I didn't grow up with my birth family because of the Baptists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The southern baptist church is a cult. I’m so sorry you are hurting, OP. I can only imagine the abuse your mother must have endured. I grew up in the baptist church. Years of therapy and I still have awful trauma associated with my childhood. I remember a young woman who had an abortion being forced to decorate a grave for her “baby”. Those people are 100% crazy.

How utterly awful and cruel. Their god is not my God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You were not wronged. In fact you were helped. You grew up with what you grew up with. Nothing was taken from you.

You need to get over this victim mentality. You live the life you are dealt. Deal with it.

This is not OP, but I gotta ask you this.. how did you come to the conclusion that nothing was taken from her?

Her MOTHER was taken from her. Her MOTHER. And this child was taken from the MOTHER.

Are you the beagle poster, you know, the one supporting the Catholic mom who kept having kids but could afford them so she gave a bunch away, like a dog? And, somehow that was just fine? Are you that poster? Good Lord.

NP. I agree that the PP above you and the beagle poster are horrifying. They speak of parent-child relationships as if the child was a puppy who was rescued. It is abjectly horrifying.

And there are several here, but one who is rather relentless. You hit it on the nail regarding the total lack of understanding regarding adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you were adopted. You grew up with your family. Your argument is completely off base.

Op here. You are truly clueless about the issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP? My understanding is that while they still preach abstinence, most of these churches are not giving up babies anymore. They hate the sin, forgive the sinner, so that they can be assured that the child will be raised in the church (and not aborted). There are tons of kids with single parents in those communities now. So I don’t think your denouncing them will have the effect you desire—they will agree it was wrong for girls to give babies up and wish you were still in the fold.

I am in my 50s. I want revenge, I just have to figure out the right way to exact it.

On whom? Your grandparents are probably already dead. It sounds like they didn't even know about the pregnancy. Your mother was probably terrified of being disowned or mistreated so she did the only thing she could. You want to publicly denounce her for giving birth to you and trying to find you a loving home instead of trying to raise you in a family that would have looked down on you both?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am in my 50s. I want revenge, I just have to figure out the right way to exact it.

Revenge is not the solution you think it is. You don’t want to get in the gutter with people who hurt you—that will hurt you in new ways.

Besides, the people and society who hurt you are long dead and gone—who would you take revenge on? You’re going to meet a bunch of religious millennials who have illegitimate kids of their own and are fine with it, and who are going to want to pray with you over the failings of all your parents. You won’t feel like you’ve accomplished revenge—although maybe you’ll accomplish some sort of low-key coming-to-terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You were not wronged. In fact you were helped. You grew up with what you grew up with. Nothing was taken from you.

You need to get over this victim mentality. You live the life you are dealt. Deal with it.

This is not OP, but I gotta ask you this.. how did you come to the conclusion that nothing was taken from her?

Her MOTHER was taken from her. Her MOTHER. And this child was taken from the MOTHER.

Are you the beagle poster, you know, the one supporting the Catholic mom who kept having kids but could afford them so she gave a bunch away, like a dog? And, somehow that was just fine? Are you that poster? Good Lord.

NP. I agree that the PP above you and the beagle poster are horrifying. They speak of parent-child relationships as if the child was a puppy who was rescued. It is abjectly horrifying.

And there are several here, but one who is rather relentless. You hit it on the nail regarding the total lack of understanding regarding adoption.

But it's so entertaining disparaging them -- thinking - hoping even - that they are listening in. It's almost like being back in junior high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You were not wronged. In fact you were helped. You grew up with what you grew up with. Nothing was taken from you.

You need to get over this victim mentality. You live the life you are dealt. Deal with it.

This is not OP, but I gotta ask you this.. how did you come to the conclusion that nothing was taken from her?

Her MOTHER was taken from her. Her MOTHER. And this child was taken from the MOTHER.

Are you the beagle poster, you know, the one supporting the Catholic mom who kept having kids but could afford them so she gave a bunch away, like a dog? And, somehow that was just fine? Are you that poster? Good Lord.

NP. I agree that the PP above you and the beagle poster are horrifying. They speak of parent-child relationships as if the child was a puppy who was rescued. It is abjectly horrifying.

And there are several here, but one who is rather relentless. You hit it on the nail regarding the total lack of understanding regarding adoption.

But it's so entertaining disparaging them -- thinking - hoping even - that they are listening in. It's almost like being back in junior high.

As you are demonstrating here, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entire goal of the southern baptist church (and remember, the Duggars are southern baptist) is to create a Christian nation. Christian public schools. Christian laws based on “biblical truths”. One nation under a white, cis, straight, male Jesus. Run only by white Christian men. Head of household voting only. There will be no place for others. No tolerance for differences. That’s the sole focus of Christian Fundamentalism. If you believe differently, you are (1) A member of the cult. Or (2) In deep denial. I was there. I lived it as did thousands of others. They are trying to create a Christian Taliban. They believe God literally gave them dominion over the country.

