If you were beaten as a child….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

Her husband is not a child.

If her husband limited her candy intake to 2 a day, it won't be okay either. Yet most would agree that limiting a child's candy intake to 2 a day is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

Her husband is not a child.

If her husband limited her candy intake to 2 a day, it won't be okay either. Yet most would agree that limiting a child's candy intake to 2 a day is ok.

If you think it’s not appropriate for a husband to discipline his wife or limit her candy intake, please reflect on the reality that women were also essentially property of f their husbands not that long ago. There have been many arguments made for treating people badly if they are believed to lack the capacity for self-care. It is generally agreed that we shouldn’t hit people, except in this one instance which people go to great lengths to normalize. Often by reframing “hitting their children as discipline” as “a tap” or “a swat” or some other word that is vaguer than what actually happened, which was that an adult used physical power and pain in order to enforce compliance. If the adult was doing that to an adult dependent, it would be totally unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

I was spanked, hard, as a child. So was my husband. We never spanked our kids. It’s abusive and humiliating. I still wonder why my parents did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked, hard, as a child. So was my husband. We never spanked our kids. It’s abusive and humiliating. I still wonder why my parents did that.

Because they were mad and didn’t know how to regulate those feelings. Or at least that’s why my parents spanked/hit us.

I am sorry that happened to you but glad you are stopping the cycle. Me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thinking taking away privileges and time out are fine. But I don't think those things signal extreme disobedience. What some of the other posters are bringing up about deliberate disobedience is interesting. I'd be curious to know what people do for extreme offenses because I don't find the same old punishments to work. A lot of you are sharing good disciplines but those are all good for the everyday run of the mill disobediences. If your 7 year old lies repeatedly or destroys something sure timeout or taking away something. But if you aren't spanking how are you making it extremely clear that this behavior is NOT ok? I'm a teacher and I don't think parents discipline their kids nearly enough because they often are disrespectful.

But here is thing -- are most episodes of spanking done with reasoned thinking by the parents? In my house, it certainly was not. I was spanked when my father raged and lost control. So what happens is that you are trying to get your child's behavior and emotional state in control by random acts of violence when their adult is out of control.

The very few spankings I got were, but I wholeheartedly agree that in many situations they aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

That wasn’t the analogy, because the equivalent of the patent would be the husband. The analogy was one human being controlling another with physical force.

I didn’t write that comment and I think it’s oversimplified, but it is surprising to me how easily people dismiss the idea that kids are human beings. It’s like we think we can mistreat them just because they are smaller and haven’t learned as much. I don’t think we should treat them differently than any adult are charged with caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

That wasn’t the analogy, because the equivalent of the patent would be the husband. The analogy was one human being controlling another with physical force.

I didn’t write that comment and I think it’s oversimplified, but it is surprising to me how easily people dismiss the idea that kids are human beings. It’s like we think we can mistreat them just because they are smaller and haven’t learned as much. I don’t think we should treat them differently than any adult are charged with caring.

I don't think physical force is necessary, but kids are not adults. We should absolutely care but no one ever provides real examples of how to actually discipline. Not for little ones doing silly things but real things like consistently lying in children 8-14. I struggle with this because I want to show love and care but I also need to convey why it's important not to lie and manipulate and disrespect elders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

Of course you have to talk it out, otherwise a “consequence” is just cruelty. If a kid is throwing food at a restaurant you need to remove the kid from the restaurant and have a talk. I don’t know any parent that would just sit there allowing a kid to hit another person or throwing food. But that doesn’t mean that the consequence need to be a smack.