Reply to Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child

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Reply to "Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One of my kids joined my family through adoption and let me tell you that I do not like when others refer to my kid as an adopted child. My kid is my child. Period. I would love if some of those people who label my kid as an adopted child, also labeled kids who the product of a surrogate, oh look at that surrogate child, or the kid who may have been fertilized by the sperm of someone other than their father, oh look at that bastard, or the kid whose mother used another women's egg.  My kid does not keep how they came into the family a secret, but that does not mean that people should define who they are by how they joined the family. My kid is my child.[/quote]

If you did not give birth to child then the child was adopted.  You are being ridiculous!  There is no stigma to bring adopted but you are creating the stigma.[/quote]

There is a huge stigma to being adopted and my child has been teased because of it as they are very open about it.  [/quote]

Very odd in this day and age. There's so many international  and multi racial adoptions, it just isn't a thing with kids today,  and I've been teaching almost 40 years. Additionally,  there's a lot more adoptions as there's been a lot more fertility issues generationally than in previous decades.  So adoptions, sperm donation- all discussed openly.  [/quote]

There are actually less adoptions over the past 40 years, not more and it is pretty common but kids can still be mean.  We've had some pretty nasty teachers as well, especially when it came to discussing family and family tree's.  We did our own version of a family tree as my child is close to some birth relatives and the teacher called really annoyed demanding I redo it (no).  She also didn't like how my child openly spoke about having many grandparents (and the school got pissed when grandma showed up to pick them up every day for a week while visiting as they didn't feel it was appropriate).  You get all kinds of wild responses.[/quote]
It's not about more or less adoptions, it's about the secrecy and stigma which is no longer there. There are so many interracial and multinational adoptions, the fact that a kid is adopted just isn't an anomaly anymore. Kids do not think it's a thing at all. Really.[/quote]

You seriously  have zero idea what you are talking about.  ZERO.  Yes, there is a stigma.  Yes, there is still a lot of secrecy  in many adoptions.  And, yes, kids are teased about it.  And, you pretending its not happening as a teacher is exactly why its happening.[/quote]

No, it really is not. I'm not pretending anything. I've been teaching for a very long time, so I've seen more than one generation. Additionally,  I was adopted, long before you were born. Not only have I taughts hundreds of children over the years and have seen many, many adopted children, I've known many parents, personally and professionally  who were adoptive parents. Infertility has definitely been on the rise, in addition to same sex marriage, and single parent adoption, so the commonality of adoption rose with those things. There was virtually  no interracial adoption until  the late  1980s. The stigma from the 60s doesn't exist the way  you think. I'm not sure what this teacher you speak of did,  but it either was a fluke situation,  or you took something personally.  Anyway, a quit chat with a teacher is all that is needed.  [/quote]

You clearly haven't been very observant as my child has been teased about it multiple times.  I know the stigma because I know what my child has gone through.  Kids (and their parents) can be very mean.[/quote]

You are telling a teacher that kids can  be mean? That they tease? Really?

I'm picking up extreme sensitivity and  even possibly a large misunderstanding.  Kids might mention something, or ask questions, but it might not be meant as teasing. Even if it was meant to harm,  why not have a healthy attitude in your home about adoption, and give your kid tools to handle it. Of all the things kids bully other kids about- I can, in all authority here, indicate that  adoption is low down on the list. Most kids now do not actually live in biological families of origin. They have step parents, sometimes several,  they live with grandparents or guardians, they have test tube parents, everything.  My guess is that your kid was being bullied for other things (not good) and someone threw something in. Or a teacher asked a kid about his cultural origins ( happened to me), but that's not what I would call a stigma. Adoption really isn't stigmatized at all now with kids. And, yes, I do know this, and with 4 decades of professional experience.  Why not sort out some issues in your family? Destigmatize your own child's adoption.

There's a scene in a movie that we adoptees like...  [b]Easy A.  [/b]I don't even have to tell you where it is, you'll  know. These parents have the right idea. [/quote]

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