Yikes. Is this true?

Yes, it's true. NP. My mother was /is part of the southern baptist/fundamentalist cult. She, at least, sometimes denies or downplays these things, but it's still what she believes.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I have tons of sympathy for you, but your "enemy" is not that church (as awful as it may be). There were soooo many reasons why a girl would give a baby up -- parental pressure, societal pressure, her own desire to just get on with finishing school and getting married without the social stigma. The latter sounds kinda selfish, when compared with a precious child, but young women had no options. It was like, keep the baby and be ostracized by everyone with zero self-supporting prospects, or give up baby and go on (to marry and have more babies.)

It has always amazed me that these generations were somehow brainwashed into giving up their own grandchildren just so neighbors thought better of them. But this happened in all religions, all parts of the country, with some exceptions (for example, black women were always more likely to keep their babies)

[Anonymous]

I had one of my children fostered for a time. If I became pregnant then, I planned to give the baby up for adoption. I was unable to care for another person, and was too mentally ill to even trust myself with another child.

I am doing much better now, but no one would have been forcing me. I would have been the one insisting on it. My last child was conceived with an IUD in place, and I was terrified it might happen again.

It's true that sometimes mothers are forced to give up children, but sometimes a mother will choose to do this as well. I feel it would have been a valid choice. At this point, I would be able to take care of another child, but I would never feel comfortable with abortion, personally. I would rather give up a child.

I feel that some posters in this thread are the same people who were horrified when my child was fostered. They told me I was abandoning my child. They did not know I was suicidal and knew deeply that this has to happen for us to have any chance at a future.

[Anonymous]

Pp- I would have done an open adoption, I just knew I couldn't handle a screaming baby at this point, and wanted the child to have a more stable life than I could provide at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You were not wronged. In fact you were helped. You grew up with what you grew up with. Nothing was taken from you.

You need to get over this victim mentality. You live the life you are dealt. Deal with it.

This is not OP, but I gotta ask you this.. how did you come to the conclusion that nothing was taken from her?

Her MOTHER was taken from her. Her MOTHER. And this child was taken from the MOTHER.

Are you the beagle poster, you know, the one supporting the Catholic mom who kept having kids but could afford them so she gave a bunch away, like a dog? And, somehow that was just fine? Are you that poster? Good Lord.

NP. I agree that the PP above you and the beagle poster are horrifying. They speak of parent-child relationships as if the child was a puppy who was rescued. It is abjectly horrifying.

And there are several here, but one who is rather relentless. You hit it on the nail regarding the total lack of understanding regarding adoption.

But it's so entertaining disparaging them -- thinking - hoping even - that they are listening in. It's almost like being back in junior high.

As you are demonstrating here, right?

Maybe they'll get it. Maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had one of my children fostered for a time. If I became pregnant then, I planned to give the baby up for adoption. I was unable to care for another person, and was too mentally ill to even trust myself with another child.

I am doing much better now, but no one would have been forcing me. I would have been the one insisting on it. My last child was conceived with an IUD in place, and I was terrified it might happen again.

It's true that sometimes mothers are forced to give up children, but sometimes a mother will choose to do this as well. I feel it would have been a valid choice. At this point, I would be able to take care of another child, but I would never feel comfortable with abortion, personally. I would rather give up a child.

I feel that some posters in this thread are the same people who were horrified when my child was fostered. They told me I was abandoning my child. They did not know I was suicidal and knew deeply that this has to happen for us to have any chance at a future.

How is your story relevant to this post? The OPs birth mother was not mentally ill. Did religious beliefs affect your choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had one of my children fostered for a time. If I became pregnant then, I planned to give the baby up for adoption. I was unable to care for another person, and was too mentally ill to even trust myself with another child.

I am doing much better now, but no one would have been forcing me. I would have been the one insisting on it. My last child was conceived with an IUD in place, and I was terrified it might happen again.

It's true that sometimes mothers are forced to give up children, but sometimes a mother will choose to do this as well. I feel it would have been a valid choice. At this point, I would be able to take care of another child, but I would never feel comfortable with abortion, personally. I would rather give up a child.

I feel that some posters in this thread are the same people who were horrified when my child was fostered. They told me I was abandoning my child. They did not know I was suicidal and knew deeply that this has to happen for us to have any chance at a future.

How is your story relevant to this post? The OPs birth mother was not mentally ill. Did religious beliefs affect your choice?

I think it is extremely relevant. There are many reasons a woman may choose adoption. Just because you don't agree with that choice doesn't give you the right to berate someone for it.

[Anonymous]

Good on your birth mother to have given you a chance at life. She could have "taken care of" the problem.