Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

Very odd in this day and age. There's so many international and multi racial adoptions, it just isn't a thing with kids today, and I've been teaching almost 40 years. Additionally, there's a lot more adoptions as there's been a lot more fertility issues generationally than in previous decades. So adoptions, sperm donation- all discussed openly.

[Anonymous]

My father in law would 100% be the jerk who says "your adopted son" rather than "your son". Some people are just jerks OP. If this is a hill you want to die on, have at!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

+1 I wonder how many parents who say that we are overly sensitive actually have their own adopted kids. I have an adopted kid and yes, kids can be cruel, and parents can be jerks, especially some of the insensitive remarks on this forum. I don't think that it is any surprise that most of my child's friends are adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

+1 I wonder how many parents who say that we are overly sensitive actually have their own adopted kids. I have an adopted kid and yes, kids can be cruel, and parents can be jerks, especially some of the insensitive remarks on this forum. I don't think that it is any surprise that most of my child's friends are adopted.

I'm sure its both the parents and kids. But, I'm not at all sensitive about but felt terrible when we've overheard kids making mean comments or child comes home telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

Very odd in this day and age. There's so many international and multi racial adoptions, it just isn't a thing with kids today, and I've been teaching almost 40 years. Additionally, there's a lot more adoptions as there's been a lot more fertility issues generationally than in previous decades. So adoptions, sperm donation- all discussed openly.

There are actually less adoptions over the past 40 years, not more and it is pretty common but kids can still be mean. We've had some pretty nasty teachers as well, especially when it came to discussing family and family tree's. We did our own version of a family tree as my child is close to some birth relatives and the teacher called really annoyed demanding I redo it (no). She also didn't like how my child openly spoke about having many grandparents (and the school got pissed when grandma showed up to pick them up every day for a week while visiting as they didn't feel it was appropriate). You get all kinds of wild responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

Very odd in this day and age. There's so many international and multi racial adoptions, it just isn't a thing with kids today, and I've been teaching almost 40 years. Additionally, there's a lot more adoptions as there's been a lot more fertility issues generationally than in previous decades. So adoptions, sperm donation- all discussed openly.

There are actually less adoptions over the past 40 years, not more and it is pretty common but kids can still be mean. We've had some pretty nasty teachers as well, especially when it came to discussing family and family tree's. We did our own version of a family tree as my child is close to some birth relatives and the teacher called really annoyed demanding I redo it (no). She also didn't like how my child openly spoke about having many grandparents (and the school got pissed when grandma showed up to pick them up every day for a week while visiting as they didn't feel it was appropriate). You get all kinds of wild responses.

It's not about more or less adoptions, it's about the secrecy and stigma which is no longer there. There are so many interracial and multinational adoptions, the fact that a kid is adopted just isn't an anomaly anymore. Kids do not think it's a thing at all. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

Very odd in this day and age. There's so many international and multi racial adoptions, it just isn't a thing with kids today, and I've been teaching almost 40 years. Additionally, there's a lot more adoptions as there's been a lot more fertility issues generationally than in previous decades. So adoptions, sperm donation- all discussed openly.

There are actually less adoptions over the past 40 years, not more and it is pretty common but kids can still be mean. We've had some pretty nasty teachers as well, especially when it came to discussing family and family tree's. We did our own version of a family tree as my child is close to some birth relatives and the teacher called really annoyed demanding I redo it (no). She also didn't like how my child openly spoke about having many grandparents (and the school got pissed when grandma showed up to pick them up every day for a week while visiting as they didn't feel it was appropriate). You get all kinds of wild responses.

It's not about more or less adoptions, it's about the secrecy and stigma which is no longer there. There are so many interracial and multinational adoptions, the fact that a kid is adopted just isn't an anomaly anymore. Kids do not think it's a thing at all. Really.

You seriously have zero idea what you are talking about. ZERO. Yes, there is a stigma. Yes, there is still a lot of secrecy in many adoptions. And, yes, kids are teased about it. And, you pretending its not happening as a teacher is exactly why its happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

Very odd in this day and age. There's so many international and multi racial adoptions, it just isn't a thing with kids today, and I've been teaching almost 40 years. Additionally, there's a lot more adoptions as there's been a lot more fertility issues generationally than in previous decades. So adoptions, sperm donation- all discussed openly.

