreign country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

All these PPs that are so proud they are doing this (having conversations they know their guest/host can not understand) should be PROUDLY stating their "ethnic group" or "culture" right now! It's part of your CULTURE! Music? Nah! Food? Nah! Art? Nah! Being a jerk? Heck yeah! That's what your people are all about, right?

I actually think you're full of it. Your parents/grandparents, etc. would be ashamed of you if they knew.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

Parents who want to preserve heritage languages for their children in a foreign country?

So name the "culture!" Be proud of who you are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

I don’t speak my husbands language and he doesn’t speak mine. We only speak our respective languages to our children. No one is bothered, but you insist that they simply must be.

Don't complain when no one invites you to join their book club.

Are you bringing small children to book clubs? What’s next, ladies luncheon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom frequently speaks to me in her native language, even in front of my husband and kids who don't speak that language. I think it's rude. Even if she's being a jerk to me (I would like witnesses, LOL).

So tell her that. If she doesn't stop, then don't see her anymore.

I have told her and I'm not going to stop seeing her, thanks for the extremely unhelpful advice that I didn't ask for.

Thanks for the extremely meaningless story that none of us asked for.

You are dense

[Anonymous]

You all are inventing hypothetical scenarios and getting emotional about it. This is not a conversation. This is a mom talking to her presumably young child during a chaperoned play date, probably reminding them to wash their hands or not to push. It’s not an involved conversation. If all of us are talking, it will be in English. If I’m just telling them to do something, it will be in a heritage language we always use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

I don’t speak my husbands language and he doesn’t speak mine. We only speak our respective languages to our children. No one is bothered, but you insist that they simply must be.

Don't complain when no one invites you to join their book club.

Are you bringing small children to book clubs? What’s next, ladies luncheon?

No, the moms who are being excluded by you rudely talking in another language right in front of them are the ones who are going to tell you, "Sorry, our book club is not taking any new members." Then you can post on DCUM how unfair and "cliqueish" they are, when really they just don't want to invite you because you are rude to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are inventing hypothetical scenarios and getting emotional about it. This is not a conversation. This is a mom talking to her presumably young child during a chaperoned play date, probably reminding them to wash their hands or not to push. It’s not an involved conversation. If all of us are talking, it will be in English. If I’m just telling them to do something, it will be in a heritage language we always use.

We get it. It's a side conversation, in a language not everyone can understand. It's rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"

None of them. What the people insisting it's not rude mean is, they don't care if it's rude or not. They don't care what American norms are or what Americans think.

But their children will care. Because they will consider themselves real Americans, not guests.

I’ve never met an adult who regrets their parents didn’t teach them manners, but I’ve met plenty of Americans who regret their parents didn’t teach them their language. This is a group that always gives thumbs up when they hear us always speaking our heritage languages to our children, gasp, in their presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

I don’t speak my husbands language and he doesn’t speak mine. We only speak our respective languages to our children. No one is bothered, but you insist that they simply must be.

Don't complain when no one invites you to join their book club.

Are you bringing small children to book clubs? What’s next, ladies luncheon?

No, the moms who are being excluded by you rudely talking in another language right in front of them are the ones who are going to tell you, "Sorry, our book club is not taking any new members." Then you can post on DCUM how unfair and "cliqueish" they are, when really they just don't want to invite you because you are rude to them.

There are plenty of moms who feel different for this not to matter.

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Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

I don’t speak my husbands language and he doesn’t speak mine. We only speak our respective languages to our children. No one is bothered, but you insist that they simply must be.

Don't complain when no one invites you to join their book club.

Lol I’m crying right now granny

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Anonymous wrote:You all are inventing hypothetical scenarios and getting emotional about it. This is not a conversation. This is a mom talking to her presumably young child during a chaperoned play date, probably reminding them to wash their hands or not to push. It’s not an involved conversation. If all of us are talking, it will be in English. If I’m just telling them to do something, it will be in a heritage language we always use.

We get it. It's a side conversation, in a language not everyone can understand. It's rude.

I’ve never met a mom who feels the way you do in my extensive history of play dates.