There are actually less adoptions over the past 40 years, not more and it is pretty common but kids can still be mean. We've had some pretty nasty teachers as well, especially when it came to discussing family and family tree's. We did our own version of a family tree as my child is close to some birth relatives and the teacher called really annoyed demanding I redo it (no). She also didn't like how my child openly spoke about having many grandparents (and the school got pissed when grandma showed up to pick them up every day for a week while visiting as they didn't feel it was appropriate). You get all kinds of wild responses.

It's not about more or less adoptions, it's about the secrecy and stigma which is no longer there. There are so many interracial and multinational adoptions, the fact that a kid is adopted just isn't an anomaly anymore. Kids do not think it's a thing at all. Really.

You seriously have zero idea what you are talking about. ZERO. Yes, there is a stigma. Yes, there is still a lot of secrecy in many adoptions. And, yes, kids are teased about it. And, you pretending its not happening as a teacher is exactly why its happening.

No, it really is not. I'm not pretending anything. I've been teaching for a very long time, so I've seen more than one generation. Additionally, I was adopted, long before you were born. Not only have I taughts hundreds of children over the years and have seen many, many adopted children, I've known many parents, personally and professionally who were adoptive parents. Infertility has definitely been on the rise, in addition to same sex marriage, and single parent adoption, so the commonality of adoption rose with those things. There was virtually no interracial adoption until the late 1980s. The stigma from the 60s doesn't exist the way you think. I'm not sure what this teacher you speak of did, but it either was a fluke situation, or you took something personally. Anyway, a quit chat with a teacher is all that is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

Very odd in this day and age. There's so many international and multi racial adoptions, it just isn't a thing with kids today, and I've been teaching almost 40 years. Additionally, there's a lot more adoptions as there's been a lot more fertility issues generationally than in previous decades. So adoptions, sperm donation- all discussed openly.

There are actually less adoptions over the past 40 years, not more and it is pretty common but kids can still be mean. We've had some pretty nasty teachers as well, especially when it came to discussing family and family tree's. We did our own version of a family tree as my child is close to some birth relatives and the teacher called really annoyed demanding I redo it (no). She also didn't like how my child openly spoke about having many grandparents (and the school got pissed when grandma showed up to pick them up every day for a week while visiting as they didn't feel it was appropriate). You get all kinds of wild responses.

It's not about more or less adoptions, it's about the secrecy and stigma which is no longer there. There are so many interracial and multinational adoptions, the fact that a kid is adopted just isn't an anomaly anymore. Kids do not think it's a thing at all. Really.

You seriously have zero idea what you are talking about. ZERO. Yes, there is a stigma. Yes, there is still a lot of secrecy in many adoptions. And, yes, kids are teased about it. And, you pretending its not happening as a teacher is exactly why its happening.

No, it really is not. I'm not pretending anything. I've been teaching for a very long time, so I've seen more than one generation. Additionally, I was adopted, long before you were born. Not only have I taughts hundreds of children over the years and have seen many, many adopted children, I've known many parents, personally and professionally who were adoptive parents. Infertility has definitely been on the rise, in addition to same sex marriage, and single parent adoption, so the commonality of adoption rose with those things. There was virtually no interracial adoption until the late 1980s. The stigma from the 60s doesn't exist the way you think. I'm not sure what this teacher you speak of did, but it either was a fluke situation, or you took something personally. Anyway, a quit chat with a teacher is all that is needed.

You clearly haven't been very observant as my child has been teased about it multiple times. I know the stigma because I know what my child has gone through. Kids (and their parents) can be very mean.

[Anonymous]

No one should deny that some kids may be teased about being adopted. But that didn’t mean we should not talk openly about the truth. Kids get teased for all kinds of things. The color of their hair, a deformity, a disability, etc. The answer is teaching tolerance and kindness, not secrecy and shame. We have come a long way with this. Now kids can be either gender at will and wear noise-canceling headphones without fear. In any case, if you live anywhere around here, you’re much more likely to get support for being adopted than to get mistreated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg. My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted. You are being ridiculous! There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.

Very odd in this day and age. There's so many international and multi racial adoptions, it just isn't a thing with kids today, and I've been teaching almost 40 years. Additionally, there's a lot more adoptions as there's been a lot more fertility issues generationally than in previous decades. So adoptions, sperm donation- all discussed openly.

There are actually less adoptions over the past 40 years, not more and it is pretty common but kids can still be mean. We've had some pretty nasty teachers as well, especially when it came to discussing family and family tree's. We did our own version of a family tree as my child is close to some birth relatives and the teacher called really annoyed demanding I redo it (no). She also didn't like how my child openly spoke about having many grandparents (and the school got pissed when grandma showed up to pick them up every day for a week while visiting as they didn't feel it was appropriate). You get all kinds of wild responses.

It's not about more or less adoptions, it's about the secrecy and stigma which is no longer there. There are so many interracial and multinational adoptions, the fact that a kid is adopted just isn't an anomaly anymore. Kids do not think it's a thing at all. Really.

You seriously have zero idea what you are talking about. ZERO. Yes, there is a stigma. Yes, there is still a lot of secrecy in many adoptions. And, yes, kids are teased about it. And, you pretending its not happening as a teacher is exactly why its happening.

No, it really is not. I'm not pretending anything. I've been teaching for a very long time, so I've seen more than one generation. Additionally, I was adopted, long before you were born. Not only have I taughts hundreds of children over the years and have seen many, many adopted children, I've known many parents, personally and professionally who were adoptive parents. Infertility has definitely been on the rise, in addition to same sex marriage, and single parent adoption, so the commonality of adoption rose with those things. There was virtually no interracial adoption until the late 1980s. The stigma from the 60s doesn't exist the way you think. I'm not sure what this teacher you speak of did, but it either was a fluke situation, or you took something personally. Anyway, a quit chat with a teacher is all that is needed.

You clearly haven't been very observant as my child has been teased about it multiple times. I know the stigma because I know what my child has gone through. Kids (and their parents) can be very mean.

You are telling a teacher that kids can be mean? That they tease? Really?

I'm picking up extreme sensitivity and even possibly a large misunderstanding. Kids might mention something, or ask questions, but it might not be meant as teasing. Even if it was meant to harm, why not have a healthy attitude in your home about adoption, and give your kid tools to handle it. Of all the things kids bully other kids about- I can, in all authority here, indicate that adoption is low down on the list. Most kids now do not actually live in biological families of origin. They have step parents, sometimes several, they live with grandparents or guardians, they have test tube parents, everything. My guess is that your kid was being bullied for other things (not good) and someone threw something in. Or a teacher asked a kid about his cultural origins ( happened to me), but that's not what I would call a stigma. Adoption really isn't stigmatized at all now with kids. And, yes, I do know this, and with 4 decades of professional experience. Why not sort out some issues in your family? Destigmatize your own child's adoption.

There's a scene in a movie that we adoptees like... Easy A. I don't even have to tell you where it is, you'll know. These parents have the right idea.

[Anonymous]

I certainly hope elementary school level teachers are encouraging students who were born via sperm / egg / embryo donor to include them in their family tree lesson. After all, kids who are adopted (Like mine) are being told to do so. According to this board donor parents are letting their kids know their origins, though I suspect not nearly at the rate adopted kids are told their origins. I am still inclined to think donor kids are not being told as early as adopted kids are. Step it up, donor parents! Include those donors in your family tree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope elementary school level teachers are encouraging students who were born via sperm / egg / embryo donor to include them in their family tree lesson. After all, kids who are adopted (Like mine) are being told to do so. According to this board donor parents are letting their kids know their origins, though I suspect not nearly at the rate adopted kids are told their origins. I am still inclined to think donor kids are not being told as early as adopted kids are. Step it up, donor parents! Include those donors in your family tree!

+1. Parent of kid who joined family through adoption. My child has many friends who were adopted. Sometimes it is obvious so no way to hid it. But I do not know any (zippo) none who have ever mentioned that they had a different biological parent through some other means like artificial insemination, surrogacy, etc. I also feel that there is a different standard (stigma?) for adopted kids.